why does the sag influence cause me such pain

ok just for the record, my mars is in aries, so a big part of me runs on fire sign energy, and i love it...it gives me alot of personal power and physical energy and helps my otherwise emotional self push through the shit. to be honest its more sag rising that is making me break someone elses heart and my own. most things small and trivial aside i mean i would have married the girl but i just cant take it anymore. 3 years is the most i have spent with anyone in 33 yrs here(probably because of my mars in aries.lol) i have virgo rising which as we all know here ..is not a very good match for a sag rising person. does every body know how flambouyant gay guys are way more dramatic than most actual females....well shes like that. but only when people are around....when shes on stage...someone to impress. it comes on like a switch being hit...automatic. her need for attention is off the charts. she is extremely blunt and sexual which i could appreciate if i was the recipient, but no...thats for the fans and public at large. it kills me. last year she got an upgrade in the chest department so that kicked the attention thing into hyper mode. she so trys to hide it when we are together but it still peeks out at times...i can only imagine the challange she goes through trying to hold back. ok...worst night with her.....after the boob job we broke up for a while because i couldnt take it. she as always obsesivley stalks me and does everything she can to get me back...sex ....temptress, i mean our everyday sex is good because my mars in aries throws it on her but, when we are apart she throws it on me with all the sag i could ever ask for. shell go out party, do her thing, then be outside my house sitting in her car at 3:30 in the morning stalking me...its sick. back to the night in question...she was going to a gay bar and asked me if i wanted to go...then hesitated.....and me trying to be the adventurous person that a sag rising would appriciate said, yeah , sure ill go, it should be interesting. well for half the night she maintained but i guess the alcohol finally overrode her restraints and i went to the bathroom, maybe gone 3 minutes-5 at the most, and i am walking back and some guy is all over her goping her breasts like its going out of style and her just grinning away. i wanted to kill somebody.

HEY!!! You ... remember me 😛

Hmmm, I take it that the lady you are speaking of is that libra. You must really have a strong connection with her if she is treating like such and you still take her back. Do you ever wish you could break free from her and maybe ... just maybe find someone else alittle more appealing and stable —??

I'm just curious.

well i guess i cant fit that into one post....if anyone actually botherd to read that. maybe writing it out is theraputic...so dont take too many shots at my long windedness.lol

anyway......that was the beginning of one of the worst nights in my life. i would have got arrested that night except im not going to jail over the actions of her slutty ***, and i think my heart dying inside weakened the aries energies that would have normally demanded blood. it didnt stop there, after being one flinch away from going to blows with this very non-gay acting dude she spots two really gay guys that she knows who grabbed her tits as a greeting i think.....then all the compliments back and forth. thier telling me to calm down..shes going home with u tonight...thier telling me, just harmless fun. not very comforting. not to mention the male stripper dancer guy with a baseball bat in his banna hammock that just seemed to end up next to her at the bar which i kinda stopped before anything started. i thought atleast.... one of the gay guys grabbed her by the arm and took her over to where the stripper ended up at the bar and i hestitaed for a secound and right when i got over to where they were the lights came on and everybody in the whole club filed out like there was a fire.
it really sucked..i would have left but she drove, and i guess i couldnt leave...that would be like fighting with your wife and then dropping her off at a gang-bang. needless to saythat caused a even bigger rift...which with much obbsesive energy and pretty damn making me the focus of everything ..yes sir, dropping off meals at the door and sending her daughter up to bring it to me, sex anyway and all the time. i wore down and somehow she weasled her way back in, of course i couldnt get over everything and we broke up then the cyle repeats of obsessive stalking and smothering with every thing u could ever want. its sick...it really is. well i have pulled away again, i just cant deal with it. 3 messages today that i couldnt even understand for the crying and hyperventalating. i just cant take the constant pain i feel over it, i dont trust her...and i dont think i ever will. theres many other things i could go into detail about but its not worth it and im wanting this novel to be complete..i hate typing.lol

when is it enough sag rising? do u ever find better as it always seems u are on the hunt for it and is it worth the destruction left in your wake.

hey...yup, sorry havent been in touch. well i did date someone else from like november to march but she lived 2 and half hours away and the distance made it difficult. my house isnt quite ready to sell and its going to take at least 6 months to finish. it was really hard for me the weekdays were so lonely....i work by myself alot so i really want someone to talk and interact with when i get home and i just couldnt take it and we ended it. i still talk to her but things are the same still and we know that didnt work so .......

how u doing?

oh I'm fine cj 🙂

You seem very lost my friend ...... you don't know what to do nor do you know how to get there.

Yes, I can imagine how lonely the weekends could get. I know what it's like ... really I do. If feels very different when that person you have grown accustom to isn't there anymore.

However, you don't find someway to "breakaway" from the person that making you suffer emotionally, then you will never recover ...

wow i dont think i would have read all that if i hadnt written it myself .lol i have to stop this thing now and move on...i cant do it any more.

*** cappy gasps ***

Is cj going to listen ... usually cancers don't listen to cappies 😉

I'm only kidding. Yeah, it took re-reading my old post about the cancer man to force him out of my heart. That's when I started to move on.

I think you and I are the type to give our all to the person we care for but we rarely get it back in return ...

You need to start caring about yourself more cj. How ca you take care of anyone else properly if you neglect yourself dude?

well the catalyst now is my mother. she is dying, maybe another month if we are lucky. i am a cancer mommy's boy but not in the typical sense...i only see her once a week but she is involved with all the finacial end of me and my business. we are close but not in the typical hanging on the apron string cancer.

i just cant deal with both, i dont have the emotional capacity to handle it.

i am lost

See cj,

That's what I'm talking about. You don't think you can deal because you have allow yourself to be emotionally drained.

I'm am deeply sorry about your mother and there's nothing I can say to make all of those feelings easy ... losing someone close to you is anything but easy. However, your life has to keep going afterwards ... this is why you must start taking better care of yourself.

Do you know what I mean when I say take better care of yourself?

i do....

Well good!

Then you need to start implementing what you know 😉 I have faith in you only because you seem like a person who just needs a little support in order to keep everything in perspective. Unfortunately, that libia isn't the person that you can lean on.

She will only bring you down honey ...

Have a goodnight cj 🙂

We will talk again, okay?