Personal Boundaries

what type do you have??

I was reading through Wikipedia information on boundaries and they have some good information on it, and even dropped some clues of personal upbringing...

there are several types.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_boundaries

Types[edit]

Nina Brown proposed four boundary types🦇12]

Soft – A person with soft boundaries merges with other people's boundaries. Someone with a soft boundary is easily a victim of psychological manipulation.

Spongy – A person with spongy boundaries is like a combination of having soft and rigid boundaries. They permit less emotional contagion than soft boundaries but more than those with rigid. People with spongy boundaries are unsure of what to let in and what to keep out.

Rigid – A person with rigid boundaries is closed or walled off so nobody can get close either physically or emotionally. This is often the case if someone has been the victim of physical, emotional, psychological, or sexual abuse. Rigid boundaries can be selective which depend on time, place or circumstances and are usually based on a bad previous experience in a similar situation.

Flexible – Similar to selective rigid boundaries but the person exercises more control. The person decides what to let in and what to keep out, is resistant to emotional contagion and psychological manipulation, and is difficult to exploit.

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Posted by tiziani
Well flexible sounds more flattering than the other three.

Rigid does sound like the WORST.

as if they can't let anyone in, due to their awful childhood. O_O

soft boundaries, omg....a child who was psychologically manipulated all their life.

how can one know if no one pointed it out to them they were psychologically manipulated? it's 2nd nature to them.

Posted by UnusualVaginalDischarge
I'm not sure what kind of boundaries I have. I usually don't let anyone in but when I do let someone in--I don't know how to set boundaries with that person. It's confusing--it seems I always let the wrong people in or maybe I just don't know how to set boundaries once they're in.

yours don't sound like the "rigid" type.

sounds more like "SPONGY"

you are confused or unaware of which type maybe.

I think I was soft boundaries, because I was in an abusive relationship.. although also a bit of rigid too, but not completely.

definitely not rigid though. And definitely NOT flexible (although that is the best one out of all them) flexible is good to have.

on vacation I was approached by a young homeless looking boy/teenaged with a dirty backpack and clothes, (although can't tell because it's dusty in the city) and my husband had walked a little away from me towards the hotel, (the hotel was around the corner) and this young man thought I was alone you see, so I was buying some stamps and postcards, and he knew I didn't know the language (I look like a freaking tourist) and he was saying that the cost of stamps and postcards are this and this and that, and at the end I knew I was giving him an extra 2 euros.

my husband came back and said behind me, "what the fuck, he is ripping you off, don't give him that. he doesn't work for the newspaper stand"

I was glad he came back though cause I opened my purse and gave the young boy some money.

I said, never mind, I figured out he was scamming AFTER ward....but I didn't stop it because I saw how sad he looked.

pathetic huh? Of course I didn't give to every beggar ...sheesh.

it's not like I gave 10 euros or anything.

I guess I have soft boundaries then.

then this old lady, in another day looking like she is going to die, so old and ailing walking around in the hot sun, extending her hand and she must know I look like the bleeding heart type.. GOSH!!!! I hate that!!

so I felt so sad, and my husband steered me away quickly. "If you gave to every beggar..."

and then told me about how crime syndicates or organized underground crimes hire old people to go begging out in the street, or even children, and they give the money they receive from people everyday on the streets to the criminals.

this video ...you can TELL she is FAKE.

the old woman I saw really really looked very very old, and on the verge of needing a wheelchair...

this one is fake!!

but she got 50 donations an hour it says.

I think I am spongy

I also think you can be rigid without getting raped ffs

Posted by firebunny
I also think you can be rigid without getting raped ffs

"don't let anyone in!!! everyone is suspect!"

Posted by tiziani

Posted by lisabethur8
I think I was soft boundaries, because I was in an abusive relationship.. although also a bit of rigid too, but not completely.

definitely not rigid though. And definitely NOT flexible (although that is the best one out of all them) flexible is good to have.

on vacation I was approached by a young homeless looking boy/teenaged with a dirty backpack and clothes, (although can't tell because it's dusty in the city) and my husband had walked a little away from me towards the hotel, (the hotel was around the corner) and this young man thought I was alone you see, so I was buying some stamps and postcards, and he knew I didn't know the language (I look like a freaking tourist) and he was saying that the cost of stamps and postcards are this and this and that, and at the end I knew I was giving him an extra 2 euros.

my husband came back and said behind me, "what the fuck, he is ripping you off, don't give him that. he doesn't work for the newspaper stand"

I was glad he came back though cause I opened my purse and gave the young boy some money.

I said, never mind, I figured out he was scamming AFTER ward....but I didn't stop it because I saw how sad he looked.

pathetic huh? Of course I didn't give to every beggar ...sheesh.

it's not like I gave 10 euros or anything.

I guess I have soft boundaries then.

The thing is, even though I'd know they were running a con, I respect the reasons why they run the con. I'd give the money without bothering to with the cards. I don't see what you did as wrong. They're just living their life getting money to live, their way. They're not hurting anyone.

click to expand

people would say that's enabling but then,

how are they supposed to learn how to get a decent work/job even if it's just working in a factory line or bus-boy cleaning tables and washing dishes?? (nowadays, they have a dishwasher I think so the jobs are getting less and less for those without any skills/degrees)