gemlips
@gemlips
15 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 3 · Topics: 1
Men
I think it happens when they realize a woman is emotionally dependent on them. It use to happen to me a lot when I was young. Having a well-balanced life helps a lot. Keeping your own friends, you own interests, you own schedule.
Best of luck hon. It really hurts when it happens.
Best of luck hon. It really hurts when it happens.
Oh advice!
Do the things you use to do before he came a long. Go out with friends. Enjoy a good book. Watch all the movies you have put off seeing the past year. Take a class that interests you. Do everything you can to amuse yourself and fill yourself up.
One things women have erroneously been taught is that Love is enough. When you fall in love, you need to give up all areas of your life and focus on the guy. But the problem is men don't normally do this. And for everything a woman gives up, she expect the guy to make up for all those things she is sacrificing for him. Don't sacrifice. Stay true to you.
When he comes back, don't focus on him so much. Treat him like any other friend. That means make other plans and keep them. Don't go by his schedule alone. Do your own thing. It will help take the pressure off and make you much more interesting.
Good luck!
Do the things you use to do before he came a long. Go out with friends. Enjoy a good book. Watch all the movies you have put off seeing the past year. Take a class that interests you. Do everything you can to amuse yourself and fill yourself up.
One things women have erroneously been taught is that Love is enough. When you fall in love, you need to give up all areas of your life and focus on the guy. But the problem is men don't normally do this. And for everything a woman gives up, she expect the guy to make up for all those things she is sacrificing for him. Don't sacrifice. Stay true to you.
When he comes back, don't focus on him so much. Treat him like any other friend. That means make other plans and keep them. Don't go by his schedule alone. Do your own thing. It will help take the pressure off and make you much more interesting.
Good luck!
This is a normal reaction...he might not be sure that you are the most valuable use of his time/life right now.
He is doing you and himself a favor by evaluating. Nothing worse than stepping back 20 years later and discovering you are unhappy and in a situation that could have been avoided years ago.
Perhaps he will discover you are all he wants in life, but honesty - every relationship you have will fail until one doesn't. He has every right to evaluate, how certain are YOU that he is "the one." He is questioning your place in his life and whether he wants you there or not.
Most of us go through this at some point in a long term relationship - it is normal and healthy. Some go through it internally and others crave the physical space so they literally have "room" to think.
Give him some time and take little sparrow's advice, too.
He is doing you and himself a favor by evaluating. Nothing worse than stepping back 20 years later and discovering you are unhappy and in a situation that could have been avoided years ago.
Perhaps he will discover you are all he wants in life, but honesty - every relationship you have will fail until one doesn't. He has every right to evaluate, how certain are YOU that he is "the one." He is questioning your place in his life and whether he wants you there or not.
Most of us go through this at some point in a long term relationship - it is normal and healthy. Some go through it internally and others crave the physical space so they literally have "room" to think.
Give him some time and take little sparrow's advice, too.
Oh honey there are about 1 MILLION diff. reasons why a man would suddenly feel the urge to run when the topic of relationship comes up.
1. He could be a commitment-phobe. These types of men generally ARE good men & are capable of being "boyfriend material" BUT something inside of them, whether it be past experiences or insecurities/fears stop them every time.
2. He could be emotionally unvailable or still attached to someone else. This confuses most women b/c we assume that if he was still attached to someone else that he wouldn't have allowed himself to attempt to start over with someone else. Problem is, some men don't realize they're still holding on to the past until they've finally attached to someone else. It's sort of like the, "You never know what you've got until it's gone" theory
3. Emotional baggage from the past could also stop a man from being commited, whether it's baggage from his past relationships/friendships or from childhood/home life. Sometimes the baggage is so heavy that a man isn't selfish/greedy enough to let someone else see/go through that, thus they feel they are doing the woman a favor by detaching now while things are still light
4. And of course, there's always the possibility that a man IS fully capable & willing to commit BUT yet he recently discovered/noticed something in YOU that he didn't like and/or just realized he couldn't get past/forgive you for/suppress. Sometimes a man can spot something negative in a woman that he otherwise didn't see before, thus that's why things will be good one minute & distant the next; the distance could reflect his decrease in admiration for you.
And the list goes on & on & on
1. He could be a commitment-phobe. These types of men generally ARE good men & are capable of being "boyfriend material" BUT something inside of them, whether it be past experiences or insecurities/fears stop them every time.
2. He could be emotionally unvailable or still attached to someone else. This confuses most women b/c we assume that if he was still attached to someone else that he wouldn't have allowed himself to attempt to start over with someone else. Problem is, some men don't realize they're still holding on to the past until they've finally attached to someone else. It's sort of like the, "You never know what you've got until it's gone" theory
3. Emotional baggage from the past could also stop a man from being commited, whether it's baggage from his past relationships/friendships or from childhood/home life. Sometimes the baggage is so heavy that a man isn't selfish/greedy enough to let someone else see/go through that, thus they feel they are doing the woman a favor by detaching now while things are still light
4. And of course, there's always the possibility that a man IS fully capable & willing to commit BUT yet he recently discovered/noticed something in YOU that he didn't like and/or just realized he couldn't get past/forgive you for/suppress. Sometimes a man can spot something negative in a woman that he otherwise didn't see before, thus that's why things will be good one minute & distant the next; the distance could reflect his decrease in admiration for you.
And the list goes on & on & on
wow so much good advice - thank you :-)
Ive decided that im going to wait a week and see how he communicates with me... I sent him a short and sweet email and havent heard back, so
im guessing that it was the wrong time 😢
Some of my friends feel i should break it off completely so he can think clearly about what he wants without the pressure of knowing im waiting
for an answer - what do you guys think—
I thought i was clear - but now it seems im more confused lol...
Ive decided that im going to wait a week and see how he communicates with me... I sent him a short and sweet email and havent heard back, so
im guessing that it was the wrong time 😢
Some of my friends feel i should break it off completely so he can think clearly about what he wants without the pressure of knowing im waiting
for an answer - what do you guys think—
I thought i was clear - but now it seems im more confused lol...
Well this is the moment when most of us mess up. We see the man's true colors, either through what he IS saying or IS NOT saying Or by way of what he's doing or NOT doing. BUT yet, we sit around, wait & argue with the reality of what we're being shown. This man might like you all day long BUT the MOST IMPORTANT QUESTION though is in knowing if he likes you ENOUGH to be consistent and/or emotionally available ENOUGH. There may be 1,000 diff. reasons why this guy is confusing you & perhaps, himself. BUT, always remember that what you see is what you get. If you're going to stick around, know that you are taking the RISK of being either disappointed later on (after realizing it was all for nothing) OR being thankful that you stuck around (thus him finally coming around in the way you wanted him to). First you have to decide/figure out if this whole thing being a waste of time is a risk you're willing to take. His actions at this point are irrelevant & I say that b/c you should be more focused on what YOU want & what you WON'T tolerate, vs. always worrying about him, and what he's thinking/feeling. Listen to your heart from your OWN heart's eyes/point of view, not his.
If you are willing to take the risk of later regretting your decision to stick around, then do as your intuition is telling you to do & run like hell. Don't ever short/insult yourself by believing that another good thing won't come around the corner tomorrow. This guy might be a good catch, BUT don't let this guy & his obvious emotional spats within himself make it so that you both spend more time defending/fighting the friendship/relationship vs. actually just having/enjoying the relationship. If you allow yourself to stay in a situation with someone that is very confusing & unfullfilling to your standards, then that defeats the purpose of having a companion/relationship/friendship.
However, if you ARE willing to take that risk, then the only thing you can do is continue to be yourself. If pouring out your heart doesn't grab his attention, then oh no don't STOP showing courage in opening up, but instead move on to someone who won't make you regret doing so. If you feel that staying around will produce the outcome you want, then have faith in that, keep doing what you've been doing & just hope that things work out. I say that b/c the only person you can control is yourself.
If you are willing to take the risk of later regretting your decision to stick around, then do as your intuition is telling you to do & run like hell. Don't ever short/insult yourself by believing that another good thing won't come around the corner tomorrow. This guy might be a good catch, BUT don't let this guy & his obvious emotional spats within himself make it so that you both spend more time defending/fighting the friendship/relationship vs. actually just having/enjoying the relationship. If you allow yourself to stay in a situation with someone that is very confusing & unfullfilling to your standards, then that defeats the purpose of having a companion/relationship/friendship.
However, if you ARE willing to take that risk, then the only thing you can do is continue to be yourself. If pouring out your heart doesn't grab his attention, then oh no don't STOP showing courage in opening up, but instead move on to someone who won't make you regret doing so. If you feel that staying around will produce the outcome you want, then have faith in that, keep doing what you've been doing & just hope that things work out. I say that b/c the only person you can control is yourself.
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