Advice for a sag female dealing with a cancer male?

I posted on the cancer forum, but haven't gotten much advice.

I'm currently in a casual relationship with this crab, we have had the conversation about not wanting to be in a serious relationship, and we were both in agreement, for our own reasons, but he stated specifically that he just does not want to be in a relationship right now, he doesn't want to be anyone's boyfriend, and even though he likes me as a person, he doesn't have feelings for me, all of which is fine, hence our casual arrangement. However. Last week I got a call from him while he was on his way to the emergency room bc he had hurt his ankle playing soccer. He kept asking me on the phone if I would take care of him. I was really taken aback because while I'm not heartless, and wouldn't leave someone in pain alone, if he really needed help, he had his friends there at the time. not to mention that it really overstepping the boundaries of our relationship.

I talked to him a day or so later and once I knew everything was actually fine, I kind of got into it a little with him, for calling me like that in front of his friends, and acting like I was supposed to come running to him, like a girlfriend would. IMO he shouldn't even be talking about me to his friends, I'm not a part of his life in that way at all, much less calling me in front of them to see if I'd come take care of him! After a little back and forth about it he admitted that he had been testing the waters(?) to see what I would do(??) WTF?! I let him know that that was not acceptable, that our arrangement needs to stay as clear and simple as possible, and while we can be a lil friendlier than strictly booty calls, It's not going to equate to much more than that. He agreed to that, and things kind of went back to normal. We text almost daily about random things, I tried to help him find ways to help heal his injury, etc.

The weekend after his injury he said he was able to drive and wanted to come over on Sunday, and then he said that he thought we should start having sex every day because he read something that said that it makes you happier. I said that that's way too much to ask from our arrangement, not to mention that logistically that would be impossible since we don't live together. He let that go pretty easily, but then blew me off on Sunday with a half hearted excuse.

Also 2 more times this week he has text'd or called me to say that he wanted to come over, and then BOTH TIMES kept pushing the time back and acting wishy washy until I told him not to bother. Both times he claimed to have been busy, but when I had talked to him earlier he said he had nothing going on.

being a Sag, I'm not very good at keeping my mouth shut, and after the last time he blew me off I straight up told him he was acting like a dick. He tried claiming that he really was busy but agreed to stop texting me but that I could text him if I wanted to see him again.

Seriously, what is going on right now?

Get out while you still can!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah I guess you're right, I'm just pissed because he has ruined a good thing. I haven't talked to him since, but I have a feeling that that won't be last last I've heard from him. My experience with cancers is they they are kind of difficult to shake, and keep coming back...

Get the fuck out now while u still have your sanity.

Way to many games on his end

No one can comeback into your life if you dont let them

sounds like he was looking for you to play the role of gf when he needed you to, without actually having to put in the investment himself of being a bf. Good for you standing your ground and demanding respect for the boundaries of your relationship!

Thanks for everyone's input, you're all right.

I haven't had any contact with him, and I won't reach out. I'm currently contemplating unfriending him on FB but I feel like it seems kind of like a petty thing to do. I actually don't hate him or anything, I'm just disappointed that he acted the way he did towards me, especially when he was already getting the no strings attached FB, so there was really no need for his attempted manipulations.

Oh whatever, I guess I'll never really understand guys..And they say we're complicated! 🙂

im a cancer female .......trust me.....he has fallen for you....doesnt want to tell you but tries to hook up...hahahahahaaa if you dont want a relationship with him then trust me....stop the contact. once a cancer has feelings for someone the only medicine is to stop all connection because we tend to think every little word or even a hallo is the promise you have feelings. no kidding

I really don't know if his behavior has anything to do with him being a cancer. i do know though, that they tend to be more emotional, and yes, manipulative. My mom is a cancer so I've been dealing with that my whole life, just not in this type of situation.

I personally don't know which sign I'd fit best with, I have the most chemistry with Aries but mostly in a friendship, I've never dated one. I've dated 1 Leo, and the experience left me sworn off of them for the time being! I have a great time with fellow sags but they have always blown in and out of my life, like sag's do! 🙂

...cancers seem to be the only sign that either I'm drawn to, or they to me, but if they're all like this one, and so far they have been, I need to swear them off too! It's too much drama for my taste.

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by silly1
im a cancer female .......trust me.....he has fallen for you....doesnt want to tell you but tries to hook up...hahahahahaaa if you dont want a relationship with him then trust me....stop the contact. once a cancer has feelings for someone the only medicine is to stop all connection because we tend to think every little word or even a hallo is the promise you have feelings. no kidding

Cancer does not have feelings for her...

They are one of the most emotionally manipulative people on the planet the male and female form... They will use their "tea and sympathy " emotional "hard done by" cards as.often as.they see fit.to get their way in a given situation whether it be friendship, relationship, fwb or whatever.. One of my nephews is a cancer...sullen as hell. Emotional blackmailers. They are renowned for being players and they.do this well via their emotions. They play this card well especial with the fire signs... My leo bestie is experiencing this and my cancer nephew has no problem with the "sweet and innocent" demeanour until he get what he wants then dumps.

I had a cancer friend for 9 years she used her friends and men in relationships with them; had an air of entitlement. Unlike the fire signs, being an earth sign I have no room for hangers on.. Once I see the the bullshit I cut your head clean off..

click to expand

i am sorry but that is NOT true. we female cancers are TOO emotional attached and we are very loyal. we cannot have "friends with benefits" relationships cuz we care too much. because you had a bad experience doesnt mean all cancers are like that. and the men can be very uptight about financial situations as in they dont like spending it on crap. however like all signs there are those who have too much of the negative traits. but just like saying sags are players , saying all cancers are players is nonsense. i am a cancer and i used to be the one to get played at...because i expected that my boyfriend would give me the same loyalty as i gave him. i learned very young that you shouldnt and that being clingy is selfish and can hurt yourself. however.......we cancers REALLY are the last persons to cheat. sorry you had a douchebag but that doesnt mean its a cancer trait

Cancers don't have fwb they have booty calls... totally different.

Both male cancers I've been involved with have cheated on their girlfriends. either before, or after me....Excuses have run something along the lines of "I just can't help it, I was bored with the sex", "But I still loved her"....

Obviously you can't lump one trait into all people of that sign, but from my experience they are very manipulative, for their own benefit. Some people might be able to handle the emotional roller-coaster that they create, but not me, at all. I'm straightforward, no BS, and no sugar coating the truth, whether you like it or not...So his behavior, from my POV has been maddening!

Yea all I can say is I feel your pain...drama drama drama evasive confusing etc...i REALLY wish what silly1said was the truth.

@silly1 enable your PMs!

Posted by thinktoomuch
Wow! cancer I dated also said, that he would def. leave if the sex got too boring. At least he was upfront about it and put it in a way, that fitts pretty well with sag tendencies. The two people I told this too, got really offended on my behalf.

Had he made us official, I would open up more and hopefully it wouldn´t get borring, but we´ll never know that now will we 🙂

I would think actually that a no nonsense sag would be the perfect fit to handle all that manipulative back and forth. - But the cancer would have to be really really into the sag for it to work ofcours, and that is the challenge.
Anyway, good luck with everything🙂 - dealing with the madness or getting yourself out of it.

We worked ok as friends. I even suggested that we maybe try to be just friends, and not hook up anymore, but he chose the opposite, which is why I tried so hard to keep the boundaries in place... He told me that it was frustrating because he couldn't lie to me, and that I always see through his BS. But that's only when we're in person, when he's on the phone, all I can use is my intuition and he always has another lie/excuse on hand...Oh well, at this point it's over so it doesn't even matter, I just have this need to try to understand the psychology behind it! lol, maybe it's because I have my moon in virgo....

Ugh I have no advice, but the other day I heard my bf's cancer friend on the phone with one of his fling or tinder sluts and he was like "I whatcha want to do this weekend? Have sex? Nah really though, didn't you say you wanted to see a movie or something?"

Gross :/

I was like good one, Casanova...........

Posted by thinktoomuch
Not sure if this is of any relevance, but thought I´d share anyhow:

long background story to my experience with one cancer man (only one I´ve ever met, I believe), but known him for almost 4 years now and the first 9 months of knowing each oher, we dated.
.... Today we met up and had a good talk about how it was for the both of us, when we dated. Probably it was mostly what it felt like t me back then, because I have felt very misunderstood, but he also shared and it gave me some great insight and understanding.
One thing he did say though, and he has said that before about a little under a year ago, was that I was the one, who wasn´t interested in a relationship to begin with.
He said it again today - I found out he had misunderstood what I had said about not being good at relationships as me saying "relationships is not my thing" as in: I don´t want one.

Regardless of that, I made it clear later on, that that´s what I wanted, but still I think it can have an effect on someone.

Not sure what it is you are looking for from this, I know you are just a FWB thing now, or was seing as that is over, but if you wanted to pursue anything, even if it is just a clearing up of the situation, I suggest you talk to him heart to heart and be honest. Could be you want the same thing...

Thanks for the advice. He did text me last night, and had apparently misunderstood my meaning last week when I text him to stop dicking me around, with making plans and blowing me off. He had apparently thought I meant to just stop texting me entirely...Either way, the whole situation made me realize that this is not what I want, I'm not happy, and I really can't stand the mind games and drama. So I told him that it's probably best we go our separate ways, so we can both find people who we fit better with.

The convo did prove to me though that he is not secretly harboring deeper feelings. I explained that I feel like my intolerance of his drama might be because I'm ready to try to meet someone who I can have more than just FWB with, he said that he understood, and that I'm entitled to that, if that's what I want.

We didn't necessarily end on a good or bad note, it's just kind of weird when the last thing you expect you're ever going to say to someone is "ok"...

Posted by thinktoomuch
Final words are always weird, regardless of what they are. It´s just the feeling or thought of FINAL, that makes it weird somehow.

It is great, that you figures out, that you maybe want something more in the love department now. It´s always great (and strange) to learn that about yourself, and personally it is also extremely scary. But overall good, ´cause that meant, you can go after it!!!

Not trying to be cute or to make you believe en something, that´s not there, but I gotta say this: if you write someone, that you want something more in the love department and therefor you should go your seperate ways, that´s like saying: I want something more and clearly it won´t be with you.
Not sure if you are into this guy, but if you do see something more there with him, then you have to be a lot more ballsy🙂
If not: good luck on finding what you are seeking.

Well I paraphrased our conversation but I can definitely say that he's has always been upfront about not wanting a relationship, and he said pretty much the same last night, which is fine, I never expected anything like that from him, which is probably what drove me crazy about the way he started acting... there's a lot more to the story that makes me sure of that, but I didn't want to turn this into a long saga here.

Well...I didn't think we ended on bad terms after our last convo, but I logged onto FB tonight and saw that he unfriended me...For the same reason that I decided NOT to unfriend him, it feels kind of petty and harsh., and to be honest I feel a little hurt by it, is that silly? I think it probably is... I didn't expect us to remain in contact but it just seems so final.

It's like he screamed his hatred at me, by so obviously severing all ties to me.

IDK, I'm sure this feeling will pass, I'm just a little bit surprised that he did it, and at how it affected me...

Posted by Shellyd238
Well...I didn't think we ended on bad terms after our last convo, but I logged onto FB tonight and saw that he unfriended me...For the same reason that I decided NOT to unfriend him, it feels kind of petty and harsh., and to be honest I feel a little hurt by it, is that silly? I think it probably is... I didn't expect us to remain in contact but it just seems so final.

It's like he screamed his hatred at me, by so obviously severing all ties to me.

IDK, I'm sure this feeling will pass, I'm just a little bit surprised that he did it, and at how it affected me...

I don't think he hates you. I mean are you two going to hang out or meet up for coffee and open up about the new people you're dating or having sex with? Not likely. That's what "friends" actually do. Your relationship was purely for f*cking and if that's off the table, why would you stay in touch? That makes no sense. That like me quitting a job and wondering why my employer changed my passwords and key access.

I don't think the move to unfriend you was evidence of him being dramatic, but realistic. If he had blocked you, then I'd agree.

As for the other stuff, Crabs are famous for the sideway shuffle. He liked you, possibly wanted more and went about communicating that in a piss poor side ways fashion. Meh. Crabs aren't for everyone.

Posted by Shellyd238
Well...I didn't think we ended on bad terms after our last convo, but I logged onto FB tonight and saw that he unfriended me...For the same reason that I decided NOT to unfriend him, it feels kind of petty and harsh., and to be honest I feel a little hurt by it, is that silly? I think it probably is... I didn't expect us to remain in contact but it just seems so final.

It's like he screamed his hatred at me, by so obviously severing all ties to me.

IDK, I'm sure this feeling will pass, I'm just a little bit surprised that he did it, and at how it affected me...

I don't think he hates you. I mean are you two going to hang out or meet up for coffee and open up about the new people you're dating or having sex with? Not likely. That's what "friends" actually do. Your relationship was purely for f*cking and if that's off the table, why would you stay in touch? That makes no sense. That like me quitting a job and wondering why my employer changed my passwords and key access.

I don't think the move to unfriend you was evidence of him being dramatic, but realistic. If he had blocked you, then I'd agree.

As for the other stuff, Crabs are famous for the sideway shuffle. He liked you, possibly wanted more and went about communicating that in a piss poor side ways fashion. Meh. Crabs aren't for everyone.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by Shellyd238
Well...I didn't think we ended on bad terms after our last convo, but I logged onto FB tonight and saw that he unfriended me...For the same reason that I decided NOT to unfriend him, it feels kind of petty and harsh., and to be honest I feel a little hurt by it, is that silly? I think it probably is... I didn't expect us to remain in contact but it just seems so final.

It's like he screamed his hatred at me, by so obviously severing all ties to me.

IDK, I'm sure this feeling will pass, I'm just a little bit surprised that he did it, and at how it affected me...

I don't think he hates you. I mean are you two going to hang out or meet up for coffee and open up about the new people you're dating or having sex with? Not likely. That's what "friends" actually do. Your relationship was purely for f*cking and if that's off the table, why would you stay in touch? That makes no sense. That like me quitting a job and wondering why my employer changed my passwords and key access.

I don't think the move to unfriend you was evidence of him being dramatic, but realistic. If he had blocked you, then I'd agree.

As for the other stuff, Crabs are famous for the sideway shuffle. He liked you, possibly wanted more and went about communicating that in a piss poor side ways fashion. Meh. Crabs aren't for everyone.

click to expand

That might have been a possibility if the dude didn't have over 1000 FB friends. obviously there's no way he's actively in touch with even 1/4 of those people, he probably doesn't really even know most of them...

It's not so much about staying in touch, I don't stay in touch with many of my FB friends either, but I'm not going to just delete them from my life, because I don't hate them. Sometimes after a few years, I'll go through my friends and delete anyone whom I've completely forgotten who they are, or that we were FB friends, but to do that withing 2 days of a convo with someone says a lot more about how they feel, IMO.

If you knew this guy you'd know that he IS dramatic, he LIKES to get under my skin, and he thrives off of getting me angry, so I've concluded that his is just his passive aggressive way to doing that, to get a reaction from me, because I was the one that said that we shouldn't talk/text anymore after we ended. Unfortunately it worked, but he doesn't have to know that! 🙂

Posted by thinktoomuch
😄 Omfg! Oh well, either he is a drama queen and have completely misunderstood what you guys were doing and saying.

Or he thought of you as purely booty with no need to have contact, when you are not gonna have sex.

Or he somehow thinks you´re crazy and will bring him drama?!

That´s the only reason I have ever been deleted, and indeed I was acting crazy and causing drama😄

But I have a long history with a cancer male (ony one I know though, so that´s not much to go on), and regardless of what went on between us, he never deleted me. I deleted him once, because I was hurt, until we started talking again and he asked me to request him again 😄

I think there have been a lot more going on underneath the surface, than what you know. Not nessesarily that he was immensely into you, but sounds like he had other plans with everything and got upset, when his plans got cancelled.

Haha he might think I'm crazy(bi polar anyway), but I certainly don't bring him drama. We actually had very little communication through FB, I never even posted anything on his wall or anything like that.

I'm going with the drama queen.

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by silly1
im a cancer female .......trust me.....he has fallen for you....doesnt want to tell you but tries to hook up...hahahahahaaa if you dont want a relationship with him then trust me....stop the contact. once a cancer has feelings for someone the only medicine is to stop all connection because we tend to think every little word or even a hallo is the promise you have feelings. no kidding

Cancer does not have feelings for her...

They are one of the most emotionally manipulative people on the planet the male and female form... They will use their "tea and sympathy " emotional "hard done by" cards as.often as.they see fit.to get their way in a given situation whether it be friendship, relationship, fwb or whatever.. One of my nephews is a cancer...sullen as hell. Emotional blackmailers. They are renowned for being players and they.do this well via their emotions. They play this card well especial with the fire signs... My leo bestie is experiencing this and my cancer nephew has no problem with the "sweet and innocent" demeanour until he get what he wants then dumps.

I had a cancer friend for 9 years she used her friends and men in relationships with them; had an air of entitlement. Unlike the fire signs, being an earth sign I have no room for hangers on.. Once I see the the bullshit I cut your head clean off..

click to expand

This. I HAD a cancer friend and she definitely used men to have HER needs met. She would be with one guy and he would treat her like an absolute queen but then another guy would come along with more money or financial stability and she would dump current guys ass and go for the other one. Then she would moan about the new guy and start thinking about the ex because things were no longer rainbows and sunshine. Manipulative as fuck. Selfish as hell. Definitely an air of entitlement.

Posted by Geminariescharmer
I wish this relationship all the best, i am seeing this one happening now in my life now

Oooo I'm sorry. I did not have a good outcome, but hopefully you will!