A polling question...

How many people on here are Independent? I am...So 1...

Ok so is it a standard, expectation, red flag if you are not? Or a requirement?

Those that aren't familiar with independence. How would you help someone become independent?

Ok the last reply I made. About gender roles. Someone stated that there are some people who are not independent as I am or know the meaning.

So what are some expectations of being independent?

Do you think it's a good? an attraction for some?
A turn off for you?

Thing is there is a difference between dependence and independence..

Independence is good means you have alot of goals in life and perhaps just be happy that you can do whatever you want either by your self or help your lover out together..

Dependence is something that can work out but it takes time..I think people need to experience things first hand to get to the mentality that we the people can survive with or without you.??

Like if someone said to me I'll pay the rent and mortage and bills forever, then I would look at them weird. Cause that doesn't happen and I would wonder what you want in return. So I would be like well at least let me help with a bill or traveling expenses or something. I can't just be dependent like that. Is that weird?

Indeed it is aspirational values.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
How many people on here are Independent? I am...So 1...

Ok so is it a standard, expectation, red flag if you are not? Or a requirement?

Those that aren't familiar with independence. How would you help someone become independent?

I'm very independent. I would feel smothered by someone who was not, so that would be a red flag for me. I expect people to be able to think independently, do things on their own independently and be able to support themselves. I can't stand dependent people, I think they're weak.
But that's just me.

I suppose if people were okay with dependent people then there's nothing wrong with it.

How to become independent?
Have your own interest.
Be able to go places by yourself.
Have a job.
Support yourself - pay your own bills, take care of your car, buy your own food, live within your means.
Think for yourself. Research and come up with your own ideas and opinions.
Make decisions that are best for you and not because other people tell you what is best.
Know yourself.
Know what you like.
Know wht you don't like.
Have your boundaries and stick to them.
Something breaks, fix it. Or hire someone to fix it. Don't rely on friends doing it for free.

I don't see how it's that hard to be independent.

I suppose kids that are coddled growing up don't learn how to do things on their own.

When you're dependent on other people, you lose your freedom and free will. You're at their mercy and they think you owe them something.

I'm very independent, Ive been in a co dependant relationship before, the second i feel a relationship becomes co independent I run for the hills, which is why I'll never have a boyfriend who takes drugs..

Im very independent.It is difficult for me to accept help.

How would I help them become independent? Throw them in another country where they can't speak the language and have no one but themselves to rely on.

That's how I learned 😉

Happy- I got kicked out of my parent's house when I was 17-18 years old, and your right about learning to be street smart and learn more on your own. I had no guidance just myself. That's how I became independent and even more so after my break up..funny how shit works in your favor at times.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428That's how I became independent and even more so after my break up..funny how shit works in your favor at times.

That right there ^^ is key. Independence is leaving the mom and dad nest, having a job, your own place (whether it's rent or buying a home), paying your own bills WITHOUT anyone else around. (no significant other or roommates)

Everyone should do this for at least a year or two. This way (especially women we see here in dxp), the self respect builds, maturity & self security...and when she gets dumped by a guy, she'll know, it's not the end of the world she can take care of herself. Whereas in most cases we see women begging the guy who dumped them to take them back because she's so scared to be alone...(even if he's an asshole).

Posted by LetltB

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428That's how I became independent and even more so after my break up..funny how shit works in your favor at times.

That right there ^^ is key. Independence is leaving the mom and dad nest, having a job, your own place (whether it's rent or buying a home), paying your own bills WITHOUT anyone else around. (no significant other or roommates)

Everyone should do this for at least a year or two. This way (especially women we see here in dxp), the self respect builds, maturity & self security...and when she gets dumped by a guy, she'll know, it's not the end of the world she can take care of herself. Whereas in most cases we see women begging the guy who dumped them to take them back because she's so scared to be alone...(even if he's an asshole).

click to expand

Yep. Like my friend who's husband has had multiple affairs and she's afraid to leave because she doesn't think she can survive without his help. So she accepts misery instead.

Omg, smh.. poor lady. We need an intervention for her. Telling her to leave him, get a job, and work lots of double shifts and do what you have to. I hope there is no kids involved..poor kids.

Looks like other people have been in situations that actually call for survival on the streets, living with family's family, or going to the military or Job Corp ..

Actually what is sad is some people prefer to be home less that way they depend on people for money, or even saddest veterans not working because they are disabled. It's sad really.

I'm independent. own money, own decisions, own place.

what I hate about my life is that I want to be 1000% independet but still I'm involved. My beloved ones get me to do stupid stuff cause they need help cause they did stupid stuff and brought themselves in a stupid situation. I can't say not but I don't want to say yes. How much should I do to show them that I don't want that involvement?

I'm dependent.