Should I stay or should I go?

I moved in my love about a year ago and baby...life for me ain't been no Crystal Stair! We have had our ups and downs and step parenting is not for punks! Kidding...kind of...I love his little guy...he reads to me almost every night and we have really bonded! My kids can't stand my fish but respect him and (unbeknownst to them) they've gained a great deal of knowledge from spending time with him.

However, he recently accepted a job transfer with my approval and agreement to relocate to another state. The 1st difficulty: I won't have a job and I am mortified to become dependent on another person with my children. I've been looking for something like crazy!

The 2nd difficulty: we have to get permission form our ex-partners to relocate with minor children. The most difficult of all. We are now going through the process and it's expensive and difficult. I have insisted on handling it on my own, not to burden my fish my my legal fees.

My fish is aware of my fear, but has assured me that I will find something and we will be ok for awhile if I don't. Scary (for me). Though I'm not sure what he could say that would make it better.

I am horrible with long distance relationships (though I have flight benefits). I'm afraid to go under these circumstances. My kids don't want to go and I know no one in the new state, neither does my love.

What's a girl to do? Would you take this risk or stay behind and why? I really don't want to burden a man who is already a better father to my children than their own father was. He's done so much for us!

I have a stable job at the moment, though I have been looking for something else locally for more than a year to no avail. The biggest benefit to remaining here is that I have a job until I find something. If I move I have nothing until I find something. How reliable are fish and tolerant of carrying the financial lot of a household? I'm afraid to experience this stress or burden him.

I stayed home for several years when I was married (which was also a scary for me initially. I was so obsessive about not being a burden I made everything but ketchup from scratch! I cooked constantly, cleaned like a crazy person and spent almost nothing on myself. My ex finally gave me a $ 15 per week allowance and Sundays out of the house to go to the bookstore for coffee and quiet time.

We managed and were at our best, though he was a Sag...this is my first long term with a Fish. It has it's ups and downs as any relationshi

relationship does...but I'm in unchartered territory.
Any suggestions, advice? Sorry for the monologue....I'm rambling and emotional at the moment.

Posted by tiziani
If you feel afraid, talk to him about that. Your fear. He's probably just as afraid, if not more. And when you talk about it and share that it won't seem like a big deal. Don't confuse your feelings with your thoughts. If you share your feelings, Pisces can be the stronger of the two and take the lead with that. If you share your thoughts, chances are you'll just have them in a panic in circles.

Most honest thing you can do is just to say you're afraid.

Thanks for this! Great advice! Sound, reasonable and probably the best thing to do!

Posted by ninalove

The 2nd difficulty: we have to get permission form our ex-partners to relocate with minor children. The most difficult of all. We are now going through the process and it's expensive and difficult. I have insisted on handling it on my own, not to burden my fish my my legal fees.

My fish is aware of my fear, but has assured me that I will find something and we will be ok for awhile if I don't. Scary (for me). Though I'm not sure what he could say that would make it better.

I am horrible with long distance relationships (though I have flight benefits). I'm afraid to go under these circumstances. My kids don't want to go and I know no one in the new state, neither does my love.

You don't mention ages of all the children. Making a move with a boyfriend with kids involved can be risky. I could maybe see it if you had plans to settle and marry, but trust me, between the stresses of getting a job, the process of the kids adjusting (and they will, kids are resilient to a certain age), and the biggest stress packing, unpacking, and settling is VERY overwhelming. The BEST thing you can do for all involved, is after you both get permission, have him go there FIRST. Let him scope the area out, get feelers from those who live there and from those who he will be working with. Give him a couple of months to do this (you'll live), then YOU fly out alone, and take a couple of days so he can show you around the area and what he's found. Going in blindly is not a good idea at ALL. It will add to the stress. If you were just a couple, that's one thing. For your kids sake, let him feel it out. If the relationship is solid, (you come across that it is especially if you are thinking of going in blindly with kids involved), it will go much more smoothly. Trust me on this. When he gets there, and he puts his feelers out on areas, you can then remotely and online do the research on schools, neighborhoods etc... on the areas he identifies. While this is happening pack each part of the home up. (when the kids see you do this, it gets the mindset going and eases them into it). Hope I helped, and good luck.

Keep the negative emotions away from the kids. If they see your enthusiasm they will be more comfortable with A PLAN and the move.

I (Pisces) moved to another state (country), while my husband (Libra) stayed behind. The LTR lasted a couple of years. During this time, he didn't make any concrete efforts to get a job where I moved to. House-husband was not an option, because we did not have kids and I was the woman, after all. With time, I became interested in someone else.

It could work so much better for you two, because you are keen to follow him and he will appreciate that. If you move, it could be easier for you to start networking and get a job.

You started a job after a 12 years break, therefore you ARE a person capable of making a fresh start. You have to believe in yourself, that you could become financially independent again soon.

Yes, Tizi. I would like to add that I, Pisces, left my home country to move with my Libra husband and started a very demanding career in a language I never used before, and had to be learned within a few months.

He never returned the favor, despite being already fluent in the language of the country (UK) I moved to!

Europeans, you know 🙂? Imagine having to speak in a different language as well, while moving from Texas to New York!

LOl, Juke! That's easy!