Another question for Scorpio women (AGAIN, I KNOW)

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Scorp73
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Just curious to see what you guys think of this:

I had an ex-girlfriend (Scorpio Sun/Moon/and Rising) invite me to her birthday party out of the blue last month. One I hadn't spoken to for well over a year. I had to decline going, but we kept in contact for a few weeks only to see her disappear in the middle of an sms conversation. She had been telling me how it had been too long since we talked, etc, so I suggested hanging out with a group of mutual friends. I've texted once or twice since, but no response. Mind you, the conversation was warm and friendly, and not overly serious.

I'm assuming that she's busy and/or had a change of heart. I can't say that I'm overly surprised or even terribly disappointed, but a bit confused. I wouldn't bother to go out of my way to get back in contact with someone only to drop off without reason not long after.

I'm not going to do squat about it, and this is just morbid (and perhaps a bit obsessive) curiosity on my part. If anything else, I'm just venting a bit of confusion. If you have 2 cents to share, I'm interested in hearing it.
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FUM
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Hi Scorp73,

I remember being too forward with you last time when you posted about her.

I will try to explain what I feel about your situation, but I need to know more about your past relationship with her. I think I already know the answer, but let's try another route.

Here are my questions:

How long was your relationship?

Do you think it was love?

Did you leave her or did she leave you?

Why, do you think, are you still thinking about her?

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Scorp73
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Damned exceeded limits:
@FUM

Be as direct and forward as you like! Nothing you say will hurt my feelings or what not. Like I said, I'm more curious than anything.

Let's see..the relationship was on and off from 2005-2010. Not always romantic, not always just friends, not always FWB. It was anything but clear to be honest.

We ended up blowing up at each other. It was fairly mutual. What happened was this: I had received job offers back home in the US, or in other countries in Europe, none of which materialized at the last moment. When I told her about them, she would all but break down and tell me she didn't want to be left alone. (This was during a friendship phase, mind you. We were both seeing other people.)

After that, it wandered from friends to FWB and back and forth a few times until she started getting jealous of other women in my life and told me so. I completely fumbled in the conversation. Deer in headlights, weak responses, etc. After I got my composure, I talked to her about it a few days later and made a boneheaded mistake..I brought up a DTR. The gray area was eating me alive so I just spit it out to get some peace of mind. She exploded and denied ever saying "Don't leave me" or being jealous, said I was crazy and it was all in my mind, among other things. Again, a bad move on my part, I really tore her a new asshole for calling me crazy. You know, nothing says you're not crazy like acting crazy!

She back tracked again, and said let's forget all of this and talk in a few weeks. I let her make the first move, and when I responded to her, she stopped talking again. She did this a few times, regardless of who started the conversation. That got annoying as hell, so I simply stopped initiating any contact as did she at the same time amusingly enough. It was no contact until last month when she contacted me only to cut off the conversation again.

Why am I thinking about it? I hate to sound whiny, but I suppose I'd like some closure. That, and I'd just like to know WTF was really going through her head. It's like a good mystery that I want to know the answer to.
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Scorp73
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Posted by kalin
im sorry if I sounded mean and every scorpio can be different.
but from my experience, i never wanted anything more than friendship when I contacted my exes, and the only exception is when HE's the one broke up with me 😛



Not mean at all! I'm not sure I would even want to be friends with her at this point even though I do have some lingering feelings. I'm just baffled as to why she would even bother contacting me only to vanish again. If I'm being toyed with, I'd just appreciate a woman's point of view. In this case, another Scorpio is about the close I can get to her own thoughts.
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FUM
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I'm so not good with abbreviations: DTR. Ok, I figured with the help of Google. 🙂

Sooo, here is what I think. I think, she has more significance to you than I had thought in the beginning. My first impression of you was that you were the one toying with her... due to indecisiveness, or perhaps, when men feel lonely, they grab back to their old address books and pick the woman who caused most —turmoil?? in their lives with the believe that the woman who caused most drama for them, loved him most.

This is just my theory. It might be even a correct conclusion. Everyone has their own perception. What may appear drama, jealousy or any end-of-the-spectrum observation to you, may not be the same feeling for the other person. She may have a different perception on her reaction.

Now, I believe you mean more to her than you know.

Her silence is that she needs more assurance from you. She takes a step, but wants to see continuance and stability coming from you. She hasn't given up on you. Initially I thought she invited you for her closure. Perhaps that was her initial intention. I wanted to invite an ex, who has meant the most to me, to my summer garden party this year. After 4 years of not seeing him, I felt ready. I found out he was out of the country, so I didn't bring it up. By inviting him back into my close proximity, I hoped to prove to myself that I am over him. I thought I was ready to accept him as a friend and was even ready to accept him with another woman.
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FUM
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In one of our last conversations he told me that sex has never the same with someone else. I told him that I was very much taken by him. Perhaps that is why.

This conversation also gave me some bad taste. I thought he is looking for FWB with me. So... I'm ignoring him. I don't have the heart to talk to him in any nonchalant way. I still have feelings for him. However they are so hurt that it is not easy for him to fix. His return into my life would involve meeting my expectations... such as... that he come forward, perhaps not all at once, but with little steps, and that we can rebuild our friendship first. I tell myself that I would never fall into the same vulnerable situation again. I had trusted him fully.
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FUM
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He was last who contacted me. It's been more than a month. I can't respond, because anything I come up with is not casual. I have to change personality to appear just jolly and non-caring.

Coming back to your Scorpio lady, it seems to me she still has hopes about you. I see her behaviour as variable. So there still is something unfinished. If she??d see you as just friends, she would make sure that you are fully knowledgeable about your status in her head. If she wouldn't care, she would not have invited you.
Second, I would never be friends with some —ex?? unless... let's say we had a little something, but I really didn't take it that deeply and that far; let's say we departed in good terms, then yes, I can be casual friends for old days sake.

If you have figured things out in your head, and you want to give your growth another go with her, then be ready, it will not be easy for you to assure her, at least not in the beginning. She will continue testing you until you have proven to her that she can rely on you. She will not be relaxed and open with you, at least not for some time. Not because she wants to hide her thoughts from you, it is the fear of senselessly being exposed and making herself vulnerable for another hurt. The word 'testing' is not really the right word. Let's call it assurance. I believe as a Scorpio I have my pride. Here goes another word. When I say 'pride', I don't mean the feeling of superiority, but it is a quality one develops to preserve and protect one's healthy ego.
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FUM
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You know what? FWB is bs. I don't think a Scorpio woman can do that. I don't think ANY woman would be happy with FWB. Perhaps for a short time it is possible, but I don't think in your case with your Scorpio woman, she EVER believed you were friends with benefits. You misinterpreted her. Also what you interpreted as 'jealousy' was you failed to assure her. She wanted you! ...not some FWB relation.

I understand that you already are aware of the misunderstandings.

Sorry for the length of my response. I aimed for making the thought process accessible. This all is from my own experience as I analyzed myself and as I try to understand her behaviour. I don't think she has any ill intentions towards you, like taking revenge or getting back at you.

That is why when I responded to you the first time, I believed you will hurt her again. That is why I suggested it is best you leave her be. The ideal would be reaching a state when you can discuss things neutrally, which would be part of connecting/ closure/healing. Rarely happens.
You have to decide for yourself of what you want from her. If you do wish to give each other another chance, then don't back away until you get a clear answer from her.
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Scorp73
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Posted by IntriguedScorp
Posted by FUM
She will not be relaxed and open with you, at least not for some time. Not because she wants to hide her thoughts from you, it is the fear of senselessly being exposed and making herself vulnerable for another hurt. The word 'testing' is not really the right word. Let's call it assurance. I believe as a Scorpio I have my pride. Here goes another word. When I say 'pride', I don't mean the feeling of superiority, but it is a quality one develops to preserve and protect one's healthy ego.



Wow. This really hit a chord with me. So true.
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Unfortunately, that's my situation, too. I don't really feel comfortable getting responses less than 50% of the time nor do I really know how to come back to being open after being accused of being a lying nutcase. I just SMS'd her again, nothing serious😛 Fuck it.
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FUM
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I try to forget about it. As time passes, things just continue as if nothing happened.

I have this old habit of just cutting off things. Clear cut! If I succeed letting things go without seeking a response, somehow I end up in a cycle of starting up on a positive note again. It serves as a neutralizer. Takes away all the beating up yourself endlessly and the feeling of stupidity. You also learn to just move on without blaming anybody.

I'm still working on it 🙂





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Scorp73
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Posted by FUM
I try to forget about it. As time passes, things just continue as if nothing happened.

I have this old habit of just cutting off things. Clear cut! If I succeed letting things go without seeking a response, somehow I end up in a cycle of starting up on a positive note again. It serves as a neutralizer. Takes away all the beating up yourself endlessly and the feeling of stupidity. You also learn to just move on without blaming anybody.

I'm still working on it 🙂







That's how this all started: I cut it off after silence only to get caught off guard and completely unprepared for her to contact me.

But you've nailed it. Ain't that the ever loving truth? Pass the Zoloft 😉
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FUM
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She can't say 'yes' to your hanging out invite, because she is away, right?

Also remember, there still is tons of internal organizing to do, which she is probably doing along side, without saying anything to you.

I much agree with intruigedScorp, the way she explained our way of responding, it has to do with this internal fight we are getting ourselves in. What comes out can be rather rational and misleading. I have tried at least 5 times to respond to this ex Virgo guy I was mentioning about. Every time I decide to respond to his last messaging, I decide to let it go, thinking I'm not ready to turn myself into a fool yet again. It's like having one foot inside the door and the other outside.

As aanchalp pointed out, give it time... hang in there.

Why I don't date a Scorp and it would be so fullfilling in many ways, I think, because Scorp men are so considerate, gentleman, good providers; we are in tune with each others emotions, and so on, however... there just is too much strain/stress in between. We are too similar in regard to waiting times, confidence issues, strengths and ways of expression.

What do I know? I never dated a scorpio man, but I had a crush on one in my 20s and the way things turned out, I gathered never to show interest in a scorpio man again. It's a single experience that made me decide this way.
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Scorp73
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Basically, yeah. On Wednesday, I invited her to hang out last night. She said she was getting up before 6 AM to drive to Germany today, but used my phrasing from turning down her birthday invite. Kind of amusing in a creepy way.

Yeah, that's why I'd be willing to fight for this. The whole psychic connection thing was there, which made the vanishing times worth the wait. Same for her, I think. She passed off the whole situation as a misunderstanding via language, but I'm pretty sure of what I was hearing. It still makes me a bit uncomfortable and makes me a bit paranoid. We'll see in January...

Again, appreciate the input!
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PhoenixRising
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Posted by Let*It*Be
I think that from the moment you may have been thinking about job offers and shared it with her (the thought of losing your presence) it made her realize she had feelings for you a little deeper than realized. Enter the sudden jealousy of other women...I also think she put herself out there when she said she didn't want to be left alone and was hoping you'd share what you were also probably feeling but didn't. Instead you asked her to define what you both had, putting her on the spot and thinking/feeling she shouldn't have released those true feelings toward you (and the jealousy).

Regarding this:

"I had an ex-girlfriend (Scorpio Sun/Moon/and Rising) invite me to her birthday party out of the blue last month. One I hadn't spoken to for well over a year. I had to decline going, but we kept in contact for a few weeks only to see her disappear in the middle of an sms conversation."


Kind of another rejection on your part, but I also agree what kalin said...she wants to know the olive branch is still there to reach out to.

Bottom line, one of you have to suck it up and talk this entire thing over to get closure (for you and maybe her). I think you both were to proud to admit there was something there more than either of you were willing to admit. Very Scorpio..male and female. Get with her..and get it all on the table. What do you have to lose? Good luck.



+1
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PhoenixRising
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Posted by NovemberSun
Posted by Scorp73
More importantly, thanks for the feedback. I do appreciate it.

Curious though: how do you deal with numerous unanswered text messages? After 2-3, it makes me seriously uncomfortable. Even more so to get a random response a few weeks later.



I relate to this! This is tough. I'm not a fan of unanswered text messages either. To me, I'm realizing that if its not responded to within a reasonable amount of time (and how the person responds is important, too) that its best to let it go.

But, that's the tough thing with Scorpio to Scorpio interactions for sure. Ignoring seems to be a turn on for the other in a weird masochistic way. It hints at a mystery.... We want to know and get to the bottom of things. And, if a person ignores you it hints at indifference (which is a blow to our ego- how can they be indifferent to ME- at least hate me!) OR it suggests that they may be hiding something (feelings, a lover, a plot to destroy you). In that case, we must KNOW or be inclined strongly to want to know so that we may protect ourselves, confirm our suspicions, or counter attack. Lol.

We are so slippery and water seeks its lowest level. If we were to be a bit more direct, might save us many years and space in our brains. Lol
click to expand




+99,999,999
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DMV
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Posted by FUM
She can't say 'yes' to your hanging out invite, because she is away, right?

Also remember, there still is tons of internal organizing to do, which she is probably doing along side, without saying anything to you.

I much agree with intruigedScorp, the way she explained our way of responding, it has to do with this internal fight we are getting ourselves in. What comes out can be rather rational and misleading. I have tried at least 5 times to respond to this ex Virgo guy I was mentioning about. Every time I decide to respond to his last messaging, I decide to let it go, thinking I'm not ready to turn myself into a fool yet again. It's like having one foot inside the door and the other outside.

As aanchalp pointed out, give it time... hang in there.

Why I don't date a Scorp and it would be so fullfilling in many ways, I think, because Scorp men are so considerate, gentleman, good providers; we are in tune with each others emotions, and so on, however... there just is too much strain/stress in between. We are too similar in regard to waiting times, confidence issues, strengths and ways of expression.

What do I know? I never dated a scorpio man, but I had a crush on one in my 20s and the way things turned out, I gathered never to show interest in a scorpio man again. It's a single experience that made me decide this way.



damn Fum, u said a mouthful
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DMV
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Posted by Scorp73
English isn't her first language I should add. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I am afraid that I'm being toyed with, but she does go home every year at about the same date. I told her to call me if she wanted to hang out and told her when I would be back in town as well. The ball's in her court.



i think she is afraid of the exact same thing.
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Scorp73
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14 YearsScorpio

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Posted by DMV
Posted by Scorp73
English isn't her first language I should add. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. I am afraid that I'm being toyed with, but she does go home every year at about the same date. I told her to call me if she wanted to hang out and told her when I would be back in town as well. The ball's in her court.



i think she is afraid of the exact same thing.
click to expand




Here's my inner paranoia speaking: I'm afraid I really did misunderstand her. I'm still trying to wrap my head around why she would deny saying the things she did. If I misunderstood her, then I'm really bonkers.