He won't talk to me after I was raped (Page 2)

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TheMilkmaid
@TheMilkmaid
13 Years

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Perhaps you are wishing you had kept this to yourself so that your family and friends would not have to suffer the emotional anguish of what happened to you. That's understandable. Or maybe you are wishing you had just kept it to yourself, and blaming yourself for losing the Scorpio. But that in itself should concern you. If you have to hold everything in and not share what is bothering you for fear of losing the man you love... it's time to reevaluate some things. If I can't be honest with my partner for fear of losing him, then it does not bode well for our future.

All of this is true. I don't want them to suffer and yes I am scared of losing the Scorp. But there is no martyrdom. I'm scared of everything right now and I love my family and the scorp. Even if they all disappear. It won't change that
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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
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Posted by PVandJelleh
Posted by TheMilkmaid
Spot on again PV. It's been 3 years and I never thought he would leave me this way. But now I'm confused.




Ah hell, and we're 8 pages in now. -_-

I'm not sure if you should repost with the question phrased differently with an emphasis on scorpio perspective..or just leave it open and wait to see if any of the scorps jump in.
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There are too many holes to give a clear and thoughtful response addressing what she is actually hoping to get help with.

I've been reading this thread since she first posted the OP and she reveals something new on every page. What actually happened doesn't need to be revealed, nor would I suggest that. It's not necessary and personal and should be respected as such. However, how this (these?) events were shared with your Scorp and how things continue to unfold between you and your Scorp in a clear and coherent way needs to be shared. Only generalized feedback and speculation can be offered otherwise.
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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
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Posted by Jynja
Posted by lisabethur8
men don't want these things in their head, imagining what you went through. it probably pisses him off. Stop re-living it with him, it's not helping him in the least, because he's not your therapist. Some men are not equipped for this stuff. Group therapy with other women will help you, and you can share experiences with them.



Wow.
It pisses him off? Isn't he her husband?
Wow. Please, no.

If there is any sign in the zodiac capable of dealing with such an issue comprehensively, it is Scorpio. Maybe your man doesn't want to talk to you yet because he doesn't yet know what he'll say.

With Scorpio men, you have to trust that the man you love is thinking about the best end for you. I think you could remind him that you know he wants what's best and when he's ready to talk, you'll be willing to do so as well.
In the meantime, I suggest you see a psychiatrist - not a therapist - for now. He will evaluate you and recommend you to a therapist and then the healing begins. The danger with support groups is that if you're not yet ready, some other people's stories could trigger a bad response.
Take care, and I hope you figure your family life out soon.

All the best.
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the imagination is STRONG. that's where it may piss him off. it's not even outward pissed off, but he's pissed kind of feeling. And from what i read, psychiatrists are actually worse for people, but it all depends. As coincidentally i was reading Marilyn Monroe's biography and she went through that with her psychiatrist. But i've seen personally how many women have gone through women's group therapy and it helped them tremendously because it's a shared community and the feeling they are NOT alone.
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confusedInsane
@confusedInsane
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Lisa I agree however this issue actually goes hand in hand with all of them...a psychiatrist pretty much just prescribes medication if he feels you need it to deal with your emotions(ei.depression,ptsd) and directs you to a psycho therapist(he is the key) he is the one you have long conversations with that help you heal and put your emotions in order..in turn the psycho therapist connects you with those support groups and that is where you get the sense of that you are not alone, empowerment...is all a long process but worth it :-)
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Montgomery
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Posted by lisabethur8

Group therapy with other women will help you, and you can share experiences with them.



+1


Posted by confusedInsane
Lisa I agree however this issue actually goes hand in hand with all of them...a psychiatrist pretty much just prescribes medication if he feels you need it to deal with your emotions(ei.depression,ptsd) and directs you to a psycho therapist(he is the key) he is the one you have long conversations with that help you heal and put your emotions in order..in turn the psycho therapist connects you with those support groups and that is where you get the sense of that you are not alone, empowerment...is all a long process but worth it :-)
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You do not need a shrink to find a support group.

Call the local women's center; they WILL have the information, as well as other available tools and support for recovery.


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PhoenixRising
@PhoenixRising
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Posted by Jynja

If there is any sign in the zodiac capable of dealing with such an issue comprehensively, it is Scorpio.




Posted by PVandJelleh
Its usually not in their nature to just give up on a loved one.
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^^^Exactly. Scorps are far from perfect and a few of us may suck at communicating our feelings, but we don't give up on people we love. Especially when they have been hurt. Like I stated before, there are a few holes here to get an accurate picture. Starting from the OP and the way it was presented as though he just iced you out when you first disclosed what happen.

Please know, I am NOT saying this as an attack simply to state that what you are looking for in terms of feedback as to "why" this may have happened can not be offered when you reveal bits and pieces of how this disclosure was revealed and how you've interacted with him since that time.
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confusedInsane
@confusedInsane
11 YearsLeo

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Posted by Montgomery
Posted by lisabethur8

Group therapy with other women will help you, and you can share experiences with them.



+1


Posted by confusedInsane
Lisa I agree however this issue actually goes hand in hand with all of them...a psychiatrist pretty much just prescribes medication if he feels you need it to deal with your emotions(ei.depression,ptsd) and directs you to a psycho therapist(he is the key) he is the one you have long conversations with that help you heal and put your emotions in order..in turn the psycho therapist connects you with those support groups and that is where you get the sense of that you are not alone, empowerment...is all a long process but worth it :-)



You do not need a shrink to find a support group.

Call the local women's center; they WILL have the information, as well as other available tools and support for recovery.


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no you don't need a shrink to find a support group but if you are serious about healing you have to figure out what it is that you need and don't need..for example she might not need medication but can benefit from therapy..you have to visit all the aspects to find what is the right healing process for you
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GFY
@CancerOnTheCusp
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Posted by munchkin
Honestly, I would advise against sharing very personal things on this site. There are a lot of really nasty people who won't hesitate to kick people when they're down. And if you are still healing, that's the last thing you need.

Anyway, I would suggest speaking to a professional counselor about this. This is a very serious matter, and you deserve to heal. To do that, confide in people who know what they're doing, and will not judge you.

Sadly, ignorance is rife in the layman world.

Best wishes.



^^This is great advice.
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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
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Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by Jynja

If there is any sign in the zodiac capable of dealing with such an issue comprehensively, it is Scorpio.


Posted by PVandJelleh
Its usually not in their nature to just give up on a loved one.


^^^Exactly. Scorps are far from perfect and a few of us may suck at communicating our feelings, but we don't give up on people we love. Especially when they have been hurt. Like I stated before, there are a few holes here to get an accurate picture. Starting from the OP and the way it was presented as though he just iced you out when you first disclosed what happen.
Please know, I am NOT saying this as an attack simply to state that what you are looking for in terms of feedback as to "why" this may have happened can not be offered when you reveal bits and pieces of how this disclosure was revealed and how you've interacted with him since that time.
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i get what you mean. there's no reason to reveal what happened, but how the interaction with her bf /friend? went on. I don't understand what's going on at all, but i find it odd that a victim of something so heinous would go on a public website to even reveal it. it's that serious. it may be anonymous but to just volunteer something like this openly?
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lisabeth
@lisabethur8
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Posted by TheMilkmaid
Perhaps you are wishing you had kept this to yourself so that your family and friends would not have to suffer the emotional anguish of what happened to you. That's understandable. Or maybe you are wishing you had just kept it to yourself, and blaming yourself for losing the Scorpio. But that in itself should concern you. If you have to hold everything in and not share what is bothering you for fear of losing the man you love... it's time to reevaluate some things. If I can't be honest with my partner for fear of losing him, then it does not bode well for our future.

All of this is true. I don't want them to suffer and yes I am scared of losing the Scorp. But there is no martyrdom. I'm scared of everything right now and I love my family and the scorp. Even if they all disappear. It won't change that

it sounds more of your concern for your scorpio man than the "act" itself years ago.

Posted by PVandJelleh
Okay I'm reworking everything you have posted in my head. So basically the point of your post was try to ascertain from the Scorpios on this board what kind of things may be going through his head as a scorpio. Or how they think scorpio men would most likely cope with a situation like this. So what you are looking for is a scorpio's perspective on his reaction, not advice concerning the heartache caused by his rejection. If so I can exit this thread now and let the Scorps have at it. Best wishes and I sincerely hope your Scorpio comes around. Its usually not in their nature to just give up on a loved one.
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again....

it doesn't sound like the act is important....what's important is how to GAUGE the "SCORPIO MAN'S" emotions and his psyche.

if this was very serious, there are websites for women who need help, a huge support group, and yes, many of them have boyfriends. They are there to share experiences from their past and help others. you don't go to an astrology forum, UNLESS it is all about scorpio man (if under the forum they choose to learn about).
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TheMilkmaid
@TheMilkmaid
13 Years

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@Ladyofrebirth. I know he cares about me. I care about him too. And I want him to get over this as much as I want to get over it. With me it seems to comes in waves. 1 minute I'm fine and the next my stomach is in knots for no reason. I don't understand why people are upset that I want to understand how it is affecting others around me. I guess this is my way of taking back some control. Regardless, it is helping
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lisabeth
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Posted by TheMilkmaid
The act was actually 18 months ago. And yes there was a previous further act. No the act is not important but the control it took away from me is.
Yes I am concerned about the Scorp man's emotions and psyche as I am the rest of my family. I am trying to deal with my issues and not hurt the people I love the most


people have given you great advice here, and you need not hurt your family loved ones. the support groups and online groups that have the same shared experiences, or like what others have suggested...
psychiatry, therapists, and women's support groups in real life.

http://time.com/25150/rape-victims-talk-about-tweeting-their-experiences-publicly/

"Twenty-eight years later, Cusick, now a 37-year-old nurse living in Colorado, shared that secret on social media joining hundreds of other victims who tweeted their stories of assault. These women (and a number of men) were responding to a simple question that went viral on Twitter Wednesday night asking victims what they were wearing when they were assaulted. Within hours, a long list of outfits—ranging from sweatshirts to pajamas to bathing suits—accompanied by stories of rape and assault filled Twitter feeds, replacing the normal news items and GIFs.

Scott Berkowitz, the President and Founder of the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) was not surprised that seeing so many people share the same experience on Twitter motivated people to share their stories for the first time. —Having this whole community of other people who have been through something similar can be really empowering for people,?? he says. —I think there's safety in numbers. We see that in a lot of scenarios with sexual assault survivors. When there's allegations, say, against a particular priest that becomes public, suddenly many other people who were abused by that person are okay with coming forward.??


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lisabeth
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Posted by LadyOfRebirth
Posted by TheMilkmaid
I don't understand why people are upset that I want to understand how it is affecting others around me.



It's normal, you care about their well being. It's hard for some people to understand unless they go through it themselves. As a Pisces it's hard for you *not* to consider their well being in all of this, to the point you're less bothered about your own suffering.

He will get to terms with it, but he has to do that in his own. At this point I don't think there's much you can do except for being there for him.
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it becomes rather suspicious when it's going to an astrology forum, instead of a support group forum which you can google and find out. Plus, if she says that she is also concerned about her other family members, then what sun signs are they and what are they going through in their psyche?

Astrology usually is NOT the first place to go when you are in pain and suffering over something as serious as this. You can as an individual go to those support group forums and even ask about your family members and how you keep these things from them so they don't get hurt.
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P-Angel
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I only made it to page 6 ......



First, I have found that the women who defend female-cock-teases usually are those teases. I have told many women in here this exact phrase "women like you get raped" ... and I meant every fucking word .. because they do.

I have seen with my own eyes = women who have aroused a man to the point of rock-hard stiffness ... then she turns into my innocence and backs away ... you can see how she enjoyed tormenting him.

AND LIKE THAT WILL GET RAPED

Again ... the logical assumption becomes - the women who are defending those females ARE probably the very cock-teasers themselves.




Now ... to topic.

You're damaged goods ..... and you're full of shit.

You made this thread to gain pity and sympathy, and to betray your husbands character in the process.

Because the truth is, should anyone decide to comprehend what the read past the words, "I got raped" .... you will find ...


1. this happened a year and a half ago

2. you will read that the husband's beef isn't about the rape - it's about her not trusting him to talk to him about how she feels.

And what utter betrayal this woman does to her man ..... considering the only thing the woman ever wants from the man is for him to provide her with emotional expression, and then she turns around and denies him what she demands for herself?

We're not talking yesterday, where this is fresh and piercing ...... we're talking a long time ago. And to this day, she is STILL focused on punishing her husband for how he feels?

3. when talking about the sister blaming herself .. she speaks in current tense. So, this lady who was raped 18 months ago ..... is STILL keeping her sister perpetually living within this incident.




You've chosen to be damaged, and the consequence of that is to still be living within that incident, and to do that means you have to keep people you can blame taking responsibility.

In that people say you aren't responsible for being raped ... neither is your husband. But, according to the title of this thread = you are dumping all of your torment onto him, when in reality ... he's upset because you won't confide your feelings to him.


When we know goddam well that if he refused to confide his feelings to you, like you did him, you wouldn't be able to handle how far your panties wadded up your ass ....

Get real ... or shut the fuck up
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Shruikan
@Shruikan
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Posted by TheMilkmaid
Whether right or wrong. Strudel obviously has his own issues and thoughts. At least he is being honest. I wish my Scorp was.

Yes it's true that men too do get raped. No matter who it happens to it isn't right.

Yes I have to deal with my own issues away from him. That is why I went for objective help.

No I didn't deserve this or ask for it.

Is speaking out about it brave? It scares me more than anything if I'm honest.

Do I need to deal with it? Yes (my counselor is rubbish though) and in truth this forum has helped me. And despite whether I agree with Strudel or not and his opinions. It has helped me



Yes it is brave.
Being brave doesn't mean your never get scared. Being brave means you take action, even when you're terrified.
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TheMilkmaid
@TheMilkmaid
13 Years

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@P-Angel. I most certainly did not tease any man at all. I simply got in a taxi that was ordered to the airport in advance to go home.

I do not put this constantly on my sister at all. She told my mum she blamed herself because she ordered the transfer because she was a travel agent.

The fact that I kept it from him for 18 months. Yes I think that part is true and does bother him. But it is the only thing I can take from what you have written
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P-Angel
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Posted by TheMilkmaid

The fact that I kept it from him for 18 months. Yes I think that part is true and does bother him.






This whole thread is a deception, created by you.

Not only did you title this to garner sympathy, you also fed tidbits of information (as has been identified already) to keep being coddled for a rape in which happened a year and a half ago.

You betrayed his trust ... and deliberately embellished this thread to make it sound like he's a low-life sob for turning on you being victimize.

When he didn't turn on you for being victimized ... he's pissed because you failed to trust him.

If you would handle the concept of a woman being raped so carelessly ... then you are likely the abuser in this situation.

If this is a real situation ...
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Andalusia
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y confused. It's been a long weekend, so perhaps it's poor reading comprehension on my part. But - what is you and the Scorp's relationship? Is the Scorp referenced in the OP and below:

Posted by TheMilkmaid
The incident I reported only happened 18 months ago. But there was another 10 years ago that I never reported. And yes it was before I knew him. I have heard from him today and he is with his 14 year old that he never sees. I talk to his son a lot because his and my son are friends. I've tried to encourage his son to see him. I feel it's right. His son does not know about the incidence (just in case you all ask). I now feel a bit more at peace knowing that no matter what happens with me and him he is finally spending time with his son for the first time in months



Posted by TheMilkmaid
@enfant. I have known him for 3 years and the most recent incident happened 18 months ago. Yes there also was a situation about 10 years ago before he even knew me.

Yes I feel like he believes he didn't protect me even though we are not together. He told me he loved me and that he feels like his wife was violated.



The same person as your boyfriend, mentioned here?:

Posted by TheMilkmaid
My boyfriend encouraged me to phone the police, which I did. He was there for me whilst waiting for the police but has since been dipping in and dipping out, whilst also telling me that he loves me.

As far as posting on here is concerned. I actually find it is helping me to come to terms with the truth by being open about it
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Or are you talking about two different people...?
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Montgomery
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Posted by LadyOfRebirth

Posted by enfant_terrible
I am not going to repeat myself just because you are too caught up in feminist slogans out of touch with the real world, to comprehend what I'm saying. Take off your politically correct glasses and read again-- do it right this time, without the cheese factor.

I have included a legitimate metaphor and specifically stated that no woman deserves or asks to be raped regardless of situation, just like no one deserves or asks to be mugged. However, terms such as "in a perfect world" come to mind here-- especially if you think you're above all of that in a matter of some sort of principle that just because you're a woman it means you SHOULDN'T get into trouble because you're not asking for it. See if the perpetrator cares!



In the meanwhile women in war zones and even women in burka are getting raped repeatedly.

I can see certain situations where wrong decisions can play a role in the circumstances, especially in the west, but surely most of the responsibility still lies with the rapist, no? Unlike animals men have a brain, so even *if* a girl would walk around in little clothing a man is capable of controlling himself..

but rapists consciously choose not to. That is what we should address really.
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On the contrary-- not being stupid GREATLY INCREASES your chances of staying alive.

Personal safety is of the utmost importance, and should never be left out of any discussion.

You can't rely on other people to keep you safe 100% of the time; to do so is irresponsible.

We are accountable for ourselves, and our own behavior, too.
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TheMilkmaid
@TheMilkmaid
13 Years

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He just wanted me to ring the police but didn't want details of the event. He supported me through it and I know it has distressed him a lot. I know the feeling. I was meant to give my statement to CID today but it's been put off again. It's already been 3 weeks. It feels like an eternity.

As far as counselling is concerned the counsellor the police have given me is completely rubbish and I have asked to see another 1 who I cannot see for a month. I'm trying to deal with my own issues and find out where he is at because I feel like I'm putting him through it too.

As for those saying that I should be ashamed for real victims, well that actually makes my stomach feel worse than it already did.

What happened to me was real. And in honesty I was scared I would never make it home
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munchkin
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Posted by Montgomery
Posted by LadyOfRebirth

Posted by enfant_terrible
I am not going to repeat myself just because you are too caught up in feminist slogans out of touch with the real world, to comprehend what I'm saying. Take off your politically correct glasses and factor.
However, terms such as "in a perfect world" come to mind here-- especially if you think you're above all of that in a matter of some sort of principle that just because you're a woman it means you SHOULDN'T get into trouble because you're not asking for it. See if the perpetrator cares!



In the meanwhile women in war zones and even women in burka are getting raped repeatedly.

I can see certain situations where wrong decisions can play a role in the circumstances, especially in the west, but surely most of the responsibility still lies with the rapist, no? Unlike animals men have a brain, so even *if* a girl would walk around in little clothing a man is capable of controlling himself..

but rapists consciously choose not to. That is what we should address really.



On the contrary-- not being stupid GREATLY INCREASES your chances of staying alive.

Personal safety is of the utmost importance, and should never be left out of any discussion.

You can't rely on other people to keep you safe 100% of the time; to do so is irresponsible.

We are accountable for ourselves, and our own behavior, too.
click to expand




yea, not sure why it has to be a mutually exclusive thing. Men need to be educated and taught right, but meanwhile, women have to try to maximize their odds of safety until the perfect world is a reality.
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Montgomery
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Posted by TheMilkmaid
@munchkin I understand what you are saying and don't entirely disagree with you. I just honestly thought I was empowering myself by going abroad alone on a free holiday that my sister had given me. I never thought I would go abroad alone. I know of women that do and are fine. But yes as my brother says we are vulnerable. And I don't like to admit that



I don't think they were talking about you, in this case.
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P-Angel
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Posted by TheMilkmaid

I also think he thinks that I don't appreciate his support. None of that is the case though. I just wanted an objective opinion about certain things and now I think he thinks it's because I don't trust or respect him






You make the insinuation that you talked to someone else ... someone objective

then turn around and completely contradict yourself ....

Posted by TheMilkmaid

.... he was the first person I told because I trust him.

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