Oh dear!!

Last night I called my SO of 8 months my exs name! This is not the first time in fact about the 4th time I have called him it.

My ex and I were together for 20 years and have been separated for 6 but remain good friends. I had that day listened to a conversation my daughter was having with him over my car phone as she rung her dad to tell him she had passed her L's. I am in regular contact and notice if I have communicated with him on that day then that's when I will mistakenly say the wrong name!! Which DOES NOT impress my SO at all. He says, I never call you my exs name and I guess he feels hurt. Yes I'd hate it if he called me her name as she is a Bitch!

The kids just chuckled, they think it is funny even though they love my new man. And it's not as if I do it on purpose or in the bedroom EVER! In fact I always call people the wrong names, I have 3 daughters and always get their names mixed up all the time!

Problem, how do I make a conscience note to not do this again...his reaction is louder each time and all I can say is Sorry, I was talking with him today...

Anyone else experience this?

Sounds like you are still connected to your ex, so it's a natural mistake. But I understand your new man's reaction. No one likes that. I think you need to try harder at getting your ex out of your consciousness and putting the feelings of your current first. I would start with actively calling your current a pet name like honey or sweety.

I will always be connected to the man that I spent 20 years with and reared 3 children. That's a fact and also we are friends and openly talk about our children and even help SOMETIMES with our present lives.

While he is sleeping you should write his name on his forehead with a marker. He won't know it's there and you won't say the wrong thing with those giant black letters all over his face. It's a foolproof plan 😛


That sucks, I don't know there really is anything you can do. I wouldn't dwell on it because it could make it a bigger issue than it is. Just love your man and he will know the slip didn't mean anything.

The million and one uses for duct tape?



Simple solution really.

People tend to do/say things without thinking when it becomes so normal that thought isn't put into it, rather, mechanical responses ... like flushing the toilet would be a good example for flicking on a turn signal when turning. They are automated reactions that people don't thing about.

so, make yourself "think" about it.

change his name that you call him. Not the boyfriend, the ex. It will take time because you will forget and call him by his normal name, but, everytime you put a conscious thought into referring to his different name, the more times your mind will be programmed.

That way when you go to say his name, your mind will stop and "think" what to say.



Good luck

Lol @ Sid, that'll work for sure, you think he'll notice??

I felt bad but didn't make a biggy out of it and then he bought it up again the next night when the kids were all here and they were all laughing about it, he made a comment to me quietly about being called his name more than once!

A couple of months ago I asked him to pick up some coke on his way home and he stopped at the service station and grabbed a couple of bottles...ONE of them had his ex-wifes name on it!!! I just said Why would you pick that one? And he was like, I didn't even look. So I let it go but then I mentioned it a couple of nights later when I accidentally called him ex-hubbies name. He says oh great and I said sorry but at least I didn't buy a bottle of coke with his name on it for you! So I kind of think that he should understand it's a genuine mistake.

It obviously bugs him though and it's hard because the kids will laugh and make a joke out of it, personally I'd just like to pretend it never happened!

And I don't look at him and call him the name it's more when I am referring to him doing something with one of the kids. I was talking to my daughter and suggesting that he said he would take her for some driving lessons.

Change who's name P? The ex's? I suppose I can just refer to him as Dad or the kids dad til I overcome the problem because I don't think duct tape is strong enough to keep my mouth shut for too long lol

@ Kaleidoscorp, thanks for sharing. I don't think it's all that big a deal with us. I don't think he is threatened by ex and does understand that we communicate and see each other regularly. I've never made a secret of it and tell him what we actually talk about. Both of us have moved on and are happier with our new found loves. Plus bf and I have created our own extended family with our now 5 children. All the children are happy in our union.

Posted by sweethearts
Lol @ Sid, that'll work for sure, you think he'll notice??

Already thought of that, that's why you do it when he is sleeping! You're golden 😛


You really are a sweetheart too though. I'm sure it does bother him but he surely knows how you feel about him. You're open and honest, he'd have no reason to doubt you. The only thing is that little sting he'll feel when it happens. But that'll go away and it'll be alright. I would encourage the kids not to tease him about it. They are old enough to understand that yeah? My family is a little weird but in that situation I would tell my kids to "stop being a dick".

Posted by sweethearts

Change who's name P? The ex's?

Yes, the ex.

To say his name seems so common practice that you don't even realize you say it until after you say it ... so I was telling you to change what you call him so that your mind has to "think" about what you are saying.


Unless you just made this thread to relish in it, and not really looking to fix the problem .. which looks as though it might be the case.

funny, yes, in mark his head.


I have a feeling the boyfriend doesn't find it humorous at all.



*** wonders how many people would find that funny ***

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by sweethearts

Change who's name P? The ex's?

Yes, the ex.

To say his name seems so common practice that you don't even realize you say it until after you say it ... so I was telling you to change what you call him so that your mind has to "think" about what you are saying.


Unless you just made this thread to relish in it, and not really looking to fix the problem .. which looks as though it might be the case.

click to expand

Aww come on P. You were doing so good in this one. Being nice, giving helpful advice. Then you just had to throw that last jab in there. Lol. Oh well.

😄

Posted by sweethearts

I don't think it's all that big a deal with us.

Yet, he is getting more and more upset about it ...

Posted by sweethearts

...his reaction is louder each time and all I can say is Sorry

When you say it's no big deal to us, your boyfriend doesn't appear to be included in the "us" ..

Posted by sweethearts

The kids just chuckled, they think it is funny ....

click to expand

Your children appear to be included in the "us" in thinking it's no big deal, while the boyfriend gets more upset each time it happens.


I'm wondering why this is viewed as funny.

The reason I feel like this is because last night we were taking a picture of my girls and I and an old family friend who was around when they were all born and also a family friend of my ex...My bf pipes up and says do you want (Dad) to join in? Referring to my ex as him...

I think I know my man enough to know this is but a small bump but yes I don't want to make the mistake of calling him that again so I will refer the ex as their Dad rather than by his name. That was a good suggestion thanks P...

the other comments, just P's mind working overtime so no offence taken...just a different perspective on what could be going on and not completely wrong either...the "us" is my girls and I as it has been for soooo long. We know how to laugh together as a family even sometimes at others expense... The bf however is fast becoming part of us too 🙂