I won't go into details. It's to painful. But the title pretty much says it all
He won't talk to me after I was raped
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I'm sorry. Some guys can't deal with women who they perceive are "damaged goods" or have "baggage". You were better off without him.
that's some crazy shit to be posting on a public forum.
i feel bad for you.
i feel bad for you.
I am so sorry to hear this. I am sure you will get much sympathy and encouragement from many in the next few days. My heart goes out to you in this unfortunate and sad situation. Please be patient with yourself and others at this time. This is a lot for anyone to process. In the meantime, consider professional help with this situation. It's never your fault, but please be patient with everyone who loves you right now. I will keep an eye on this post. My kindest wishes to you.
My prayers are with u hun....
Posted by msX
that's some crazy shit to be posting on a public forum.
i feel bad for you.
the beauty is that although public, everyone is to some degree, anonymous. the traversal between public and private is the point of social media, i think.
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t0ynr/throwaway_time_whats_your_secret_that_could/<BR>
^^^ now some of THOSE stories are crazy shit :O
first off, i am sorry about what you went through. no one, male or female, should be subjected to that. secondly, now's the time to heal yourself and not worry about if a guy is going to talk to you or not. HE is trivial compared to what you are going through right now. prioritize. take care of yourself first, especially during times of emotional duress such as this. much love.
You are right with the male or female comment. Nobody should go through this. But I'm sorry for putting him through this and my family too. Sometimes I think it would have been easier if I hadn't said anything. I'm not even sure which would be the best option anymore. I feel I've hurt him and my family deeply. But it really isn't my fault. I really have to keep telling myself that because I really do want to cry
Plus I would like to ask Strudel why he rejected them?
Honestly, I would advise against sharing very personal things on this site. There are a lot of really nasty people who won't hesitate to kick people when they're down. And if you are still healing, that's the last thing you need.
Anyway, I would suggest speaking to a professional counselor about this. This is a very serious matter, and you deserve to heal. To do that, confide in people who know what they're doing, and will not judge you.
Sadly, ignorance is rife in the layman world.
Best wishes.
Anyway, I would suggest speaking to a professional counselor about this. This is a very serious matter, and you deserve to heal. To do that, confide in people who know what they're doing, and will not judge you.
Sadly, ignorance is rife in the layman world.
Best wishes.
Posted by munchkin
Honestly, I would advise against sharing very personal things on this site. There are a lot of really nasty people who won't hesitate to kick people when they're down. And if you are still healing, that's the last thing you need.
Anyway, I would suggest speaking to a professional counselor about this. This is a very serious matter, and you deserve to heal. To do that, confide in people who know what they're doing, and will not judge you.
Sadly, ignorance is rife in the layman world.
Best wishes.
ah yeah! i forgot that trolls exist! 😢
Posted by TheMilkmaid
You are right with the male or female comment. Nobody should go through this. But I'm sorry for putting him through this and my family too. Sometimes I think it would have been easier if I hadn't said anything. I'm not even sure which would be the best option anymore. I feel I've hurt him and my family deeply. But it really isn't my fault. I really have to keep telling myself that because I really do want to cry
GOOD. take a long long walk somewhere beautiful and relaxing, and keep repeating those words as much as possible until you truly KNOW that you've done NOTHING wrong, to the point where you can stand by those words despite what others tell you. it's not your fault and people who believe that you were the cause of your own rape, even family members, are toxic to your well-being.
Milkmaid, I cannot even imagine what you are going through! I hope that in time and with the right help that things get easier for you...
I think what strudel means is that people can feel inadequate when dealing with such a difficult issue... And for that reason he thought a relationship wasn't a good idea.
I think what strudel means is that people can feel inadequate when dealing with such a difficult issue... And for that reason he thought a relationship wasn't a good idea.
I'm so sorry you ever had to go through that. ~hugs~
Now, to offer another look at the person you posted about, assuming he isn't usually a complete raging asshole it's possible that he's so upset and enraged on your behalf, and doesn't trust himself to be able to communicate in any way that wouldn't come off as hurtful in some way that he is taking himself out of your presence until he feels he has better control of himself. The reason I offer this other view is that I have a very dear scorpio friend who has witnessed on the phone some of the verbal abuse that my ex husband threw at me (before the divorce). He would usually go very quiet and broody for a bit and only have a few things to say, usually along the lines of, "If he had said that to you in front of me I would have beat him." The tone was always dead soft and even but with an underlying controlled rage. Then he'd lapse into silence.
It's up to you to decide if your person is a douche or just a guy who is having problems over the fact that he couldn't protect you, would love to get revenge on the person who did that to you and can't risk lashing out around you. Don't worry too much about it, though, and instead just focus on healing for yourself.
Now, to offer another look at the person you posted about, assuming he isn't usually a complete raging asshole it's possible that he's so upset and enraged on your behalf, and doesn't trust himself to be able to communicate in any way that wouldn't come off as hurtful in some way that he is taking himself out of your presence until he feels he has better control of himself. The reason I offer this other view is that I have a very dear scorpio friend who has witnessed on the phone some of the verbal abuse that my ex husband threw at me (before the divorce). He would usually go very quiet and broody for a bit and only have a few things to say, usually along the lines of, "If he had said that to you in front of me I would have beat him." The tone was always dead soft and even but with an underlying controlled rage. Then he'd lapse into silence.
It's up to you to decide if your person is a douche or just a guy who is having problems over the fact that he couldn't protect you, would love to get revenge on the person who did that to you and can't risk lashing out around you. Don't worry too much about it, though, and instead just focus on healing for yourself.
~hugs~ I completely understand how you feel and I'm very sorry..I know at this time you are so hurt and is not that you are worrying just about some guy is that you need him to hold you while you cry so that you can feel safe again. We always think: if he really cares about me this should come natural and though that is true a lot of times they loose focus and become angry at themselves because they feel like they should have been able to protect you and they failed! I don't think he sees you as baggage he is most likely hurting too...do you know how painful it is to see the person you love in pain and know you would switch places with them if you could to keep them from hurting but you can't? I know it sounds selfish like it's about him when it should be about you, truth is that it is about both of you, if he loves you he is also angry and hurt and has no idea how to help you. Give him some time to process in the meantime get counseling right away, trust me you are going to need it..don't think you can deal with it on your own and that with time it will go away...NO! With no psychological help it will only get worse and it will damage you affecting all aspects in your life..once you've cried and let all the hurt out use it as fuel to make you stronger..when he is ready to come and hug you...take him to counseling with you as well he is going to have to learn how to understand you and what happened and how to help you deal with it, how he can deal with it, and how you guys can do it together. If you have any questions or would like to talk you can message me, I will be praying for you.
He does seem hurt and confused. One minute he says it feels like his wife has been violated and he is angry that this happened to me. The next minute, he is angry because I ask for objective advise from outside instead of just listening to him. It's not that I don't trust his advise. It's just hard for me and sometimes it is easier to talk to someone who isn't close to me. But I never wanted to hurt him
I wish it was that simple. But I have my sister blaming herself and him thinking it's his fault too. I also think he thinks that I don't appreciate his support. None of that is the case though. I just wanted an objective opinion about certain things and now I think he thinks it's because I don't trust or respect him
Posted by TheMilkmaid
I wish it was that simple. But I have my sister blaming herself and him thinking it's his fault too. I also think he thinks that I don't appreciate his support. None of that is the case though. I just wanted an objective opinion about certain things and now I think he thinks it's because I don't trust or respect him
What is it you want an objective opinion about and why does your sister blame him and herself for what happened? It's hard to give you any inputs (since you asked) if you can't say what this is really about. You're not here because you want to discuss the incident itself - but his reactions and mixed feelings surrounding it, right?
Posted by munchkin
Honestly, I would advise against sharing very personal things on this site. There are a lot of really nasty people who won't hesitate to kick people when they're down. And if you are still healing, that's the last thing you need.
Anyway, I would suggest speaking to a professional counselor about this. This is a very serious matter, and you deserve to heal. To do that, confide in people who know what they're doing, and will not judge you.
Sadly, ignorance is rife in the layman world.
Best wishes.
I agree with this.
I can't even start to imagine how much suffering you must be bearing rigth now, but regretting about the past and what wasn't done isn't going to solve anything. You must learn now how to live with this. Look for help, heal yourself first. You deserve happiness.
@enfant. I wanted an objective opinion about something that happened to me 10 years ago but is related because of the nature of the crime.
My sister blames herself about the said incident because she booked my transfer taxi to the airport and encouraged me to go on holiday. She doesn't blame the Scorpio.
I think the Scorpio blames himself because he wasn't there and now thinks what he does isn't good enough. However, that is just an opinion because he won't talk and keeps everything to himself
My sister blames herself about the said incident because she booked my transfer taxi to the airport and encouraged me to go on holiday. She doesn't blame the Scorpio.
I think the Scorpio blames himself because he wasn't there and now thinks what he does isn't good enough. However, that is just an opinion because he won't talk and keeps everything to himself
Posted by duchessedenemours
Support groups...
+ 1 million
Find a way to connect with other women (survivors) who have been exactly where you are now.
Not only will they understand, they can tell you how they handled these situations, themselves.
This is not something I've been through, personally, but I have accompanied one of my dear friends on more than one occasion, and I have been fortunate enough to hear her story-- in public, as well as behind the scenes.
Therapy, counseling, etc are part of the process-- but that ^^ is where the real healing takes place, when you realize you really *aren't* alone, and you get to see the recovery in action.
If you are getting help and support from other people take it! Let him deal with his emotions on his own, once he realizes how strong you are and how these out side influences have helped you he will catch up! Remember also that some Scorps tend to be very private about their lives they feel as though whatever issues or problems that arise need to be dealt with in private not for the rest of the world to know...But with this he has to give in this is way too big and can not be dealt with just you and him...your sister that's separate she shouldn't be dwelling on self pity she should be standing strong by your side giving you girl power! Get the help you need...let him in the back ground observe and get comfortable with accepting that this is ok..he will catch up and start opening up himself...sometimes communication and expression of feelings need to be learned, keep on being strong and getting help it needs to be done, simple as that
Posted by MontgomeryPosted by duchessedenemours
Support groups...
+ 1 million
Find a way to connect with other women (survivors) who have been exactly where you are now.
Not only will they understand, they can tell you how they handled these situations, themselves.
This is not something I've been through, personally, but I have accompanied one of my dear friends on more than one occasion, and I have been fortunate enough to hear her story-- in public, as well as behind the scenes.
Therapy, counseling, etc are part of the process-- but that ^^ is where the real healing takes place, when you realize you really *aren't* alone, and you get to see the recovery in action.
click to expand
COMPLETELY AGREE WITH THIS 110% it is very true!
Thanks confused. This is some of the best advice I have had. And yes he is dealing with emotions. And yes he is very private. But he was the one that told me to report it. For good reason too. I'm not going to take it back now no matter what else happens. And as for my sister, it's not self pity. She is my twin and processes her emotions like I do. It goes from 1 thing to the next
Posted by IrresistableScorp
1) You are not damaged goods.
2) Some men have to remove themselves from a situation like this so they don't kill someone. Also, they could very well have guilt feelings that make them feel unworthy.
Learn to forgive yourself and those around you. People who love you are coping as well.
People do think is that easy because they see you talking about it truth is it could have happened 20 years ago but without therapy and professional help you Will never get over it. It marks you deeply not just the memories or feelings but it arises other problems as well with security, self esteem, trust issues, anger issues the list goes on and on...seems to me even though it happened 10yrs ago she never got the help and bottled it in is why all these feelings are coming out now...you can talk about with as many people as you want but you never forget the feeling of being violated deep down in your soul...therapy is the key because it helps you restore your self from the inside out, helps you find your strengths and believe in your self again, even how to deal with any problems that might arise while being intimate because sometimes they do, he might not notice because we become good at controlling it but certain flash backs may sometimes occur that makes us feel violated all over again....it's very hard so you can't just tell someone to move on and get over it...does not work that way! SORRY don't mean to sound rude but this hits home
People do think is that easy because they see you talking about it truth is it could have happened 20 years ago but without therapy and professional help you Will never get over it. It marks you deeply not just the memories or feelings but it arises other problems as well with security, self esteem, trust issues, anger issues the list goes on and on...seems to me even though it happened 10yrs ago she never got the help and bottled it in is why all these feelings are coming out now...you can talk about with as many people as you want but you never forget the feeling of being violated deep down in your soul...therapy is the key because it helps you restore your self from the inside out, helps you find your strengths and believe in your self again, even how to deal with any problems that might arise while being intimate because sometimes they do, he might not notice because we become good at controlling it but certain flash backs may sometimes occur that makes us feel violated all over again....it's very hard so you can't just tell someone to move on and get over it...does not work that way! SORRY don't mean to sound rude but this hits home
Posted by TheMilkmaid
Thanks confused. This is some of the best advice I have had. And yes he is dealing with emotions. And yes he is very private. But he was the one that told me to report it. For good reason too. I'm not going to take it back now no matter what else happens. And as for my sister, it's not self pity. She is my twin and processes her emotions like I do. It goes from 1 thing to the next
And that is good as long as you know this: that your sister is just processing it...as far as for him if he told you to report it he knows what the right thing to do is..yes he is struggling with it and may need a little bit of more time but he got one foot in already...he will go all the way because he cares. Get help don't put it off much longer...the more years you wait the harder it is to deal with all the emotions and repair all the damages inside. Find Psychotherapy ASAP, support groups, and write, write a lot....buy a journal and when you feel all those feeling over whelming you put it on paper..at first it will be a big mess you are going to be all over the place with hurt and anger, sad and happy than hate and angry again...but you eventually a year from now can go back and read everything you wrote down and see how big of progress you made and how you have become stronger this will help you and you will feel proud that you are a survivor!! Writing will help you get feelings you didn't even know you had inside come out and will make you feel so much better :-)
The incident I reported only happened 18 months ago. But there was another 10 years ago that I never reported. And yes it was before I knew him. I have heard from him today and he is with his 14 year old that he never sees. I talk to his son a lot because his and my son are friends. I've tried to encourage his son to see him. I feel it's right. His son does not know about the incidence (just in case you all ask). I now feel a bit more at peace knowing that no matter what happens with me and him he is finally spending time with his son for the first time in months
Posted by strudelPosted by TheMilkmaid
Plus I would like to ask Strudel why he rejected them?
Strudel ignorance is bliss! Could it maybe be some deep down dark rooted issue you haven't dealt with that makes you think that a woman can cause a rape? Or is it a shovenistic attitude? Either or you were wrong for that..ass hole!
In my specific case i felt it was because of her decisions that allowed it and for me personally i don't like taking responsibility for other people's wrong decisions.click to expand
These events don't define you at all and you are not damaged goods.
Yes it's really unfortunate that it happened to you, but ALL THAT MATTERS is that you are alive and well. It happens to so many people.
I hope your partner is clever enough to apologize. I'm sure you are a beautiful, smart, good woman and he should come back to his senses and give you even more love and make you feel good now that you have told him about it.
hugs,hugs and more hugs
Yes it's really unfortunate that it happened to you, but ALL THAT MATTERS is that you are alive and well. It happens to so many people.
I hope your partner is clever enough to apologize. I'm sure you are a beautiful, smart, good woman and he should come back to his senses and give you even more love and make you feel good now that you have told him about it.
hugs,hugs and more hugs
Thank you everyone for your support.
@Strudel. I think people are being a bit unfair about your reaction. Your reaction is your own. I don't know the circumstances you refer to. In my case I was abroad alone for 3 days and it was my prebooked transfer taxi to the airport.
Was it a bad decision to go abroad alone? Maybe. As my brother put it, he said you have the right to go abroad alone and not have that happen. However, women are more vulnerable than men. But does that really justify it?
But, I will concede that a woman will accuse a man unjustly and I don't think that is right either. Both make me sick
@Strudel. I think people are being a bit unfair about your reaction. Your reaction is your own. I don't know the circumstances you refer to. In my case I was abroad alone for 3 days and it was my prebooked transfer taxi to the airport.
Was it a bad decision to go abroad alone? Maybe. As my brother put it, he said you have the right to go abroad alone and not have that happen. However, women are more vulnerable than men. But does that really justify it?
But, I will concede that a woman will accuse a man unjustly and I don't think that is right either. Both make me sick
Posted by strudelPosted by confusedInsanePosted by strudelPosted by TheMilkmaid
Plus I would like to ask Strudel why he rejected them?
Strudel ignorance is bliss! Could it maybe be some deep down dark rooted issue you haven't dealt with that makes you think that a woman can cause a rape? Or is it a shovenistic attitude? Either or you were wrong for that..ass hole!
In my specific case i felt it was because of her decisions that allowed it and for me personally i don't like taking responsibility for other people's wrong decisions.
As a woman i think you should protect yourselves and there are places where you should not go and situations where caution should be taken into consideration.click to expand
Strudel so you are saying that if i'm walking home from work and I am tired and decide to take a short via an alley to get home faster and there is a man there up to no good and he rapes me, it's my fault because I should have never went through the alley?? Or is it if I go to a club with a tight short black dress on that shows half my ass and boobs and I get rape it's my fault because of the way I was dressed?? FUCK THAT!! It does not matter what a woman looks likes or dresses as or if she took the wrong short cut You as a man have no right to violate her...remember you came from a woman...a woman gave you life you should help her, protect her and be there for her...i think you were just being selfish and didn't want to deal with it so it was easier to blame her so you can feel better about how awful you were...hope you don't have or never have daughters Karma has of way of always making you realize the unfairness of your ways..just saying.
Posted by TheMilkmaid
Thank you everyone for your support.
@Strudel. I think people are being a bit unfair about your reaction. Your reaction is your own. I don't know the circumstances you refer to. In my case I was abroad alone for 3 days and it was my prebooked transfer taxi to the airport.
Was it a bad decision to go abroad alone? Maybe. As my brother put it, he said you have the right to go abroad alone and not have that happen. However, women are more vulnerable than men. But does that really justify it?
But, I will concede that a woman will accuse a man unjustly and I don't think that is right either. Both make me sick
yes everyone is entitled to their own reaction this is true...but you know what? women are not the only ones that get raped..plenty of men have gone through it too so for Strudel to sit here and say that it was her responsibility for some thing she did or shouldn't have done is completely unfair and wrong...that means than if a man gets raped it is most definitely his fault because than he was less of a man and allowed it to happen because he couldn't defend himself...NO THAT IS WRONG!! A lot of men get abuse or raped when they are younger usually by a close family friend or a family member themselves and is in no way ever their fault. Actually most of the sexual abuse and rapes happen from people that you know and trusted..stranger rapes do happen though or date rapes either or rape is rape and is never ok for some one to do it to some one else or to have some one do it to you.
Posted by strudel
As a woman i think you should protect yourselves and there are places where you should not go and situations where caution should be taken into consideration.
+1
I'm sorry but it's true, ladies. At least partially. If I walk in a shady neighbourhood night time openly counting a bundle of $ 100 bills obviousely that's asking for trouble. It does not mean I deserve to get mugged nor does it make it right, it means simply I'm stupid. And regadless if the law is on my side or not, there is a certain level of stupidity that is hard to overlook, even in rape cases. Having said that, a woman is entitled to dress, act or behave either way she pleases... but at a certain point it is required of you to use your better judgement regarding the situations you put yourself in if selfpreservation is an instinct you possess.
I mean if you plan on partying with a whole football team and you'll be the only chick there and there will be alcohol involved, and I as a friend warn you about it, I will have a hard time feeling much sympathy for you afterwards. It does not mean you had it coming, it only means you need a legal fuckin guardian.
( ... and that I have preconcieved notions about jocks. 😱 lol!)
Oh and my comment is totally irrelevant to the OP btw.
Whether right or wrong. Strudel obviously has his own issues and thoughts. At least he is being honest. I wish my Scorp was.
Yes it's true that men too do get raped. No matter who it happens to it isn't right.
Yes I have to deal with my own issues away from him. That is why I went for objective help.
No I didn't deserve this or ask for it.
Is speaking out about it brave? It scares me more than anything if I'm honest.
Do I need to deal with it? Yes (my counselor is rubbish though) and in truth this forum has helped me. And despite whether I agree with Strudel or not and his opinions. It has helped me
Yes it's true that men too do get raped. No matter who it happens to it isn't right.
Yes I have to deal with my own issues away from him. That is why I went for objective help.
No I didn't deserve this or ask for it.
Is speaking out about it brave? It scares me more than anything if I'm honest.
Do I need to deal with it? Yes (my counselor is rubbish though) and in truth this forum has helped me. And despite whether I agree with Strudel or not and his opinions. It has helped me
Posted by TheMilkmaid
Whether right or wrong. Strudel obviously has his own issues and thoughts. At least he is being honest. I wish my Scorp was.
Yes it's true that men too do get raped. No matter who it happens to it isn't right.
Yes I have to deal with my own issues away from him. That is why I went for objective help.
No I didn't deserve this or ask for it.
Is speaking out about it brave? It scares me more than anything if I'm honest.
Do I need to deal with it? Yes (my counselor is rubbish though) and in truth this forum has helped me. And despite whether I agree with Strudel or not and his opinions. It has helped me
If your counselor is rubbish than FIND A NEW ONE!! your counselor should be able to help you make you feel safe and at peace yes speaking out about it is most definitely brave! Is often one of the first steps of your journey to become stronger...first one is acceptance that what happened just happened and is not your fault, second one is asking for help and accepting it, speaking out about it helps heal your wounds Honesty can be very hard i know that first hand and so do some of the people here on this forum that helped me a few days ago with my honesty problem..lol..but being honest helps get everything out and lifts a great weight off your shoulders.
Posted by duchessedenemoursPosted by enfant_terriblePosted by strudel
As a woman i think you should protect yourselves and there are places where you should not go and situations where caution should be taken into consideration.
+1
I'm sorry but it's true, ladies. At least partially. If I walk in a shady neighbourhood night time openly counting a bundle of $ 100 bills obviousely that's asking for trouble. It does not mean I deserve to get mugged nor does it make it right, it means simply I'm stupid. And regadless if the law is on my side or not, there is a certain level of stupidity that is hard to overlook, even in rape cases. Having said that, a woman is entitled to dress, act or behave either way she pleases... but at a certain point it is required of you to use your better judgement regarding the situations you put yourself in if selfpreservation is an instinct you possess.
I mean if you plan on partying with a whole football team and you'll be the only chick there and there will be alcohol involved, and I as a friend warn you about it, I will have a hard time feeling much sympathy for you afterwards. It does not mean you had it coming, it only means you need a legal fuckin guardian.
( ... and that I have preconcieved notions about jocks. 😱 lol!)
Oh and my comment is totally irrelevant to the OP btw.
click to expand
It's exactly this kind of mentality that tells women they have to protect themselves that encourages rape. You are placing the responsibility on the victim rather than the person that actually commits a crime. It is only when that stops and when people stop saying it was this or that that created the situation and start saying that rape happens because people rape that real measures will start to be taken.
If rape happens to a woman completely covered up as much as it happens to a woman who dresses with fewer clothes, if rape happens when you are walking in broad daylight as much as it does at night, if rape happens when by a friend as much as it happens by some random predator, if rape happens when the victim is sober as much as it happens when they are intoxicated, you can't say there is any factor done by the victim that leads to rape. It just doesn't make s
Posted by strudelPosted by confusedInsanePosted by strudelPosted by confusedInsanePosted by strudelPosted by TheMilkmaid
Plus I would like to ask Strudel why he rejected them?
Strudel ignorance is bliss! Could it maybe be some deep down dark rooted issue you haven't dealt with that makes you think that a woman can cause a rape? Or is it a shovenistic attitude? Either or you were wrong for that..ass hole!
In my specific case i felt it was because of her decisions that allowed it and for me personally i don't like taking responsibility for other people's wrong decisions.
As a woman i think you should protect yourselves and there are places where you should not go and situations where caution should be taken into consideration.
Strudel so you are saying that if i'm walking home from work and I am tired and decide to take a short via an alley to get home faster and there is a man there up to no good and he rapes me, it's my fault because I should have never went through the alley?? Or is it if I go to a club with a tight short black dress on that shows half my ass and boobs and I get rape it's my fault because of the way I was dressed?? FUCK THAT!! It does not matter what a woman looks likes or dresses as or if she took the wrong short cut You as a man have no right to violate her...remember you came from a woman...a woman gave you life you should help her, protect her and be there for her...i think you were just being selfish and didn't want to deal with it so it was easier to blame her so you can feel better about how awful you were...hope you don't have or never have daughters Karma has of way of always making you realize the unfairness of your ways..just saying.click to expand
nope. you are putting scenarios infront of my statement especially with the clothing. it had nothing to do with clothing.
...and when did i become a rapist now violating women?
nobody wants to deal with it. i chose not to deal with it. it
I still don't feel brave and will not pretend that I do.
Yes it is wrong that people believe that these things happen because they made a supposed 'stupid' choice. The only person that has control over themselves is them. They still have no control over others. (unless they are the ones doing the bad thing).
And yes I do feel better for being honest. Even if others don't like it
Yes it is wrong that people believe that these things happen because they made a supposed 'stupid' choice. The only person that has control over themselves is them. They still have no control over others. (unless they are the ones doing the bad thing).
And yes I do feel better for being honest. Even if others don't like it
Posted by TheMilkmaid
I still don't feel brave and will not pretend that I do.
Yes it is wrong that people believe that these things happen because they made a supposed 'stupid' choice. The only person that has control over themselves is them. They still have no control over others. (unless they are the ones doing the bad thing).
And yes I do feel better for being honest. Even if others don't like it
You doing just great!! forget about those that don't like it, you are doing this for you not them...keep pushing KEEP YOUR HEAD UP get your strength and courage up Do what makes you feel better and happy.
Posted by TheMilkmaid
@enfant. I wanted an objective opinion about something that happened to me 10 years ago but is related because of the nature of the crime.
My sister blames herself about the said incident because she booked my transfer taxi to the airport and encouraged me to go on holiday. She doesn't blame the Scorpio.
I think the Scorpio blames himself because he wasn't there and now thinks what he does isn't good enough. However, that is just an opinion because he won't talk and keeps everything to himself
Wow, ten years is a long time to be resentful. Obviousely he loves you but doesn't have the means to deal with it psychologically or emotionally. Water peeps are emotionally complicated. The title of the thread is he won't talk to you, I'm assuming he won't talk about the subject itself, not that you don't actually lead normal lives, to whatever extent that is possible.
And to the rest of you who are questioning her husband's character-- he's a victim too. This happened to him too. A tragedy that befalls a person obviousely affects the people closest to them, more especially if it's of such an intimate nature. I can imagine there are feelings of guilt, shame, humuliation-- feelings of being powerless or helpless, emasculated even. All those are legitimate reactions and he is entitled to have mixed feelings and thoughts about it. What he seems to lack is a willingness to deal with it in a proper way, and has instead chosen to bottle it up in the hope that it goes away, or that he perfers not to address it and live with it "as is".
It's easy for us to divide about how we would react if we were him since we're obviousely all heros in our lives until tragedy befalls us.
@enfant. I have known him for 3 years and the most recent incident happened 18 months ago. Yes there also was a situation about 10 years ago before he even knew me.
Yes I feel like he believes he didn't protect me even though we are not together. He told me he loved me and that he feels like his wife was violated.
That and my sister blaming herself is in a lot of ways hurting me more than the event itself. It is for that reason I think that many don't speak out
Yes I feel like he believes he didn't protect me even though we are not together. He told me he loved me and that he feels like his wife was violated.
That and my sister blaming herself is in a lot of ways hurting me more than the event itself. It is for that reason I think that many don't speak out
And as far as his masculinity goes. I love him. I love who he is and what he stands for. And nobody comes close. But yes I know he doesn't see that right now
I don't disagree with you PV. But even if he does walk it will never mean that I don't love him. I don't love easily. But I know I have to deal with the rest of it
Posted by duchessedenemoursPosted by enfant_terrible
If I walk in a shady neighbourhood night time openly counting a bundle of $ 100 bills obviousely that's asking for trouble. It does not mean I deserve to get mugged nor does it make it right, it means simply I'm stupid. And regadless if the law is on my side or not, there is a certain level of stupidity that is hard to overlook, even in rape cases. Having said that, a woman is entitled to dress, act or behave either way she pleases... but at a certain point it is required of you to use your better judgement regarding the situations you put yourself in if selfpreservation is an instinct you possess.
It's exactly this kind of mentality that tells women they have to protect themselves that encourages rape. You are placing the responsibility on the victim rather than the person that actually commits a crime. It is only when that stops and when people stop saying it was this or that that created the situation and start saying that rape happens because people rape that real measures will start to be taken.click to expand
I am not going to repeat myself just because you are too caught up in feminist slogans out of touch with the real world, to comprehend what I'm saying. Take off your politically correct glasses and read again-- do it right this time, without the cheese factor.
I have included a legitimate metaphor and specifically stated that no woman deserves or asks to be raped regardless of situation, just like no one deserves or asks to be mugged. However, terms such as "in a perfect world" come to mind here-- especially if you think you're above all of that in a matter of some sort of principle that just because you're a woman it means you SHOULDN'T get into trouble because you're not asking for it. See if the perpetrator cares!
I would love a hug from my scorp right now
If I'm honest. I respect all of your help. But if i truly wanted to message someone on here right now it would be Strudel. Just for the simple reason that he isn't giving me the oh I know dear treatment. I need the honesty
I can't remember my moon. But I'm aquarius mercury and leo ascendant. And I am a pisces
@duchess, I'm certainly not disregarding advice from anyone. But I don't want it sugarcoated. I think Elle would be my first choice for advice but she isn't around
@duchess, I'm certainly not disregarding advice from anyone. But I don't want it sugarcoated. I think Elle would be my first choice for advice but she isn't around
My Dad is a Taurus. He bought a BMW after his dad left him all his money and then married my Libra mum. They have no money left. They both blame each other? How does this help me?
I have no problem with intimacy. I crave it. I despise control. That's why I want to hug and hold the guy I love
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