Story of Twisted Friendship - Insights?

dang your both married and your doing this? Eeeks I dont think this is going into a good direction. Does your spouses know about all this? yikes.

Im not sure what your deffinition of 'sexy emails' is but from my view it isnt appropraite for people who are married to other people.

You've said that you only want to be friends correct? and you have told him this? Weird...though scorps respected peoples decisions. Are you leading him on in some way to where its confusing him?

I expect comments about the married bit; that's my guilt to carry. I'm focused on being friends, which is made complicated by what we have talked about in the past. It's hard to emphasize the friendship angle when he's blowing hot and cold, being inconsistent about his expectations, which is why I asked him to clarify.

hmmmmmm Id just wait for some scorps to reply because I am not one myself, but do know some details on them. Its weird that he is doing this because they are known to be fircely loyal. Maybe somethings wrong in his marriage and thats why he's getting more intense with you. Perhaps the next time you two are together in person discuss this issue, that way he cant run away sort to speak. E-mails are just not the best way to communicate with issues or problems. They need to be spoken out loud in person. The point get across more clearly

"Any insights?"


Yes

To share? Thanks, P 😛

"I expect comments about the married bit; that's my guilt to carry. I'm focused on being friends, which is made complicated by what we have talked about in the past. It's hard to emphasize the friendship angle when he's blowing hot and cold, being inconsistent about his expectations, which is why I asked him to clarify."



You're leading him on, regardless of any excuses you say in response to Titan as justification that this is all about you innocently just wanting a friendship ... for the fact of the matter is ...


... you said this was your guilt to carry, and IF you were innocently trying to secure a plantonic friendship, then there would be NO guilt.

Now at this moment in time ... you want him to stop responding within the terms of relating that has been established ..

And there can't be because a precidence has been set as to the acceptable terms .. if you truly want to change these terms, then you have to back completely off and not be friends at all, for now.

Do not communicate with him AT ALL ... eventually, he will come to you honestly, and for real, to find out why ... and when he does, if you want him to respect you as a friend, then this by having some self-respect by not accepting his flirty emails will show him this because you've rejected them.

He'll get the message loud and clear .. Scorpios don't miss much.

However, so long as you continue to humor him by continuing contact with him and calling it "friends" under these terms and conditions then he'll continue to treat you within this established pattern of disrespect.

I agree with P-Angel 100%

No need to explain to you why I feel guilty. He initiated, We went from overcoming temptation to having him change course back so I asked him to explain but no response. I find it very hard to treat him as a friend when he's sending me mixed messages. As friends we've been able to talk about a lot (to get though this) so the sudden silence has left me in a bad spot.

Sorry, not buying that for a second ...

You said: "I made it clear I would never leave my family, and recently he has made it clear that he does not want an affair, that we get along well as friends. I agree with him, and have been ok as long as we both know that we're playing"

Which means ... you were BOTH sending these messages, so don't think for a nanosecond that I will believe he is the one sending mixed messages, while you are sitting back getting confused about his intentions.

You said: "so the sudden silence has left me in a bad spot."

Which means .. you feel at a loss in your game play. You don't want clarification .. you want victory in seducing him to you, and his silence has left you baffled on how to proceed in manipulating him.


The writing is all over the wall in your post .... you're a married woman "playing" a married man.

Thanks, Roxi. Hard to explain (nor do I think I need to) what's been going on for 3 years. The reason why I divulged a very private part (the e-mails) is that I think people do find themselves somewhere they never imagined, and trying to get back, for me to get back to the friendship before, is difficult. If I were a robot, well, that'd be easy, then, eh?

What amazes me is how quick people are to judge. I'm not denying we're flawed people, but who isn't? At least I am trying to make both my marriage and my friendship work without having to sacrifice either. Marriage is hard work, but so can friendships be.
I was asking for some friendly advice, not about cheating or having affairs, but trying to get someone to open up and discuss their part in derailing the friendship so we can move on. But, like all relationships, we have to agree to what kind of friendship we want, or maybe agree that no friendship is possible under the circumstances. I could just walk away and ignore him, but that's not how I usually deal with problems. Astrology may have something or nothing to do with it, but all the men in my life (husband, friends) are either Scorpios or heavily Scorpio'd in their charts--maybe just my bad luck (or good luck?).

Don't tell me I'm the only one in the world troubled by a friendship that has been tainted by the hint of sex.

karma

JD, FS and Roxi, Thanks. Very well said all of you, even you Roxi having had to resort to an Americanism 😉. I will give it some thought. I am sad to hear that this is likely the end of the friendship b/c honestly, sex matters are fun, but not really what makes relationships interesting or important (so I hear 😄).

EG - I said earlier that I carry my own guilt. I think experiencing something, owning up to my part in it, and trying to fix it does not for a bad person make. I'm not trying to have my cake and eat it too (boring cliche). I know my choice. I'm merely trying to salvage an important friendship (that's how it started anyway) if at all possible. Loyalty beyond what it deserves? Feelings that still linger? Sure.

If I need more judging I'll know who to ask. Not P-Angel though, her judgment is too hysterical and pedestrian.

FS-Yes, you "got" me. It's tough at times to separate desire for someone from the realities of life (after all, every guy burps and craps). This is not about something wrong with my spouse or marriage, it's about temptation, which can catch even the most solid of us off guard on occasion. To say I got blindsided would be an understatement I'm a Gemini. Quintuple Gemini--all these Scorpios in my life seem to defy conventional astrological wisdom. 🙂

Here's a thought .. ask your husband how to deal with it .. he's the one who has a right to know what his wife is up to behind his back.

((( hugs Emma )))


The list gets longer ... thank God for you 🙂

Can we clone you?

It's just not acceptable, Roxi .. even you, no excuse, and you know how much I love you.

Wrong is wrong.

What bothers me most about this, and every other person who comes in here with a similar story .. is the lack of awareness.

It is being suggested because of blindness to self that there is an issue in which the terms of a friendship needs to be clarified, which is a cover, an illusion telling the self that through a picture or image of a beautiful and loving friendship that a sense of belonging can be gained .... and this is false.

Feeling wanted, desired, needed, loved by another doesn't heal what is lacking, or damaged in the marriage .. it actually intensifies/enhances the problems in the marital union.

We all know this .. for we can recognize it when another does it. If we can see it when another does it, then why can't we see it when we do it?

Most people are blind of themselves .... why?

This whole friendship mirage is a hiding place because it feels safer than facing the truth .. and evidence in this is in the very fact that several times it has been mentioned that there is guilt that is being carried without any tone, or description to suggest that the guilt is actually present.

If guilt was present, then this wouldn't even be taking place.

There isn't any indication in this testimony that feelings are being subjected to what harm is being done to the spouse, no regard to any kind of injury that this causing to the spouse ....

.. the only focus is what kind of injury is being done to the victimizer, as if being the actual victim who is suffering.


< will NEVER give sympathy to this, nor show compassion, for it isn't warranted.

Ok, I'll shut up and go swim somewhere else.

Because you said you cheated .. now bend over and take your spanking.

If fantasizing about Sean is cheating .. then I'll need a spanking too 😉

Ok, I'll unhide .. I only hid it because as an afterthought, I realized that I'm not very good at comedy, lol

Everyone here knows I don't like to judge because I believe no one can know what another is feeling or going through unless they themselves are in their shoes. Cheating is wrong! Yes that is true and I don't condone that or never have I been a cheater or an assessory to one. However, I agree that since the two of you are married and you cross the friendship line into sex. It will be a rare if at all occasion to return to the friendship before the line was crossed especially since the taunting of "infadelity" is hanging in the ballet. It would be a different story if the two of you were single or not with your sig others at all.

From my perpective every bit of advise, insight or counsel is placing a judgement of opinions onto another .. for nobody can really walk in anothers shoes to know how they feel because what impression is left in the mind from every experience is perception.

Ten people could experience the exact same thing and every 10 of them will feel differently about the experience ... so, whether words are positive or negative .. it's still a judgement from ones own perspective as to how they interpretated it.


Simple solution across the board .... if you don't want to hear an answer, then don't ask a question.

True. If you post here expect to hear all types of oppinions. Even when I don't agree with some posts, I must admit it still makes me stop and think.

Thanks all for your comments, P included 😛. I freely admit I'm confused, but let me clarify--this friendship problem is a very small part of my life, and only 1/100th of the story. I don't discuss my marriage here b/c I value it, and it's private, at least for me.

And I totally agree re: comments about perception/experience. I have no problems accepting comments (as I invited them), but some were more helpful than others. I don't need people to browbeat me, I do a fine job myself. Sometimes asking for clarification (as in, did you smell that too??) can be surprisingly helpful. And just the facts ma'am, it was all about fantasy, no actual sex (I think someone thought we had). Stop, don't beat me over the head about cheating (again). I get it. :o

And, the Scorps who replied were right in the end, I only needed to wait to have my answer. Gah, Scorps do drive me crazy in their non-answer answer though.... give me a chatty Gemini any day 🙂