Came off needy.. now what?

So I freaked out a bit during his freak out stage. (The stage they say where men pull back for no reason and women are just suppose to give them space) It wasn't bad just me asking him whats up? Why so distant?

Same story.. things were good, told me he missed me. Liked me a lot. Wanted to see me a lot. Introduced me to his friends. Called a lot. I was mutual with it as well. To me I showed him I was into him. Than all the sudden he stepped back. When I asked what was up.. He told me I have to show him I care or really like him (He also said he gets like this and is why many girls dont like talking to him). Being that I usually am the one who gets chased.. I had no clue what that meant. Still don't!? It started to get to the point where I would be like "I miss you" and he would reply "no you don't" but than say he misses me. Or I would say "I like you" and he would say "no you dont". So thinking I needed to show him I really liked him I started to persue him. Well that probablly just made me look needy and back fired on me. I was the only one really calling (this past week) and asking to hang out. Which he was always busy. Or he would only have time after he hung out with his friends. So after him rejecting me a few days ago to hang out I just decided to back off and wait till he comes around. I'm really not needy he's just confusing and I didnt know what else to do.



Is he just playing games?

Is he insecure?

Did I push him away and burn out the flame?

Will he come back around?

Is this a test?


He's told me he's been in a lot of BS relationships so I feel he is very guarded. Either that or he just doesnt want anything with me. If not why not just say that!? At random times he'll show intrest and than get distant again. IE: He'll kiss me and tell me to call him later and than when I do call he will not answer or call back. I know he likes me it's just either he feels im going to hurt him like other girls have or he just doesnt want me.

It may look like I was needy but really I know how to step back too. If you need space or just want to chill with your friends than say so. Why lead me on? I can handle his withdrawls I just hope he will come back around. I'm 20 and just wanted to get to know him and see where it goes. But its like we got real close real fast and than he pulled away real fast. Than tells me I have to show him I mean what I say (liking him). But I thought guys like to "chase"? I plan on just doing me and staying h

Well thank you lol I figured I should just let it go. To many games from the start. I tried but I guess he wants to continue playing around. He does act like a girl. thats what I said lol.

This situation doesn't seem to be about whose chasing who. This guy has already admitted to you that THIS stage in all his friendships/relationships have backfired on him & I say that assuming he was not necessarily cheerful every time a girl ran like hell the moment he started acting this way. The mere fact that this guy hasn't even taken out the time to really think about WHY this behavior is such a turn off indicates that 1. He doesn't care to know why (big red flag) or 2. He doesn't see anything wrong with this behavior. Either way, that's a PROBLEM! He shouldn't be dating if he doesn't know yet what it means to think about someone/someone's feelings other than his OWN!

Do men generally like to chase? Well yes. Can men sometimes become very distant when they can feel themselves attaching? Yes. Is it possible/normal for someone to expect the other person to "prove themselves?" Well yes. BUT there's a DIFFERENCE b/w this guy being a "normal man" vs. him just being downright inconsistent. If you truly feel that you are giving your all & are showing interest, there's NO reason for you to go above & beyond. And if he truly doesn't receive the signals you're sending that say, "I'm into you," then he needs to be CLEAR on what EXACTLY he needs from you. B/c if he's not clear then it'll just sound like this guy is stringing you along on a string b/c he CAN. And trust me, if this is the case, the WORST thing you can do is actually fall for it!

If you don't want to let go of this guy (and I'm sensing that you don't/won't) then AT LEAST ask him what it is you're NOT doing OR doing that's giving him the impression that you're not into him. And if he can't give you a clear answer, you'll have the answers to your questions about him. Not only do I think this man is insecure BUT I also think he's EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE right now too.

Men like this will let things start off fast & heavy, BUT the minute things start to really heat up & possibly lead to talks about commitment/anything that requires an EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT, THIS is where the tables ALWAYS turn. Instead of manning up & admitting that he's not looking for anything serious, he's copping out by trying to blaim everything on you. And the minute a woman falls for it & in return starts to appear needy (b/c she's just doing what he asked her to do), it only gives him a FURTHER reason to stop liking her as much/justify why HE'S the real person not holding up his end of the deal.

Marsha, my nicknames Marsha! This guy sounds like too much effort and a bit of a head fuck.

Posted by calthrope
Marsha, my nicknames Marsha! This guy sounds like too much effort and a bit of a head fuck.

Agreed! Sometimes it's fun to play cat/mouse or hard-to-get BUT there should always be a LIMIT! You should never be putting more into something than someone else is. And if you genuienly feel in YOUR heart that you're doing your best in the way you know how to show interest in him, then NEVER let someone "guilt" you into giving more. If you allow that to happen then he'll always be in control and/OR you'll start questioning his intentions (which it seems like you're doing now).

Don't EVER let a man or ANYONE make you 2nd guess yourself! And especially if you truly feel that you're giving something your all. Someone who makes you question your OWN intuition probably has bad intentions.

And if this guy really does have legitimate concerns about the level of attention you're giving him (or lack thereof), then BEFORE you go any further with him, HE needs to make it clear exactly what he expects/wants from you. It's not fair of him to throw some confusing line out there, only to leave you "guessing" the rest of the way.

I have YET to meet a geniune man who actually thinks neediness is a turn-ON. And I doubt this guy is the 1st 1 either. The reason he's not answering your calls or being consistent is b/c you increasing the attention towards him was NOT really the problem to begin with. He just said so as a way to COVER UP the fact that HE's not ready for anything to push further than what it already is. If you paying him more attention was the ANSWER to that question mark he supposedly has in his head about you, he'd be answering your calls, not ignoring them. After all, you're giving him what he wanted right? WRONG. He never wanted that. He's just trying to find a way to get some control.

It's NEVER a good idea to assume becoming MORE needy is the answer/fix to any problem. And if you don't believe that, watch & see. Becoming needy is not going to do anything else BUT make him come up with a reason NOT to like you as much. And the minute you give him a reason to be turned-off, you'll ALSO be giving him a "cover" over the REAL reason (his insecurities). If who you are & what you're giving now isn't good enough, then HE isn't good enough.

And even if this guy truly is insecure and/or is afraid of attaching to you, that's NOT YOUR PROBLEM. It's not fair that you should have to suffer or be left to 2nd-guess things all the time just simply b/c this guy can't seem to get it together OR be honest about what the REAL problem is (b/c trust me, I'm willing to bet you 1 million dollars that you're NOT the real problem).

If this guy is THAT damn insecure than:
1. He shouldn't be dating (And the mere fact that other women have left him in the past for the SAME reason only further proves that this guy's insecurities are MORE likely to last AFTER you vs. him changing for you.)
2. You should walk away & only vow to come back OR "step your game up" once he's ready to give you a full chance. If he's insecure, that means it won't really matter HOW much you give to him or don't give to him. People that are insecure ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS find a reason/way to pretend like they need "just a little bit more reassurance" before they feel comfortable. That's bull! Insecure people are NEVER satisfied UNTIL they can finally acknowledge the REAL problem that lurks within THEM (not others). And until that day comes, the girls in his life will always find themselves giving more of themselves than necessary, only to end up getting tired/worn out/drained & leaving anyways.

And hey, if you want to make HIS insecurities YOUR battle, that's fine BUT make sure you're prepared for the ride.

Posted by Lauren89
This is golden advice.

Golden with DIAMONDS on top! Now, read it, click my heels, read it, click my heels..............