Irony

I'm always confused when women/men say that the person who dumped them or stopped dating them "lost out on a good thing."

Why is it that you have no shame in your game when you reject someone, stop dating them for your own valid reasons and/or decide that someone isn't "good enough" for you, but yet feel insulted when another person does the same thing to you.

Granted, we are ALL beautiful, BUT you won't be considered a "good thing" to all new prospects, no matter how charming, sexy, smart, etc. you may think you are, just like you don't consider every guy whose ever hit on you or tried to date you to be a good thing.

Everybody is looking for certain traits. And those traits may NOT be the traits that you think they're looking for, thus you may end up displaying certain parts of your personality/body that yes ARE important/attractive, BUT that aren't the other person's main focus.

Ladies: Every time you decide that you're just not that into a guy, do you go around beating yourself up or assume that you're an idiot for losing out on a supposedly "good" thing? NO. Same thing goes for the men.

A person must FIRST consider you to be a "good thing" in order for that line to even work!

Even if you're doing everything right & some guy decides he doesn't want to be with you, stop taking it so personal! How you see yourself is NOT always how others see you. Don't call the guy a bad person or claim that he's "dumb" for not wanting you all b/c he probably did you a FAVOR in NOT choosing you!

You will NOT be everybody's type.

You may be the ideal dream woman/man to 500 people, but yet be considered "not that good of a prospect" to another 1,000

The purpose of dating/relationships is to find the person/people who WILL find you to be a good thing, NOT harp on & insult the people who didn't think you were golden.

That's life. Not everybody will want you. Not everyone will have the opportunity OR take the time to see all of who you are & what you have to offer. And guess what? Sometimes a man/woman STILL doesn't want you even after you've shown them your best & everything you've got!

Dating is such a numbers game!

Trust me ladies, every guy who decided not to be with you was NOT an idiot for choosing someone else.

Sure, they may not want you anymore b/c of something you've said/done that rubbed them the wrong way, BUT that's not always the case. Sometimes you did everything RIGHT, but they still just don't want you.

So stop taking it so personal. And this is especially to the women who take every little rejection to heart & allow it to affect their self-esteem & how they measure their own self-worth.

If he doesn't want you, keep it moving! You'll never find the guy(s) who want you if you're constantly trying to re-sell yourself to the guys who don't!

And the choir sings ::AHHHHHMMMEEEEEEENNNNNN::

preachhhh

lol

Of course it's gonna hurt/sting.

But it's what women/men DO with that "sting" that bothers me sometimes.

No one likes rejection. Of course we'd all like to think that we're "the ideal" man/woman. BUT we must remember that to everybody else, we aren't.

We shouldn't take it too personal to the point where we're harping on it or allowing it to affect our self-esteem & self-worth.

Allowing it to sting temporarily is fine b/c hey we're human & we can't help but to be hurt even if we know deep down that we shouldn't let certain things phase us

But I was talking about the women who will go tell another woman how much of a douchebag some guy is all b/c he didn't choose her. Some women will literally convince themselves that the guys who rejected her is the most horrible person in the world, when in reality they may be the BEST person in the world to someone else whom they actually WANT.

My point was that we should limit the amount of emotional energy/emotions we put into people/situations that really won't change, matter or make a difference. It takes more energy to harp on the guy who rejected you than it does to just dust yourself off & go on to find another one

Posted by Scorporella
You are asking people to think logically during an emotional event. Emotions do not equate to logic. What you've said Krys is very logical and requires one to be able to think logically about an event that has possibly caused some emotional turbulence. And that just isn't going to happen. People respond that way to rejection because there has been a blow to their self-esteem and confidence. They may say, "well he/she is losing out on a good thing" to convince themselves that he or she really *is* losing out on a good thing. No one likes to feel rejected, no one likes to feel they weren't good enough, especially if they felt the one that is doing the rejecting was "the one".

What I've noticed about a lot of your relationship posts Krys, is that they are very logical, very well-thought out, and are right on the money, but you take emotional responses out of the equation. You seem to think that during very emotional and trying times individuals should be able to think logically and respond accordingly, but when you are dealing with human emotion, especially hurt emotions, then logic will not come into play, at least not until the initial emotional trauma passes and they are able to begin to really put logical thought into the situation. For some, that happens quickly, for others it may take some time.

I have to stand with this (more so because I'm a psychology major).

People are driven by their emotions more than they think they are, especially in the initial stages and towards the end of a relationship. We all hope that we'll snap to our senses as the relationship ends, but no matter whether we are the dumped or the dumpee, we automatically want to protect ourselves. If we get dumped, we're going to assume that the issue is with the other person unless our self esteem is low enough that we view our selves as the problem. If we are the dumpee, we'll try to protect ourselves by saying, "It's not you, it's me," so that we don't become the asshole while we still nurture ourselves with feeling that the other person was indeed in the wrong.

It takes time and growth to be able to consider all the correct logic that you write about.