ending a relationship..

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RedAx
@RedAx
11 Years

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So I dated a Taurus man for 2 an half years now we broken up.. I'm a Virgo. I have a son who is very attached to him.. things are still freash between our break up.. I don't know hat to do if I should still allow my ex bf to see him..he asked to take him places still and he wants to be there still for us but I'm not going be ok with that once my ex starts dating.. feel so sick to my stomach.. but I don't want to take my ex out of his life because he is a wonderful male role modle to him..mind you this is not his kid and he does everything for him..taking him to school, tutoring him, teaching to tye his shoes, and soooo much more... my sons real dad is not in his life.. what do you guys think I should do?...
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WaterCup
@WaterCup
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Don't you have males in your own family that could take up the position of a role model in your son's life?

Personally, I don't like to introduce men in my son's life, unless it's a friendship. Even with male friends I don't allow them to get too close to him. Like doing things with him etc. Friendships & relationship do end & to put your child through such trauma doesnt seem alright to me.

This guy is not his father, role model or not, replace him & remove him from your lives. Truth is, he's going to meet someone else & wont have time to do the things he did while with you...he SHOULDNT have to...its not his child.
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WaterCup
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And if you want a positive male figure in your child's life, there are those mentorship programmes such as "Big brother" etc. Not the tv show lol, it's where these good guys offer their time to reach out to young boys without fathers or positive male figures to look up to. Clean backgrounds etc so no fear of having your child exposed to paedophiles & monsters. Or just get your own family involved instead of relying on disposable relationships to nurture your child.
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LetltB
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Posted by RedAx
So I dated a Taurus man for 2 an half years now we broken up.. I'm a Virgo. I have a son who is very attached to him.. things are still freash between our break up.. I don't know hat to do if I should still allow my ex bf to see him..he asked to take him places still and he wants to be there still for us but I'm not going be ok with that once my ex starts dating.. feel so sick to my stomach.. but I don't want to take my ex out of his life because he is a wonderful male role modle to him..mind you this is not his kid and he does everything for him..taking him to school, tutoring him, teaching to tye his shoes, and soooo much more... my sons real dad is not in his life.. what do you guys think I should do?...



Who the hell are you kidding? Is this some desperate ploy to use your son in hopes of rekindling something that went bad? No..you don't use your son and if that's not the case, you DON'T confuse him. You teach him when a relationship as an "ENDING"...that's it. It's done. His natural father not being in his life is not justification either. smfh
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LetltB
@LetltB
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ou didn't even have to share these details here. I knew something was rotten.

https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/virgo/virgo-w-taurus-man-what-to-do-5030862/#5031046<BR>

Posted by LetltB
Posted by RedAx

he went into depression a lot
He was so stuck in his ways and would never let me into his life fully..
I felt like he shut down a lot and I would argue a lot with him about it.
I think what really did is that he didn't have his life together
I still felt like he didn't seem interested in us anymore..
He flipped out and was like oh I never thought about u guys like that before
the hard things about our relationship was him communicating he would not say much

he's like I need to get my own things (house, finical things, car, etc) before anything..
he lived with his parents because he lost his job..



Yep...every mom in the world would insist their child be with a guy like this after a break up

smfh
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RedAx
@RedAx
11 Years

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Ok everyone there has been a miss understanding??_ I have been with this Taurus guy for the last 2yrs & half. October would have been 3yrs. I'm not trying to bash this guy or put him dwn because he is a great guy and has done sooooo many things for me & my son.. He has taken his to school, teacher his camp, fish, gardening (being a positive male role model)... He has done sooo many wonderful things for me too. . I never asked for much other than him being there for my son n me and loving us.. I'm a very independent lady and usually do not like asking for help and do not want things hand to me??_ I will work my butt off to get what I have ??_ I'm just asking for some advice??_ We bond so well together but there are areas I feel thing can be worked on in our relationship or changed ??_


I also wanted to make a point that some people don't have a mother& father.. Today, people come from MANY different families with aunts, uncles, faoster parents, friends and etc.. Maybe some people should be a little more understanding and try walking in these people's shoes before saying what a bad person he or she is...Everyone is different... cultural & values as while.. don't expect EVERYONE to keep there kids in a bubble from the outside world of opposite sex friends because u don't want them to get close..
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WaterCup
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Posted by RedAx

Ok everyone there has been a miss understanding??_ I have been with this Taurus guy for the last 2yrs & half. October would have been 3yrs. I'm not trying to bash this guy or put him dwn because he is a great guy and has done sooooo many things for me & my son.. He has taken his to school, teacher his camp, fish, gardening (being a positive male role model)... He has done sooo many wonderful things for me too. . I never asked for much other than him being there for my son n me and loving us.. I'm a very independent lady and usually do not like asking for help and do not want things hand to me??_ I will work my butt off to get what I have ??_ I'm just asking for some advice??_ We bond so well together but there are areas I feel thing can be worked on in our relationship or changed ??_


I also wanted to make a point that some people don't have a mother& father.. Today, people come from MANY different families with aunts, uncles, faoster parents, friends and etc.. Maybe some people should be a little more understanding and try walking in these people's shoes before saying what a bad person he or she is...Everyone is different... cultural & values as while.. don't expect EVERYONE to keep there kids in a bubble from the outside world of opposite sex friends because u don't want them to get close..



You asked for opinions. Not EVERYONE involves their child in their personal relationship, now what?

I don't have a mother or a father too, but I still don't force my child's development on random men for the very same reason you're whining about now. 2 & half years of knowing someone means nothing, you're the mother here & the only person that can shape this child's life. You can start by excluding your stray men from his life. It's a boy, relationships end, so you dont want him seeing different men in/out of your life. You sound needy as hell too. Many people raise male children without proper male role models & they turn out just fine if the parent is worth looking up to. Check yourself if you want to raise a good man.
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WaterCup
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Also, they say it takes a village to raise a child. So if you think you arent capable of doing a proper parenting job on your own, go join a church or something, I'm sure the congregation wont mind giving you some tips or helping you out with your child since you claim being an orphan. Leave this man alone, though. Don't use your son to bait him.

You said you might have a problem if he starts dating, which makes me believe that the main reason is not that this guy is a proper role model, but the fact that you still have hopes of a relationship with him & are using your son as a prop to win him back.

Does him dating other women other than yourself make him a bad role model now? Think of your son if the only reason you want this guy around is to mentor him. To hell with who he dates. It's not like he'll make your son parttake in a threesome with the new lady. Or will he? LMAO. It sounds like it since you're too concerned about him dating.
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Undine
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My Aqua ex remained in contact with his step sons after his divorce, however he had been their "father" for over a decade at that time.

I'm afraid your bf is not going to play the "role model" for much longer, if he starts dating. You could stop it now, or let your ex drag it for a while...the outcome will probably be the same.

To those who attacked you:

Once a couple passes the milestone and becomes gf/bg, it will be silly to continue keeping it a secret from the child. In fact, it will be impossible. Children have an acute sense of observation and understand much more than we give them credit for. They listen to your phone calls and see you sneak out of the house. They will be worried and fearful if they sense you are doing things behind their back. They will be hurt and angry if you don't share with them. What you do is not protecting your child for the power of attachment, but deceiving your child, and he knows it.

Children get attached of other human beings easily. See how easily they make new friends? However, they experience separation as well (from playmates, child minders, neighbours, grandparents) and are very adaptable. Out of sight, out of mind.

Besides, no matter how much you sneak behind your child's back, he is a major part of your new relationship. You are a mother in that relationship, no matter what. The new man in your life has to see, hear, live, understand and accept this challenge. You are not yet in a relationship, unless all of you are in it!
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WaterCup
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LOL @ it is deceiving a child when you don't let your child know some aspects of your private life. I disagree. It could be due to different cultural backgrounds, though, but I don't see that as being deceitful at all. It's simply none of a child's business to know what I do when I leave the house, as long as I tell him I'll be back at a certain time & keep my promise. What's important to a child is trust & keeping your word. Be back when you say you'll be back. End of story. If they enquire about where you're going, you just make up a believable story. End of story. As long as you tell another adult in supervision about your whereabouts, that's enough. But if what you wrote works for you & your child's relationship...yipee. But you must know that in some cultures it doesnt work like that. Discretion is important out of mutual respect. Until things are serious with the man, like you're engaged or some meaningful shit like that, then you can introduce them. It's similar to parents, a guy introducing a girl to his family when he knows she's a keeper. Otherwise you don't just introduce every Tom, Dick & Harry to a child if you want him to respect you. At least that's how it's done in MY culture.

Besides, the OP asked for opinions, we gave them, so you can keep the rest of your pseudo child psychologist bs for your own life & for people that think such conduct is okay...such as the OP. But don't you dare challenge how other people choose to lead their lives. She asked, we answered, what you think of those answers is irrelevant because they werent directed at you anyway.
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LetltB
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Posted by RedAx

Ok everyone there has been a miss understanding??_ I have been with this Taurus guy for the last 2yrs & half. October would have been 3yrs. I never asked for much other than him being there for my son n me and loving us.. I'm a very independent lady and usually do not like asking for help and do not want things hand to me??_ I will work my butt off to get what I have ??_ I'm just asking for some advice??_ We bond so well together but there are areas I feel thing can be worked on in our relationship or changed ??_




The problem is...He ended things, and if you shared the following over here like you did on the Virgo board, people who respond to you here might have a better clue.
Posted by RedAx

He stayed quit then said he wanted to be single

I still talk to him but he says he doesn't want to be in a relationship and wants to be single..

He said we tried to work things out but he's not happy

He said there's nothing I can do
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https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/virgo/virgo-w-taurus-man-what-to-do-5030862/
Once you grasp and comprehend what this guy is telling you, life can get easier for both you and your son. You need to get a grip and move on. Keep your son away from this man. You will be making a very big mistake if you don't.
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LetltB
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Posted by RedAx


I also wanted to make a point that some people don't have a mother& father.. Today, people come from MANY different families with aunts, uncles, faoster parents, friends and etc.. Maybe some people should be a little more understanding and try walking in these people's shoes before saying what a bad person he or she is...Everyone is different... cultural & values as while.. don't expect EVERYONE to keep there kids in a bubble from the outside world of opposite sex friends because u don't want them to get close..



Seriously? You compare blood/foster parents to this guy who wants nothing to do with either one of you? Sure maybe they had a type of bond (your son and your ex), but he broke the bond with you which ends all of it. Your desperation is very apparent here, in that you are trying to justify this guy to be around for you son. The reality is, this isn' about your son, it's about you, and your selfish needs. Like I said above, you need to get a grip, move on and don't involve your son in future relationships unless it's solid and you all live under one roof. Anything short of that..keep your son out of it. This situation is a good example why.
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WaterCup
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Posted by LetltB
Posted by RedAx


I also wanted to make a point that some people don't have a mother& father.. Today, people come from MANY different families with aunts, uncles, faoster parents, friends and etc.. Maybe some people should be a little more understanding and try walking in these people's shoes before saying what a bad person he or she is...Everyone is different... cultural & values as while.. don't expect EVERYONE to keep there kids in a bubble from the outside world of opposite sex friends because u don't want them to get close..



Seriously? You compare blood/foster parents to this guy who wants nothing to do with either one of you? Sure maybe they had a type of bond (your son and your ex), but he broke the bond with you which ends all of it. Your desperation is very apparent here, in that you are trying to justify this guy to be around for you son. The reality is, this isn' about your son, it's about you, and your selfish needs. Like I said above, you need to get a grip, move on and don't involve your son in future relationships unless it's solid and you all live under one roof. Anything short of that..keep your son out of it. This situation is a good example why.
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+ 100
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Undine
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My opinion is justified to reassure the OP that she hasn't done anything wrong, as you and someone else suggested.

The point of being gf/bf (after the dating phase is over) is to practice living together, to see if they are compatible enough to tie the knot.

None of it will be valid if practiced between two people, instead of three.

To meet the child, to like him, to get on with him, to see her mothering skills and to approve of them, to be willing to share, support emotionally and financially...these factors are as important for the relationship as getting to know his mother in her natural environment.

None of these compares with meeting her parents...........unless he is also expected to live with them, adjust his life around them, share his woman with them and support them too 🙂!
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Posted by RedAx

I have a son who is very attached to him..

..he asked to take him places still and he wants to be there still for us

... but I'm not going be ok with that once my ex starts dating






1. why would you allow your child to get attached to a person to whom you aren't in serious commitment with?

2. he still wants to be there for you? you said "us", to mean you and your son .... so that means you are telling us that the ex still wants to be there for you?

be there how?

explain how the ex still wants to be there for you

3. what does the ex dating someone have to do with his relationship with your son?

his relationship with his new woman has absolutely nothing to do with his relationship with your son




You've come in here and made this same thread in several places to attempt to make people believe that you are concerned about the continuity of a relationship between son and male role model .... but, once the suggestions are realized that are hidden between the lines, it becomes apparent that your concern isn't about the relationship between these two boys ... your concern is about your relationship with the ex.

I think once again, LIB hit the nail right on the head. It's obvious from everything you've said in here that you want this ex back, and so now you are trying to figure out the best way to use the relationship these two boys have for each other as a tool to manipulate the ex into doing what you want.
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LetltB
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Posted by Undine
My opinion is justified to reassure the OP that she hasn't done anything wrong, as you and someone else suggested.

The point of being gf/bf (after the dating phase is over) is to practice living together, to see if they are compatible enough to tie the knot.

None of it will be valid if practiced between two people, instead of three.

To meet the child, to like him, to get on with him, to see her mothering skills and to approve of them, to be willing to share, support emotionally and financially...these factors are as important for the relationship as getting to know his mother in her natural environment.

None of these compares with meeting her parents...........unless he is also expected to live with them, adjust his life around them, share his woman with them and support them too 🙂!



(don't know who that^^ was directed to..)First of all, I haven't nor would I place blame on the op for a failed relationship. It takes two. However, (and I don't know if you read her other more detailed post on the Virgo board where she shares much more) she claims she's been with this guy over two years. After the first year she says this took place:


Posted by RedAx

A year later of up and down rollercoster he starts working but I still felt like he didn't seem interested in us anymore..I asked him recently what is he expecting from our relationship..does he see up with him in the future.. He flipped out and was like oh I never thought about u guys like that before..Which hurt deeply!
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https://www.dxpnet.com/opinion/virgo/virgo-w-taurus-man-what-to-do-5030862/
Now, I could give a rats ass why she chose to stay with him after he said something as low as that, but when it led to him ending the relationship, no way in hell would ANY mother in their right mind want this guy to be around her son after saying such a thing. ANY EXPERT out there (and there are tons of articles about this) tell parents with kids who are dating...DO NOT allow their children near the person they are dating until at least 6 months-a year into the relationship and it's heading toward living together or getting married and the relationship is STABLE. So again this poster's story is a fine example why.
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Undine
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"Us" refers to the mother+child, obviously. They can't be separated. If one does a favor to the child, it does a favor to the mother as well.

The OP-bashing that followed is simply based on speculations and bizarre suggestions that she should have participated in a 2.5 year relationship as a single woman, when IN REALITY she is a mother looking for a suitable partner, as well as for a good step father to her child.

It is likely that the child benefited for having had him in their life. I agree with his mother on this, because she knows better.

Irrespectively whether she wants her ex back or not, the OP asked a simple question, which was if she should allow her ex into their life. All answers so far suggested it was not a good idea. If the ex doesn't want to be in their life anymore, this answers the question already.
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Undine
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The reason why I'm passionate about this is because I witnessed my best friend's relationship breaking down due to the constant bickering over his partner's parental skills. Parental skills he knew little about before they married, because they had a LDR and were meeting each other in the absence of their children.

Moreover, my bf has two pre-teen children he adores, and I have yet to meet. I'm very serious about him and looking forward to becoming a step mother.
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WaterCup
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Posted by Undine
My opinion is justified to reassure the OP that she hasn't done anything wrong, as you and someone else suggested.

The point of being gf/bf (after the dating phase is over) is to practice living together, to see if they are compatible enough to tie the knot.

None of it will be valid if practiced between two people, instead of three.

To meet the child, to like him, to get on with him, to see her mothering skills and to approve of them, to be willing to share, support emotionally and financially...these factors are as important for the relationship as getting to know his mother in her natural environment.

None of these compares with meeting her parents...........unless he is also expected to live with them, adjust his life around them, share his woman with them and support them too 🙂!



You must be really slow if you dont see what she did wrong here. And it IS like when a boy introduces a serious partner to his family. Your family & your child are a part of you for better or worse. They are not going anywhere. So introducing a man to your child is introducing him to a small part of your family.

IDK what financial support got to do with anything I said so far, though. No man should have to financially support anyone he is not married to imo. Not even a child, but that's just me. We sure are from different worldr lol.
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WaterCup
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Posted by Undine
The reason why I'm passionate about this is because I witnessed my best friend's relationship breaking down due to the constant bickering over his partner's parental skills. Parental skills he knew little about before they married, because they had a LDR and were meeting each other in the absence of their children.

Moreover, my bf has two pre-teen children he adores, and I have yet to meet. I'm very serious about him and looking forward to becoming a step mother.



You'll meet them when he is serious about you or when he thinks you're worthy to make you a step-mother to his kids. It's not your call. It boggles me that you still don't get it even with your very own situation. How long have you had this boyfriend of yours that havent shown you to his kids yet?
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Undine
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No matter how serious the man and woman are about each other, children from previous marriages could make or break their relationship.

In my case, how would he know if I'm "worthy to make me a step mother" unless he has seen me around his kids? I could be the perfect girlfriend, and yet a dragon with them. Conversely, the soon to be teenage boys and their sexual awakening are fun for their dad , but could be a nightmare for his much younger girlfriend. I know my bf as he is 50% of the time, when his kids are at their mother's. I like what I see, but this is just "one side of the moon". Despite all the love declarations and intimacy, I can't see the relationship progressing for much longer without him letting the "cat out of the bag".

I don't expect you to understand this, though. You seem to try to hide your "baggage" for as long as possible. Hopefully not going to be left stranded with it.

In the OP case, she let her bf into her family. As she said, her son had only to gain out of their interaction.






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Posted by Undine
No matter how serious the man and woman are about each other, children from previous marriages could make or break their relationship.

In my case, how would he know if I'm "worthy to make me a step mother" unless he has seen me around his kids? I could be the perfect girlfriend, and yet a dragon with them. Conversely, the soon to be teenage boys and their sexual awakening are fun for their dad , but could be a nightmare for his much younger girlfriend. I know my bf as he is 50% of the time, when his kids are at their mother's. I like what I see, but this is just "one side of the moon". Despite all the love declarations and intimacy, I can't see the relationship progressing for much longer without him letting the "cat out of the bag".

I don't expect you to understand this, though. You seem to try to hide your "baggage" for as long as possible. Hopefully not going to be left stranded with it.

In the OP case, she let her bf into her family. As she said, her son had only to gain out of their interaction.








I'm not trying to hide anything. Everyone I meet knows I have a child...they are just NOT going to meet him until I'm certain where things are going or until they've proven themselves worthy to be part of my family. I havent met such a person yet, hence my child remains in "hiding". I don't expect you to understand that though since you seem to be the type that tells a child to call every man in your life "daddy".

Regarding why you havent met your "stepkids"...ever thought that maybe your guy is the kind that wants to be sure of a woman 1st before he introduces her to the kids he adores? If he adores them as much as you say he does, dont you think you would have met them by now if he adored you as much as he adores them? People dont usually keep things that mean a lot to them separate from each other. They meld them. Unless you're a secret or he is leading a double life. In that case then, I don't know what to say. Either your relationship is still new or Cinderella's dad is not ready to make you a step mother yet. Be serious all you want, but he isnt yet if you still havent met the other jewels of his heart.

You're either too naive or not too bright for a woman of a certain age
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Undine
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We actually had this discussion a month ago, when I suggested to take the kids with us (to see the sea birds hatching on a neighbouring island). He said he would like to wait a bit longer. In the mean time, he declared his love for me and I'm returning his feelings. However, none of us made any suggestion about meeting the kids and I have no intention to bring up the subject again.

Perhaps he still feels anxious about us being together, despite a lot of positive things. If this were the case, I have to say that anxiety is contagious and he will be left behind, if things don't change in the near future. I prefer decisive men, ideally without "baggage".


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WaterCup
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Posted by Undine
We actually had this discussion a month ago, when I suggested to take the kids with us (to see the sea birds hatching on a neighbouring island). He said he would like to wait a bit longer. In the mean time, he declared his love for me and I'm returning his feelings. However, none of us made any suggestion about meeting the kids and I have no intention to bring up the subject again.

Perhaps he still feels anxious about us being together, despite a lot of positive things. If this were the case, I have to say that anxiety is contagious and he will be left behind, if things don't change in the near future. I prefer decisive men, ideally without "baggage".




I hope it works out, though. Maybe it's still too early for him, give it time. If you love each other as you say, have patience. Doesnt the Bible say that? Love is patience. Was he married or recently divorced? Maybe the kids just never saw him with other women other than their mom & kids of divorce can be very sensitive about a new person. Some see it as competition, like competing for affection with this new person. I know I felt like that about my step father when my mom married him. My loyalty was with my father & saw the new guy as an enemy of sorts. I warmed up to him though in time & he is the most important person in my life now. So just give it a bit of time & enjoy the times spent together alone.
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Undine
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Posted by WaterCup
Posted by Undine
One boy is 13, so a teenager already. The other one is 12. Taurus and Cancer 🙂.



So what? It's not like you're 15 yourself. LMAO.
click to expand




They use a lot of sexual innuendos in their language. One of the many examples. "How is your coc ?" Taurus asked his father. "How dare you to ask about my cock?" "Oh, I meant the Clash of Clans, hehe".

They like to talk about how well endowed they are 🙂. They are curious about sex and girlfriends and I'm the girlfriend having sex with their father.
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He divorced 4 years ago. Soon after his divorce he found a girlfriend. They met each others children about 5months into their relationship, which lasted 2.5 years. His ex wife has a boyfriend, but the boys have yet to meet him.

We've met 9 months ago, one day after my relationship with my Aqua ex ended. He wanted me to be his girlfriend "by Christmas" 🙂. I said I needed at least 6 months to think about it. We took it slow, because I'm working late hours and I can see him only once-twice a week.
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Posted by Undine
He divorced 4 years ago. Soon after his divorce he found a girlfriend. They met each others children about 5months into their relationship, which lasted 2.5 years. His ex wife has a boyfriend, but the boys have yet to meet him.

We've met 9 months ago, one day after my relationship with my Aqua ex ended. He wanted me to be his girlfriend "by Christmas" 🙂. I said I needed at least 6 months to think about it. We took it slow, because I'm working late hours and I can see him only once-twice a week.



Maybe he is just going with the flow of this relationship with you. Slow is not a bad thing. Like you say, his past relationship moved fast so maybe that made him realise to move a bit slower next time, IDK. Hers lasted 2 & half years. Yours could be longer if not forever if you dont get pushy. If you're happy & he treats you right, then everything else shouldnt matter.

Did they like her? That could be another reason. Maybe he introduced her too quick & they hated her or something...so now he is going for a slow brew *shrugs* I still hope you it works, though.
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Undine
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Posted by WaterCup
Posted by Undine
He divorced 4 years ago. Soon after his divorce he found a girlfriend. They met each others children about 5months into their relationship, which lasted 2.5 years. His ex wife has a boyfriend, but the boys have yet to meet him.

We've met 9 months ago, one day after my relationship with my Aqua ex ended. He wanted me to be his girlfriend "by Christmas" 🙂. I said I needed at least 6 months to think about it. We took it slow, because I'm working late hours and I can see him only once-twice a week.



Maybe he is just going with the flow of this relationship with you. Slow is not a bad thing. Like you say, his past relationship moved fast so maybe that made him realise to move a bit slower next time, IDK. Hers lasted 2 & half years. Yours could be longer if not forever if you dont get pushy. If you're happy & he treats you right, then everything else shouldnt matter.

Did they like her? That could be another reason. Maybe he introduced her too quick & they hated her or something...so now he is going for a slow brew *shrugs* I still hope you it works, though.
click to expand





Thank you 🙂. I hope it works, because we are good for each other. I'm not pushy, but I do worry sometimes about what our future holds.
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Draumstafir
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Posted by WaterCup
...I disagree. It could be due to different cultural backgrounds, though, but I don't see that as being deceitful at all... What's important to a child is trust & keeping your word. Be back when you say you'll be back. End of story. If they enquire about where you're going, you just make up a believable story... But you must know that in some cultures it doesnt work like that. Discretion is important out of mutual respect. Until things are serious with the man, like you're engaged or some meaningful *** like that, then you can introduce them. It's similar to parents, a guy introducing a girl to his family when he knows she's a keeper... At least that's how it's done in MY culture.

Besides, the OP asked for opinions, we gave them, so you can keep the rest of your pseudo child psychologist bs for your own life & for people that think such conduct is okay...such as the OP. But don't you dare challenge how other people choose to lead their lives. She asked, we answered, what you think of those answers is irrelevant because they werent directed at you anyway.



Definitely sounds like a cultural clash here... as a standard (boring) American I've met the parents of all my exes. Lying has also always backfired in lack-of-trust ways from my parents. Ironically the more the parents came to like me the more the boy disliked me, but that's beside the point. Or maybe that IS the point. In some cultures, when you marry the one, you marry the family too. That is, you'll be seeing them. A lot. These guys weren't very loving to their parents and to me that's a red flag. The man I'm with now never sees eye to eye with his mom but at the same time, sacrifices so very much for her. Without flinching. Because it's the right thing to do, even though she'd have driven most other sons away. But he is wonderful. Exceptionally family oriented and loyal. Family interaction matters a lot in some cultures.

It's also incredibly common to dare to give advice. On.... everything. And anything. Especially about kids from other parents. Just watch some young pregnant mom in a grocery store, surrounded by well-meaning have-done-it moms. I may stay home a lot when it's my turn. xD But at the same time I'll be reading self-help books and devouring sites like these. Something about not being in-your-face seems appealing. Like now. Like here. Relatable advice from have-done-it's.
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Draumstafir
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My 2 cents: the age of the child would matter for introducing each other. A 2-yr old could wait much longer, but a 16-yr old might even introduce the date to the parent! Who's to say? At any rate, they've met (mom's also been dating the guy for nearly 3 years, well past the 6-mo marker point), and the kid likes him already. And the guy has hurt the mom (intentionally or unintentionally). And the relationship with the kid was based around the guy being in the mom's life. And he's a gonner now, moving on. What would the kid think when HE sees the guy flirting with other ladies? What would the guy think when he has to explain to the kid witness? He's a gonner. Now's as good a time as any to move on from the kid too.
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P-Angel
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this isn't about introducing a child to someone .... here is this conversation that lingers on the surface, in discussing if your child should meet a person.


Your child should meet EVERY person who is beneficial to their well being.

the issue here isn't whether the child should or shouldn't have met this man.


The issue is that she let the child get "attached" to this person.

And what the fuck are people telling their stories for? .. this isn't about you
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Draumstafir
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Posted by P-Angel

this isn't about introducing a child to someone .... here is this conversation that lingers on the surface, in discussing if your child should meet a person.


Your child should meet EVERY person who is beneficial to their well being.

the issue here isn't whether the child should or shouldn't have met this man.


The issue is that she let the child get "attached" to this person.

And what the *** are people telling their stories for? .. this isn't about you



A few times recently I was complained-at on here for giving advice, or commenting, with no pre-written basis for experience. That seems to happen a lot to other folks on here too. You don't like TMI, but TMI is the end result in subsequent attempts. You know, until that's complained-at too... there will never be a perfect balance anyway.

As for the reasoning to comment, some folks were offended that the OP introduced her child to the man at all. Then there was advice given against that. Sure, it wasn't anything to do with the intended question, but it looked heated. Made an attempt to find a compromise before getting to page 3 and realizing the heat had already simmered down.

Where is OP, anyway? Updates?
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P-Angel
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What is so scary is that she has to ask this question .... if she doesn't comprehend what is important for the well being of her own child in that she has to ask this question ... then god help this child.


People should HAVE to take idiot tests before being allowed to reproduce ... if you have no common sense and cannot fathom what is best for a child, then you should be neutered.