blackbird singing in the dead of night

i've done some thinking, and i think a lot of the issues that i have are because i just bottle everything up and obsess over everything internally, to the point of being completely and utterly neurotic. i live in this intense world that i only hope some day i can marry into the physical world that i live in, to turn my deepest of imaginative and sensitive thoughts and feelings into a tangible expression.

i know that i have such a good heart and in my most idealistic and sincere way, i hope for such great things from life...i volunteer for the environment, i worked with kids for two years and i make sure all of my friends know that i will talk to them about anything and everything when they need an ear, but in all this giving i have a really hard time taking...like chronically i find it difficult to accept peoples help or tell people about my life or my thoughts and feelings. i know that there's this deep well of insight and love in both my thoughts and feelings on an internal level, but finding a purpose to channel those thoughts and feelings into is so difficult...i have so much to give but i don't know where i can trust giving it to.

blegh, just spent all night up thinking about random shit and talking to a leo friend...it felt really good to just explode and go nuts and be selfish for once, even if he was really surprised (i cut him off a couple times which i never do in conversation, it was really funny...he was all like WTF, i can't talk about myself anymore— haha.)

anyways, just thought i'd share in hopes that others know that they're not alone, and for me to know that i'm not alone, 'cause i have this feeling that says that i'm not. 😉

OMG -- Scorpio Wreck ...we have many of the same astrological signatures.

Scorp sun, Gem rising with a sixth house constellation (at least, I'm assuming -- that's where many of my planets are.)

And you wonder why you have this need to serve? Sixth house, baby!

I am considerably older than you, but the idealism of this sixth house still drives me, and I am considering working for a non for profit when my kids are old enough to go to school fulltime.

The Gem rising and sixth house emphasis makes you incredibly versatile -- you could do many things (I do!) with your life, because you have rather a lot of energy. 🙂

Yet the need to be humble, help the less priveleged -- that is part of your life!

On the other hand, LOL at cutting off the Leo! I just did this with a Leo girlfriend -- she calls my 180 degree turns "moodiness", but on the other hand just takes for granted all the nurturing I give her (she never pays for gas, I take her everywhere in my car while she criticizes my driving!). Sometimes you need to assert yourself!

Oh, and you asked where you can give of yourself without being hurt.

Mother Teresa said once to give even if the people you give to are not grateful.

I can *assure* you that what scripture says is true -- if you "give your bread to the poor" then the Lord will cause you to "shine like the sun at midday."

So the answer is: don't count the cost, because God will take care of you. (That doesn't mean not setting any personal goals. Just don't try to control everything -- go with what feels right.)