BeautifulScorpion
@BeautifulScorpion
21 Years500+ PostsScorpio
Comments: 0 · Posts: 665 · Topics: 115
My friend seems too obsessed with my exes. advice?
How to Handle a Friend Obsessed with Your Exes
Set clear boundaries with your friend about discussing your personal life. Express your feelings calmly and assertively to prevent her from invading your privacy or obsessing over your relationships. Focus on maintaining your emotional wellbeing and consider limiting contact if her behavior continues to upset you.
I left within 15 minutes of our meet up yesterday because I was very pissed off. It bought back old feelings of the guy and she knew I was trying to get past that. I havent talked about him to her in 5 months and the last thing I said about him was that I am putting that behind me. I don't understand why...
Well actually, I had a friend just like this and she ended up trying to get with the ex that my current friend went to go 'check on'.
She does not know these guys. She knows how one looks because I showed her a picture, that is the one she went to go 'check on'. The other guy she knew nothing aside from what I told her.
I am actually thinking about distancing myself from her because I cannot trust her
Well actually, I had a friend just like this and she ended up trying to get with the ex that my current friend went to go 'check on'.
She does not know these guys. She knows how one looks because I showed her a picture, that is the one she went to go 'check on'. The other guy she knew nothing aside from what I told her.
I am actually thinking about distancing myself from her because I cannot trust her
1. You need to stop telling her so much whenever you're in your relationships. Even if she wasn't stalking your ex's, that's rule #1. Keep everybody out of your business! The chances of them doing something productive with the info they've been given is very low!
2. She doesn't have her own life. That's why she's all up in yours. But you give her that access so she's going to keep on opening the door as long as you keep giving her the keys
3. I wouldn't trust her if she were my friend. It's 1 thing for a friend to do "research" if asked, but it's a huge red flag for someone to take it upon themselves & take time out of their OWN day to do something like that. She didn't do that for her health. There's a reason behind that. And that reason can't be a productive/justifiable one
4. If she sees that you're moving forward, there's no reason she should still be holding on. Some friends absorb the energies from their best friends, thus when 1 is feeling bitter, stalkerish or harping, the best friend(s) of that person take on that attitude too as if it were them in the situation & not you. Welp, if you're over it, there's no real energy for her to "absorb" or copy, thus she's got no real purpose or rational reason for doing what she's doing
5. She's got some issues. For some people, it's easier for them to be all up in your business & stick their head through your window every 5 seconds b/c there's something stopping them from looking through their own & living their own lives. This girl is using your life as a crutch & basis for which how she'll invest her time. Not good
6. Put some distance there. Even if you ask her, you may never get the answer as to why she's doing this. So just use your common sense & do something DIFFERENT this time (stop telling her everything)
7. If you can't fight the urge to go tell your business when you're with guys, fine. BUT go tell that business to someone else...preferably someone who only wants to listen for the sake of being there for you vs. someone who absorbs the situation as if it were them who was hurt/in the relationship
2. She doesn't have her own life. That's why she's all up in yours. But you give her that access so she's going to keep on opening the door as long as you keep giving her the keys
3. I wouldn't trust her if she were my friend. It's 1 thing for a friend to do "research" if asked, but it's a huge red flag for someone to take it upon themselves & take time out of their OWN day to do something like that. She didn't do that for her health. There's a reason behind that. And that reason can't be a productive/justifiable one
4. If she sees that you're moving forward, there's no reason she should still be holding on. Some friends absorb the energies from their best friends, thus when 1 is feeling bitter, stalkerish or harping, the best friend(s) of that person take on that attitude too as if it were them in the situation & not you. Welp, if you're over it, there's no real energy for her to "absorb" or copy, thus she's got no real purpose or rational reason for doing what she's doing
5. She's got some issues. For some people, it's easier for them to be all up in your business & stick their head through your window every 5 seconds b/c there's something stopping them from looking through their own & living their own lives. This girl is using your life as a crutch & basis for which how she'll invest her time. Not good
6. Put some distance there. Even if you ask her, you may never get the answer as to why she's doing this. So just use your common sense & do something DIFFERENT this time (stop telling her everything)
7. If you can't fight the urge to go tell your business when you're with guys, fine. BUT go tell that business to someone else...preferably someone who only wants to listen for the sake of being there for you vs. someone who absorbs the situation as if it were them who was hurt/in the relationship
Thanks for all the comments. Just wanted to get other points of views. I do not tell anyone EVERYTHING, especially when it comes to my love life. She does not know everything about these guys. The only available step is to tell her nada which I will begin doing. She was the only friend I would chat about my love life to when I did.
She was not joking about going up to my exes job.
She is a virgo not a gemini, although it's ironic you say that because my gemini mother was the one who tried to justify what she did.
To elly, interesting point. I have had a bad history with things like that so at first I thought it was just me being paranoid. The damage is done though I already told her how creepy she was and broke it down to her. My solid intuition did not interfere with my paranoia though, because my intuition has always told me not trust her, but that's another story. She's actually told me that she tried to steal her ex best friends boy friend once but you know what? She was in the freaking 7th grade, things change by then. I also agree with you on her being obsessed with me, she has an obsessive personality in general. Me and her are completely different so I know that she won't be able to have what I had but either way, I can be a bit possessive/selfish at times. If I'm not concerned, she should not be either. If I am not checking up on him, she should not be either. I could give two craps about the guys she dates.
She was not joking about going up to my exes job.
She is a virgo not a gemini, although it's ironic you say that because my gemini mother was the one who tried to justify what she did.
To elly, interesting point. I have had a bad history with things like that so at first I thought it was just me being paranoid. The damage is done though I already told her how creepy she was and broke it down to her. My solid intuition did not interfere with my paranoia though, because my intuition has always told me not trust her, but that's another story. She's actually told me that she tried to steal her ex best friends boy friend once but you know what? She was in the freaking 7th grade, things change by then. I also agree with you on her being obsessed with me, she has an obsessive personality in general. Me and her are completely different so I know that she won't be able to have what I had but either way, I can be a bit possessive/selfish at times. If I'm not concerned, she should not be either. If I am not checking up on him, she should not be either. I could give two craps about the guys she dates.
What's your friends moon sign? im very curious over here. Oh man, i have a scorp ascendant and i'm paranoid as f*ck, especially after my boyfriend lied to me about somethin pretty big. Her personality seems of someone who might be Gemini. Maybe her moon is in Gemini? 🙂
Freetobe, I agree. I can't deal with another 'roomate'. I've had one before and its not cool.
Delish, I do not know her moon sign. Is this creepiness a gemini trait?
Delish, I do not know her moon sign. Is this creepiness a gemini trait?
Not to bash on Gemini, i'm just going off experience off one Gemini, but my brothers ex-girlfriend was seriously a psycho b*tch & she had a Scorpio moon. She lied, was manipulative, and gave oral sex to my exes twin brother. Like wtf?!? I didn't tell my brother, i just left the situation as is because my brother believed every word she said, and eventually they broke up because her lies caught up with her.
^ LOL!
That is one crazy b!tch woooowwww
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long story
My best friend of two years got really close when me and my ex boyfriend of 7 years broke up for the last time.
For that last break-up she was there. So I basically put her up on everything else that happened between me and him over the years. SHE DOES NOT KNOW HIM.
A year goes by and I start thinking about him from time to time, start missing him, and it is something that I get over. I heard that he got back on his feet and I was telling her about how I was happy for him that he finally turned his life around, I told her where someone told me he is working, and all the other good stuff.
That's not the problem though
...about a month later I tell her that my OTHER friend bumped into him at his job and he asked how I was. It made me feel great since I knew he still was not holding a grudge over me dumping him.
She replies with "Oh really? Because I went to his job today and he was not there." I said "You looked for him?! You actually looked for him?" And she said "Yes. He was not in that day" I let her know that irritated me and asked her why she did it and she said "To see if he was doing his job." It pissed me off but I got over it. What really made me angry is that this was her first time at this place, it was far from where she lived, his job has another location right next to her house but she wants to go to this one?
Fast forward
new guy in the picture, we develop something and of course I tell me friend about it.
Like him alot, we fell off. She was here for all of this.
I take about a 5 month break from her because she gets very annoying.
I finally meet up with her and talk to her for the first time yesterday, within 2 minutes of walking in her house she says to me. "I found *new guys* facebook" ... not to mention she has only been on fb for about a week.
Long story short, she went through a mutual friend of me and the new guy, browsed through his 800+ friend list and found him. She is not a even a friend of me and the new guys mutual buddy. She went through his fb.
She does not know the guy.
When me and the new guy had our thing going I noticed his name would slip out her mouth numerous times.
This girl is very needy and obsessed with marriage. Our conversations always end up with her fantasizing about having a boyfriend and being married before she turns 22.