scorpgal76
@scorpgal76
12 Years
Comments: 4 · Posts: 375 · Topics: 14
In love with your best friend
No. That is disgusting to hide your real intentions from a person. I would never stoop that low.
Posted by Sag89
No. That is disgusting to hide your real intentions from a person. I would never stoop that low.
I was always honest & never hid my feelings from him. He just now told me he's emotionally unavailable....been burnt too many times in the past.
He's my best friend. I'd hate to just walk away from that. Just looking for some suggestions.
And of course I'm curious if anyone experienced a happy ending.
Posted by duchessedenemours
Lover and best friend. What's the difference?
As much as I would like to have been, we are not lovers. We never crossed that line.
Posted by LilyTreePosted by tiziani
To be honest, this is sort of a long held fantasy for me. Only without the unrequited paprt.
But no, I've no experience of this situation.
My wish is for my best friend and lover to be the same person. It's supposedly very rare, though. I got very close to experiencing what that would be like. Count my blessings, I suppose...click to expand
I had it once before. Unfortunately it ended in heartbreak for both of us.
I was optimistic this situation would work out better. I never dreamed he wouldn't reciprocate my feelings.
A tiny part of me will always hold out some hope that it will change but I'm definitely not counting on that. Just gonna live my life. 🙂
^^^BTW it was heaven the first time when things were going great 🙂
Posted by virg_goki
my best friends have always been guys. so??_ where do I fit in here?
Well are u in love with any of them?
This is tricky.
People still like the element of mystery even after the relationship is official.
Sometimes when 2 people know everything about each other (or know too much), before a relationship becomes official, they strip things of the chance to be mysterious. This happens in relationships/marriages all the time...2 people feel bored & like the intimacy has died down b/c things are no longer challenging or mysterious. So this can also happen before 2 people even get the chance to enter into a relationship in the 1st place.
In the past, I've had feelings for a friend that didn't have the same level of feelings for me, & of course it hurt to find out that the interest wasn't mutual. But at the end of the day, that was my fault, b/c I've learned that you've gotta be careful about how you define "friendship" in the 1st place.
If things are platonic, there's a chance that feelings may still come. But if you're being affectionate, having sex, being intimate with each other on any level or doing anything that friends shouldn't be doing, then it's only natural that 1 person may end up being the only 1 with feelings.
Hell if you're doing all of that ^^^ & the person you're doing it with hasn't brought up commitment yet then that's a reflection of their feelings (or lack of) for you. Simply hanging with someone a lot doesn't mean they want to be with you. Oh you'll know when someone wants to be with you b/c they'll tell you. They'll show you. They'll make it happen.
Until that happens, of course both people are going to continue playing dumb like what they have is a "friendship," when it's really more like 2 people playing around while 1 of them is just waiting for something better & more mysterious to come along. It's really easy to land in the "friend zone" when you've given someone all you've got long before they had the chance to gain any romantic feelings towards you. This applies to "friendships" too.
My advice: Spark a friendship in the beginning long enough to see if you're both on the same page mentally & gauge basic compatibility.. If you feel yourself starting to have feelings that the other person hasn't expressed back to you, then scale back some & keep things platonic, that way no one gets hurt or has to face dreadful rejection once you have the "talk" about feelings. Once things become official, THEN work on being the best of friends.
People still like the element of mystery even after the relationship is official.
Sometimes when 2 people know everything about each other (or know too much), before a relationship becomes official, they strip things of the chance to be mysterious. This happens in relationships/marriages all the time...2 people feel bored & like the intimacy has died down b/c things are no longer challenging or mysterious. So this can also happen before 2 people even get the chance to enter into a relationship in the 1st place.
In the past, I've had feelings for a friend that didn't have the same level of feelings for me, & of course it hurt to find out that the interest wasn't mutual. But at the end of the day, that was my fault, b/c I've learned that you've gotta be careful about how you define "friendship" in the 1st place.
If things are platonic, there's a chance that feelings may still come. But if you're being affectionate, having sex, being intimate with each other on any level or doing anything that friends shouldn't be doing, then it's only natural that 1 person may end up being the only 1 with feelings.
Hell if you're doing all of that ^^^ & the person you're doing it with hasn't brought up commitment yet then that's a reflection of their feelings (or lack of) for you. Simply hanging with someone a lot doesn't mean they want to be with you. Oh you'll know when someone wants to be with you b/c they'll tell you. They'll show you. They'll make it happen.
Until that happens, of course both people are going to continue playing dumb like what they have is a "friendship," when it's really more like 2 people playing around while 1 of them is just waiting for something better & more mysterious to come along. It's really easy to land in the "friend zone" when you've given someone all you've got long before they had the chance to gain any romantic feelings towards you. This applies to "friendships" too.
My advice: Spark a friendship in the beginning long enough to see if you're both on the same page mentally & gauge basic compatibility.. If you feel yourself starting to have feelings that the other person hasn't expressed back to you, then scale back some & keep things platonic, that way no one gets hurt or has to face dreadful rejection once you have the "talk" about feelings. Once things become official, THEN work on being the best of friends.
My husband & I were friends in the beginning, but we didn't become best friends until after we made it official. We gave a glimpse into what things would be like if we got together, but left a lot to the imagination. Peeling all the layers off of someone after a romantic interest has been established is is/was fun, challenging & mysterious. Without the mystery, the chances of getting off the ground go down dramatically
People think that it's only fair to tell the women going into a dating situation to be careful not to give a man everything. But this advice also applies to a woman's male friends that she may take interest in too down the road. Don't show your romantic/intimate side until that person has expressed mutual interest in going that route.
Until then, you're in danger of the other person not being that romantically into you. Leaving mystery there & something for them to look forward to is also important for 2 friends hoping to maybe take things to the next level. Simply being their good friend doesn't mean that they've ever considered you as anything more than a friend. If they've got commitment issues or aren't romantically attracted to you, that doesn't mean you being their friend makes them obligated to see you as more than they don't wanna see you.
If you 2 end up becoming lovers who ride off into the sunset, good for you! But if you do everything non-platonic with a "friend" & end up feeling rejected in the end, 9 times out of 10, it's b/c you took the element of mystery/challenge away.
You gotta save some stuff for later, which is why it's probably not a good idea to always make friends with the people you're attracted to. If you pick your friends in the same way you'd pick your spouse, then someone is bound to catch feelings. And since investing in someone emotionally is a risk anyways, it's better to not put all your eggs into someone's basket until they've shown mutual interest in you & have agreed to take things to the next route.
People think that it's only fair to tell the women going into a dating situation to be careful not to give a man everything. But this advice also applies to a woman's male friends that she may take interest in too down the road. Don't show your romantic/intimate side until that person has expressed mutual interest in going that route.
Until then, you're in danger of the other person not being that romantically into you. Leaving mystery there & something for them to look forward to is also important for 2 friends hoping to maybe take things to the next level. Simply being their good friend doesn't mean that they've ever considered you as anything more than a friend. If they've got commitment issues or aren't romantically attracted to you, that doesn't mean you being their friend makes them obligated to see you as more than they don't wanna see you.
If you 2 end up becoming lovers who ride off into the sunset, good for you! But if you do everything non-platonic with a "friend" & end up feeling rejected in the end, 9 times out of 10, it's b/c you took the element of mystery/challenge away.
You gotta save some stuff for later, which is why it's probably not a good idea to always make friends with the people you're attracted to. If you pick your friends in the same way you'd pick your spouse, then someone is bound to catch feelings. And since investing in someone emotionally is a risk anyways, it's better to not put all your eggs into someone's basket until they've shown mutual interest in you & have agreed to take things to the next route.
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