Do you agree that...

"ALL PAIN IS THE SAME. It's just that we all react differently to it?"

So often times do I see people trying so hard to convince others that what they're going through is 10 times more painful/heartbreaking than what others are going through, but sometimes we all have to stop & remember that all pain can be the same & that just b/c someone isn't technically in the exact same situation that you're in, it doesn't mean that they don't understand and/or haven't endured the same kind of pain you have.

Being lied to can hurt just as bad as actually being cheated on

Being verbally abused can hurt just as bad as actually being physically abused

Being the victim of a minor injustice/crime can be just as hurtful as those who are victims of much larger crimes/injustices.

Children who grew up with both parents who didn't respect/love eachother can hurt/be just as badly effected as those children who grew up with only 1 parent or with no parents at all.

In other words, sometimes minimize the pain you're going through b/c they compare it to "the worst" or claim that you could've been going through worse. But sometimes hearing "Why are you so upset? ALL I did was lie to you just that once," or "Yeah I lied but I didn't cheat" goes in 1 ear & out of the other b/c all pain can be the same. Sometimes there is no sin greater than the other. Society likes to claim that some circumstances carry larger baggage (which may be true) but I'm seeing the common theme in relationships now where 1 person convinces themselves that they've done no wrong simply b/c they "could've done worse" & I think that's the absolute WRONG thing to say

Ugh, thats the worst. No matter what you say to some people you've never suffered more than they have. People like that are usually incredibly self absorbed.

I mean who the hell cares if you think you suffered more. The point is the other person is suffering now so shut the hell up about your crap and think of someone else for a change.

Posted by Shadows
Ugh, thats the worst. No matter what you say to some people you've never suffered more than they have. People like that are usually incredibly self absorbed.

I mean who the hell cares if you think you suffered more. The point is the other person is suffering now so shut the hell up about your crap and think of someone else for a change.

I agree. I hate it when people place themselves at the bottom of the barrel & convince themselves that no one else understands their pain. That may be true in some cases, but usually not in all. When a person places themselves in a category all by themselves, they limit the amount of health/healing.

However, I can't lie...there's been a few times that when calming someone down in a crisis, I told them not to let the situation consume them since "there's always somebody else who has it worse than you." Of course, they hate hearing it, but it's true.

I just don't think others should minimize or underestimate the pain someone else is going through just b/c the circumstances may not be the exact same OR just b/c society says that certain things bring more pain than others. Hurt people hurt other people. When you see someone else who is hurting, that's not code for compare stories & try to compete for "whose the most F'd up!" Smh smh

I was told once, "All I did was lie. It's not like I cheated on you or abused you" & even though the person had a point, it was besides the point lol. They completely underestimated & minimized the fact that their "small little lie" as they'd call it, hurt just as bad. Yes, I know it could've been worse, BUT when people compare like that, it's either b/c they want to minimize your pain or over-exaggerate theirs

Hehe, well in your situation it sounds like absolute deflection from what they did ...and like you said just to minimize the gravity of the lie.

Thats a good point that you made too. When a person feels that way or talks like that...like no one has suffered more...they really are diminishing their chances of healing properly too.

Posted by krysrenee7


However, I can't lie...there's been a few times that when calming someone down in a crisis, I told them not to let the situation consume them since "there's always somebody else who has it worse than you." Of course, they hate hearing it, but it's true.
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I personally do not like the "someone has it worse than you" tagline. Sure it may be true in some aspect, but putting a value to someone's misery is never a good idea. It's just as bad as one imagining that no one else understands his/her pain (and I admit, I'm often experiencing the latter). But putting value on pain in general will make someone feel worse; it actually makes one feel even more so that no one understands and that his/her issues do not even matter. It's like telling someone to "suck it up because there are starving children in Africa." The best way to deal with someone who is aching is to just exercise some empathy and listen until the person can hopefully resolve things by him/herself.

Very good point Candeh. I completely agree. Sometimes I use the "Someone has it worse than you" line when I can see that someone wants to soak in their own misery b/c they think no one has it worse than them. It does sometimes help me to hear that line when I'm being overly dramatic or selfish/stubborn about a situation b/c it allows me to realize that others are going through either the same OR worse situation(s) AND YET have pulled through it. I think adding to the sentence that "Others have it worse AND are pulling through it all" is important." In other words, if starving kids in Africa can even get through their days smiling & in good spirits, what'd be my excuse just b/c I'm having a bad hair day? lol

Sometimes it helps me to be grateful for what I do have when I have to think about how much worse my circumstances could be OR when I think about what others are going through too. I try never to get so self-absorbed in my own pain that I end up closing myself off to potential healing/help. And me remembering that there are others who are going through the same thing (I'm not alone) OR that there are others who found a way to getting strength/redemption even though they're circumstances were worse than mine, always gets me back in check. Either way though, regardless of circumstances, whether some are worse than others, all pain is the same. I agree. We can put a value on circumstances sometimes (after all that's what picking your battles mean) BUT we can't put a value on pain.

I use the line on myself quite effectively. I often think about the millions of people in this world with MAJOR problems compared to my very insignificant ones. It helps put things in perspective.