Living with your mother...

... when your 46 is stifling. I feel caged and stifled. I need a vodka And its monday AM. If I mix it in my coffee she will not know. Don't turn off the light? Or turn off the light? I'm never sure. Buy groceries but don't buy groceries. Talk, but not about anything good... Stick to the weather, or anything on the news, yup that'll do. Oh and by the way, if I crank the volume on the tv just deal with it, but if you crank the volume I will make my discomfort plainly known instead of just taking out my hearing aide.
Any other 46 year old females living with mommy for a temporary period of time that could relate? LOL
Sorry scorpio board, I do believe I am ranting again. In fact, I may be a serial ranter. I do not know, I have never been a part of a forum before.
🙂

I am getting the hang of this pic posting tho. 🙂

I made a commitment to her that I would stay till spring. She is not very well off, so I will stay till spring. It's not gonna be very fun tho ...

soultalk, it is good that I am staying and taking care of her. She really needs this, and so I am here. 🙂
It's hard tho because she does not understand or accept anything other than her own opinion of the way it should be.

I should add ... The way it should be in her eyes.

Posted by FixedWater
... when your 46 is stifling. I feel caged and stifled. I need a vodka And its monday AM. If I mix it in my coffee she will not know. Don't turn off the light? Or turn off the light? I'm never sure. Buy groceries but don't buy groceries. Talk, but not about anything good... Stick to the weather, or anything on the news, yup that'll do. Oh and by the way, if I crank the volume on the tv just deal with it, but if you crank the volume I will make my discomfort plainly known instead of just taking out my hearing aide.
Any other 46 year old females living with mommy for a temporary period of time that could relate? LOL
Sorry scorpio board, I do believe I am ranting again. In fact, I may be a serial ranter. I do not know, I have never been a part of a forum before.
🙂

I wish I had a mother to stifle & cage me. Enjoy every second you have with her, because tomorrow she might not be here & you're going to wish she were. I don't know how close you guys are, but once they are gone, mothers, the leave a huge void that can never be filled. Count yourself lucky to still have a mother at 46.

WaterCup, you are so right. Thankyou. I lost my Father in '06 and am still feeling that void. I know that I joked about the small silly things being the problem but in all reality she does not understand my Scorpio nature. This is really the issue. She scoffs at me, and treats me as if I were 12. I try to not take it too personally, but its difficult.

Posted by FixedWater
WaterCup, you are so right. Thankyou. I lost my Father in '06 and am still feeling that void. I know that I joked about the small silly things being the problem but in all reality she does not understand my Scorpio nature. This is really the issue. She scoffs at me, and treats me as if I were 12. I try to not take it too personally, but its difficult.

I believe that to our mothers (mine, anyway), we are perpetually six years old.\


What is her sign?

When you get to a certain age ones opinion is all ya got. Years of suffering and cultivation. YOu've earned the right to be a know it all. It's called respecting your elders and giving them the props they deserve.

She's your mother and she needs you. If you need to vent just come to DXP and spill your guts...lol

To CluelessCancer, you really aren't that far off the mark there. I spent the fall cleaning house. I mean one of those majors. Sold everything off, including the acreage which sat on 10 acres of my Dads beloved land. It killed me, but I had no choice. Then I Wiped the slate clean of absolutely everyone that did not (deserve ?) to be in my life. Done. So to say my decision to move in with my mom had nothing to do with my own issues would be a lie. Yes she needed the help, financially, or she would have had to move ASAP but I needed to take a safe breather before I completed my transformation, so to speak. I am forgetting to be thankful in my frustration.

To Montgomery, yes this is true true. I'd even go a little lower than that some days like maybe 4. Haha She is a Sag....

To DeeG, yes this is what I thought I'd do. Come here and vent a little. She has lost her filter like most do as our mothers and fathers get older. I plan on being just that way. Lmao

@FixedWater.

She wants you there, but she also probably resents you being there. And if she's any kind of good mom, she wants the best for you. Maybe she doesn't think the best for you is living with her. YES she appreciates (and needs) the help. But she doesn't want you to live with her forever - because she wants better for you than that - so maybe she pushes hard so you aren't too comfortable there.

Breathe. I know that seems simple, but often it isn't easy to breathe when those you love (and who love you) seem to be the ones determined to cut off your air supply. You're trying to regrow that tough outer layer in this transformation, but she knows it isn't finished yet. She knows your most vulnerable spots - she mocks you which must be hell for a scorp - because she's known you all your life. You're always going to be more emotional than she is; she wants things straightforward, clearly-stated, and understood - tact is not in her vocabulary.

Think of ways you can solve some of these simple things. Treat it like a college roommate situation - rules need to be made and seconded. Not sure if you should go to the store? Maybe the two of you could start a grocery list on the fridge. Establish what day of the week the shopping is done, who will do it, who will pay. Seems silly, but once the rule is established, you can both stick to it without getting frustrated.

Get an MP3 player (or iPod if you can afford it), keep it and spare batteries with you at all times. Take a walk by yourself every day, even if it is snowing - at lunch if that is the only available/safe time. Sign up for a fitness or yoga class that gets you out of the house at least one evening a week. In the living room you are "invading" her space. Instead, use your laptop in your room to watch films, rather than camping in front of the tv.

One of my favorite films about prickly mother/daughter things is Winter Guest with Emma Thompson. Thompson plays a widowed photographer who wants to run away with her son, and her elderly mother has different ideas. It is a quiet, slow movie but worth a watch. It also has a remarkable score.

@ ClearRiverPoisson: very nicely said and thankyou for your input! You are right on so many counts. Many of the day to day suggestions you've made I have started. Grocery list, getting out for a walk, spending more time in my room etc. She is exactly the woman you describe. She micro manages everything right down to the size of the garbage bag that has to go down the chute. Lol (seriously)
I get crap for everything.
She does mock me, belittle me, and judge me. I struggle holding my tongue and, at the same time, not allowing her to bring me down. As you said breathe...

@ Impulsv , really! And thankyou for that. It is pretty rough isn't it??!! Sorry you had to go through that too. I
never considered that she would not treat me as a roommate. It just never crossed my mind. Ugh. Lol !

Its very difficult. You are both adult women. One has to take the lead (its instinct). That's what causes the thing where you cant do right.
Its much easier to take care of a stranger than it is to take care of family.
That doesn't mean that there is no love or a mother daughter bonding, its just not the ideal living situation.
And sometimes, depending on how old your mom is, she might just want to make sure that you still respect her, so she might make funny demands.

Good luck and I wish you tons of strength FixedWater!!!

@scalpices, I just wanted to say awwwww and thankyou so much for your Kind words of encouragement.
It is true about her needing to feel respected, and I do believe that some of what she does/says is her way of being boss.
We have a lot of layers to our relationship and there have been a few peeled away so far. I just love to dig, to figure out why this or why that and she doesn't particularly like that. She is the epitome of a 'lets just sweep it under the carpet' kinda woman. That mentality never ever got me anywhere. I am a firm believer that our generation is responsible to unearth the crap and start the process of change. That means at home first where the programming began. Hopefully, by the time I move out, she and I can at the very least come to the understanding that my goals are just as good and right as hers are.