You should've saw this coming! =P

WHAT I'VE LEARNED ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS PT. 2 (I'll make it more short & sweet this time) =)

1. What you allow, you encourage. You TEACH people how to TREAT you.

2. Love is a verb, not a noun. Don't EVER let anyone convince you that there's a valid reason for why their actions are NOT matching up to/with their words.

3. We're all 1 big beautiful package that comes with lots of flaws & good qualities. Some just have more baggage than others. Either way, don't ever try to conceal/hide ALL of who you are when dating someone or when entering into a serious relationship with them. Yes rejection sucks, yes people hate baggage, BUT what sucks even more & what people hate even MORE is finding out that they fell in love with the person you PRETENDING to be OR falling in love with only 50% of who you are. People will respect you more if give them the chance to know ALL of who/what they're getting themselves into before they make an informed decision on whether or not you're "worthy" of being in their future.

4. No man who is married & yet carrying on an affair can actually be "wonderful" or trustworthy or stunning. If he cheats on his own wife, he's showing you (better than he can tell you) that he's OK with being dishonest. He's showing you that he's willing to compromise a union with the best thing that ever happened to him all b/c he's too selfish to acknowledge anyone's "needs" other than his own. If a man can't even honor the woman he vowed to love before GOD, you'd be a fool to believe he'll honor you. And that's how it should be. A wife is top of the notch! No one oughta get better treatment than her! If he's not even treating his own equal with respect, all others have NO chance either.

5. How YOU respond the very 1st time someone betrays you sets the tone for 2 things: 1. How MORE OFTEN they'll do the same thing to you again & 2. Whether or not they'll ever respect you again. Think about it, have YOU ever been able to fully respect someone whom you knew did NOT have a backbone? I didn't think so.

6. Don't give up ALL the goods 1st & then do "inventory" & try to get to know him later. If you're gonna risk getting pregnant or getting an std by anyone, it oughta be with the guy who actually does NOT crack up with his buddies behind closed doors, giving eachother high-fives & saying, "Yep, I hit it & then quit it." If he's THAT wonderful, why aren't you so confident that he'll still be Mr. Wonderful IF you keep your legs closed while getti

...If he's THAT wonderful, why aren't you so confident that he'll STILL be Mr. Wonderful if you keep your legs closed while getting to know him? Exactly. If the only way you figure you can keep a man "entertained" is by giving him things he hasn't earned, what does that say about him? Even worse, what does that say about you?!

7. Give men some credit. When they really want to do something, they'll do it. They'll find a way to do it even if they almost died doing it! That's why they're never late for Superbowl Sunday or for the job interview they've been really wanting/anticipating. In other words, he DIDN'T call b/c he didn't want to. Assume that a man will do what he truly wants to do & NOT do what he truly does NOT want to do.

8. For those who are single...before you're quick to jump to envy/jealousy when you see all those supposedly loving couples who are holding hands & exchanging blissful affection to one another, think twice. That very same couple might go home & hit eachother upside the head with pots/pans later on. That same couple might change their facebook statuses to "single" the next day. That very same couple might've purposely been putting on a show for the public all b/c they're too embarrassed to show everyone what they're relationship is REALLY like (i.e. hell!). All the while, you're at home, getting more & more desperate for love all b/c of that 1 couple you saw at the mall holding hands. You convince yourself that nearly everybody shopping was "boo'd up" when in reality, there were probably only 4 couples there that day! In other words, don't have "selective sight." Don't only see what you want to see. If you ever want to have a meaningful relationship someday, it starts with the basics: You're gonna HAVE to have a realistic mind/attitude.

9. It's just as hard on the person who'se doing the dumping than it is on the person being dumped (I say that assuming the person doing the dumping really hates that he/she has to make such a decision & wishes there had've been a different outcome vs. the person that purposely dumps you b/c they actually like manipulating you & seeing you break apart)

10. When a person stops you at the door & says "I don't want a commitment," they are actually doing you a FAVOR! They're REALLY saying 2 things: 1. I don't want a committment with YOU & 2. Why would I sign up for a program that requires 99-100% of me when I know good & damn well I can only give 45% ?

11. Women are bigger dogs than men! Most men can have a physical affair that is avoid of any emotional attachment, but most women can't. If she's cheating on you, chances are she's doing so physically AND emotionally.

12. He may like/love you a little bit, BUT the true question is, does he like/love you ENOUGH?! If you sign up to receive only bits & pieces of a man, don't be surprised or so upset when bits & pieces is EXACTLY what you end up getting. Love is a FULL TIME job. Anything fulltime comes with a salary, benefits package & required over-time. If you want true love, don't sign up for a man whose only willing to work for you/love you part time, only to wonder why you're not getting special treatment or the "employee of the month" bumper sticker! Statistics show that people hold onto full time jobs moreso than they do part-time jobs. I.E. if you want your man to respect/love you, he MUST be under the impression that he's got to work full time (not part time) to find, get AND keep you.

13. Half of you didn't get "the ring" b/c you care way to much about the actual wedding moreso than the actual man you're marrying. He's not at all interested in impressing 500 guests like you are. He'll only want to spend a lifetime with you if he feels that you're getting married to HIM, not the "gift registry" or the opinions of your friends/family.

14. Everybody has cheated OR been cheated on. We ALL know how devestating being cheated on feels like. So if a person continually cheats on you, you kinda sorta DO have to develop the mindset that your partner PURPOSELY wanted to do something to devestate you. In this case, are you sure he deserves ANOTHER chance? (Especially considering you giving in all those other times just further pushed him to NOT respect you at all)

15. If he cheats on you, YES he thought about the consequences. YES, he knows that if he gets caught that he'll lose you & the relationship. So if he goes on to cheat anyways, YES he was ok with losing you. Accept that & teach him that you're just as OK with walking away & going to find someone who doesn't think losing you is not that big of a deal!

16. How you go in is how you have to stay. No, you don't have to look like Halle Berry every day, BUT if you want him to accept you for who you REALLY are (sweat pants N all) make sure you expose him to THAT side of you too wayyyyyyy before he starts getting too comfortable. If not, you can't blaim him for expecting you to STILL be the Tiffany's neclace (figure of speech) that he swore he bought. If you're really just "Macys" make sure he knows that up front.

17. If someone is constantly accusing you of something even AFTER you've given them proof that you were NOT doing it, it's b/c their jealousy is coming from the inside out. Even worse, half of what people are terrified of indicates what they TOO must be doing. In other words, if he's always accusing you of cheating, it's probably b/c HE'S the one cheating. If he's so terrified of being lied to & feels that he must put a GPS tracking device on your stuff, it's b/c HE'S the one whose probably NOT going where he says he is & HE'S really the one who can't be trusted.

18. If he blaims you for why he can't keep it in his pants behind closed doors, don't argue. Run like hell! Trust me, if he really resented you THAT bad, he would've left you. He's still with you b/c he knows deep down that the problem is HIM, but he's too much of a chicken shxt to admit it & spare you of all the devestating guilt/drama/heartbreak in the process. What woman actually wants, let alone needs, a chicken shxt?!

19. If you know for a fact he's lying & yet they still refuse to tell you the truth, it's b/c they made the decision a long time ago to never be honest with you. And that decision is usually final.

20. If you want to understand men so bad, get most of your understanding/advice from men themselves. Just like a man can't describe "childbirth" in the same way a woman can, understand that there are just some things ONLY men can explain/make you understand.

21. Instead of saying, "We need to talk" & then giving them a 5,000 word lecture, be short & sweet & to the point. That way what you say will register alot faster. Remember, he's expecting for you to be like every other woman who gives him a "speech." If you catch him off guard & deliver in the way HE would persay there was a problem that needed to be addressed, he'll actually listen. Ever wondered why men never reject their male buddie's advice & can repeat to you everything their gym buddies said to them? It's not b/c what was said was genius but moreso that men understand the value of keeping something "short & sweet" in order to captivate your audience. Delivery is everything!

22. He's married! You've got some nerve expecting for this man to have the tools for what it takes to please you, be faithful, loyal & dedicated to you when he's SHOWING you (mere fact that he even has a mistress) that he can't give those things to his OWN REAL companion, nor himself. If you want the real deal, go out & get your OWN man.

23. What someone WON'T say or WON'T do sometimes paints the better picture of "where you stand" moreso than what they actually ARE saying/are doing.

24. Men can't read your minds. If you want something specific (committment or a McDonald's parfait) say so. Someone won't see the incentive/need to give you something if they weren't even aware that you needed it. Men not being able to read your mind doesn't make them dumb, no it places YOU in the "friend" category simply b/c men are looking for women with backbones. And a part of having a backbone requires that you're NOT afraid to say what you want AND actually go get what you want.

25. If he's still holding on to his ex's pictures/belongings, he's still NOT over her. He may have physically moved on (which is why he's on YOUR couch) but emotionally, he hasn't (which is why SHE'S on his brain/mind so much so that he spends all of YOUR time talking about HER). Even if he calls her all the negative names in the book, the mere fact that he's on YOUR time & yet talking about his ex, oughta show you that she isn't so bad after all like he wants you to believe.

26. He hit you again b/c you didn't kick his ass & call the cops after the 1st time

27. Don't "pretend" or "try" to be busy. Literally BE busy! Don't pretend to have your head on straight; actually have your head on straight. That way you won't have to keep worrying about whether or not your man will dump you once he finds out he's fallen for your theatrics moreso than YOU for who you REALLY are.

28. Most people have emotionally detached lonnnng before the actual breakup.

29. If a man gives the waitress a "2-for-1" coupon on all your dates, it's b/c he's NOT that into you. Granted, every man isn't rich, BUT every man WILL invest in you if they feel you're worth it. If they like you enough, how much money they spend to court you will NOT overshadow/outweigh how much they actually like you.

30. If during your 1st time giving him some cooch, you bust out the stripper pole, lube & give him the blow job of his life, NO he's not gonna be sprung! He's gonna 1st put you in the "friend" category, then tap himself on the back for being right about the fact that the "My low # of sexual partners" list was a complete lie. Don't bring out all your best tricks the 1st time you give him some, b/c if you do he won't have anything else to look forward to next time. You overloading him with "all you've got" too early on is the equivalent to you putting a 5 year old in a candy store & leaving them in there for 5 hours. By the time you come back, they'll probably hate candy, not want more of it.

31. Never have serious conversations through text messaging. Reserve serious convos for in person chats. I.E. asking "Where do we stand?" or "We should be exclusive" is a convo that should be had in person.

32. There's always gonna be the guy who represents the "exception" but get real. Majority rules! If 98% of guys who don't call you for a week don't do so b/c they're NOT that into you, stop fooling yourself into believing that you must've found that guy who represents the 2% of the population that actually has a valid excuse. Ignoring you for 1 whole week is NOT ok. A man makes time for who/what he WANTS to make time for. If he doesn't call, show up or come through, it's b/c he DIDN'T "want" to make time. YES, he "HAD" time to, but just didn't "want" to. There's a difference.

33. If you notice that all his "friends" are really just FWB & ex girlfriends in disguise, run! Yes, it's EXACTLY what you think it is. He's not only ready to let go of the past but he's also not ready to be monogamous & let go of his Plan B's & C's.

34. He keeps coming in at all times of the night b/c you didn't pack up & show him (better than you could tell him) that hm doing so was NOT ok, the very 1st time he did it.

35. Pick your battles.

36. Being naive can ruin a good thing, but so can fearing what doesn't exist!

37. Don't be surprised when your man isn't as forgiving when you get caught cheating on him like you would've been for him. Guys won't put up with it, & use those clever "That's what humans do" or "One thing led to the next" lines to justify your cheating so why should you?! Why do YOU keep falling for those same ole lines when the tables are turned? (The very lines he probably gave to other women in the past when he cheated)

38. Men are attracted to women that remind them of their mothers. BUT not "mommy" as in a woman who always nags, controls him, puts him on punishment & tells him what he can and can't do. He already has ONE mother who does that quite well (he doesn't want another one). But moreso "mommy" as in a woman who comforts and nurtures him like no other.

39. The only way a man will EVER see you as his equal is if 1. You don't agree with everything he says 2. You have a backbone 3. You won't let him get away with murder/walk all over you & 4. He sees that you can handle yourself (emotionally & with class) whenever things get hectic. He's looking for someone that reminds him of himself, just with boobs & makeup on.

40. Boys care about the QUANTITY of how many women they can get into bed. MEN care about the QUALITY of the 1 woman he has with him in his bed.

41. A good sex life has nothing to do with the quantity of times you have sex, but moreso to do with the quality of the sex you're actually having, whether it's once a day or 5 times a day.

42. If he's willing to walk into Victoria's Secret with you & shop with you for 2 hours, YEP, the phucker loves you! =)
...That or he's secretely looking for ideas on what to get his mistress/OTHER girlfriend.

43. Women live to love, men love to live. Don't EVER make a man feel bad for loving many different things (notice I didn't say many different women) all at the same time. He won't ever feel bad for having a life outside of you; in fact, he actually thinks you oughta take notes! If you make him think that it's impossible for him to love sports & you at the same time, & if he has to choose, he'll pick sports every time. NOT b/c he actually loves/needs sports more than you, BUT b/c he knows there's another woman out there who 1. Has her own life & 2. Who won't be so jealous that he has his own (innocent) life outside of her.

44. He hates your best female friend b/c he knows she's always right about him. He hates your best male friend b/c he knows that as long as he's (male friend) still around, he'll (your boyfriend) constantly be reminded of how special he SHOULD be treating you. Wouldn't you find it embarrassing if outsiders were always "hip" to your evil intentions or lack of effort?! Isn't the employee whose always goofing off & never gets any work done, the main one to raise the MOST hell when he/she finally gets noticed & fired?!

45. He'll commit to you when you stop begging him for it. Are you so quick to give your number/sex to a man who is wayyy too aggressive & appears to be a little TOO hungry/thirsty? I didn't think so.

46. It's not about "playing games" to get what you want. It's about acknowledging that certain strategies actually work when it comes to getting what you want. In the same way you have to dress/talk/present yourself differently during a job interview to get the job you want is the SAME way you have to be when looking to find AND keep a man. Don't feel so bad =P Trust me, he's got a few tricks up his OWN sleeve when it comes to winning you over!

47. Don't ever repeat to your partner what advice/opinions outsiders have given to you. Instead of hearing the advice & taking it into consideration, he'll just assume that you're only telling him to gang up on him. Or that you you must've not told your friends/family the WHOLE story. Or that others think for you. Or that you're only trying to create the false illusion that he's horrible & you're an angel. All of which he's against & won't entertain/listen to. (You'll know this is happening when he conveinantly stops saying hi to your mother or your friends--what you've created is a man who now tunes out your friends/family vs. what you REALLY wanted which was a man who could hear opinions from outsiders & maybe even learn something)

48. Do you want to be "right," or do you want to keep your man? If you're the type of gal that always has to be right, that means you're relationship will always consist of 1 person whose always right, while the other person is always the square loser. Newsflash, men won't stay around if they feel like losers.

49. If he's ok with his friends having sex with you or dating you, he's NOT that into you. When a man really wants you, he'll make it VERY clear to his boys that you are HIS & that this is HIS time to earn you, not theirs.

50. Don't you just love me?! =P

Posted by krysrenee7
21. Instead of saying, "We need to talk" & then giving them a 5,000 word lecture, be short & sweet & to the point.

I have to say, this one made me laugh... a lot.

Good points though.