canluvconquer
@canluvconquer
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 26 · Topics: 1
Marriage in turmoil - Scorpion man+angry Leo wife
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Truth is I want this to work; I'm old school and hate the idea of divorce etc. I'm hoping taking a couple months off will heal a bit so I can at the very least re-open a calmer and cooler channel of communication.
You might want it to work but it doesn't sound like she does.
Us Scorps tend to hold on long after a situation has become bad and intolerable.
Really, where do you think it can go now?
This is the person you married. She's unlikely to change and she doesn't seem open to talking or compromising.
Us Scorps tend to hold on long after a situation has become bad and intolerable.
Really, where do you think it can go now?
This is the person you married. She's unlikely to change and she doesn't seem open to talking or compromising.
Drop her. You need to focus on dodging the vendictive controlling bitch-bullet.
Posted by Arielle83When she puts me down I wouldn't say it makes me hate her; I feel hurt and confused more than anything.
She resents you. She wishes you were more at her financial level. She wants you to try harder but instead she doesn't think you are so you have become a weight she has to carry. That's why she says divorce.
There's an inbalance of power and she has it. She prob wants all this and that and doesn't want to have to foot the bill.
When she puts you down, how do you feel?
Do you want to try harder or does it make you hate her?
Scorpios and Leo's are so stubborn. I'd think it be hard for either of u to listen.
What gets me is how/why would she go from 0 to 100 in the past couple of weeks!?
Posted by Arielle83
She resents you. She wishes you were more at her financial level. She wants you to try harder but instead she doesn't think you are so you have become a weight she has to carry. That's why she says divorce.
There's an inbalance of power and she has it. She prob wants all this and that and doesn't want to have to foot the bill.
When she puts you down, how do you feel?
Do you want to try harder or does it make you hate her?
Scorpios and Leo's are so stubborn. I'd think it be hard for either of u to listen.
There's no excuse for her behavior what so ever. If it were me the recording would end with her flying across the room.
Isn't it typical of you Scorpios to come in and say just drop her, she's beyond repair? That is what makes us (Leos) resent you.
Something is hurting the Leo inside. Something really deep, but instead of taking the time to attend to this core issues, you're here accusing her of anger and rage. I would have slapped you too, recording my anger when there is something to address. What sort of blaze attitude is that?
My husband, for fear of whatever or whatever was his thinking, decided to stay 24/7 at work. Employee of the year! Meanwhile, I had just miscarried. I resented him for it. Truth be told, I made scathing remarks, took digs at him, left the dinner table stunned on many occasions...
Some of you Scorpio men are so full of shit.
Now... you're right that a few months might help her calm down.
If you take it slow, it might help you restore your marriage to the extent you can see a counselor. And instead of thinking something about her and believing without a doubt that it is true, wait and listen to her. Be truthful about the issues. For instance, if your not having a job is the problem, explain why you have not/do not want to work here or there, or what your plans and ideas are.
My bet is she's dying inside because she suddenly has to wear the pants in the relationship when the man she married bailed out of taking charge.
Something is hurting the Leo inside. Something really deep, but instead of taking the time to attend to this core issues, you're here accusing her of anger and rage. I would have slapped you too, recording my anger when there is something to address. What sort of blaze attitude is that?
My husband, for fear of whatever or whatever was his thinking, decided to stay 24/7 at work. Employee of the year! Meanwhile, I had just miscarried. I resented him for it. Truth be told, I made scathing remarks, took digs at him, left the dinner table stunned on many occasions...
Some of you Scorpio men are so full of shit.
Now... you're right that a few months might help her calm down.
If you take it slow, it might help you restore your marriage to the extent you can see a counselor. And instead of thinking something about her and believing without a doubt that it is true, wait and listen to her. Be truthful about the issues. For instance, if your not having a job is the problem, explain why you have not/do not want to work here or there, or what your plans and ideas are.
My bet is she's dying inside because she suddenly has to wear the pants in the relationship when the man she married bailed out of taking charge.
^^^ don't blame him for her inability to voice what is troubling her. She needs to say what it is. There's only so much he can 'guess' at. It's obvious there's more to it but unless she stops being passive aggressive and violent and says something then progress cannot be made. This is only his side but we only have his side.
Posted by Arielle83Exactly.
She resents you. She wishes you were more at her financial level. She wants you to try harder but instead she doesn't think you are so you have become a weight she has to carry. That's why she says divorce.
There's an inbalance of power and she has it. She prob wants all this and that and doesn't want to have to foot the bill.
When she puts you down, how do you feel?
Do you want to try harder or does it make you hate her?
Scorpios and Leo's are so stubborn. I'd think it be hard for either of u to listen.
Except, she most likely doesn't need him to match her financially. Just take charge - be the man ffs!
I bet she will fund any harebrained schemes as long as you're being the man.
Posted by AgentP911How many times should she tell him to get a job, go to school? The first ten times didn't work - the next twenty won't.
^^^ don't blame him for her inability to voice what is troubling her. She needs to say what it is. There's only so much he can 'guess' at. It's obvious there's more to it but unless she stops being passive aggressive and violent and says something then progress cannot be made. This is only his side but we only have his side.
The thing is, he doesn't even have to listen. He could refuse, but he needs to appear to be doing something worth while. Take some charge of his life.
She married him knowing exactly what the situation was. Being self employed can be hard (I'm self employed) and sometimes it doesn't bring in the money or it can take time to get a reasonable, steady income. She was already earning more than him when she married him. If this was an issue then she should have chosen to marry someone who earned considerably more than her.
Where are her marriage vows? For richer, for poorer?
He's hit a hard time and it sounds like she's having a bitch because she's bringing in the money, earning rather well, he says, so it's not like they're on the breadline. He even moved so thy could have a better chance with her job and him maybe getting more or better work or education. Maybe he's been sitting on his arse watching day time TV while she's working and when she comes home she finds the housework hasn't been done or a dinner prepared. This would anger me too but it doesn't sound like this is that case.
What if he got sick with cancer or something and couldn't work? She'd probably still be bitching rather than getting on with their marriage and life.
Marriage isn't just for a big party and happy times. It's supposed to mean something. I'd question why they both signed up to it.
Where are her marriage vows? For richer, for poorer?
He's hit a hard time and it sounds like she's having a bitch because she's bringing in the money, earning rather well, he says, so it's not like they're on the breadline. He even moved so thy could have a better chance with her job and him maybe getting more or better work or education. Maybe he's been sitting on his arse watching day time TV while she's working and when she comes home she finds the housework hasn't been done or a dinner prepared. This would anger me too but it doesn't sound like this is that case.
What if he got sick with cancer or something and couldn't work? She'd probably still be bitching rather than getting on with their marriage and life.
Marriage isn't just for a big party and happy times. It's supposed to mean something. I'd question why they both signed up to it.
Posted by 037Based on what he's written, we don't know if he has a job since moving internationally. He says about conditions being placed such as get a job, earn, better education etc.Posted by AgentP911How many times should she tell him to get a job, go to school? The first ten times didn't work - the next twenty won't.
^^^ don't blame him for her inability to voice what is troubling her. She needs to say what it is. There's only so much he can 'guess' at. It's obvious there's more to it but unless she stops being passive aggressive and violent and says something then progress cannot be made. This is only his side but we only have his side.
The thing is, he doesn't even have to listen. He could refuse, but he needs to appear to be doing something worth while. Take some charge of his life.click to expand
However, the issue of earnings was present before this current move.
It doesn't sound like she's being helpful and supportive. Quite the opposite. Spiteful, emasculating, violent... None of which should really be present in a marriage.
Perhaps if OP elaborates with more details we can be more specific with our views and feedback.
Posted by 037You nailed it - except I have been taking charge of my life, and I have been making major changes and moves and keeping my word so far as trying harder. So why the sudden flip?Posted by AgentP911How many times should she tell him to get a job, go to school? The first ten times didn't work - the next twenty won't.
^^^ don't blame him for her inability to voice what is troubling her. She needs to say what it is. There's only so much he can 'guess' at. It's obvious there's more to it but unless she stops being passive aggressive and violent and says something then progress cannot be made. This is only his side but we only have his side.
The thing is, he doesn't even have to listen. He could refuse, but he needs to appear to be doing something worth while. Take some charge of his life.click to expand
I also feel a sense of betrayal here with the move to an unknown land - not for her though, it's her home. Leaving all my friends etc. I am happy to make all sacrifices and changes for her because I love her and I want to please her as much as possible. I can't control the outcomes of the job application process but I can damn well control my gestures and efforts for her and support her as much as possible.
It's been rough.
Maybe all wounds are too fresh.
Need time to heal.
By the OP's words, he hit hard times a couple of years ago, ergo she started earning more.
And its not about the money. I bet she doesn't mind being the one bringing in the money. He could leave the house sparkling clean too, but ffs he is the man. He needs to go out and hustle! Fight for daily bread and come home, grab your wife in a caveman hug and fuck her till she sees tomorrow. Do something!
And if he's sitting on his are, he's growing fat and the sex is diminishing fast.
Shit!
And its not about the money. I bet she doesn't mind being the one bringing in the money. He could leave the house sparkling clean too, but ffs he is the man. He needs to go out and hustle! Fight for daily bread and come home, grab your wife in a caveman hug and fuck her till she sees tomorrow. Do something!
And if he's sitting on his are, he's growing fat and the sex is diminishing fast.
Shit!
Posted by DwellingOnMoveThe fear of change is more that we can put so much in and tolerate so much that we still see 'value' in what we have and what we are in. This presents an issue of rose tinted glasses and our tenacity, loyalty etc can often be misplaced and it is not always a good thing. We will hold on until the other person cuts us off or we wake up and smell the coffee and break free ourselves.Posted by canluvconquer
... even more hostile ... disrespecting me in front of our friends ... she would call me sensitive ... not to love me anymore, ... worst mistake of her life and she wants a divorce. ... physically violent ... take out my phone and record her ... grabbed my phone and threw it across the room ... call the police ...
What about giving her what she thinks she wants? Divorce?
Circumstances have to change until her feelings change.
Current circumstances give current reactions.
If you don't dare to let her go (at least for a few months, 1-2 year), then I have to believe what Stiehl (the Cancer guy) always say. That Scorpios fear change.click to expand
Well, this has certainly been my experiences.
Sthil is obsessed with Scorps. It's rather flattering!
Posted by DwellingOnMoveI am open to change; problem is everything has come from a place of anger with her I feel. I just wanted to give us the chance to talk to a counselor before entertaining such drastic changes.Posted by canluvconquer
... even more hostile ... disrespecting me in front of our friends ... she would call me sensitive ... not to love me anymore, ... worst mistake of her life and she wants a divorce. ... physically violent ... take out my phone and record her ... grabbed my phone and threw it across the room ... call the police ...
What about giving her what she thinks she wants? Divorce?
Circumstances have to change until her feelings change.
Current circumstances give current reactions.
If you don't dare to let her go (at least for a few months, 1-2 year), then I have to believe what Stiehl (the Cancer guy) always say. That Scorpios fear change.click to expand
Now though I will be leaving for a couple months. For both of us. I've also lost a lot of self confidence through all this and need to get it back.
Posted by 037I'm a Taurus thank you very much. And yes drop her, behaviour like this is indicative of someone with anger and emotional issues. I draw the line at verbal abuse, and regardless of gender don't put your hands on me or I'll square up and knock you the fuck down.
Isn't it typical of you Scorpios to come in and say just drop her, she's beyond repair? That is what makes us (Leos) resent you.
Something is hurting the Leo inside. Something really deep, but instead of taking the time to attend to this core issues, you're here accusing her of anger and rage. I would have slapped you too, recording my anger when there is something to address. What sort of blaze attitude is that?
My husband, for fear of whatever or whatever was his thinking, decided to stay 24/7 at work. Employee of the year! Meanwhile, I had just miscarried. I resented him for it. Truth be told, I made scathing remarks, took digs at him, left the dinner table stunned on many occasions...
Some of you Scorpio men are so full of shit.
Now... you're right that a few months might help her calm down.
If you take it slow, it might help you restore your marriage to the extent you can see a counselor. And instead of thinking something about her and believing without a doubt that it is true, wait and listen to her. Be truthful about the issues. For instance, if your not having a job is the problem, explain why you have not/do not want to work here or there, or what your plans and ideas are.
My bet is she's dying inside because she suddenly has to wear the pants in the relationship when the man she married bailed out of taking charge.
What I find funny about the replies to this post is the same women whom are in the powder room ranting about how men are useless are the same ones saying the verbal and physical abuse are warranted. No wonder you're single and can't get anything other than sex from a guy. You have no idea how to treat one.
Better stock up on cats and condoms, you'll be single for life with that cunty mindset.
Posted by AgentP911Leos are the same - this is not a special trait.Posted by DwellingOnMoveThe fear of change is more that we can put so much in and tolerate so much that we still see 'value' in what we have and what we are in. This presents an issue of rose tinted glasses and our tenacity, loyalty etc can often be misplaced and it is not always a good thing. We will hold on until the other person cuts us off or we wake up and smell the coffee and break free ourselves.Posted by canluvconquer
... even more hostile ... disrespecting me in front of our friends ... she would call me sensitive ... not to love me anymore, ... worst mistake of her life and she wants a divorce. ... physically violent ... take out my phone and record her ... grabbed my phone and threw it across the room ... call the police ...
What about giving her what she thinks she wants? Divorce?
Circumstances have to change until her feelings change.
Current circumstances give current reactions.
If you don't dare to let her go (at least for a few months, 1-2 year), then I have to believe what Stiehl (the Cancer guy) always say. That Scorpios fear change.
Well, this has certainly been my experiences.
Sthil is obsessed with Scorps. It's rather flattering!click to expand
Posted by 037OP's words:
By the OP's words, he hit hard times a couple of years ago, ergo she started earning more.
And its not about the money. I bet she doesn't mind being the one bringing in the money. He could leave the house sparkling clean too, but ffs he is the man. He needs to go out and hustle! Fight for daily bread and come home, grab your wife in a caveman hug and fuck her till she sees tomorrow. Do something!
And if he's sitting on his are, he's growing fat and the sex is diminishing fast.
Shit!
Been married to Leo wife for close to 5 years and I can say the first 3 years things were good. However in the past couple of years the relationship was strained mostly due to my own personal financial problems. I've been self employed since 2009 and I haven't been able to earn as much to keep up with her (she now earns significantly more than me and money isn't short - at least for her).
Well recently she got a job offer to move internationally and we both agreed the move was definitely good for her and could potentially be good for me. There were conditions set on me like try harder to get a job, get myself educated and so forth to which I am/was more than willing. After moving almost 2 months ago she became even more hostile towards me, even disrespecting me in front of our friends and so forth.
Chronologically:
He's been self employed since some time in 2009.
They've been married 5 years. That puts marriage at 2010 or maybe late 2009 but certainly after he became self employed.
She would have known the earning and work situation when she married unless OP suddenly surprised her with going self employed which I doubt.
The first 3 years were ok, according to him. Probably because they were both earning ok.
The last 2 years not so good. OP cites this down to earning less/personal financial troubles.
He's not been able to earn as much since and is unable to keep up with her which tells me she was earning good or at least reasonable money before and he was at least working and earning something. This also tells me when the shit hit the fan she resented him rather than supported him. This is not what marriage is about.
Now she's earning significantly more. Perhaps her chosen career allows for good progression and increased pay. Perhaps his doesn't.
She's earning enough money to s
Chronologically:
He's been self employed since some time in 2009.
They've been married 5 years. That puts marriage at 2010 or maybe late 2009 but certainly after he became self employed.
She would have known the earning and work situation when she married unless OP suddenly surprised her with going self employed which I doubt.
The first 3 years were ok, according to him. Probably because they were both earning ok.
The last 2 years not so good. OP cites this down to earning less/personal financial troubles.
He's not been able to earn as much since and is unable to keep up with her which tells me she was earning good or at least reasonable money before and he was at least working and earning something. This also tells me when the shit hit the fan she resented him rather than supported him. This is not what marriage is about.
Now she's earning significantly more. Perhaps her chosen career allows for good progression and increased pay. Perhaps his doesn't.
She's earning enough money to support both in the interim while he gets back on his feet/adjusts to new life internationally.
There could be many practicalities regarding his work. Does he have or need visas, is there a language barrier, do his qualifications transfer over easily, does his work experience transfer over, are there any jobs which match his skill set, is there any point taking any job at all when its better to work on getting a job you're qualified/want to do, is he able to be self employed there... The list of considerations is endless.
Meanwhile, he's moved to her country where he has no family/friends, job etc and you want her to click her fingers and for him to 'man up' just because it would make her feel better for her choices. That is short sighted and selfish. He doesn't sound like a woe is me whinger.
OP's chart would be good.
He's been self employed since some time in 2009.
They've been married 5 years. That puts marriage at 2010 or maybe late 2009 but certainly after he became self employed.
She would have known the earning and work situation when she married unless OP suddenly surprised her with going self employed which I doubt.
The first 3 years were ok, according to him. Probably because they were both earning ok.
The last 2 years not so good. OP cites this down to earning less/personal financial troubles.
He's not been able to earn as much since and is unable to keep up with her which tells me she was earning good or at least reasonable money before and he was at least working and earning something. This also tells me when the shit hit the fan she resented him rather than supported him. This is not what marriage is about.
Now she's earning significantly more. Perhaps her chosen career allows for good progression and increased pay. Perhaps his doesn't.
She's earning enough money to support both in the interim while he gets back on his feet/adjusts to new life internationally.
There could be many practicalities regarding his work. Does he have or need visas, is there a language barrier, do his qualifications transfer over easily, does his work experience transfer over, are there any jobs which match his skill set, is there any point taking any job at all when its better to work on getting a job you're qualified/want to do, is he able to be self employed there... The list of considerations is endless.
Meanwhile, he's moved to her country where he has no family/friends, job etc and you want her to click her fingers and for him to 'man up' just because it would make her feel better for her choices. That is short sighted and selfish. He doesn't sound like a woe is me whinger.
OP's chart would be good.
Please don't go putting cats in condoms. That's just mean.
Posted by AgentP911I bet OP tells you the money is not the problem.
Chronologically:
He's been self employed since some time in 2009.
They've been married 5 years. That puts marriage at 2010 or maybe late 2009 but certainly after he became self employed.
She would have known the earning and work situation when she married unless OP suddenly surprised her with going self employed which I doubt.
The first 3 years were ok, according to him. Probably because they were both earning ok.
The last 2 years not so good. OP cites this down to earning less/personal financial troubles.
He's not been able to earn as much since and is unable to keep up with her which tells me she was earning good or at least reasonable money before and he was at least working and earning something. This also tells me when the shit hit the fan she resented him rather than supported him. This is not what marriage is about.
Now she's earning significantly more. Perhaps her chosen career allows for good progression and increased pay. Perhaps his doesn't.
She's earning enough money to support both in the interim while he gets back on his feet/adjusts to new life internationally.
There could be many practicalities regarding his work. Does he have or need visas, is there a language barrier, do his qualifications transfer over easily, does his work experience transfer over, are there any jobs which match his skill set, is there any point taking any job at all when its better to work on getting a job you're qualified/want to do, is he able to be self employed there... The list of considerations is endless.
Meanwhile, he's moved to her country where he has no family/friends, job etc and you want her to click her fingers and for him to 'man up' just because it would make her feel better for her choices. That is short sighted and selfish. He doesn't sound like a woe is me whinger.
OP's chart would be good.
What I see here is you believing something and, just like I said earlier, holding on to it like its the gospel. Nothing I say will make you see that it has nothing to with how much she earns. She's been earning more than him anyway.
So, here's me bowing away. Not invested enough maybe? Or you're secretly a Leo.
Happy day to you.
Posted by canluvconquerAnyway, Canluv, you do need to heal. If she can't appreciate your effort, then she's demanding and most likely unrealistic. I need to commend you for sticking it out and suggesting ways to keep your marriage working.Posted by 037You nailed it - except I have been taking charge of my life, and I have been making major changes and moves and keeping my word so far as trying harder. So why the sudden flip?Posted by AgentP911How many times should she tell him to get a job, go to school? The first ten times didn't work - the next twenty won't.
^^^ don't blame him for her inability to voice what is troubling her. She needs to say what it is. There's only so much he can 'guess' at. It's obvious there's more to it but unless she stops being passive aggressive and violent and says something then progress cannot be made. This is only his side but we only have his side.
The thing is, he doesn't even have to listen. He could refuse, but he needs to appear to be doing something worth while. Take some charge of his life.
I also feel a sense of betrayal here with the move to an unknown land - not for her though, it's her home. Leaving all my friends etc. I am happy to make all sacrifices and changes for her because I love her and I want to please her as much as possible. I can't control the outcomes of the job application process but I can damn well control my gestures and efforts for her and support her as much as possible.
It's been rough.
Maybe all wounds are too fresh.
Need time to heal.click to expand
OP's chart would be good.Have no clue on where to get a chart.
Lmao. She backed down quick.
ME:
Rising Sign is in 28 Degrees Capricorn
Sun is in 13 Degrees Scorpio.
Moon is in 23 Degrees Capricorn.
Mercury is in 03 Degrees Sagittarius.
Venus is in 16 Degrees Scorpio.
Mars is in 02 Degrees Sagittarius.
Jupiter is in 08 Degrees Leo.
Saturn is in 11 Degrees Virgo.
Uranus is in 16 Degrees Scorpio.
Neptune is in 16 Degrees Sagittarius.
Pluto is in 17 Degrees Libra.
N. Node is in 25 Degrees Virgo.
Rising Sign is in 28 Degrees Capricorn
Sun is in 13 Degrees Scorpio.
Moon is in 23 Degrees Capricorn.
Mercury is in 03 Degrees Sagittarius.
Venus is in 16 Degrees Scorpio.
Mars is in 02 Degrees Sagittarius.
Jupiter is in 08 Degrees Leo.
Saturn is in 11 Degrees Virgo.
Uranus is in 16 Degrees Scorpio.
Neptune is in 16 Degrees Sagittarius.
Pluto is in 17 Degrees Libra.
N. Node is in 25 Degrees Virgo.
LEO WIFE:
Rising Sign is in 27 Degrees Libra
Sun is in 04 Degrees Leo.
Moon is in 09 Degrees Pisces.
Mercury is in 23 Degrees Leo.
Venus is in 08 Degrees Virgo.
Mars is in 19 Degrees Cancer.
Jupiter is in 01 Degrees Sagittarius.
Saturn is in 28 Degrees Libra.
Uranus is in 05 Degrees Sagittarius.
Neptune is in 26 Degrees Sagittarius.
Pluto is in 26 Degrees Libra.
N. Node is in 24 Degrees Gemini.
Rising Sign is in 27 Degrees Libra
Sun is in 04 Degrees Leo.
Moon is in 09 Degrees Pisces.
Mercury is in 23 Degrees Leo.
Venus is in 08 Degrees Virgo.
Mars is in 19 Degrees Cancer.
Jupiter is in 01 Degrees Sagittarius.
Saturn is in 28 Degrees Libra.
Uranus is in 05 Degrees Sagittarius.
Neptune is in 26 Degrees Sagittarius.
Pluto is in 26 Degrees Libra.
N. Node is in 24 Degrees Gemini.
Posted by canluvconquerLeo Pisces, sweethearts of the zodiac!
LEO WIFE:
Rising Sign is in 27 Degrees Libra
Sun is in 04 Degrees Leo.
Moon is in 09 Degrees Pisces.
Mercury is in 23 Degrees Leo.
Venus is in 08 Degrees Virgo.
Mars is in 19 Degrees Cancer.
Jupiter is in 01 Degrees Sagittarius.
Saturn is in 28 Degrees Libra.
Uranus is in 05 Degrees Sagittarius.
Neptune is in 26 Degrees Sagittarius.
Pluto is in 26 Degrees Libra.
N. Node is in 24 Degrees Gemini.
Something is definitely amiss.
Maybe she really did fall out of love - simple.
Posted by canluvconquerSaturn is currently going through Scorpio. Its done a terrible number on you.
ME:
Rising Sign is in 28 Degrees Capricorn
Sun is in 13 Degrees Scorpio.
Moon is in 23 Degrees Capricorn.
Mercury is in 03 Degrees Sagittarius.
Venus is in 16 Degrees Scorpio.
Mars is in 02 Degrees Sagittarius.
Jupiter is in 08 Degrees Leo.
Saturn is in 11 Degrees Virgo.
Uranus is in 16 Degrees Scorpio.
Neptune is in 16 Degrees Sagittarius.
Pluto is in 17 Degrees Libra.
N. Node is in 25 Degrees Virgo.
If your ascendant is truly Cap, you've always had to be the sensible one even when you are not involved in something. You bear the brunt and can't afford to be frivolous.
Saturn in Sag will make you feel even worse, though things may not be as bad, so brace yourself for some serious ups and downs. Though, you could make unexpected money from an inheritance or unseen source.
Alimony, maybe?
😢
Posted by 037Posted by AgentP911I bet OP tells you the money is not the problem.
Chronologically:
He's been self employed since some time in 2009.
They've been married 5 years. That puts marriage at 2010 or maybe late 2009 but certainly after he became self employed.
She would have known the earning and work situation when she married unless OP suddenly surprised her with going self employed which I doubt.
The first 3 years were ok, according to him. Probably because they were both earning ok.
The last 2 years not so good. OP cites this down to earning less/personal financial troubles.
He's not been able to earn as much since and is unable to keep up with her which tells me she was earning good or at least reasonable money before and he was at least working and earning something. This also tells me when the shit hit the fan she resented him rather than supported him. This is not what marriage is about.
Now she's earning significantly more. Perhaps her chosen career allows for good progression and increased pay. Perhaps his doesn't.
She's earning enough money to support both in the interim while he gets back on his feet/adjusts to new life internationally.
There could be many practicalities regarding his work. Does he have or need visas, is there a language barrier, do his qualifications transfer over easily, does his work experience transfer over, are there any jobs which match his skill set, is there any point taking any job at all when its better to work on getting a job you're qualified/want to do, is he able to be self employed there... The list of considerations is endless.
Meanwhile, he's moved to her country where he has no family/friends, job etc and you want her to click her fingers and for him to 'man up' just because it would make her feel better for her choices. That is short sighted and selfish. He doesn't sound like a woe is me whinger.
OP's chart would be good.click to expand
What I see here is you believing something and, just like I said earlier, holding on to it like its the gospel. Nothing I say will make you see that it has nothing to with how much she earns. She's been earning more than him anyway.
You can't read. I said she's been earning as good as and then more than him since the start. Now he's hit hard times she doesn't like it. If it's not the money then what is it? You say he needs to 'man up' but you're not seeing the bigger picture. Me holding on in an emotional relationship is irrelevant here as I'm not in an emotional relationship with OP!
He needs to initiate the divorce and use the videos as leverage to avoid paying alimony.
What else is going on? Something else happened. And I guarantee you it's not about the money. Something happened.
When a leo says *worse mistake of her life*, *doesn't love you anymore* something has been going on for some time now and she is resentful about it and has had enough. Not making excuses for her, just saying she is reacting to something you did/didn't do/ have been doing and she has drawn the line. Unless it is as you say it is (which I have learned dxpers tend to leave out pertinent info), then perhaps she has met somebody else and is angry because you won't let her go.
When I cheated on my leo gf she didn't get violent towards me perse. But she did break a whole bunch of my shit, ran her car in to mine and only God knows what else she wanted to do. She said such mean things as what your leo said. My point being, her rage didn't come from nowhere. If a leo loves you, money is no issue. They may not like being the bread winner, but they will stand by their man financially. They may become privately resentful about it, but if they see you trying, they will keep that to themselves.
If you separate yourself from her, as angry as she is, she is likely to file for a divorce right away. If you don't separate yourself from her and you two can't sit down and have a calm, open, vulnerable discussion about what's going on, it will only get worse.
Either way, it's gotten violent and that's when you have to at least separate yourself from her because things could become much worse. It doesn't matter that her size will prevent her from physically harming you. If she is so enraged and out of control, then what's to say she won't grab a knife or something that could hurt you. I don't like it at all that she was willing to falsely accuse you to the police.
I do wish you the best as this is not an easy thing to go through.
When a leo says *worse mistake of her life*, *doesn't love you anymore* something has been going on for some time now and she is resentful about it and has had enough. Not making excuses for her, just saying she is reacting to something you did/didn't do/ have been doing and she has drawn the line. Unless it is as you say it is (which I have learned dxpers tend to leave out pertinent info), then perhaps she has met somebody else and is angry because you won't let her go.
When I cheated on my leo gf she didn't get violent towards me perse. But she did break a whole bunch of my shit, ran her car in to mine and only God knows what else she wanted to do. She said such mean things as what your leo said. My point being, her rage didn't come from nowhere. If a leo loves you, money is no issue. They may not like being the bread winner, but they will stand by their man financially. They may become privately resentful about it, but if they see you trying, they will keep that to themselves.
If you separate yourself from her, as angry as she is, she is likely to file for a divorce right away. If you don't separate yourself from her and you two can't sit down and have a calm, open, vulnerable discussion about what's going on, it will only get worse.
Either way, it's gotten violent and that's when you have to at least separate yourself from her because things could become much worse. It doesn't matter that her size will prevent her from physically harming you. If she is so enraged and out of control, then what's to say she won't grab a knife or something that could hurt you. I don't like it at all that she was willing to falsely accuse you to the police.
I do wish you the best as this is not an easy thing to go through.
Posted by HemispheresShe makes more than him. She's likely to have to pay him alimony. And I would suggest only using the videos as leverage IF AND ONLY IF she starts making up shit about him to the court. There is no need to use them if she's cooperating in the divorce or atleast playing fair. Your suggestion is guaranteed to make the divorce ugly when that may not be necessary. Besides, she knows he has the videos, so I suspect she will be willing to play ball.
He needs to initiate the divorce and use the videos as leverage to avoid paying alimony.
Currently the transitting Uranus (the master of change and surprise) is conjuncting Leo wife's Mars in Cancer at 19 Degrees. Mars is master of action/reaction/behavior.
Thus her behavior is changing. Surprising. Unpredictable.
Uranus has been in this critical conjunction since April. It stays a critical factor because of the Uranus Retrograde. At least until the end of the year. In December it gets a little better. In 2016 there will be a new wave of change. From mid January to mid may.
Maybe you let her go now. And next year you can catch her again. But it all depends on if she's been deeply hurt by something or not.
And don't think/talk of money. That changes your capability of analysis. It is cheap to blame it on materialistic views. Then you miss to look at the more important root causes.
Thus her behavior is changing. Surprising. Unpredictable.
Uranus has been in this critical conjunction since April. It stays a critical factor because of the Uranus Retrograde. At least until the end of the year. In December it gets a little better. In 2016 there will be a new wave of change. From mid January to mid may.
Maybe you let her go now. And next year you can catch her again. But it all depends on if she's been deeply hurt by something or not.
And don't think/talk of money. That changes your capability of analysis. It is cheap to blame it on materialistic views. Then you miss to look at the more important root causes.
Posted by DwellingOnMovethx. Must have caught me on one of my good days. Haha!
@crabbycrab76,
I like your post. So far they seem to be useful, emotionally intelligent and objective.
Posted by canluvconquerTwo years of this is too long. Seems some people here don't realize you've exhausted all efforts to help this relationship. When the other person says no to that, especially counseling from an outside neutral influence, one has to determine SHE IS DONE. You both being away from each other is sorely needed. A good time out. However, I don't see her suddenly wanting to work things out when she had the chance to WITH you in counseling. Again she's done. I would give her the option to seek counseling again to help your marriage. If she refuses, MOVE ON. Glad there's no kids. Unfortunately so many kids today witness this bullshit and it makes me sick. I wish you luck.
She proclaimed not to love me anymore, saying I was the worst mistake of her life and she wants a divorce.
Now the "D" word did come up in the past year a few times
I kept telling her we need to talk to a therapist or go to a counsellor, something! But she wouldn't have any of it.
She has also been physically violent in the past which I told her she can't ever get to.
So last fight I knew there was a chance she would be violent and lo and behold she did strike me
I'm lost, she went to her parents and I'm gonna go to my family.
Posted by Hemispheres
There's no excuse for her behavior what so ever. If it were me the recording would end with her flying across the room.
Posted by HemispheresWell my goodness, aren't you the MAN? Typically when I hear a guy is into beating the shit out of a woman, it means "daddy" taught him this is how it's done and you were subjected to witnessing "mommy" getting knocked across the room during your toxic upbringing.
I draw the line at verbal abuse, and regardless of gender don't put your hands on me or I'll square up and knock you the fuck down.
No wonder you're single and can't get anything other than sex from a guy. You have no idea how to treat one.click to expand
Real classy.
Newsflash...real men don't lay a finger on a woman, only pussies do. Since you brought up cats I find that fitting.
Don't breed fella, just don't.
Posted by AgentP911+100000
You might want it to work but it doesn't sound like she does.
Us Scorps tend to hold on long after a situation has become bad and intolerable.
Really, where do you think it can go now?
This is the person you married. She's unlikely to change and she doesn't seem open to talking or compromising.
i didnt really read the rest of the commentors,
but, if you married her, you already KNOW how she is.
i don't understand how you could NOT know her personality how she is?
also your capricorn parts should be very cautious before going in.
i'm kind of not getting you, and your situation OP.
Posted by canluvconquer
Been married to Leo wife for close to 5 years and I can say the first 3 years things were good. However in the past couple of years the relationship was strained mostly due to my own personal financial problems. I've been self employed since 2009 and I haven't been able to earn as much to keep up with her (she now earns significantly more than me and money isn't short - at least for her).
Well recently she got a job offer to move internationally and we both agreed the move was definitely good for her and could potentially be good for me. There were conditions set on me like try harder to get a job, get myself educated and so forth to which I am/was more than willing. After moving almost 2 months ago she became even more hostile towards me, even disrespecting me in front of our friends and so forth. A couple of weeks ago I confronted her and asked her not to treat me the way she did (this behaviour used to happen in the past and when I brought it up she would call me sensitive).
She became super cold to me one day and I couldnt take it; I was burning inside because she wouldn't communicate; I knew we had issues but if we don't talk then how do we fix them. She proclaimed not to love me anymore, saying I was the worst mistake of her life and she wants a divorce. Now the "D" word did come up in the past year a few times but I always said we should talk rather than throwing that word around and giving it so much power.
With each argument I just wanted to understand how we go from fighting to divorce. I kept telling her we need to talk to a therapist or go to a counsellor, something! But she wouldn't have any of it.
Our fights got worse this week. She has also been physically violent in the past which I told her she can't ever get to. So last fight I knew there was a chance she would be violent and lo and behold she did strike me (shes a small ish woman who cant hurt me physically, but her intent can be scary at times). This time I decided to take out my phone and record her; this took her back a bit but everytime I stopped recording she became more enraged. So much so that she then came at me (this time while recording), grabbed my phone and threw it across the room, it survived and the recording went on.
She then decided to call the police claiming she didnt feel safe and I had threatened to use the video as blackmail etc. Whi
got cut off....
anyway, she seems very mean to do that to you, how come she's so aggressive?? she should be happy she's pulling in money for both your future.
Is it really a masculine feminine thing? My sister and brother in law had this, where she made more money, bread winner and itdidnt hurt any of them, they love it. They both persevered and now he is able to work full time after being a stay at home dad for awhile, then part time, and now that they have a house with two children, they are both earning to help with the ungodly amount of mortgage!!! it's hard raising children and having a good home for the family and all the bills.
anyway, she seems very mean to do that to you, how come she's so aggressive?? she should be happy she's pulling in money for both your future.
Is it really a masculine feminine thing? My sister and brother in law had this, where she made more money, bread winner and itdidnt hurt any of them, they love it. They both persevered and now he is able to work full time after being a stay at home dad for awhile, then part time, and now that they have a house with two children, they are both earning to help with the ungodly amount of mortgage!!! it's hard raising children and having a good home for the family and all the bills.
Posted by AgentP911reading the rest of the comments....
Chronologically:
He's been self employed since some time in 2009.
They've been married 5 years. That puts marriage at 2010 or maybe late 2009 but certainly after he became self employed.
She would have known the earning and work situation when she married unless OP suddenly surprised her with going self employed which I doubt.
The first 3 years were ok, according to him. Probably because they were both earning ok.
The last 2 years not so good. OP cites this down to earning less/personal financial troubles.
He's not been able to earn as much since and is unable to keep up with her which tells me she was earning good or at least reasonable money before and he was at least working and earning something. This also tells me when the shit hit the fan she resented him rather than supported him. This is not what marriage is about.
Now she's earning significantly more. Perhaps her chosen career allows for good progression and increased pay. Perhaps his doesn't.
She's earning enough money to support both in the interim while he gets back on his feet/adjusts to new life internationally.
There could be many practicalities regarding his work. Does he have or need visas, is there a language barrier, do his qualifications transfer over easily, does his work experience transfer over, are there any jobs which match his skill set, is there any point taking any job at all when its better to work on getting a job you're qualified/want to do, is he able to be self employed there... The list of considerations is endless.
Meanwhile, he's moved to her country where he has no family/friends, job etc and you want her to click her fingers and for him to 'man up' just because it would make her feel better for her choices. That is short sighted and selfish. He doesn't sound like a woe is me whinger.
OP's chart would be good.
i still dont understand why is your wife so mean and cruel— over money? I dont understand.
who the hell cares who makes more. holy crap. it's red flag when you see something like this. Incompatible.
Posted by LetltBShe's done alright. But why is she done? Feels like a big part of the picture is missing. That's just the feeling I get.Posted by canluvconquerTwo years of this is too long. Seems some people here don't realize you've exhausted all efforts to help this relationship. When the other person says no to that, especially counseling from an outside neutral influence, one has to determine SHE IS DONE. You both being away from each other is sorely needed. A good time out. However, I don't see her suddenly wanting to work things out when she had the chance to WITH you in counseling. Again she's done. I would give her the option to seek counseling again to help your marriage. If she refuses, MOVE ON. Glad there's no kids. Unfortunately so many kids today witness this bullshit and it makes me sick. I wish you luck.
She proclaimed not to love me anymore, saying I was the worst mistake of her life and she wants a divorce.
Now the "D" word did come up in the past year a few times
I kept telling her we need to talk to a therapist or go to a counsellor, something! But she wouldn't have any of it.
She has also been physically violent in the past which I told her she can't ever get to.
So last fight I knew there was a chance she would be violent and lo and behold she did strike me
I'm lost, she went to her parents and I'm gonna go to my family.click to expand
I did have debt from before marriage which I didn't tell her until 2 years into the marriage. However we talked about it and it wasn't an issue at the time. Reason for not telling her is because I had - or thought - I had it under control. Then business went south and she became the breadwinner. For the most part though we were still both financially independent and I never took a penny from her, she did however carry most of the bills around the house. It wasn't a 50/50 more like 65/35.
Her previous relationship ended bad as well; the guy was a dick to her. Kind of forced her to get engaged then eventually cheater on her.
There are so many factors involved.
We spend a lot of time together normally. Maybe too much so. Therefore I'm quite confident she hasn't met someone else.
I just hope the 2 month break is going to be enough for us to start a dialogue again.
That being said who knows; maybe I'll realize I can be better off as well??
Her previous relationship ended bad as well; the guy was a dick to her. Kind of forced her to get engaged then eventually cheater on her.
There are so many factors involved.
We spend a lot of time together normally. Maybe too much so. Therefore I'm quite confident she hasn't met someone else.
I just hope the 2 month break is going to be enough for us to start a dialogue again.
That being said who knows; maybe I'll realize I can be better off as well??
She's already crossed the line that should never be crossed when she hit you. Since that's happened, such violent behavior is likely to occur more often. Even if things cool down between you two, once things get heated again, I imagine you'd turn back in to her punching bag. It's likely she's under stress or has a lot of built up frustrations. Could be from a changing situation that occurred in the year things started going downhill. She likely has lost feelings for you since her behavior seem to prove that. Perhaps she's been trying to make herself happy even being in a marriage with feelings that are fading. If that were the case, she's likely just had enough. Honestly, though, it could be anything. You can try talking to her one more time but seeing how she's refused counseling and has went to her parents, I'm not sure there's much that can be done or much that she will be open to talking about. She may open up sometime - maybe a few months or years down the line when she misses you, if you two do divorce, but right now it's not looking good for communication. Good luck
Posted by Scenic+1000000
She's already crossed the line that should never be crossed when she hit you. Since that's happened, such violent behavior is likely to occur more often. Even if things cool down between you two, once things get heated again, I imagine you'd turn back in to her punching bag. It's likely she's under stress or has a lot of built up frustrations. Could be from a changing situation that occurred in the year things started going downhill. She likely has lost feelings for you since her behavior seem to prove that. Perhaps she's been trying to make herself happy even being in a marriage with feelings that are fading. If that were the case, she's likely just had enough. Honestly, though, it could be anything. You can try talking to her one more time but seeing how she's refused counseling and has went to her parents, I'm not sure there's much that can be done or much that she will be open to talking about. She may open up sometime - maybe a few months or years down the line when she misses you, if you two do divorce, but right now it's not looking good for communication. Good luck
all i know is if i am a cruel and violent woman to my man you better fucking believe it, the divorce papers will be ON.
he won't put up with that bullshit. No way.
that's something you don't do. He may love me forever, but he won't want me anymore or live with me. Because the lines are crossed and i went Cray cray!!
also you have ALOOOOTTT of patience for her violence and cruelty.
being sarcastic to eachother is one thing, but cruelty..jesus christ.
this reminds me of our relative's neighbors who, this really really happened where the woman was an abuser, abused her husband (now ex) in front of everyone, including their children and put him down. (she was the breadwinner too ironically)
and then now, years later,they are divorced and he's happier with a new woman and she's still single.
people are saying that she has an inner rage inside her. I dont know her sign, dont care, i think she's just unhappy inside and taking it out on people she loves. She now does it to her children sadly.
true story.
Ironically she is a nurse. *does not compute* but this is bizarreee.
being sarcastic to eachother is one thing, but cruelty..jesus christ.
this reminds me of our relative's neighbors who, this really really happened where the woman was an abuser, abused her husband (now ex) in front of everyone, including their children and put him down. (she was the breadwinner too ironically)
and then now, years later,they are divorced and he's happier with a new woman and she's still single.
people are saying that she has an inner rage inside her. I dont know her sign, dont care, i think she's just unhappy inside and taking it out on people she loves. She now does it to her children sadly.
true story.
Ironically she is a nurse. *does not compute* but this is bizarreee.
Posted by canluvconqueryour debt is your debt. you should take care of that and not have her take responsibility for it.
I did have debt from before marriage which I didn't tell her until 2 years into the marriage. However we talked about it and it wasn't an issue at the time. Reason for not telling her is because I had - or thought - I had it under control. Then business went south and she became the breadwinner. For the most part though we were still both financially independent and I never took a penny from her, she did however carry most of the bills around the house. It wasn't a 50/50 more like 65/35.
Her previous relationship ended bad as well; the guy was a dick to her. Kind of forced her to get engaged then eventually cheater on her.
There are so many factors involved.
We spend a lot of time together normally. Maybe too much so. Therefore I'm quite confident she hasn't met someone else.
I just hope the 2 month break is going to be enough for us to start a dialogue again.
That being said who knows; maybe I'll realize I can be better off as well??
what you do IN your marriage creating debt that is for the BOTH of you.
i swear, for a Scorpio man, usually they have TOO MUCH SHAME to let this happen. they would work their ass off to get that debt out. and have too much shame for a woman to pay for their debts, not even their mothers or grandmotehrs they dont want that. If that happens they pay them back twofold.
However your debt is your debt. you should take care of that and not have her take responsibility for it.We haven't been creating debt together. I handle my debts and obligations without her help. I have never till today asked for help either. However, she feels this was as bad as cheating on her. I disagree.
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She became super cold to me one day and I couldnt take it; I was burning inside because she wouldn't communicate; I knew we had issues but if we don't talk then how do we fix them. She proclaimed not to love me anymore, saying I was the worst mistake of her life and she wants a divorce. Now the "D" word did come up in the past year a few times but I always said we should talk rather than throwing that word around and giving it so much power.
With each argument I just wanted to understand how we go from fighting to divorce. I kept telling her we need to talk to a therapist or go to a counsellor, something! But she wouldn't have any of it.
Our fights got worse this week. She has also been physically violent in the past which I told her she can't ever get to. So last fight I knew there was a chance she would be violent and lo and behold she did strike me (shes a small ish woman who cant hurt me physically, but her intent can be scary at times). This time I decided to take out my phone and record her; this took her back a bit but everytime I stopped recording she became more enraged. So much so that she then came at me (this time while recording), grabbed my phone and threw it across the room, it survived and the recording went on.
She then decided to call the police claiming she didnt feel safe and I had threatened to use the video as blackmail etc. Which I didn't do.
I'm lost, she went to her parents and I'm gonna go to my family. Need advice. No kids in the mix thankfully.