I don't know there's an answer for this

So I've been dating a Sag for some time now. I'm an Aries and he of course is the Sag. I'm finally starting to see a bigger picture about his life and now I'm not so sure how to deal with it. I'm 41 and he's 50. I'm divorced with one kid (girl in 1st grade); he was married once, no kids and frankly I think that was his "40 yr old mid-life crisis".

Here's the pattern I've finaly seen take shape and it has to do with the Sag's "shadow" (if anyone is familar with this concept); his constant ability to "promise" or "talk about planning for" things and NEVER following through. Lots of empty statements, promises, and planning for stuff that NEVER comes to fruition; not always having to do with me either.

For example: in the past 3 years

- he's talked about fixing up his house that he's lived in for 20 YEARS (it still looks the same as when he bought it)
- wanting to travel with me (never been on a plane together yet)
- talking of planning out life (getting married, houses, schools for kidlet); all talk.
- saying he'll want to do all sorts of small things (some for me) (some for him) and NOT doing any of it.

I feel like he's so afaird of failing at something, that he doesn't start anything. Like he's just frozen scared. He does have all the sag's positive traits and we get along great, but I'm getting a little tired of all the empty words.

He's 50 years old and has really NOTHING to show for his life. It's sad because there's so much potential there to have a family, have a nice house, DO things - (all stuff he SAYS he wants)and I've even offered to help him get there, I've even said I would have a child with him (THAT was met with silence) just frozen scared silence - but again, NEVER accomplished anything. Never starts any TRUE "life" stuff-just exists.

His north node is in Virgo - which says A LOT as well. That combined with his Sag sun,and other heavy Sag placements.

Lately, this past week, I've started distancing my daughter and myself from him. He promised last week to come over and watch "Survivor" with me and my daughter (couldn't make it and let her down) really, for no good reason. He let me down this past weekend when he told me he would help me with a small project, but when it came time to actually follow through - he was too busy mowing his grass and his neighbors. He spends his time helping others and not helping himself and focusing on what he says he really wants. Any ideas? I'm just done with the empty words.

I'm not saying "I want a ring" or hurry up and ask me to marry you. It's more like a bigger life pattern I'm seeing here - and I'm not sure there are any answers. I love him dearly, but I can only take some much of this. Yes, I have talked to him about this to a degree as diplomatedly as possible - he just sits there and agrees - never really saying anything and then moving on in the conversation. I throw my hands up.

Really? No answer? Maybe a hit a nerve with ALL Sags? (I doubt it, but just maybe)....I'll go post this to my Aries peeps.

He sounds a little like the guy who rents a lot a have back in TX for his RV ... where he lived until recently. He's 75 now, a sag, and he always does stuff for others but doesn't have much for himself. Like a feather in the wind as they say. I do think its weird that you can't get him to do stuff for you. This guy fell out of a tree a couple years ago cutting branches for his gf. She worked the hell out of him. At least she is putting him up while he has gotten two knee replacement surgeries. Haha, he always complains about how much of a grumpy old bitch she is, but he would go right back and do anything for her.

So, in 3 years have you learned any of his buttons? Everybody has buttons. What can you do or say to get any kind of a reaction ( good or bad )? Push his buttons, wake him up. You have to not be afraid of loosing him, becuase if he can't take it he will run ... but, what do you really have w/ him now? Sometimes a good relationship isn't always peaceful ... no conflict at all = blah

Thanks for the response jru2.

He's got buttons for sure - I found them and it's called the hardcore truth - no sugarcoating or being diplomatic about it either; while I say I'm throwing my hands up, I'm not quiet ready to walk away...it may come to that, but I hope it doesn't (sigh). He's worth the effort for sure - don't get me wrong, he is caring and will do things for me (small things)...it's the big life stuff he talks about that has no follow through with a smidgeon of the small things here and there. Right now life is so busy for me (being a single mom) that my focus is mainly on raising my daughter and getting myself in to better shape. I need to also be careful what I ask for, as I may just get it as well.

Just was looking for a sag's point of view. Thank you!

Trying to develop follow thru sag or not is the hardest thing to do in the fucking world. I struggle with this daily. I don't know some people are very afraid to fail and so they don't even try. I think it is a bit of a sag thing but also just a people thing. I'm glad you're not trying to save him and let him help himself (which doesn't really seem to do anyway) but you seem to get that you can only do so much cause ultimitly he has to do it.

So with that I guess, if he can't shape up and it's not working for you, like you were doing just distance, distance than be gone. You gotta do what right for you and I don't think he'll shape up anytime soon. Maybe he's bipolar?

The answer for this is to DO the things you want him to, with him. I.e. him saying he wants to go travelling with you is him saying Run262 can you help me organise a trip somewhere? Better still, you organise it and tell him you're sorting most of it out.
Talking about it is mostly him expressing his ideas and wanting to see how you feel about them. If they're good with you then great, take his hand and go to an agent or look online together, that kind of thing.

Posted by calthrope
...DO the things you want him to, with him. ...take his hand and...

It's true that you two need shared experiences, but the guy needs to take some initiative. At least it should be 50/50. Sometimes w/ my ex, she would plan the trips, and then resent me for not taking the initiative (or acting like I was having much fun), and I would resent her for planning away so much of my time. It would have been better if she had been more aware of my true passions and joined me doing those. ( i can't tell from your post if he really wants to travel with you, or if he is just saying that because he thinks that is what you want ). It's probably the latter.

Try joining him on one of those weird projects he's doing for someone ... grab the weed eater and help him mow if you have to ... just to see what reaction you get. Haha, and then do stupid silly stuff all day.

btw .. sag guys are just plain weird sometimes. We might actually enjoy mowing somebody's grass more than going on a relaxing cruise. Personally I would much rather trim someone's bushes (especially if she's cute).


hey back at ya ariessun 😛

Trimming a vagina? how old are you? i would have found that fanny like a year ago. God. More embarrassment for our sign. Not only is our humour ridiculous but WE CAN'T EVEN MAKE HOLIDAY PLANS.

Yes 50/50