How do you tolerate someone?

I don't know where else to put it because I don't know what her sign is. There is a girl in my circle of friends that I am SO annoyed by.

At first she seemed friendly and super socialable and very bubbly but once I and 4 other people (all female and 1 male) were around her more often, that's when she started talking to some of us about her drama and being more dependent on us for friendship. At the same time when that happened, that's when her attitude and cockyness came out. She no longer sought us out for validation or attention, but she was more demanding with us on how we should treat her. Its like she depended on us for friendship but she no longer respected us or admired any of us. She even started having an opinion on how we should act.

There are some guys and girls in the group she seeks out alot but doesn't really want to hang out with them but she always goes to them whenever she has some exciting news to share or to get any sort of validation or attention.

It's annoying, if I'm talking to one of those male friends she'll just interrupt the conversation with her own stuff and I have had to say to her more than once "Excuse me can you hold off, we're in the middle of a private conversation." and she's like oh sorry.

No one has went to her to tell her what they think, and I don't want to be the person that rocks the boat but the ones that she's being bossy with that she doesn't respect anymore, are all annoyed and the people that she seeks validation from still but doesn't hang out with think its not that big of a deal or doesn't see what we all experience from her.

How do you handle this as a scorpio I'm very easily annoyed by assholes and dramatic and people that waste my time but I don't want to look like the bad guy.

Also, she's very "SENSITIVIE" as she says it and if you say what you say to her even in a very objective way she's the type to gossip and get offended easily.

I'm not a Scorpio but maybe you should pull her aside and privately asked her what her deal is.

Or let her know she doesn't need validation because she's amongst friends. And friendship is a two way thing.

I'm getting two impressions of the girl. One is she's a stuck up b and the other is she's, thinking you and your circle are super cool, wants to be around you but hasn't figured out how to relate to you without talking about herself.
,that's why I suggest you have a private conversation with her to see which one she is.

@soultalk I don't give her validation. I never have. She's the one that goes up to everyone and starts telling them her business.

Ill give you an example. She just went away for the weekend on some trip for her bday. The second she saw any of us, she's been going around telling EVERY SINGLE PERSON about her trip. EVERY SINGLE PERSON. I kid you not. To the point where everyone has heard the story like 5x because she's so loud about it.

Then when she comes up to me she keeps hinting about it talking about how she's sooooooooooooo tired (I'm pretty sure she was hinting about wanting to talk about her trip a few days ago) but at the time I didn't get what she was hinting at as I didn't remember it was her bday several days ago but I didn't really wish her one since I didn't remember nor did I ask her about her trip. But I guess when I just didn't get at what she was hinting at, she kinda ended the conversation.

@kim30 I would pull her aside but no one wants to do it, because they don't want to be mean or rock the boat. If I pulled her aside she's talk shit or get all "sensitive" and be a snotty dick about it and I'd look like the bad guy. No thanks.

What I've been doing is just letting her be. I don't approach her or seek her out. 99% of the time she's the one that seeks me out...seeks the other 4 people out too. We'll be kind and listen to her stories but we won't put effor into it. She even makes snotty dick comments about how we aren't showing enthusiasm to her stories and stuff.

Personally I thought she was an okay gal until she started being so starved for validation and attention and then at the same time trying to control how you interact with her its like dude...don't control me, I'm not the one that's seeking you out.

Posted by kim30
I'm getting two impressions of the girl. One is she's a stuck up b and the other is she's, thinking you and your circle are super cool, wants to be around you but hasn't figured out how to relate to you without talking about herself.
,that's why I suggest you have a private conversation with her to see which one she is.

Its a mix of both. She's one of those girls who lives like she's rich and has expensive tastes. She's also the kind of person who notices you aren't around and makes this big dramatic scene if she hasn't seen you in a day or the fact you haven't said anything to her yet. She's also the kind of chick who goes around and tells literally everyone about what she did the day before and forces the conversation even when you can't talk at the moment and have to go soemwhere.

I used to hang out with her in the beginning until she wanted it to be an every day thing and I don't even hang out with my family everyday. She's way too demanding, wants all of your attention and its annoying and shes' so quick to make comments about things the other person does or doesn't do. I can't even have a 1 minute convo with her before she makes a comment on what I either said or didn't say, or how I expressed myself facially or whatever. Its like STOP POINTING OUT EVERY LITTLE THING!

You cannot control freindship and be demanding on set standards on how people should treat you. If they aren't treating you on how you want then don't be their friend, don't try and control how they act.

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
this would be about the time I separated myself from her all together......

I have tried to seperate myself but the fact that I haven't really spent any time with her in months let alone sought her out in months hasn't stopped her from bugging me or the other 4 people to hang out.

There's 2 sets of people in the group:

1)The ones that she always wants to hang out with that she tries to control how they act and notices every little thing they do. If they make comments to her she always gets offended and gets upset.

2)The ones that she doesn't hang out with that she always seeks out all the time for validation and to talk about her day that she doesn't try to control. If they make comments to her she always laughs and thinks they are kidding and being silly even if they say the exact same thing as #1.

I'm frustrated. I can't even run away, she's always around because people in group #2 still socialize with her.

She's an emotional vampire.

She told you that she was, herself.

You don't have to be friends with her, if you don't want to.

With the additional information she sounds like a cancer from hell or at least was raised by one.
I can say that without apologies because o am a cancer. : )

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
I don't know if you are mirroring her behaviour because you don't understand it....

but you appear that you are perturbed because you don't have any control over her.....but you are complaining she is controlling.

you are giving her way more attention than she deserves if she bothers you this much.

just don't pay her any mind.

I'm not even trying to control her, if our circle of freinds let's so go out to a party or just hang out together. I don't approach her, I don't say hi, I don't even start a convo with her, I just talk to the same ppl within the group I usually do. She's the one that approaches me first, says Hi to me first, starts telling me her business. Out of civility I do say hi back and listen to her stories but after she stops talking I try and do what I can to get out of the conversation and I talk to others she doesn't know so she won't bother me anymore.

if she never approached me then I'd be find but she still seeks me and the other 4 people out all the time. I mean if shes' seeking validation all the same damn time I might as well say:

"OMG XYZZZZZZZZZ SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD AN AMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZING TIME. YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LUCKY. THANKS FOR TELLING ME ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR STORIES!!!!!"

Even if I said it that way, she'd still be talking about the same shit to other people.

Posted by kim30
With the additional information she sounds like a cancer from hell or at least was raised by one.
I can say that without apologies because o am a cancer. : )

I'm not familiar with cancers other than people say they are emotional. Describe them to me if you can?!

The less than stellar traits are often the ones that come through when they like you or feel superior to you.
critical, opinionated, bossy, basically can dish it out but can't take it.
While they pick you apart they will give you anything you need or want. They will show up first when you call for help, if you don't call THEM for help they will give you hell about it. Or if you call them second... they can be mean as hell and sweet as pie with in the same second.
Basically you might mistake them for nuts if you don't get them.

I forgot, clingy, obsessive, possessive, attention seeking.
Anything people dislike about Scorpio, is what the cancer loves whether they admit it or not.
they also lie a lot too. Usually for no good reason. Sometimes just to engage you because they like you.

If a cancer feels you pulling away they will overcompensate to hold on. So she's going to talk more and louder the more you disconnect.
She pretends the people she doesn't like are being funny an laughs with them because she doesn't feel comfortable showing her nasty side. As she does with your circle.
Cancers need to learn that lesson from Scorpios. Who to be nice to, when to chill and how to keep cool

Posted by IrresistableScorp
I'm going to be honest: tolerate isn't in my dictionary. I don't *tolerate* people. I either like you and you are *in* or I don't like you and you are *out.* Frankly, tolerating seems way to fake for me.

I bet you do. You probably accept. I've noticed Scorpios suck up stuff to a certain extend because they accept the person. Others view it as tolerating.

See there! "I was right, I was riiight!" said Brainy smurf.