I think I pushed him away forever.

About a year and a half ago I fell in love with a cancer man. He swept me off my feet. He started telling me that he felt I was hiding something and it was okay to tell him. I was a bit too scared from all my past failed relationships so I just hopelessly looked in his eyes and when he'd ask me what I on my mind I'd smile and say nothing. I thought this would go on forever. It didn't he became tired and felt it was a game. To me it wasn't I was just too afraid to tell him for fear he was playing games. He started pulling away. He told me he would, he started acting different and told me that there was a mental block that he couldn't get over but that we were fine. I'd ask him time and time again because I felt the distance growing by leaps and bounds. One day I walked in and he was dancing very intimately with another woman. Needless to say my true Aquarian came shining through. We argued for about 30 minutes very violently. I cried and screamed and he just screamed and said hurtful things. He said he'd never be with me again. I believe he saw how hurt I was, and how much I still loved him. I did all the things you shouldn't do to try and regain this Cancer mans affection. He didn't budge. I got sick he watched, I stayed away and when I came around I stayed out of his path, and he mines. 6 months passed we slowly learned to speak and he wished me a happy birthday. We finally talked and I got a bit emotional while telling him how I felt. He said if you truly want something you gotta fight for it. We hugged and til this day only say hi and bye. I'm still scared because I love him so much. I've moved on with my life but we exchange 2 or 3 minute glances and it's like I believe he feels the love I have for him. He invades my dreams at least 1nce every two months. I feel like he put a hex on me. I want to be with him deep inside, but also wish like hell to let go because it hurts like hell. I am just so lost when it comes to him. I don't know how or what to read into this. I wish I knew what he felt. I want some honest advice.

girl, you are too crazy. You scare me already with this post. LOL

^_~

Obsession much?

no not obsessed at all. it takes a ton to get my attention. I'd like to eff and dip on you. But he got past where others have failed miserably. Did you not hear me say I want to get over this? That's how I know you aren't reading. You seem asshole-ish. That's why your advice would be no good period in any of your post. I'm the super extreme Aquarius sorry. Either I love you forever or I'll never pay you any mind and you'd think I was a cold bitch. Love it or leave it.

okay clueless cancer so he obviously hates my guts and that's why he stares at and through me like i'm a hopeless dessert flower. lol

Can I be honest with you for a second?

Get over yourself!

I don't mean that in a harsh way

You are not the victim here. He is

You tried to have a loving relationship w/o vulnerability, 100% honesty & the willingness to "let go" & he wasn't having it. I can't blame him.

You wanted his all but you weren't willing to give him yours. You were going to sit there & suck him dry emotionally w/o any shame b/c at least YOU were getting something out of it

But he never was getting the same nourishment, reassurance & loving that he was giving.

So for that, I say you're selfish. True love & commitment requires vulnerability & openness. You weren't willing to give either on a consistent basis, yet you still wanted love. That's not fair.

Everyone has a boiling part no matter how much/hard they love you. Everyone has that moment when they are tired of being sick & tired. And it seems that he's just too tired

Don't sign up for a relationship if you're not ready to open up, let some things from the past go & disallow yourself to be in the clouds, b/c if you do you'll end up running away the 1 true love you actually had.

And finding true love, my dear, is already rare & hard enough as it is.

Yes he's moved on. Why wouldn't he? Why would he stay in a situation where you yourself weren't budging?! The pot can't call the kettle black!!!

This is 1 of those situations when they say, "If you truly love them, let them go."

Sometimes people can't give you what they don't have. And you're clearly not ready. You might "want" to be ready or "wish" you were ready, but you're just not.

Let that be your truth & instead of feeling pity for yourself, deal with whatever emotional issues led to another failed relationship so that this won't happen to you or another person again, sweetheart.

I've been where you are. Trust me. Being emotionally unavailable isn't so bad actually. It's when you start expecting for others to sign up for it with you that things start to get selfish & go south.

Good luck =)

feby16aqua ummm no. Honestly in every relationship I give my all and it never seems to be enough. Probably because I don't evaluate the other person. I tend to date doggish men cause I feel they can handle me better. They are usually player types and I just want them to love and treat me the same way. But since most of my relationships have been with dogs, I just have a healthy habit of being scared. I mean not to down him but he is stupid fine, seen him surrounded by women all the time. His friends were dogs so I grouped him, and wrongly accused him. But my fear is now habit. I can't trust guys period. As for opening up I tried and when I got ready to open my mouth I froze, and smiled for fear he'd not want to have a relationship any longer. I tried and when it was so close to to late I told him. But by then he was pissed. My bad.

krysrenee7 you almost got a piece of my fucking mind SERIOUSLY!!! However I never said I was the victim stop reading into and just fucking read.That being said you speak volumes of truth. I see. I admit that I was wrong. I have let go. I had to learn to hate him and that was hard as hell for me you just don't know. He watched me lose weight, he watched me struggle. I saw some signs of his struggle as well. I never meant to hurt him or be selfish. I do have emotional issues because I ALWAYS GIVE MYSELF 100 PERCENT AND IT'S NEVER ENOUGH. And when he got to me I was just terrified. I mean he saw it though and he admits that he did, and admits that we both were at fault. Him for not being more understanding, and me for being selfish. Were sort of okay now. I don't look at him first, I look up and he's staring at me. I try and look away, go into another store instead of standing in the hallway. But as soon as I reappear in the and look up he's walking past. We throw up heads like yeah wassup. But the look says either I hate the fucking shit out of you because we could've been so perfect or are you going to fight. I don't even go there anymore to my store. But enuff of that. I just wanted an honest answer and I appreciate yours. Thank you! I guess I am overly dramatic, and selfish. I have that honest I am an Aquarius.

Read what you said & re-read what I said. We said the same things, except you just changed some of the words around

I told you to stop acting like a victim b/c this whole post is about YOUR feelings & YOUR loss & how hurt YOU are. There are more words in this post about YOU than there is about him & how HE feels.

That's called playing the victim.

Not knocking you for venting but you asked for an opinion so I gave you mine.

Yes it seems you are dramatic & selfish but again, you don't have to wear the "victim hat" forever.

If you don't like something about yourself, change it. If you don't like the outcome of something, you can't go back in time & change it BUT you can at least do the work within yourself to make sure you don't reach the same outcome in the future

Doing the work within yourself is gonna hurt. It's gonna require some hurtful truth. Some nasty things to say about yourself. And since you're so closed emotionally, I'd be willing to bet $ 100 that you don't take criticism well & fight it anyone who is trying to help you b/c that's your defense mechanism.

But as Dr. Phil always says, "How's that working for you??" It's not. So get up, stop pitying yourself. Focus on what you can do differently/better next time & stay away from relationships and love until you learn how to ALLOW YOURSELF to love yourself & allow yourself to let go of the past hurts that have imprisoned you.

Just let it go. When you focus on him & how he did or didn't react to seeing you, you're distracting yourself from being able to get to the real root of the problem: YOU

Yes you both had some blame in this, BUT you both need to be off separately doing your own work b/c you are the only person you can control & the same is true for him

Good luck sweetie

Oh & stop settling for "Hate." If the only way you can deal with your problems is to end up hating someone as a means to force yourself not to care, that's probably your main problem!

You don't have to HATE everyone who hurts you, leaves you, rejects you or doesn't give you the outcome that you want

Hating someone means you're holding a grudge & holding a grudge means you're drinking poison as if it's going to kill the other person!

If you continue to hold a grudge towards him or anyone who ha ever hurt you, you'll just sink deeper into your depression, add another strike to your "victim list" & sink deeper into a hole that I'm sure you want to dig yourself out of.

If you don't forgive him & yourself, he'll just be another guy on your "F'd me over list," which will keep enabling you to use unhealthy defense mechanisms & ultimately result in you never changing or getting better

Allow yourself to grow & focus only on what YOU (not others) can do to make that goal a possibility.

Acknowledge that you can't change what you don't acknowledge. You 1st have to see that your problem-solving skills in your relationships with others are unhealthy. And once you're using the wrong skills to solve problems that require GOOD/healthy skills, the hole just gets deeper from there.

Step outside of your comfort zone & DO YOUR WORK!