Should he have done MORE?

A good friend of mine is VERY upset! She lives with her fiance AND her fiance's best friend in a house. The other day, her fiance JOKINGLY mentioned to her that he recently discovered a picture of her in his best friend's phone.

HERE'S THE KICKER: Her fiance's best friend had a NAKED picture of her in HIS phone! WHOA!

When she asked her fiance what he did/how he reacted to the picture that was found, her fiance literally LAUGHED it off & said, "I made him delete it,"..end of story!

PROBLEM: My friend is VERY upset that:
1. Her fiance's even had/found a naked picture of her in the 1st place. Turns out the best friend found the picture by going through her fiance's phone. The best friend LITERALLY went through her fiance's phone, saw the picture & sent it to his OWN phone. Her fiance sometimes uses his best friend's phone so that's how he discovered the picture in the 1st place:
2. Her fiance didn't seem to think that his own best friend harboring a naked picture of his own future wife was even really a big deal! She feels that he should've NOT ONLY made his best friend delete the picture BUT that they should've had a serious conversation afterward.

2nd PROBLEM: She feels that her fiance should've atleast made his best friend EXPLAIN why he'd even find it appropriate to have & KEEP that kind of picture to begin with & ESPECIALLY since they all live together!

She feels that she's been violated & feels very uncomfortable not knowing HOW LONG he's had that picture and/OR WHO ELSE has seen that picture!

How should she handle the situation? She can't believe that her boyfriend doesn't see the HUGE PROBLEM/RED FLAG!

My advice that I gave to her:
1. If your fiance is going to be keeping naked pictures of you in his phone, that's fine b/c hey, that's what couples do nowadays. BUT if he's going to be having those kind of pictures in his phone he needs to make sure that NO ONE else has access to those pictures!
2. Your fiance should've def. asked his best friend some serious questions! Not necessarily fight or lose a friendship over this, but SOMETHING other than, "I made him delete it so it's over with." I told her about something called "PICKING HER BATTLES" & that THIS situation was def. a battle.
3. I told her that had I had a picture of her fiance's penis in my phone, our friendship probably would've been over the moment she discovered the picture! And hey, if that were the case, I'd completely understand if not only made me delete the pic BUT ALSO punched me in the face & never vowed to speak to me again!
4. If your fiance is not handling the situation appropriately or aggressively all b/c he doesn't want to lose his best friend then your fiance has some SERIOUS PRIORITIZING to do. Had that been ANY ONE ELSE other than his best friend, he would've been FURIOUS! Your fiance should never be okay with ANYONE (best friend or not) violating his own future wive's privacy! Under NO circumstances is it okay for a man to not protect his woman, ESPECIALLY when it comes to matters of her personal privacy & body! Her man should NOT be ok under ANY circumstances with ANYBODY seeing anything of hers that is for HIS EYES ONLY!
5. The fact that his best friend not only looked at the pic, BUT also sent the pic to his own phone is just creepy & is grounds for a SERIOUS talk. It's 1 thing to look at the picture on someone else's phone every blue moon BUT it's another thing to know his best friend is probably jacking off to his own best friend's future wife!

I hope I gave her the RIGHT advice. I feel that I did. Btw, her fiance's best friend has NEVER hit on her before so him saving/having such a picture shocked the hell out of everyone

WOW i would be annoyed that someone had even gone through my phone even there hadnt been a naked picture on it, it is an invasion of privacy! and he should be even more annoyed that his friend kept the picture. Why would his best friend want to see his fiance that way? If he wants to see naked girls then there is plenty of ways to get images.

My ex wasnt even happy if i was in a dressing gown/towel when his friends came round as he didnt want them to see me in that way as it can only lead to problems.

As the boyfriend I would be seriously considering what my friends intentions were, not laughing it off! She allowed HIM to have the picture, and im guessing she assumed he would keep it to himself. She should tell him this behaviour is not acceptable and that it needs to be discussed with his friends too!

If he has a smart phone any hacker could get into it & put it on the www. Something to think about the next time you take digital pics w/ a boyfriend who has a lackadaisical attitude about it. Somehow we got by without photos/& sex tapes for centuries. Now it's a way to get back at an ex or make money.

Is she so technologically challenged that she doesn't understand this? NOTHING is safe on a phone or a computer.

The lesson: Don't ever take naked pictures (or record) with cameras you know you use in public.

so, let me see if I have this right ...


Guy doesn't shit all over the place, instead, takes something calmly and blows it off

Girl shits all over herself because guy doesn't make a mountain of a molehill

Guy is fucked up for realizing it doesn't mean anything to get his knickers up over

Girl is considered goddess for being upset that he didn't think it meant she cheated on him

Oh, I forgot to add another piece ...


Girl allows a nude pic of her to be taken, and allows the pic to leave her possession .. and she feels violated that SHE let herself be exposed.

Should he have done MORE?




No, she should have controlled herself ... if she allows a naked pic of herself to be taken then it is HER responsibility to do the "should" of the situation, not anybody else.


He has no responsibility in her clothes coming off in front of a camera ... that is her responsibility exclusively.

I agree with you all. I don't agree that sending naked pictures of yourself to ANYONE (husband, boyfriend, best friend, etc.) is ever ok. Sure, NOT EVERY single man who receives such a picture will be a scumbag & forward it to all his friends or to the internet. BUT, her fiance could've just as easily lost his phone, or his phone could've been stolen, which would've REALLY been worse, considering some stranger could've had access to it.

In HER mind though, she can't help or change that the picture was already taken. That's besides the point now. Is she thinking twice about sending her fiance another naked picture of herself? Of course she's leaning more on the side of NOT doing it. BUT that doesn't help/change the fact that her fiance's best friend already took advantage of the picture he found.

Plus in some girl's minds, they don't see it as "wrong" or as "risky" if they're actually sending the pics to their loved ones. To some people there is a difference b/w sending a naked pic to their spouse vs. just some F-buddy. And even though I agree that pics can ALWAYS end up in the wrong hands REGARDLESS of who the pics are being sent to, the reality is though that women ARE rationalizing it & assuming that they don't face the same risks as everybody else when they are sending pics like that to their spouses/fiances vs. regular boyfriends or friends.

I'm glad her fiance atleast had the common sense & decency to make his best friend delete the picture, BUT I'm disappointed in him that he didn't even challenge the situation. Of course everybody else's 1st thought is that his best friend obviously has some attraction to her, BUT the problem is that her fiance doesn't believe for 1 second that his best friend even looks at her in "that way."

We think he didn't react the way he really SHOUlD'VE b/c he knows that reacting the RIGHT way could've cost him a friendship with someone he's called his "brother" for over 15 years. I think he didn't even wanna "go there" b/c he knew that if he really went there, there'd be no turning back. I believe he probably felt more at ease just totally blocking the situation out from his mind alltogether instead of worrying about it & facing the risk that he'd have to seriously start questioning someone he never thought he'd have to question. It sucks, but that's the way their friendship is.

My friend feels violated. She's uncomfortable now being in the same room as him. After all, they all live together! And now every time she sees her fiance's best friend, she's going to wonder if he's staring at her in a sexual way.

You'd think the average man would JUMP to protect and/or claim his territory the MINUTE he even THOUGHT another man was having dirty thoughts about his soon to be wife. BUT, this guy & his best friend are VERY close & consider eachother "brothers." They'd kill/die for one another. And even though it's always a GREAT thing to see 2 guys who share such loyalty towards 1 another, the DOWNSIDE to that though is that when others have a problem with his best friend, they use the fact that they are "brothers" to escape handling certain situations with 1 another that really need to be handled. I advised her that she should NEVER have to "school/teach" her man on how to protect her & ESPECIALLY when it comes to protecting her from those who are close to their family.

I advised her that them being "brothers" has NOTHING to do with this situation at all. It's the fact that ANOTHER MAN OTHER THAN HIM purposely invaded her privacy & crossed the line. If anyone who should've known better, it should've been the best friend simply BECAUSE he oughta have some respect.

Ha! Had I been the 1 to have a picture of her fiance's penis in my phone, our friendship would've been OVER! FINITO! I wouldn't have ANY excuse! And ESPECIALLY if I went through HER phone to send HIS private parts to MY phone! That's just scandalous!

Hell even if his best friend doesn't technically/really "want" her, that's besides the point. It's the principle that now she's always going to "wonder." And her knowing that he didn't even step up & handle the situation properly makes her now have to wonder about TWO people vs 1. (Her fiance AND his best friend)

I swear if I was this girl, I'd be walking around in my best lingerie & naked in front of his friend. Think her boyfriend secretly wants a 3 some. Maybe they are gay and she's the beard? 🙂 No, really, I'd be prancing nekid in front of the friend w/boyfriend watching & see what transpires. Just to catch boyfriend's arse in his bs & prove a point.

@Mistery...wow lol. Well I don't think my friend will be prancing around in lingerie any time soon. She shouldn't have to go out of her way to prove a point to her fiance that should've been proven the minute he discovered those pictures. And she damn sure shouldn't have to go out of her way to teach/train her boyfriend how to have her back/protect her. She doesn't have kids yet for a reason; she doesn't want someone she'll have to go to extreme measures with just to get general decency & respect from!

At this point, I don't think there's anything that can change her fiance's mind; he firmly believes that the "picture" incident was a big misunderstanding. Not once did it ever cross his mind that his own best friend had googly eyes for his fiance. And THAT is the problem! Had that been ANYONE else, things would've been handled wayyyyyy different.

She respects that her fiance is very loyal to & understanding of his own best friend. She actually admires the level of loyalty he has with his best friend. BUT, it's not fair either though that JUST B/C her man has a best friend, that she will always have to suffer. A woman shouldn't be punished all b/c her man has a best friend. Hell every man has a best friend; That shouldn't change the method in which he protects her/stands up to anyone disrespecting her.

Her fiance NOT handling the situation properly is the EQUIVALENT to her fiance's mother slapping her & not doing anything about it. Yes, that's his mother & of course, he'd handle things a little more delicatly than he would persay a random stranger slapped his fiance. BUT it's 1 thing to handle a situation differently b/c it's a "sensitive" situation. BUT it's another thing to do absolutely NOTHING! And NOTHING is exactly what he did!

Birds of a feather flock together ... it looks like you also want to make mountains