Revenge or vindictiveness with a man?

Posted by Mebs

A coworker made an innocent comment, yelling down the hall to him, "Why do you keep looking down here?".

Sure he may put his pride wall up out of sheer embarrassment; he might even be a little meaner or standoffish than usual, but actually concocting this big story of revenge? Nope. It's not like you put his toothbrush in the toilet. After all, it was your co-worker who put him on the spot, not you so if anything & IF revenge was an option, it'd probably be more towards the co-worker.

Just relax honey. What's the worst that he can do? Well no, let me take that back! Since you guys all work together, there's a chance that he could try to jeopardize your job (or your co-worker's job too), but even then, from what you've shared, he'd have to be 1 pretty damn vindictive & insane individual to feel that much rage/revenge off of something so petty.

Yelling down the hall at a man to whom you just broke it off with, and to whom you were watching to see what his reaction is .... does not qualify for an innocent comment.


Right before you told us about this innocent act of YELLING at him, you just got finished saying that there was no bending over backwards to get his attention ... and I will take a jump and say the reason why this co-worker had an accident with her vocal chords in his direction is because he wasn't chasing you, after you pushed him.


I see it as ... you expected him to come running for you, and when he didn't, your co-worker spoke up very loudly for you, which of course, she YELLED this in a very indigant tone ... like people don't innocently yell something like that in a cordial tone.


He wasn't baited by your game .. however, you successfully managed to make a fool out of your co-worker.

@Krysrenee I'm going to try to relax lol. I've been reading Scorp horror stories and it made me paranoid. I also did a chart for him and myself. The reading indicated, because of some placements, we could have either a good union, or be mortal enemies. Ugh. That really made me feel paranoid. In the conversations leading to this point, I kept telling him I wouldn't hold it against him if he said he just wanted to be friends, as I like his character. He indicated he still wanted a relationship with me. However, since the breakdown in communication, it's not going in that direction for either option 😢

thanks for the clarification.



If you just stopped communicating with him without telling him based off of an unrealistic expectation, then why would say it goes both ways as an implication that he could put forth effort in contacting you ... when he did put forth this effort, which is why you took the yelling down the hall situation to use to see if he is trying to get your attention?


He called to ask you why .... and you had an excuse. You just stopped communication with him without any explanation .. don't you think that is unfair to do that and then turn around and say that putting forth effort in communication goes both ways?


It's one thing to realize that someone may not be right for you .. but, that doesn't give a person a license to just cut the other off without an explanation.

It's rude !! It's unfair !!


And now here you are wanting to know what the next step is, what to expect .. so, this means you only cut him off for purposes of trying to manipulate him.

Posted by Mebs

Just to clarify, I used to call him everyday, but stopped because of our issues. There was no big blowup, or an official "we are over" type of conversation. I've vocalized my feelings on issues, asked for his view, discussed things, and he pretty much made no changes in his behavior after acknowledging I had valid points. I also asked if there was anything I'd done to cause him to behave the way he did, and he said I'd done nothing wrong. After a few of these conversations, it became clear (thanks to some advice here) that I should stop chasing him, which I did.

You had an unrealistic expectation in that he would change because you not being able to accept his behaviour. Why is this unrealistic? Because this is his demeanor, this is him ..and you cannot expect a person to suit you, and if they don't suit you then this doesn't make them wrong in any form or fashion, it just makes them not right for you.

I think you were misinformed when you were told to stop chasing him ... what you should have been told was that you should halt all attempts at trying to secure a relatinoship with him. To merely stop chasing him is only implying to sit back and let him come to you, if he wants you.

It's not a matter of if he wants you, or not ... it's a matter of his disposition isn't right for you, so the right thing to do is to let him go.

It looks to me like you are trying to get him to come to you because instead of showing any maturity in having a final break up talk with this man, you chose to ignore him and then watch to see what he does next.

And then you have the audacity to believe that I am stupid enough to believe that you only want to be his friend? That that is your only aim?

Bullshit, and don't even try to bullshit me (the others in here don't really care if you tell lies, that's why I say me) .... if you really wanted him to be a friend, then again, you be an adult and talk to him, tell him that the two of your aren't meant to be a couple because you each have your own set of values and they are too different to be in an intimate relationship.



If the right thing is what you wanted to do .. you failed.

However, I don't think you wanted to do the right thing ... I believe you wanted to manipulate him into changing into a person you want him to be.

@P-Angel
You are correct. I don't want to just be friends. I wanted him to know that if he didn't want to see me I would have to respect that, but wouldn't want to lose everything. I was upfront about that.

Secondly, reading your post I do agree I shouldve said what I had to say instead of leaving it up in the air. I will rectify that. However, I don't call it manipulation because his behavior changed. He did not behave this way all along. It is a pretty drastic change honestly. I felt, which I told him, that his feelings had changed which he denied. He mentioned an issue he had to take care of, but it didn't provide an explanation as to his behavior. I felt he was either disinterested or afraid to be honest with me. Or taking my kindness for weakness, and pushing the limits to see how far he can go. He does play mind games. I guess I was pissed and fed up, and wanted to return the favor.

Either way I'll deal with it head on. Thanks for your honesty.

You're welcome

scorps tend not to go for revenge nearly as much as their reputation makes it seem like they would.

unless you get involved again with one after hurting him or her. then they will get their revenge. everything will be wonderful and perfect, then they will rip your beating heart from your chest, throw in in a pile of glass shards, stomp on it good and rough to get all those shards firmly in there, cover it in battery acid and horse shit, and place it back into your chest, reattach it, and enjoy watching you suffer miserably for the rest of your life with your demolished heart just barely keeping you around.

figuratively.

i hope you've been honest with him. but really, that doesn't matter too much either. the important thing is i hope you're sticking to it being over.