FixedWater
@FixedWater
12 Years1,000+ PostsScorpio
Comments: 23 · Posts: 2298 · Topics: 37
Intuition? Insecurity? Lack of Trust?
Posted by FixedWater
When someone says something to you and it's not quite right. It just doesn't sit right and the exchange rattles around in your head for days as you try to figure out what was wrong with it.
How do you determine if the feelings you have are coming from your own insecurities, your intuition, or a lack of trust in someone's words?
Gee, that was broad. I have a feeling of where this will be going. With that said, and before you analyze the shit out of what doesn't sit right with you I suggest you (ready?)..............
COMMUNICATE to the person who said something that didn't sit right and ask that person to explain to you better what he/she said to you to MAKE SURE you didn't misunderstand, misinterpret, or assume what they meant.
Saves unneeded anxiety and pages of posts on the broad spectrum, and if you still don't get it maybe you can give us more detail on the explanation after COMMUNICATING, so that the Scorps can help without assuming we know what you are talking about.
Make sense?
If something someone says strikes a nerve, I go within and ask myself why I let what they said effect me so much. If they say something that seems dishonest, I will either talk to them about it or just move on if ain't worth it to me. Just because some people play games, doesn't mean I feel compelled to play along. Pick your battles wisely and work to live your own life with integrity. If you observe people more and jump to conclusions less, you're more likely to see what's going on behind the facade of appearances.
Lol, Yes good question... why not all three? I could BE greedy!
Seriously, Lib I am a firm believer in going to the source and have, on a thing or two.
I would prefer to learn for myself how to differentiate between those three things.
I know enough about myself to know it could be insecurity.
I know enough about us to know there is trust to rebuild.
I also know I read him like a picture. One glance and I know where he's at.
Which is which when I feel something isn't quite sitting right? How do I tell the difference....
Seriously, Lib I am a firm believer in going to the source and have, on a thing or two.
I would prefer to learn for myself how to differentiate between those three things.
I know enough about myself to know it could be insecurity.
I know enough about us to know there is trust to rebuild.
I also know I read him like a picture. One glance and I know where he's at.
Which is which when I feel something isn't quite sitting right? How do I tell the difference....
I am not telling the story simply because there is too much story to tell.
I thought I would keep it simple and ask about this specifically. Even if things don't work out with Scorp I consider it something that I need to learn. Don't I? Maybe I am just far too sensitive....
Here is an Example:
Him - Ok, do a reading on me.
Me - You need to have a question (I literally forgot about the one spread I could have done that didn't need a question, but I am a newbie here)
Him - I don't have any questions
Me - (*** cough *** bullshit ***) Oh.
This isn't what made me feel insecure but it is an example of what I am talking about. I think if he was being honest he should have said "I am too scared to ask any questions". It is what I hear when he says something that doesn't jive with what I think he's actually thinking. Is that intuition, lack of trust, or insecurity because he did not say something that I wanted to hear?
I thought I would keep it simple and ask about this specifically. Even if things don't work out with Scorp I consider it something that I need to learn. Don't I? Maybe I am just far too sensitive....
Here is an Example:
Him - Ok, do a reading on me.
Me - You need to have a question (I literally forgot about the one spread I could have done that didn't need a question, but I am a newbie here)
Him - I don't have any questions
Me - (*** cough *** bullshit ***) Oh.
This isn't what made me feel insecure but it is an example of what I am talking about. I think if he was being honest he should have said "I am too scared to ask any questions". It is what I hear when he says something that doesn't jive with what I think he's actually thinking. Is that intuition, lack of trust, or insecurity because he did not say something that I wanted to hear?
Posted by FixedWater
When someone says something to you and it's not quite right. It just doesn't sit right and the exchange rattles around in your head for days as you try to figure out what was wrong with it.
How do you determine if the feelings you have are coming from your own insecurities, your intuition, or a lack of trust in someone's words?
As in deception or misleading?
I ask. However:
If it's someone I didn't really trust to begin with and I am still feeling them out I make a very detailed account of what they've said and store it away. When something they say (or do) completely contradicts the intitial statement, I am on their ass. If they matter to me. If they do not, I just make a mental note *do not bother with this person in any real way*
If it's someone I actually care about I address it right there and then. I don't edit my words or filter my feelings. We're getting down to business right then and there. I am listening to every word, analyzing every inflection, looking at body language to get to the bottom of what is really going on. Where that person decides to take it will determine the future of our relationship. Not unlike the person I discussed above.
Posted by FixedWater
Lol, Yes good question... why not all three? I could BE greedy!
Seriously, Lib I am a firm believer in going to the source and have, on a thing or two.
I would prefer to learn for myself how to differentiate between those three things.
I know enough about myself to know it could be insecurity.
I know enough about us to know there is trust to rebuild.
I also know I read him like a picture. One glance and I know where he's at.
Which is which when I feel something isn't quite sitting right? How do I tell the difference....
I get that. So my answer would be if I were in your shoes..and to answer your question:
"How do you determine if the feelings you have are coming from your own insecurities, your intuition, or a lack of trust in someone's words?"
I would KNOW (not could be) it is "insecurity" or not
I would KNOW (depending on if the trust that was previously violated in a big way) my intuition was correct
I would KNOW if the person was bullshitting me or not (especially if I read that person like a picture).
Only you know the person you are talking about and have a personal sense of him. We can't tell or teach you to "learn" which one it is. My question is, what was so awful that took place with this person to make you question your own judgement? What is IT that brings you to the three?
Not looking for details/answers, these are questions you have to ask yourself to dig deep and find that answer.(s)
Ok, Wow... you ladies rock.
I gotta think a bit now to take in what all of you have said and consider what my next question or validation/confirmation comment will be....
I gotta think a bit now to take in what all of you have said and consider what my next question or validation/confirmation comment will be....
Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
It's not intuition in that particular example because it doesn't really matter if he's hiding something or not and you really need to take his answer at face value because it's truely none of your business.
Unhinge the expectations to his answers and you'll be able to see more clarity.
If he didn't have any questions....then you simply are done offering the reading.
Nip it in the bud and then you have no residuals to mull over later.
Sorry, gotta re-quote you all I have such a shit memory...
There are too many examples like the one I gave. Enough for me to really consider the reasons behind it. In this example I left it be. I didn't actually offer the reading in the first place, I was just showing him my cards.
Its than sense that he isn't giving me what he feels and its modified so as to conform to what he thinks it should be. That example of the cards, for instance does have a lot of relevance here and I will explain why. He used to be totally into the occult, practicing, PASSIONATE. Most definitely his Scorpio Placements were front and center. For a brief moment there I saw who he was when he wanted to hold my cards and look at them. Then gone... shut down. In its place is the VIRGO MOON personality that I have come to see as the bain of this relationship. The troublemaker, the part of him he uses to maintain a certain sense of emotional detachment. Like the "Hall Monitor" sending the kid back to the classroom even though he has to go pee because he does not have a hall pass.
Do you see what I am sort of trying to get to the bottom of? It is like he is the kid that wants to go pee but is too intimidated by the teacher to get a hall pass....
I think I am going crazy, anyone want to join me?
Posted by PhoenixRisingPosted by FixedWater
When someone says something to you and it's not quite right. It just doesn't sit right and the exchange rattles around in your head for days as you try to figure out what was wrong with it.
How do you determine if the feelings you have are coming from your own insecurities, your intuition, or a lack of trust in someone's words?
As in deception or misleading?
I ask. However:
If it's someone I didn't really trust to begin with and I am still feeling them out I make a very detailed account of what they've said and store it away. When something they say (or do) completely contradicts the intitial statement, I am on their ass. If they matter to me. If they do not, I just make a mental note *do not bother with this person in any real way*
If it's someone I actually care about I address it right there and then. I don't edit my words or filter my feelings. We're getting down to business right then and there. I am listening to every word, analyzing every inflection, looking at body language to get to the bottom of what is really going on. Where that person decides to take it will determine the future of our relationship. Not unlike the person I discussed above.click to expand
Deception and Misleading...
Let me say this: The only thing I do trust given the history of us is he comes back. There is no reason I can think of that would justify his return after all the testing I have put him through. After all that testing which was necessary IMO, we are still here and trying to work through. Why not just lay it all out on the line and get it over with. We are either meant for each other, or not. I'd prefer to just hash it out, go right for the worst of it and work back from there.
Instead, I am in this position of having to question what his words mean and feeling like I am getting only half truths. Is it just me being insecure? Is my intuition THAT GOOD that I can see him so well that I COULD be telling him about him?
I think the biggest issue here is this: I feel like he's trying to protect me from it. I have tried many a time to put this man in my assclown file and he just doesn't fit. He also does not seem to fit in that lovey dovey file that's all safe and secure. That's the one I want... lovey, dovey.
Posted by LetltBPosted by FixedWater
Lol, Yes good question... why not all three? I could BE greedy!
Seriously, Lib I am a firm believer in going to the source and have, on a thing or two.
I would prefer to learn for myself how to differentiate between those three things.
I know enough about myself to know it could be insecurity.
I know enough about us to know there is trust to rebuild.
I also know I read him like a picture. One glance and I know where he's at.
Which is which when I feel something isn't quite sitting right? How do I tell the difference....
I get that. So my answer would be if I were in your shoes..and to answer your question:
"How do you determine if the feelings you have are coming from your own insecurities, your intuition, or a lack of trust in someone's words?"
I would KNOW (not could be) it is "insecurity" or not
I would KNOW (depending on if the trust that was previously violated in a big way) my intuition was correct
I would KNOW if the person was bullshitting me or not (especially if I read that person like a picture).
Only you know the person you are talking about and have a personal sense of him. We can't tell or teach you to "learn" which one it is. My question is, what was so awful that took place with this person to make you question your own judgement? What is IT that brings you to the three?click to expand
I don't think I believe in myself enough yet. I have good days where everything is clear and then those other days where its confusing. It is those days that make me question the good days.
I THINK I KNOW.... then I Waffle.
I think I described it Lib, in my comment above. That is the awful, or a pretty good summary of it. He has shut down so hard and he is trying to come out of it, what do I do to help him or rather what can I do to make sure I don't go all squirrely on him and start questioning the little progress he has made which is always in my direction. He is going though transition, I don't want to hurt that process, but at the same time have so many answers for him if he would just accept that I think his 'raw' is amazing.
I know Ladies... this is a somewhat left handed post, but I didn't know how to get through it. My apologies for being confusing or all over.
Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
bad typo job ^^^^^^^^
I think you are trying too hard to figure out him and every single reasoning behind everything he's doing.
It's easy for us to get caught up in that.....
....but, from my own experience, it's a much better ride when you can put that aside and just enjoy the person, *right here* and *right now*.
in the big scheme of things....it doesn't matter, you are losing precious time and wasting brain matter.
he's a scorp, right? grant him the same as what you want....just to be accepted.
enjoy each other's company. that is really the only way you ever 'figure out' someone. Over time the puzzle pieces eventually get put together.
I agree with you 100% TS, I am losing precious time and brain matter over something that will be what it will be. If it is Love, and I do believe in the power of Love, we will pull through.
I just wish I could put these nagging feelings to rest ....
He is a Scorp, and with all the difficulty that can bring there's the feeling that exists between the two of us when we are together that is .... balanced. He feels like Home
He does, and I am worried for him. Not because I might not get to keep him, although that is a very painful thought, but because I think he is in between the devil and the deep blue sea.
You have given me something to focus on TS, that he feels like home. I will do just this, or rather try to do just this, and have faith in the powers that be that for whatever reason this between him and I is fated and where it takes us, no one yet knows.
My intuition is effected by my insecurities and lack of trust. I know something and question it... rather than just knowing it and leaving it at that. Simple statement, but had an impact. Thankyou TS
You have given me something to focus on TS, that he feels like home. I will do just this, or rather try to do just this, and have faith in the powers that be that for whatever reason this between him and I is fated and where it takes us, no one yet knows.
My intuition is effected by my insecurities and lack of trust. I know something and question it... rather than just knowing it and leaving it at that. Simple statement, but had an impact. Thankyou TS
I hear you there Tiz, and I have a nice headache now to contend with ...
I question way too much, and I know this. So does he and somehow just accepts that part of me, is he crazy? Like Wtf ~?~
I told him a few weeks ago that I fell in love with him, why didn't he run damnit. He does not make a very good Assclown, I have to say.....
OR
He is the best Assclown ever and should win an Oscar. That could be too....
I question way too much, and I know this. So does he and somehow just accepts that part of me, is he crazy? Like Wtf ~?~
I told him a few weeks ago that I fell in love with him, why didn't he run damnit. He does not make a very good Assclown, I have to say.....
OR
He is the best Assclown ever and should win an Oscar. That could be too....
Omg FB, I actually giggled when I read "Talked me down a Cancer Moon Ledge"
That just might be what my problem is! I am on the Cancer Moon Ledge and this thread is my instinctual attempt at finding my way off the ledge!
He has been perplexed by a comment or 500 that I have made in regards to nefarious thoughts. He's like....... "Huh?" "Whats an Assclown?" "What do you mean I make you feel like that?"
I cant tell who's riding the bucking bronc, him or me.
That just might be what my problem is! I am on the Cancer Moon Ledge and this thread is my instinctual attempt at finding my way off the ledge!
He has been perplexed by a comment or 500 that I have made in regards to nefarious thoughts. He's like....... "Huh?" "Whats an Assclown?" "What do you mean I make you feel like that?"
I cant tell who's riding the bucking bronc, him or me.
Posted by tiziani
Haha strangely enough I know what you mean.
Lol... about the headache? or about the assclown thing? Cause IF it's the assclown thing then we should switch this thread over and do a little evaluating on Tiz 😄
Posted by FixedWater
I don't think I believe in myself enough yet. I have good days where everything is clear and then those other days where its confusing. It is those days that make me question the good days.
I THINK I KNOW.... then I Waffle.
I think I described it Lib, in my comment above. That is the awful, or a pretty good summary of it. He has shut down so hard and he is trying to come out of it, what do I do to help him or rather what can I do to make sure I don't go all squirrely on him and start questioning the little progress he has made which is always in my direction. He is going though transition, I don't want to hurt that process, but at the same time have so many answers for him if he would just accept that I think his 'raw' is amazing.
I know Ladies... this is a somewhat left handed post, but I didn't know how to get through it. My apologies for being confusing or all over.
Left handed? whew...I had to read your responses a few times. So if I understand this left handed convo...(correct me if I'm wrong please):
This guy and you split (I remember that)
You announced not long ago he came back into the picture
You weren't sure if you should dabble in it.
(enter big gap) where if it's ok, I'll assume you chose to dabble
Now, you have somewhat of a clearer picture as to why things took a shit the first time
..which is, he has shut down and is making an effort to come out of it and has made progress
and he is slow but sure going through the process of transition
^^That covers him, your relations to and from him
As a result of the above you want to:
Refrain from hurting the above progress..but want to
Give him the answers (you think he should arrive at)
You believe his 'raw" is amazing. (is it amazing if he's not happy with himself though)?
You cannot be a bandaid or help him to arrive at what YOU think is acceptable and good enough.
Only HE can fix what he feels needs to be fixed to find a comfort level within himself. You can talk until your blue in the face. He's a Scorp, he's gonna find his own answers no matter what, in his time. If things are good, steady and he's making progress, why throw a wrench in?
Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
.
you don't need to know everything. you may want to know everything but needs and wants are different.
Words to live by.
Posted by FrostAndBite
My scorps daily thoughts are pretty honest.
1) I want to sleep.
2) I want to be entertained.
3) I want to have sex with frostandbite.
4) I hope frostandbite is happy. Makes me happy.
And sometimes
5) I am craving some kind of food/beverage. Want.
And that's not in a ranked order really. It depends on the day lol.
I used to think he was so much more complicated, it was just projection on my part. Granted he does have his complex philosophical moments. However those are more like precious gems of intimacy within the relationship rather than the rule.
aww. This is how mine is too.
But i think the #1 thought is "I am craving some kind of food/beverage." lol.
And I would add work to his list of things he thinks about. And future home improvement. lol.
You may also consider this...
Keep things casual, go slow while he's going through this transition.
Don't have expectations (time, the process he chooses, etc..)
When he says something you don't understand, ASK RIGHT THERE AND THEN to lesson confusion/assumptions
Don't make this about you and him while he's going through this..unless he does
Only choose to be with someone who is going through something like this if you are blessed with patience.
If any of the above makes you "waffle"...he might best be on his own to sort out his issues. Otherwise it's going to take longer, and obstruct the process, OR worse, distance/resentment will hurt future potential of the relationship.
If you choose to be at his side throughout, you MUST TRUST him to work whatever it is out on his own, and only offer insight when it's asked of you.
Keep things casual, go slow while he's going through this transition.
Don't have expectations (time, the process he chooses, etc..)
When he says something you don't understand, ASK RIGHT THERE AND THEN to lesson confusion/assumptions
Don't make this about you and him while he's going through this..unless he does
Only choose to be with someone who is going through something like this if you are blessed with patience.
If any of the above makes you "waffle"...he might best be on his own to sort out his issues. Otherwise it's going to take longer, and obstruct the process, OR worse, distance/resentment will hurt future potential of the relationship.
If you choose to be at his side throughout, you MUST TRUST him to work whatever it is out on his own, and only offer insight when it's asked of you.
Posted by FixedWater
Here is an Example:
Him - Ok, do a reading on me.
Me - You need to have a question (I literally forgot about the one spread I could have done that didn't need a question, but I am a newbie here)
Him - I don't have any questions
Me - (*** cough *** bullshit ***) Oh.
This isn't what made me feel insecure but it is an example of what I am talking about. I think if he was being honest he should have said "I am too scared to ask any questions". It is what I hear when he says something that doesn't jive with what I think he's actually thinking. Is that intuition, lack of trust, or insecurity because he did not say something that I wanted to hear?
I'm reading this two ways. Just using this example (I know this wasn't the issue) perhaps another question needs to be asked: "is this about my need to control?". Who cares where the feeling is coming from (e.g. lack of trust, insecurity or intuition). If you know him as well as you say, then you know "something" is there, so that isn't the question. This sounds more like why won't he tell me? That sounds like control to me. If he isn't ready to share something with you (that you're sensing is there), then he has the right to make that decision. Perhaps it simply isn't the right time in the relationship for him to share. Let him decide that and when it's safe.
The other thought I had was that cool thing that happens between water signs, especially two Scorps. In the example you gave above (again I know it was just an example), you could have told him you didn't think he was being upfront, however similar to what he was doing, you are also masking how you are feeling---yet accusing him of doing this. Mirror-mirror 🙂. If he's not being upfront about something, it could be for a number of reasons, but it may be because he doesn't feel he can trust in this relationship yet. As a Scorp, I trust my intuition. I never question or doubt it. If I am not forthcoming with someone there is a reason for that. Much of the time it is because of the vibe that person is giving me.
I guess when someone says something that doesn't sit well with me I usually think "WTF" and ponder it off and on...eventually I forget about it especially if it came from a person that doesn't mean much to me or its a situation that doesn't mean much compared to what else is going on in my life.
But I trust my intuition completely. But typically its a battle between me just not getting it and the other person being an asshat.
By the way my daily thoughts are:
#1 What did they mean?
#2 I'm hungry
#3 I'm bored
#4 I'm restless
#5 I miss "xyz"
But I trust my intuition completely. But typically its a battle between me just not getting it and the other person being an asshat.
By the way my daily thoughts are:
#1 What did they mean?
#2 I'm hungry
#3 I'm bored
#4 I'm restless
#5 I miss "xyz"
Posted by FixedWater
Its than sense that he isn't giving me what he feels and its modified so as to conform to what he thinks it should be. That example of the cards, for instance does have a lot of relevance here and I will explain why. He used to be totally into the occult, practicing, PASSIONATE. Most definitely his Scorpio Placements were front and center. For a brief moment there I saw who he was when he wanted to hold my cards and look at them. Then gone... shut down. In its place is the VIRGO MOON personality that I have come to see as the bain of this relationship. The troublemaker, the part of him he uses to maintain a certain sense of emotional detachment. Like the "Hall Monitor" sending the kid back to the classroom even though he has to go pee because he does not have a hall pass.
Do you see what I am sort of trying to get to the bottom of? It is like he is the kid that wants to go pee but is too intimidated by the teacher to get a hall pass....
😕 Why do you need to get to the bottom of it?
Okay, I'm gonna read more, but that^^^is there just incase it wasn't asked.
Posted by starlover
Did you ever see Kris Kardashian and Bruce Jenner in action Fixed? 😄
Two Scorps
She wants to know everything and control all around her and he just wants to be left alone to do his thing and not be prodded and probed all the time ~ i actually empathize with him
I prodded men all my life lol ~~ most don't want that ~ that is what we have women friends for, to dive deep and pull and twist and examine everything...we are on the same page.
He is a man ~ different
He is a Scorpio man ~ innately mistrusting and private
You are two different beings. If you start to examine all he does and says, you are going to end up in knots
This is going to sound like a cliche now BUT anyway ~~~ i gave up trying to understand men a long time ago. For me they are too simplistic of mind (which i envy) and it has taken me years to realize that sometimes, they are not thinking about anything too complex and here we are are saying *what did he mean, what was that look for*.
If a man doesn't want to let you in he wont....no matter how much we prod ~ it wont make any difference
Yep poor Bruce, leave that man alone lol. I think with Kris not only is she very dominant and controlling, she always likes things to be done her way.
Posted by FixedWater
Deception and Misleading...
Let me say this: The only thing I do trust given the history of us is he comes back.
Okay, so that answers the OP then now doesn't it? 😄 See how easy that was? Next question! 😛
Posted by FixedWater
There is no reason I can think of that would justify his return after all the testing I have put him through. After all that testing which was necessary IMO, we are still here and trying to work through. Why not just lay it all out on the line and get it over with. We are either meant for each other, or not.
Hmmm, there's a lot of insecurity in this post. Ever wonder if he questions this stuff too? Why did she take me back after what I did? She put me through a lot of test, does she really trust me, or will there be more test? Can we just move forward already? Will I mess up and that will be it for her? Etc. Etc.
Also, are you really trying to "work through" this or still making him prove himself for f*cking up the first time around? As for the last little bit--it seems like d?j?? vu. Wait, 😕 didn't I read a thread with similar questions.....it was by a quirky Scorp....Fixed??_.something or other was her name. It didn't work out too well for her then when she pushed the "I need to know now" button that time either. Just sayin'....You should read her thread.
Posted by FixedWater
We are either meant for each other, or not. I'd prefer to just hash it out, go right for the worst of it and work back from there.
click to expand
I can see where people get the whole "Scorps are so intense" thing from. Hash out what? The issues between the two of you, or issues that have accumulated from just being human? Why do you want to expose your battle scars when they may have no relevance to how you'll grow together?
So, if I have this right, you want him to expose all that raw baggage on the off chance that you, the object of his affection, will not take off running in the opposite direction? Do you do that with all of the people you care about and love, or is it an expectation you have of the people you care about and love? Sort of like "I want to know what I am getting into before I get too serious here"?
already answered this below btw).
Posted by FixedWater
Instead, I am in this position of having to question what his words mean and feeling like I am getting only half truths. Is it just me being insecure? Is my intuition THAT GOOD that I can see him so well that I COULD be telling him about him?
Well, as a Scorp has anyone ever been able to tell you about you? If you can tell a Scorp about him or herself with absolute accuracy, bottle that and sell it. It's one thing to have a sense and explore it with said Scorp, but I find as soon as a person thinks they know, they are so far off and moving even farther away. Pretty much with any water sign really.
Posted by FixedWater
I think the biggest issue here is this: I feel like he's trying to protect me from it. I have tried many a time to put this man in my assclown file and he just doesn't fit. He also does not seem to fit in that lovey dovey file that's all safe and secure. That's the one I want... lovey, dovey.
click to expand
Lol. Let's be real here. You're gonna get both. Scorps aren't perfect. We have f*cked up moments that put us at the head of the class as assclowns and then we get our sh*t together we shine for our loved ones.
Posted by starlover
vesper...Kris has Sun and Venus in Scorp...i am get to meet one of them that doesn't want things done their way....myself and my son included.....ouch!! Can you imagine if Bruce had Venus in Scorp too.................nightmare!!!!!
😄
I know, I was quite shocked to find out that Kris has Venus in Scorpio considering she can be such a flirt and social butterfly!
Posted by FixedWater
I don't think I believe in myself enough yet. I have good days where everything is clear and then those other days where its confusing. It is those days that make me question the good days.
I THINK I KNOW.... then I Waffle.
He has shut down so hard and he is trying to come out of it, what do I do to help him or rather what can I do to make sure I don't go all squirrely on him and start questioning the little progress he has made which is always in my direction. He is going though transition, I don't want to hurt that process, but at the same time have so many answers for him if he would just accept that I think his 'raw' is amazing.
I know Ladies... this is a somewhat left handed post, but I didn't know how to get through it. My apologies for being confusing or all over.
I don't think you're being confusing. I just don't think you're not being entirely fair to him. I can elaborate (a bit later) if you care to explore.
@Tiz - I promise it wont hurt ... much? Hehe
@FB - I do think he is pretty much like this and I just complicate everything. Why I gotta be like that?
@IS - Hmmmmmm.... I may have done a thing or two to qualify for some assclown distinctions. That's a good question though, to a guy what do Women do that would be considered shitty behavior?
@Lib - Yes, you have summed that up rather nicely. I cannot argue with it.
I did choose to dabble because of the things he said to me.
I think I have a pretty fair handle on where I should point him, yes.
I know that if he does not Love himself then how can he Love me. That leaves me in a position of making a decision between what could possibly come down to health of him (His words "Things were very Bad when you Left Me")vs health of me. Damn though I just keep hearing the flip side that says he needs more Love than ever. Has anyone ever successfully loved someone right outta their funk? He is all Scorp but what about that cold Virgo he is using to man his ship as of late? That's not Scorpio at all....
and to your second comment... This is clear cut enough for me where I may be able to manage these things, except that "Patience" one. What's Patience?
@FB - I do think he is pretty much like this and I just complicate everything. Why I gotta be like that?
@IS - Hmmmmmm.... I may have done a thing or two to qualify for some assclown distinctions. That's a good question though, to a guy what do Women do that would be considered shitty behavior?
@Lib - Yes, you have summed that up rather nicely. I cannot argue with it.
I did choose to dabble because of the things he said to me.
I think I have a pretty fair handle on where I should point him, yes.
I know that if he does not Love himself then how can he Love me. That leaves me in a position of making a decision between what could possibly come down to health of him (His words "Things were very Bad when you Left Me")vs health of me. Damn though I just keep hearing the flip side that says he needs more Love than ever. Has anyone ever successfully loved someone right outta their funk? He is all Scorp but what about that cold Virgo he is using to man his ship as of late? That's not Scorpio at all....
and to your second comment... This is clear cut enough for me where I may be able to manage these things, except that "Patience" one. What's Patience?
Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
Bruce has a moon in aqua and venus in sag...he does not care. 😛
Or he has simply given up after 23 years 😄
@TS... I want to know everything. Yesterday. I really am like that though, I put the blinders on and that's becomes my sole focus.
@Star - See, and in my mind I think lets just talk about it and clear the air. So simple, so uncomplicated, and as far as I am concerned the least painful way to get through this stuff. Don't they know that? and to your second post... I couldn't do it without a lobotomy. Lol
@PR - I definitely don't question if there is something there any longer. It has taken the better part of 8 months for me to figure out, by default, that there must be. Yes, I want to know. I want to share***** and to bond. I want him to take a baby step and see that I will still accept him, just a baby step. You are right though, he is not ready. He is Just Not Ready. (bangs head on table) I think it would be safe to say that with all the confusion going on in his life it would be difficult to sort through, and harder to trust what the gut says. I do remember that feeling.
I also see that Scorp A wants to control Scorp B and Visa Versa. He knows my weak spots, and I know his. For the moment, we are being nice to each other but in a reserved kind of way.
@Star - See, and in my mind I think lets just talk about it and clear the air. So simple, so uncomplicated, and as far as I am concerned the least painful way to get through this stuff. Don't they know that? and to your second post... I couldn't do it without a lobotomy. Lol
@PR - I definitely don't question if there is something there any longer. It has taken the better part of 8 months for me to figure out, by default, that there must be. Yes, I want to know. I want to share***** and to bond. I want him to take a baby step and see that I will still accept him, just a baby step. You are right though, he is not ready. He is Just Not Ready. (bangs head on table) I think it would be safe to say that with all the confusion going on in his life it would be difficult to sort through, and harder to trust what the gut says. I do remember that feeling.
I also see that Scorp A wants to control Scorp B and Visa Versa. He knows my weak spots, and I know his. For the moment, we are being nice to each other but in a reserved kind of way.
PR, There is a lot of insecurity here isn't there. When he was being open with me we shared a lot of things and always when I made a comment about my feelings he would validate. He would make comments and share and I would validate. I feel like he has abandoned me ...
Yes, I am insecure and want to know why he could share and be so open and then just shut down like I didn't even matter. It is hard to look past that and a part of me thinks or rather believes that if he just opened up we could move forward. It seems to be the hinge on whether or not we will have any kind of future. Since he seems to struggle to keep me in his life and I seem to struggle to not take offence to his closed off demeanor, it only makes sense to clear the air. I think he and I would feel so much better.
Your right though, that quirky chic, what's her name again ... Flipped? Oh no, Fixed that's right, yes she has done this before. I need to make 'not needing to know' my new obsession.
His issues seem to be what's coming between us, to some degree. If the situation were reversed? I would probably do the same thing as he is doing. I would not talk about it because I would not want him to judge me, to leave me, or to feel bad for me. I would suffer in silence and hope to gawd that he didn't take it personally.
He and I are so similar to each other it is spooky. I guess that's partly where this sense of "Knowing" him comes from.
I am happy you don't think I am being confusing and this is about as intense as I get. Even I had to take a break from myself FFS's.... I will blame it on the Cancer Moon Precipice, find my 'Big Girl Panties' and a fricking backbone. Geesh.
Yes I would like to explore further if you are interested PR. I am not being entirely fair to him because I am feeling Insecure. This is it, I am sure. I am at a point where I now want to get to the bottom of where exactly this insecurity is coming from. I know I am a wonderful Woman, very kind and soft-hearted. Would give the shirt off my back for anyone. I'm independent, definitely not desperate, I am not ugly to look at and I will have a great career, and blah, blah, blah. There is absolutely nothing that I can see that would make me feel so insecure about myself.
Yes, I am insecure and want to know why he could share and be so open and then just shut down like I didn't even matter. It is hard to look past that and a part of me thinks or rather believes that if he just opened up we could move forward. It seems to be the hinge on whether or not we will have any kind of future. Since he seems to struggle to keep me in his life and I seem to struggle to not take offence to his closed off demeanor, it only makes sense to clear the air. I think he and I would feel so much better.
Your right though, that quirky chic, what's her name again ... Flipped? Oh no, Fixed that's right, yes she has done this before. I need to make 'not needing to know' my new obsession.
His issues seem to be what's coming between us, to some degree. If the situation were reversed? I would probably do the same thing as he is doing. I would not talk about it because I would not want him to judge me, to leave me, or to feel bad for me. I would suffer in silence and hope to gawd that he didn't take it personally.
He and I are so similar to each other it is spooky. I guess that's partly where this sense of "Knowing" him comes from.
I am happy you don't think I am being confusing and this is about as intense as I get. Even I had to take a break from myself FFS's.... I will blame it on the Cancer Moon Precipice, find my 'Big Girl Panties' and a fricking backbone. Geesh.
Yes I would like to explore further if you are interested PR. I am not being entirely fair to him because I am feeling Insecure. This is it, I am sure. I am at a point where I now want to get to the bottom of where exactly this insecurity is coming from. I know I am a wonderful Woman, very kind and soft-hearted. Would give the shirt off my back for anyone. I'm independent, definitely not desperate, I am not ugly to look at and I will have a great career, and blah, blah, blah. There is absolutely nothing that I can see that would make me feel so insecure about myself.
I know IS.... I am sure there are more too. Lol
This is tearing me up today... volcanic eruption?
I will answer these questions in a bit, when I get back.
This is tearing me up today... volcanic eruption?
I will answer these questions in a bit, when I get back.
n of repeating something that has already been stated quite well by others, but I do think some things need to be pointed out again because well...you're "Fixed" 😛😄. I'll try pointing it out this way. Look at these posts:
Posted by FixedWater
...Yes, I want to know. I want to share***** and to bond. I want him to take a baby step and see that I will still accept him, just a baby step....He is Just Not Ready. (bangs head on table) .
Posted by FixedWater
...I think he and I would feel so much better.
Posted by FixedWater
He has shut down so hard and he is trying to come out of it, what do I do to help him or rather what can I do to make sure I don't go all squirrely on him and start questioning the little progress he has made which is always in my direction. He is going though transition, I don't want to hurt that process, but at the same time have so many answers for him if he would just accept that I think his 'raw' is amazing.
click to expand
There is a whole lot of "I wants" and "I thinks" in your posts. I am not suggesting that you should ignore or push your needs aside, but where is he in any of this? As a Scorp, how would you feel if your partner dictated when and how you should work through something? Told you what would make you "feel much better"? What is significant or "little" in terms of your progress? How would you feel if your lover thought the effort you were making wasn't good enough? Do you want a partner who is your equal that can sort this out on his own---with your support---or a person you need to tell how to think, work through sh*t and function? If he is always moving in your direction, that is what matters. Have boundaries. Be firm, but this is his journey. You can either understand that and be patient while he goes through it, or not. However trying to dictate how and what that will look like not work and you know this.
Posted by FixedWater
There is a lot of insecurity here isn't there. I feel like he has abandoned me ...
Yes, I am insecure and want to know why he could share and be so open and then just shut down like I didn't even matter. It is hard to look past that and a part of me thinks or rather believes that if he just opened up we could move forward. It seems to be the hinge on whether or not we will have any kind of future.
I think your fears and past hurt where he is concerned is leading you to believe that the onus is on him to make it right between the two of you. This is what I meant when I stated that I don't think you're being fair to him. Working on your ability and willingness to let go of that past hurt and respecting when he wants to open up will also determine whether or not you have a future. The various issues he is struggling with and your pushing and need to control the outcome is what brought you here the first time. How will you play this differently--at least on your end--to possibly have a different outcome?
Posted by FixedWater
I feel like he has abandoned me ...
Yes, I am insecure and want to know why he could share and be so open and then just shut down like I didn't even matter. It is hard to look past that...click to expand
Btw, my heart twisted a bit when I read this. *deep sigh*...I understand. That's all I will about that.
*write
Posted by IrresistableScorp
OMG we need a list here!
1) You already started to address this, but if the roles were reversed, what would be your ideal reaction from your lover?
2) When a past lover has questioned you on your trustworthiness, how have you felt?
3) How do you like it when a lover presses you continuously on certain hot-button issues? What does that cause you to do?
4) What do you normally do when you need to sort something out in your life and you really don't want to burden a loved one with the specifics?
5) What would you secretly love your loved one to do when you pullback due to fear, insecurity, whatever??_?
6) Are you or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party?
I'm sure there are more, but this is a start. 🙂
Posted by FixedWater
I know IS.... I am sure there are more too. Lol
This is tearing me up today... volcanic eruption?
I will answer these questions in a bit, when I get back.
7) Have you or your beau ever been a member of a nudist colony?
8) Supposing the day comes that you and your beau should decide to marry, would you consider hiring a
best man who's job duties include getting drunk off the reception's adult beverages, just before the
wedding ceremony? (Been there, done that - could use a few bucks)
9) hmmmm?
10) I forgot what I was going to add.
11) oh well.... sigh... blame it on the ages.
Fixed......
What am I sayin' with that song?
The song took many years before it became this version.
I am saying that a masterpiece takes time.
IMHO, I think the two of you may well have something special in store for you.
But again, a masterpiece takes time.
Fine wine is never rushed.
Save the best for last.
Hang in there.
What am I sayin' with that song?
The song took many years before it became this version.
I am saying that a masterpiece takes time.
IMHO, I think the two of you may well have something special in store for you.
But again, a masterpiece takes time.
Fine wine is never rushed.
Save the best for last.
Hang in there.
I thought I would be back... sooner. What was to be a short visit turned into an evening of visiting with Good Friends, Good Food, and Good Wine. I love evenings like that, they are warm fuzzies to me until morning... then not so warm and fuzzy, well fuzzy, but not warm. Lol
IS, I understand you well... put myself in his shoes and consider according to what I would like to happen, or have someone do/act if I were going through what he is going through.
1)Roles reversed, Ideal Reaction? Stick by me and have patience
2)Trustworthiness Questioned? This happened once a long time ago and it upset me. Now, it would still upset me but I would want to try to understand why it's being questioned and how I contributed.
3)Repeatedly pressed on Hot Button Issues? If I have explained to the point where they understood and are still pressing me I would probably have the conversation once more to be sure I had done my part and then avoid them? The Topic? ... this question is hard to answer actually because I communicate well and have not had this issue a whole lot in my life.
4)Not Burdening Loved Ones? I say that to them... I'm dealing with something that I do not want to burden you with.
5)Secretly Would Like My Lover to Do? I would like him to say "Screw That! If you have something to deal with I want to help you. Spill it, lets talk this out"
6)I sure don't remember IS asking that question yesterday?..... Mr.F..... mischief. Lol
IS, I understand you well... put myself in his shoes and consider according to what I would like to happen, or have someone do/act if I were going through what he is going through.
1)Roles reversed, Ideal Reaction? Stick by me and have patience
2)Trustworthiness Questioned? This happened once a long time ago and it upset me. Now, it would still upset me but I would want to try to understand why it's being questioned and how I contributed.
3)Repeatedly pressed on Hot Button Issues? If I have explained to the point where they understood and are still pressing me I would probably have the conversation once more to be sure I had done my part and then avoid them? The Topic? ... this question is hard to answer actually because I communicate well and have not had this issue a whole lot in my life.
4)Not Burdening Loved Ones? I say that to them... I'm dealing with something that I do not want to burden you with.
5)Secretly Would Like My Lover to Do? I would like him to say "Screw That! If you have something to deal with I want to help you. Spill it, lets talk this out"
6)I sure don't remember IS asking that question yesterday?..... Mr.F..... mischief. Lol
PR, I agree, there is a lot of 'I Wants' and 'I Needs' in my comments. When I read your comment I flashed back to when this all started. How I had asked if he needed some time to figure things out. He said no, he didn't want that. A month later and a bit more withdrawn, I let him go in a note that gave him freedom, forgiveness and veiled Love. I set him free (If you Love Something...) he did not want to go. Any time I tried to give him the space he seemed to want and need I did it for him and his Journey. I did so Knowing that I may lose him and accepting that IF that's what would bring him happiness in the long run it was my sacrifice to make.
I think you get the idea I am trying to relay and that is that I never wanted to dictate how/when he walked his Journey. I just didn't want to be suspended, unable to go further and not allowed to come closer while he did so. I have grown even more fond of the Man since then and my Scorp has kicked in with the 'I Want's and I Desire's'. I DO want to control the outcome because I 'want' to get to keep him. I want to say 'He's Mine, all mine'.
Yes, I have fears... who wouldn't? How does a person go through something like this without being torn right up? From my perspective it would have been so much simpler if he had not taken us down this road, of all roads. This particular road with land markings I recognize because I have seen some of them before. This road of triggers, and old history, and painful days... I freaking hate this road and am hoping there's a better view up ahead where I have not been. I wonder if he is taking us there.... and yes I feel like a passenger and think he has not read the map, as is typical with Men.(Lil Joke there, Lol) I am insecure, I instinctually know I have to travel this road, and I don't trust him to not drop me off at the last landmark I recognize.
Mr.F. Cute questions, Major Chills on the Video. The Title, The Lyrics, The Story... very potent and very close to home in more ways than you can imagine. I just wonder at how you did that... why That Song. I have never heard it before now.
I sure do want to allow myself the hope that something special is in store for us. A Masterpiece? It says we are a very powerful couple if we can get through all that we need to get through, but I hadn't considered it in this way.
I layed myself pretty bare here with this struggle and am feeling a little squeamish about it but still think that it was necessary, in the end. There are mor
I think you get the idea I am trying to relay and that is that I never wanted to dictate how/when he walked his Journey. I just didn't want to be suspended, unable to go further and not allowed to come closer while he did so. I have grown even more fond of the Man since then and my Scorp has kicked in with the 'I Want's and I Desire's'. I DO want to control the outcome because I 'want' to get to keep him. I want to say 'He's Mine, all mine'.
Yes, I have fears... who wouldn't? How does a person go through something like this without being torn right up? From my perspective it would have been so much simpler if he had not taken us down this road, of all roads. This particular road with land markings I recognize because I have seen some of them before. This road of triggers, and old history, and painful days... I freaking hate this road and am hoping there's a better view up ahead where I have not been. I wonder if he is taking us there.... and yes I feel like a passenger and think he has not read the map, as is typical with Men.(Lil Joke there, Lol) I am insecure, I instinctually know I have to travel this road, and I don't trust him to not drop me off at the last landmark I recognize.
Mr.F. Cute questions, Major Chills on the Video. The Title, The Lyrics, The Story... very potent and very close to home in more ways than you can imagine. I just wonder at how you did that... why That Song. I have never heard it before now.
I sure do want to allow myself the hope that something special is in store for us. A Masterpiece? It says we are a very powerful couple if we can get through all that we need to get through, but I hadn't considered it in this way.
I layed myself pretty bare here with this struggle and am feeling a little squeamish about it but still think that it was necessary, in the end. There are mor
(still got cut off, talk about long winded Lol)
.....There are more than a few of you that have been involved in my threads in regards to this relationship with Scorp since basically day one. Although I do try to sort through stuff on my own, sometimes I just need a real good shake. This is what you have given me, a real good shake. I must have you all know (whether you like it or not lol) How much it means to me that you have taken time to help me through.
Thankyou so much. 🙂
.....There are more than a few of you that have been involved in my threads in regards to this relationship with Scorp since basically day one. Although I do try to sort through stuff on my own, sometimes I just need a real good shake. This is what you have given me, a real good shake. I must have you all know (whether you like it or not lol) How much it means to me that you have taken time to help me through.
Thankyou so much. 🙂
Posted by IrresistableScorpPosted by FixedWater
I know IS.... I am sure there are more too. Lol
This is tearing me up today... volcanic eruption?
I will answer these questions in a bit, when I get back.click to expand
Fixed, I hope that didn't come across as judgmental. In all honesty, I put that list together for you to think honestly about it without filtering your thoughts to be more social friendly. 🙂
One thing I have learned is that one can NEVER be too honest for a Scorpio--warts and all. In fact, don't you love it when someone you care for comes to you with painful truths? I know I do??_ Lay it out there--insecurities can be endearing when they are spelled out.
IS, I did not take your comment as Judgemental, at all. I knew you had posed those questions for my benefit and to help me to think honestly.... I decided to answer them openly, anyway.
I agree with you, those warts/insecurities are very endearing. I hope he feels that way about mine as I sure know I feel that way about his.
Thankyou for the well wishes. 🙂
"Yes, I have fears... who wouldn't? How does a person go through something like this without being torn right up? From my perspective it would have been so much simpler if he had not taken us down this road, of all roads. This particular road with land markings I recognize because I have seen some of them before. This road of triggers, and old history, and painful days... I freaking hate this road and am hoping there's a better view up ahead where I have not been. I wonder if he is taking us there.... and yes I feel like a passenger and think he has not read the map, as is typical with Men.(Lil Joke there, Lol) I am insecure, I instinctually know I have to travel this road, and I don't trust him to not drop me off at the last landmark I recognize.
True Love Travels On A Gravel Road
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