caddypisces
@caddypisces
12 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 8 · Topics: 1
Cap and Pisces relationship hiccup
wow
:::: shakes head ::::
:::: shakes head ::::
Let me get this straight ... everything is great, a good relationship ... but, because you want more of him, and this more you want is hard for him to give so he needs to sort this part of his life out ... you break up with him, and then when he tries to contact you, you tell him to leave you alone.
Are you in high school?
Because a mature woman doesn't act like you did here
Are you in high school?
Because a mature woman doesn't act like you did here
Posted by P-Angel
... you break up with him, and then when he tries to contact you, you tell him to leave you alone.
Correction: he contacts you because you text him, telling him to contact you = so you can tell him to leave you alone
Actually, I don't think you understand what I actually meant.
He didn't say he needed time out because of me wanting/demanding more. He has another stuff going on in his life that he hasn't been telling me about and I got upset with him on Sunday because I felt he was messing me about last week. It is only then that he said what was up and that his head is scrambled and he needed time to sort his life out. I admit I felt angry annoyed/hurt and immediately told him not to contact me which wasn't the best reaction.
He was the one that contacted me the next day, not me. By which stage I had calmed down and told him that I understand and know that he needs to sort these things out by himself (I can't help him, if I could I wouldn't be here and it hurts that I can't). I also told him to take as much time as he needs and to focus on making the right decisions for himself and that I loved him and not to worry about me that I would be ok but for the time being he needs to let go of me (he let go of me is because of what is going on in his life, I would just be a band aid and he won't actually landed up sorting stuff out properly).
The aim was to give him is time with out pressure of worrying about me falling apart or rushing him but I also have people in my life that depend on me and who can't be messed about by his actions and so can't have him pushing and pulling me in all directions and need to prepare for the worse and hope for the best. You can't put a time limit on what amount of time he needs it could be a week, a month, a year.
He again contacted me last night, I haven't been contacting him, I have left him to have his time. By attitude I meant how do I 'play it'? He only says things like 'hi you' in his messages. I don't know what he is getting at or what he wants when he is the one contacting me and then only with messages like that. I don't know whether to say I love him and miss him or whether to ask questions about what's going on or to act as if everything is fine with me.
Sorry, but in the past when relationships have ended the guy hasn't contacted me again so this is all new and confusing to me. Past relationships have been Sag or Libra and I have never dealt with a capricorn.
Caddy
He didn't say he needed time out because of me wanting/demanding more. He has another stuff going on in his life that he hasn't been telling me about and I got upset with him on Sunday because I felt he was messing me about last week. It is only then that he said what was up and that his head is scrambled and he needed time to sort his life out. I admit I felt angry annoyed/hurt and immediately told him not to contact me which wasn't the best reaction.
He was the one that contacted me the next day, not me. By which stage I had calmed down and told him that I understand and know that he needs to sort these things out by himself (I can't help him, if I could I wouldn't be here and it hurts that I can't). I also told him to take as much time as he needs and to focus on making the right decisions for himself and that I loved him and not to worry about me that I would be ok but for the time being he needs to let go of me (he let go of me is because of what is going on in his life, I would just be a band aid and he won't actually landed up sorting stuff out properly).
The aim was to give him is time with out pressure of worrying about me falling apart or rushing him but I also have people in my life that depend on me and who can't be messed about by his actions and so can't have him pushing and pulling me in all directions and need to prepare for the worse and hope for the best. You can't put a time limit on what amount of time he needs it could be a week, a month, a year.
He again contacted me last night, I haven't been contacting him, I have left him to have his time. By attitude I meant how do I 'play it'? He only says things like 'hi you' in his messages. I don't know what he is getting at or what he wants when he is the one contacting me and then only with messages like that. I don't know whether to say I love him and miss him or whether to ask questions about what's going on or to act as if everything is fine with me.
Sorry, but in the past when relationships have ended the guy hasn't contacted me again so this is all new and confusing to me. Past relationships have been Sag or Libra and I have never dealt with a capricorn.
Caddy
Posted by P-AngelPosted by P-Angel
... you break up with him, and then when he tries to contact you, you tell him to leave you alone.
Correction: he contacts you because you text him, telling him to contact you = so you can tell him to leave you aloneclick to expand
Not once have I texted him asking him to contact me so that I can tell him to leave me alone. I have left him to his time, he's the one contacting me.
Posted by caddypisces
He again contacted me last night, I haven't been contacting him, I have left him to have his time. By attitude I meant how do I 'play it'? He only says things like 'hi you' in his messages. I don't know what he is getting at or what he wants when he is the one contacting me and then only with messages like that. I don't know whether to say I love him and miss him or whether to ask questions about what's going on or to act as if everything is fine with me.
Sorry, but in the past when relationships have ended the guy hasn't contacted me again so this is all new and confusing to me. Past relationships have been Sag or Libra and I have never dealt with a capricorn.
Yes, we all get that you are playing at his feelings. Look at this: you said,
"He only says things like 'hi you' in his messages. I don't know what he is getting at ...... I don't know whether to say I love him and miss him ..."
^^^^^^^^^^^^ you break up with him under the pretense that you are giving him the time he needs to sort out his life, while telling us that you broke up with him in haste during a moment of hotheadedness on your ... and then when he contacts you which of course he will do, considering there is no closure to a snap decision without discussion .... you come back in here with this statement, which clearly shows us you are playing at his feelings, because how you really feel is to proclaim love and miss-sickness.
And the reason why he is being an adult and still trying to have conversations, while you aren't getting it .... is because he is a grown up and you aren't. You are confused because you are still high school, while he is a man.
this has nothing to do with him being a Capricorn ... it has everything to do with you being spoiled and selfish.
Posted by caddypisces
..... I meant how do I 'play it'?
In summation ..... playing it, as you've been doing all along, is what is in error. So, the solution isn't to find out a different game to play, rather, don't play at all.
so, any answer to your question in which provides clarification to levels of the play would only benefit you, so long as your intentions are to continue playing his feelings against him.
You already stated that you love him, by means of asking us if you should tell him .... so, everythign that you do/say that is intended to push him away .... is fucked up. You'd be lucky if I didn't refer to you as a cunt.
You're lucky ... I have pity on your stupidity
I don't think he intended on ending the relationship. He was just asking for space to get his life in order. Then you acted all pissy and immature (in his eyes). He is trying to maintain contact and you don't want to. Just because he asked for a little space?
First of all, he doesn't know you well enough or trust you yet after only 3 months (well at the point it was occuring, it was 2 months) and that's why he didn't fill you in on what was going on. Must be something major, or even with minor stuff, caps are pretty private people.
Second, just because someone needs some space doesn't mean they don't care or don't like you anymore. Just because they want space, doesn't mean they want to stop contact.
Third, he might need some understanding and support. Definitely not getting that from you. Once he realizes you are not there for him, this will be a deal breaker for a long term relationship. He's going to question your character.
Uhhmmmm...girl, you either need to get with the program and maintain or cut it off cold. 3 months is early stages of a relationship, almost like a turning point for a couple. So, you're either in it for the long haul or you're not. Looks like you have a decision to make. I'd say, from what I've read, you don't have what it takes to be with a cap. We are complicated, distant, moody and shielded. It's only cnce we know you and trust you, that we are warm, loving, loyal and reliable. You have no idea how loyal until you've been through hell and high water with us and were a trooper through all of it.
First of all, he doesn't know you well enough or trust you yet after only 3 months (well at the point it was occuring, it was 2 months) and that's why he didn't fill you in on what was going on. Must be something major, or even with minor stuff, caps are pretty private people.
Second, just because someone needs some space doesn't mean they don't care or don't like you anymore. Just because they want space, doesn't mean they want to stop contact.
Third, he might need some understanding and support. Definitely not getting that from you. Once he realizes you are not there for him, this will be a deal breaker for a long term relationship. He's going to question your character.
Uhhmmmm...girl, you either need to get with the program and maintain or cut it off cold. 3 months is early stages of a relationship, almost like a turning point for a couple. So, you're either in it for the long haul or you're not. Looks like you have a decision to make. I'd say, from what I've read, you don't have what it takes to be with a cap. We are complicated, distant, moody and shielded. It's only cnce we know you and trust you, that we are warm, loving, loyal and reliable. You have no idea how loyal until you've been through hell and high water with us and were a trooper through all of it.
Posted by truecap
We are complicated, distant, moody and shielded. It's only cnce we know you and trust you, that we are warm, loving, loyal and reliable. You have no idea how loyal until you've been through hell and high water with us and were a trooper through all of it.
😄
I agree with P-Angel.
Instead of "playing it", why don't you have an honest, heart to heart talk with him and get these "games" out of the picture.
"Play it" was your words, not ours.
Instead of "playing it", why don't you have an honest, heart to heart talk with him and get these "games" out of the picture.
"Play it" was your words, not ours.
"You have no idea how loyal until you've been through ....."
Ah, I love this phrase you've posted here .... until a person has lived through it, what do they really know?
about any/all things, really, eh?
Ah, I love this phrase you've posted here .... until a person has lived through it, what do they really know?
about any/all things, really, eh?
Posted by P-Angel
"You have no idea how loyal until you've been through ....."
Ah, I love this phrase you've posted here .... until a person has lived through it, what do they really know?
about any/all things, really, eh?
So true!!
Posted by caddypisces
.... with my Capricorn man. We've been together for 3 months and everything was great. He tells me he loves me, how lucky he was to have me, misses me, I make him happy etc etc so pretty communicative about his feelings for me but not about his past or what is going through his head day to day.
Forget everything after this point, because it is all emotional babble that isn't the cause of the problem. What caused the problem is right here. Because after this happened, everything else is emotional reactions from a slight you think has been inflicted upon, but in reality, you were never a victim of any kind of an infraction.
I know that you being a Pisces, this will be hard to fathom as truth, but, it is true .... this Capricorn didn't slight you out of anything, that is not what happened here .... what happened her is that because you are a Pisces, you imagined that the reason why he doesn't want to discuss his important issues with you is because he wanted to purposely inflict pain on you, that he is trying to hurt you.
The best part about being a Pisces is that once you grow your fins ... this man would likely be a perfect partner for you and then you will be able to know it.
P-angel - I ignored your comment about being in high school when in reality I'm 40 with kids and the man in question is actually younger than me. As for feeling slighted he knows exactly why. Since you seem to know the Pisces character traits then you also know that we tend to want to make people's lives better and stay in bad situations because we don't want to hurt others. I am nothing but loyal, supportive and believe in going to hell and back for others. Have even been there myself on my own.
I didn't go into too much detail initially but I would be interested to know what you would tell any woman if part of the time he needs, is to decide whether to get back with his cheating ex because he misses having his son in his life on a daily basis. I can't provide him with the family life he craves, when he is feeling down, it is too soon for that. I fully understand what he is going through and have always brighten his day, cheered him up, supported him but I can't grant him full custody of his son nor can I move him in with me. All I can do at this stage is continue to see him once or twice a week when I don't have my children with me.
Am I supposed to continue brighten his life while he decides whether to get back with the ex? Or leave him to it and try to move on with my life in case that is what he decides? The way I see it is he needs to decide by himself without me in the equation whether he's going to go back to a bad situation or accept/deal with not seeing his son on a daily basis. I have suggested ways in which he could have more contact with his son but he's not done anything about it. I don't think I need to grow my fins, I think it might actually be a case of him growing some horns.
Truecap - we've know each other longer than the 3 mnths and he admits to having assessed my character before asking me on a date and says from that first date he was certain that he wanted me in his life and knew he would fall in love with me. It took me a bit longer than that and it was only 3 mnths ago that we decided to go for it for the long haul. As for me being supportive and going to hell and back, I've already commented on that. The 'play it' was just expression.
Thank God, he knows my character and life history better than you lot because I come on here for some advice and instead landed up getting a character assassination. Last night he seemed to think I'm a —very special woman?? whether he decides to keep me is a different story.
I didn't go into too much detail initially but I would be interested to know what you would tell any woman if part of the time he needs, is to decide whether to get back with his cheating ex because he misses having his son in his life on a daily basis. I can't provide him with the family life he craves, when he is feeling down, it is too soon for that. I fully understand what he is going through and have always brighten his day, cheered him up, supported him but I can't grant him full custody of his son nor can I move him in with me. All I can do at this stage is continue to see him once or twice a week when I don't have my children with me.
Am I supposed to continue brighten his life while he decides whether to get back with the ex? Or leave him to it and try to move on with my life in case that is what he decides? The way I see it is he needs to decide by himself without me in the equation whether he's going to go back to a bad situation or accept/deal with not seeing his son on a daily basis. I have suggested ways in which he could have more contact with his son but he's not done anything about it. I don't think I need to grow my fins, I think it might actually be a case of him growing some horns.
Truecap - we've know each other longer than the 3 mnths and he admits to having assessed my character before asking me on a date and says from that first date he was certain that he wanted me in his life and knew he would fall in love with me. It took me a bit longer than that and it was only 3 mnths ago that we decided to go for it for the long haul. As for me being supportive and going to hell and back, I've already commented on that. The 'play it' was just expression.
Thank God, he knows my character and life history better than you lot because I come on here for some advice and instead landed up getting a character assassination. Last night he seemed to think I'm a —very special woman?? whether he decides to keep me is a different story.
Let me make it clear, the slighted has nothing with him needing time. I was 'slighted' because of something else that happened for which he apologised and that is when he explained why, and that his head was scrambled and he needed time.
Caddypisces, he sounds like a good man but has alot going on. He needs time for sure. I would suggest to hang in there until he figures it out, if you have the patience to. You seem him once or twice a week and that's pretty good. Let it flow, try not to expect, enjoy the moments-- easier said than done but I sense there is hope 🙂
Thanks for replying Aquapiscescusp and yes, I too hope I have the patience and haven't just been masking his issues so far.
I can't talk to my friends about it because they know me and what I have been through in life and would automatically tell me to give him time, to give it to him permanently. That is why I came on here for advice instead I get the above. I tried to keep it brief since I tend to bore people with too much detail.
I can't talk to my friends about it because they know me and what I have been through in life and would automatically tell me to give him time, to give it to him permanently. That is why I came on here for advice instead I get the above. I tried to keep it brief since I tend to bore people with too much detail.
Just go on with your day to day life without expecting too much from him. I think you will be fine, keep me posted 🙂
Posted by caddypisces
I can't talk to my friends about it because they know me and .....
Translation: I'm full of shit, and my peole know that
Posted by caddypisces
.... the time he needs, is to decide whether to get back with his cheating ex because he misses having his son in his life on a daily basis.
So, in your defense you say that ^^^^ ?
You don't seem to notice that you're a douchebag.
P-angel - You've already made your opinion on me known and I've filed it under 'Trash'. I'll keep my opinion of you to myself since I don't know you and you could have just had a bad day. You could even be menopausal for all I know, forget to take your HTR? Now, take your vileness and spread it on another thread.
Posted by caddypisces
P-angel - You've already made your opinion on me known and I've filed it under 'Trash'. I'll keep my opinion of you to myself since I don't know you and you could have just had a bad day. You could even be menopausal for all I know, forget to take your HTR? Now, take your vileness and spread it on another thread.
Yeah, don't worry, she's always name calling, must be very frustrated to be picking on total strangers 😛
I think you should be a bit more patient with him, unless there is some other information that you are not disclosing here. He is having a ruff time right now and you seem to think its about you or making it about you. While he is trying to figure things out why don't you go and continue to be a mom and do other things in your life that will continue to bring you happiness and joy. Things will begin to shift when you do and stuff will either get better with you guys or you will go on your way. He sounds like he wants to be with you but is trying to work out whatever other stuff he has going on too. Allow him to do that and when he texts you to say hi or whatever text him back and say hi and hope you are doing well and continue on with your things. If you love him like you say that should not be hard. I mean he's not trying to play you he is going through a life situation. Cap men are wonderful for us Pisces women. You don't wanna blow a potential good relationship over a lil adversity.
In your original post I hope you can see how we got the impression that we got. Now since you've been more forthcoming, I have some experience that may help you.
The first man I dated after my divorce did very much the things your cap has said/done. So this guy is going through the same thing with his ex wife cheating on him, but he is missing his kids, etc. He is a great father. So he talks to me about trying to patch things up with her so he can be there for his kids. I supported him and encouraged him to do so. Told him if he tries to make it work and it does, then great! If it doesn't he will never doubt or regret not trying. So he does.
A few months later, he calls me. I'm thinking okay, well now he knows and this will end all his doubts. We started dating again. Then, a couple months later, he says he was seeing her here and there and he's going back and this time he knows it will work. I told him I won't be here next time. He agrees and goes back.
Three months later, he is single, definitely not going to work. Knows it will never work. Has adjusted to the idea of seeing his kids as often as he can. I had started dating the aqua guy I am with now. Regardless of that I would have had no feelings left for him and he knows that we will never be and reqrets what he lost because we got along really, really well. Truth be known, I think we were just rebounds for each other and I absolutely am in love the aqua and care for him much more than I ever would have loved this other guy.
Don't know if my story is relevant. Hope it helps. Moral of the story is: Until this guy is ready to be 100% over his divorce he will be no good for you. Honestly, he may not be ready yet. I hope you're not the rebound girl. Be patient if you care deeply for him. It will just take some time.
Good luck with it all.
The first man I dated after my divorce did very much the things your cap has said/done. So this guy is going through the same thing with his ex wife cheating on him, but he is missing his kids, etc. He is a great father. So he talks to me about trying to patch things up with her so he can be there for his kids. I supported him and encouraged him to do so. Told him if he tries to make it work and it does, then great! If it doesn't he will never doubt or regret not trying. So he does.
A few months later, he calls me. I'm thinking okay, well now he knows and this will end all his doubts. We started dating again. Then, a couple months later, he says he was seeing her here and there and he's going back and this time he knows it will work. I told him I won't be here next time. He agrees and goes back.
Three months later, he is single, definitely not going to work. Knows it will never work. Has adjusted to the idea of seeing his kids as often as he can. I had started dating the aqua guy I am with now. Regardless of that I would have had no feelings left for him and he knows that we will never be and reqrets what he lost because we got along really, really well. Truth be known, I think we were just rebounds for each other and I absolutely am in love the aqua and care for him much more than I ever would have loved this other guy.
Don't know if my story is relevant. Hope it helps. Moral of the story is: Until this guy is ready to be 100% over his divorce he will be no good for you. Honestly, he may not be ready yet. I hope you're not the rebound girl. Be patient if you care deeply for him. It will just take some time.
Good luck with it all.
Posted by P-AngelPosted by P-Angel
... you break up with him, and then when he tries to contact you, you tell him to leave you alone.
Correction: he contacts you because you text him, telling him to contact you = so you can tell him to leave you aloneclick to expand
Plus One for P-Angel.
Is the wait killing you?
"I didn't go into too much detail initially but I would be interested to know what you would tell any woman if part of the time he needs, is to decide whether to get back with his cheating ex because he misses having his son in his life on a daily basis. I can't provide him with the family life he craves, when he is feeling down, it is too soon for that. I fully understand what he is going through and have always brighten his day, cheered him up, supported him but I can't grant him full custody of his son nor can I move him in with me. All I can do at this stage is continue to see him once or twice a week when I don't have my children with me.
Am I supposed to continue brighten his life while he decides whether to get back with the ex? Or leave him to it and try to move on with my life in case that is what he decides?"
Repeating Pangel's "WOW". As you can see, I bolded the most important issue here^^. His SON. You say you have children, yet I cannot fathom how you can accuse him of going back to his ex when in reality he is going to see his SON. You are three months seeing this guy and you think you can dictate how he should be a father? Here's a reality check...His SON will be a part of his life for the rest of his life, as your children will be to you. Whatever arrangements he and his ex have for visitation is none of your business. What I see, is you resenting this man for wanting to be close to his son. Wanna know how I know that? You didn't mention one peep about this innocent child on page one at all! It was all about you. What's really sad, by what you shared, this guy sounds like he treats you very well, and communicates with you. It is not your place to dictate how much time you demand. Blood comes first. If you can't deal with that, find a man without kids, otherwise respect the fact that he's not a typical deadbeat father. Something I believe you wish he was, but I admit I'm assuming that only based off of everything you shared here..which again was about YOU.
Am I supposed to continue brighten his life while he decides whether to get back with the ex? Or leave him to it and try to move on with my life in case that is what he decides?"
Repeating Pangel's "WOW". As you can see, I bolded the most important issue here^^. His SON. You say you have children, yet I cannot fathom how you can accuse him of going back to his ex when in reality he is going to see his SON. You are three months seeing this guy and you think you can dictate how he should be a father? Here's a reality check...His SON will be a part of his life for the rest of his life, as your children will be to you. Whatever arrangements he and his ex have for visitation is none of your business. What I see, is you resenting this man for wanting to be close to his son. Wanna know how I know that? You didn't mention one peep about this innocent child on page one at all! It was all about you. What's really sad, by what you shared, this guy sounds like he treats you very well, and communicates with you. It is not your place to dictate how much time you demand. Blood comes first. If you can't deal with that, find a man without kids, otherwise respect the fact that he's not a typical deadbeat father. Something I believe you wish he was, but I admit I'm assuming that only based off of everything you shared here..which again was about YOU.
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Anyway, again he text me yesterday with a 'Hi you' and I not sure what I'm suppose to be doing. I didn't think he would contact me yesterday and was all prepared to leave him to do his thing but him 'checking up' on me is confusing. I did reply yesterday saying that I respected his need for time but he couldn't keep checking up on me and he needed to let me move on with my life while he did that. He's only reply was 'can't help it' and nothing since. I really don't know whether I should ignore him from now on and only reply if I get more than a 'hi you' message. I'm not sure whether he is sending this short texts because he doesn't want to lose me or whether he feels bad for hurting me or whether he is trying to be controlling.
So, I guess I signed up on here hoping that you folks could give me some help/advice on whether I should just ignore or if I should reply, what sort of 'attitude' should I take or say.
He's a Sun in Cap, Moon in Aries, Venus in Aquarius and Mars in Sag while I'm Sun in Pisces, Moon in Pisces, Venus in Aries and Mars in Aquarius
Hope this all makes seems because he's not scrambled my brain.
Caddy