cruciformblush
@cruciformblush
14 YearsCancer
Comments: 0 · Posts: 9 · Topics: 1
Not coping to well with my Scorpio man...
As far as i was concerned he was out of my life and I was upset and hurt.
10 days later I got a little text saying `I miss you`.
I gave him another chance and he told me he would never let me down again and that I was to go with my feelings as he would with his.Last christmas he told me he loved me...we had been talking about how our feelings had been growing and he knew I loved him although I hadnt said it...but I soon did lol.
We have had such a lovely time since then, although he was never as eloquent with his words since that very first time of chasing me.
He is loving, caring, trustworthy, honest and damned hot in bed!!! I love him with all my heart and soul and it just keeps on growing.
My main problem is his withdrawles after we spend fantastic weekends together, he works very hard and very long hours, he doesnt have the best of living conditions either and we have talked about him moving in with me but I have stopped that now as he seems to be backing away.
Last week after another great weekend he emonialty withdrew again and again was feeling very very low to point on Friday he felt he couldnt come and see me saying he wasnt able to love me the way I loved him...he needed to be happy in himself...this all stems beacuse of his greiving for the son he left behind in Aus.
He said he needed space and time to talk to his other kids (yesterday and today) to which I can totaly understand.
We havnt spoken for a few days and the few textes we have exchanged he has kept them cold and short.
He is also deciding whether to carry on with our relationship and Im in limbo BIG TIME.
He says he loves me but when I asked him if he IN love with me he said thats some of the prob 😢
I love this man to bits, hes beautiful inside and out (and I have told him that).
And I have gained such insight after reading all about Scorpio men, he fits the bill perfectly and I would like other Scorpios here to help me understand more of what hes about.
Hes in a lot of emotional pain and me being a clingy Cancer find it hard to not take it personaly when he backs off.
I am trying so hard to stand back and let this dear man find personal happiness (he says he forgets about the pain when hes with me).
I think he is suffering from depression.
How do I best help him?
If he gives me another chance I will back off a bit, stop putting pressure on and give him space...all easier said than done though.Im very very deeply loving person and like to show it.
WOW if
10 days later I got a little text saying `I miss you`.
I gave him another chance and he told me he would never let me down again and that I was to go with my feelings as he would with his.Last christmas he told me he loved me...we had been talking about how our feelings had been growing and he knew I loved him although I hadnt said it...but I soon did lol.
We have had such a lovely time since then, although he was never as eloquent with his words since that very first time of chasing me.
He is loving, caring, trustworthy, honest and damned hot in bed!!! I love him with all my heart and soul and it just keeps on growing.
My main problem is his withdrawles after we spend fantastic weekends together, he works very hard and very long hours, he doesnt have the best of living conditions either and we have talked about him moving in with me but I have stopped that now as he seems to be backing away.
Last week after another great weekend he emonialty withdrew again and again was feeling very very low to point on Friday he felt he couldnt come and see me saying he wasnt able to love me the way I loved him...he needed to be happy in himself...this all stems beacuse of his greiving for the son he left behind in Aus.
He said he needed space and time to talk to his other kids (yesterday and today) to which I can totaly understand.
We havnt spoken for a few days and the few textes we have exchanged he has kept them cold and short.
He is also deciding whether to carry on with our relationship and Im in limbo BIG TIME.
He says he loves me but when I asked him if he IN love with me he said thats some of the prob 😢
I love this man to bits, hes beautiful inside and out (and I have told him that).
And I have gained such insight after reading all about Scorpio men, he fits the bill perfectly and I would like other Scorpios here to help me understand more of what hes about.
Hes in a lot of emotional pain and me being a clingy Cancer find it hard to not take it personaly when he backs off.
I am trying so hard to stand back and let this dear man find personal happiness (he says he forgets about the pain when hes with me).
I think he is suffering from depression.
How do I best help him?
If he gives me another chance I will back off a bit, stop putting pressure on and give him space...all easier said than done though.Im very very deeply loving person and like to show it.
WOW if
I expect you are all bored with this now and I dont blame you!!!
So much has happened and its only been 4 months.He has also told me Im his soulmate but that was a while ago.
I want to wait for him, to understand him, to let him go and keep and at the same time....he does things to me that no other has.
I think I may have lost him 😢
So much has happened and its only been 4 months.He has also told me Im his soulmate but that was a while ago.
I want to wait for him, to understand him, to let him go and keep and at the same time....he does things to me that no other has.
I think I may have lost him 😢
Posted by cruciformblush
I expect you are all bored with this now and I dont blame you!!!
So much has happened and its only been 4 months.He has also told me Im his soulmate but that was a while ago.
I want to wait for him, to understand him, to let him go and keep and at the same time....he does things to me that no other has.
I think I may have lost him 😢
4 months huh.. I wonder if therein lies the problem with most people and their scorpios...they go too fast
*glares at dxp* Half my post got deleted.
"he came on thick and fast, he wanted me to be `his girl` after only 3 dates"
Typical scorpio. We move too fast. We fall in love with who we think you are, really quickly.
"he has had a very colourful past and a very hurtful one as well"
I personally believe people born under scorpio, are because we are here to survive emotional trauma. You get a scorpio to open up, there isn't a one that doesn't have some of it in their past, more than most people.
"the Monday after weekend he asked me about the love thing he became distant on the text and told me he had to much going on in his head and couldnt carry on with me. 10 days later I got a little text saying `I miss you`."
Scared of his own feelings.
"we have talked about him moving in with me but I have stopped that now as he seems to be backing away."
Did you come across a little clingy?
"Last week after another great weekend he emonialty withdrew again and again was feeling very very low to point on Friday he felt he couldnt come and see me saying he wasnt able to love me the way I loved him...he needed to be happy in himself...this all stems beacuse of his greiving for the son he left behind in Aus.
He said he needed space...He is also deciding whether to carry on with our relationship and Im in limbo BIG TIME.
He says he loves me but when I asked him if he IN love with me he said thats some of the prob 😢"
It sounds like he's going through a dark period, we are known for it. The best thing you can do is give him time and space, he'll come around. I highly doubt he isn't in love with you, but when we're going through a dark period emotionally we withdraw, ESPECIALLY from those we care about the most. If you don't get pushy/clingy, he will come around. The more you do, the more you push him away.
If you really think he's got clinical depression (I don't, sounds like he's just being a scorpio), then wait until he's NOT in a dark place and talk to him about it. Make sure you say its a clinical imbalance in the brain and that it can be caused by genetics. That way he doesn't feel its his 'fault', and he doesn't think he has to be 'strong' and get through it.
"he came on thick and fast, he wanted me to be `his girl` after only 3 dates"
Typical scorpio. We move too fast. We fall in love with who we think you are, really quickly.
"he has had a very colourful past and a very hurtful one as well"
I personally believe people born under scorpio, are because we are here to survive emotional trauma. You get a scorpio to open up, there isn't a one that doesn't have some of it in their past, more than most people.
"the Monday after weekend he asked me about the love thing he became distant on the text and told me he had to much going on in his head and couldnt carry on with me. 10 days later I got a little text saying `I miss you`."
Scared of his own feelings.
"we have talked about him moving in with me but I have stopped that now as he seems to be backing away."
Did you come across a little clingy?
"Last week after another great weekend he emonialty withdrew again and again was feeling very very low to point on Friday he felt he couldnt come and see me saying he wasnt able to love me the way I loved him...he needed to be happy in himself...this all stems beacuse of his greiving for the son he left behind in Aus.
He said he needed space...He is also deciding whether to carry on with our relationship and Im in limbo BIG TIME.
He says he loves me but when I asked him if he IN love with me he said thats some of the prob 😢"
It sounds like he's going through a dark period, we are known for it. The best thing you can do is give him time and space, he'll come around. I highly doubt he isn't in love with you, but when we're going through a dark period emotionally we withdraw, ESPECIALLY from those we care about the most. If you don't get pushy/clingy, he will come around. The more you do, the more you push him away.
If you really think he's got clinical depression (I don't, sounds like he's just being a scorpio), then wait until he's NOT in a dark place and talk to him about it. Make sure you say its a clinical imbalance in the brain and that it can be caused by genetics. That way he doesn't feel its his 'fault', and he doesn't think he has to be 'strong' and get through it.
maybe there is a reason the others left him. Have you considered that?
Was kind of wondering about this also. It is very odd that three wives left him. Would make me take a second look.
Was kind of wondering about this also. It is very odd that three wives left him. Would make me take a second look.
The emotional abandonment during a Scorpio relationship, doesn't matter the length in time, feels like a severe disservice. OH WAIT! They tell you they have things on their mind or things to work out, or they don't like how you woke them up to serve them dinner that one night, and "aren't holding it against you, but ..."
What it all boils down to is no emotional responsibility from their side. If we were all sign-less, and expected to behave respectable when being involved with another person, everyone or maybe just me would expect discussions, or conversations that would unwind these situations. A way to make things clear to all parties. I understand from my thinking, that maybe Scorpios talk to themselves and convince themselves of the way you or anyone else operates and that becomes truth to them. Without discussing matters, things just get so two-sided and everyone on different pages, the subsequent "oh well I never said anything, so why are you thinking all these things" leaves you and others going WTF.
Basically you have a judgement call to make in my opinion. Are you gonna stay on this merry-go-round of wondering and thinking, and getting no response to your calls for conversation, or you gonna get off the merry-go-round and find other things to fill your life up with.
I personally believe inside each of us is a good and decent person that can find happiness, joy and a life with another if they chose.
Speaking of depression, it is nice of you to be so concerned for his well being, I would make it clear and open that you are concerned for his well being, but cut it at that. He and millions if not billions of people are depressed by their situation, and are each dealing with it. He has to take steps to make things clear for himself if he wants to get out of any depression, and those affected by the radiating depression have to find healthier ways to operate in this world than keep rescuing people licking wounds.
Best of wishes to you and yours.
What it all boils down to is no emotional responsibility from their side. If we were all sign-less, and expected to behave respectable when being involved with another person, everyone or maybe just me would expect discussions, or conversations that would unwind these situations. A way to make things clear to all parties. I understand from my thinking, that maybe Scorpios talk to themselves and convince themselves of the way you or anyone else operates and that becomes truth to them. Without discussing matters, things just get so two-sided and everyone on different pages, the subsequent "oh well I never said anything, so why are you thinking all these things" leaves you and others going WTF.
Basically you have a judgement call to make in my opinion. Are you gonna stay on this merry-go-round of wondering and thinking, and getting no response to your calls for conversation, or you gonna get off the merry-go-round and find other things to fill your life up with.
I personally believe inside each of us is a good and decent person that can find happiness, joy and a life with another if they chose.
Speaking of depression, it is nice of you to be so concerned for his well being, I would make it clear and open that you are concerned for his well being, but cut it at that. He and millions if not billions of people are depressed by their situation, and are each dealing with it. He has to take steps to make things clear for himself if he wants to get out of any depression, and those affected by the radiating depression have to find healthier ways to operate in this world than keep rescuing people licking wounds.
Best of wishes to you and yours.
Take this slow...
Posted by exoskeleton
.... three wives left him? he is the common denominator.
I agree.
At his age, yeah, really. It's not them, it's him. He doesn't sound like he's looking for a LTR.
He may be kind of fun to hang out with or if you need an evening escort -- but not to be taken seriously.
Thanks guys, I really appreciate all of your comments and they all make a lot of sense!!
I asked him a few times could he think of a reason they left him (two of them for other men) and the worring answer was as far as he could see he didnt do anything wrong!!!..Um, Im not stupid and that did put some flags up for me.I spoke to him about taking owneness and that it takes two to make a relationship and that after 18 years of marriage I had accepted the part I played in the breakdown of mine.
As for the wife in Aus he said she got massivly paranoid with him but she has his son and is a good mother.
I text him today and he is still with his kids but back to work tomorrow...he was still cold on the text.
I will leave it now and see if he contacts me.
You have all given me a lot to think about and I thank you for that.
Think he has a lot of emotional baggage and hes not ready for a long term releationship.
I would feel very hurt and angry if he doesnt man up enough to end it with me and just slips away.I told him today if he wants to finish it to let me know sooner rather than later but if he wants me in his life then I will give him space and time to sort his head out but no response as yet!!
He keeps saying ive done nothing wrong hes just not mentally strong at the moment.
Ive got some soul searching to do me thinks!!
Elle, can you explain to me abit about the planets stuff you wrote earlier please, I havnt got a scooby doo about any of it.
I asked him a few times could he think of a reason they left him (two of them for other men) and the worring answer was as far as he could see he didnt do anything wrong!!!..Um, Im not stupid and that did put some flags up for me.I spoke to him about taking owneness and that it takes two to make a relationship and that after 18 years of marriage I had accepted the part I played in the breakdown of mine.
As for the wife in Aus he said she got massivly paranoid with him but she has his son and is a good mother.
I text him today and he is still with his kids but back to work tomorrow...he was still cold on the text.
I will leave it now and see if he contacts me.
You have all given me a lot to think about and I thank you for that.
Think he has a lot of emotional baggage and hes not ready for a long term releationship.
I would feel very hurt and angry if he doesnt man up enough to end it with me and just slips away.I told him today if he wants to finish it to let me know sooner rather than later but if he wants me in his life then I will give him space and time to sort his head out but no response as yet!!
He keeps saying ive done nothing wrong hes just not mentally strong at the moment.
Ive got some soul searching to do me thinks!!
Elle, can you explain to me abit about the planets stuff you wrote earlier please, I havnt got a scooby doo about any of it.
Thanks guys, I really appreciate all of your comments and they all make a lot of sense!!
I asked him a few times could he think of a reason they left him (two of them for other men) and the worring answer was as far as he could see he didnt do anything wrong!!!..Um, Im not stupid and that did put some flags up for me.I spoke to him about taking owneness and that it takes two to make a relationship and that after 18 years of marriage I had accepted the part I played in the breakdown of mine.
As for the wife in Aus he said she got massivly paranoid with him but she has his son and is a good mother.
I text him today and he is still with his kids but back to work tomorrow...he was still cold on the text.
I will leave it now and see if he contacts me.
You have all given me a lot to think about and I thank you for that.
Think he has a lot of emotional baggage and hes not ready for a long term releationship.
I would feel very hurt and angry if he doesnt man up enough to end it with me and just slips away.I told him today if he wants to finish it to let me know sooner rather than later but if he wants me in his life then I will give him space and time to sort his head out but no response as yet!!
He keeps saying ive done nothing wrong hes just not mentally strong at the moment.
Ive got some soul searching to do me thinks!!
Elle, can you explain to me abit about the planets stuff you wrote earlier please, I havnt got a scooby doo about any of it.
I asked him a few times could he think of a reason they left him (two of them for other men) and the worring answer was as far as he could see he didnt do anything wrong!!!..Um, Im not stupid and that did put some flags up for me.I spoke to him about taking owneness and that it takes two to make a relationship and that after 18 years of marriage I had accepted the part I played in the breakdown of mine.
As for the wife in Aus he said she got massivly paranoid with him but she has his son and is a good mother.
I text him today and he is still with his kids but back to work tomorrow...he was still cold on the text.
I will leave it now and see if he contacts me.
You have all given me a lot to think about and I thank you for that.
Think he has a lot of emotional baggage and hes not ready for a long term releationship.
I would feel very hurt and angry if he doesnt man up enough to end it with me and just slips away.I told him today if he wants to finish it to let me know sooner rather than later but if he wants me in his life then I will give him space and time to sort his head out but no response as yet!!
He keeps saying ive done nothing wrong hes just not mentally strong at the moment.
Ive got some soul searching to do me thinks!!
Elle, can you explain to me abit about the planets stuff you wrote earlier please, I havnt got a scooby doo about any of it.
...ouch!!!
I'm seeing a guy born 11/8/77 😢.
I'm seeing a guy born 11/8/77 😢.
MayBull, not every one is the same, my chap has been through an aweful lot in his 55 years....whats your story?
Here's an update on mine...
This evening i got a text (at long last) saying how sorry he was to have taken so long to get back to me, he said its been a very difficult time for him as it probably was for me. He explained how he wasnt much further forward and after talking with his kids he knew he had to make his own decisions. He told me that he enjoyed spending time with me but he couldnt him give me the intense love that I wanted from him as he knew how important it was to me.He then said he honestly didnt know what to do for the best.
I was very glad to finaly hear from him so i asked to talk with him on the phone.
That we did...he said he felt much better now he was talking to me and we chatted in general at first ( him asking about my kids and stuff) and I asked him how he was feeling now...he went on to explain he just couldnt do all the lovey dovey stuff any more kinda said he did all that when he was younger, I asked him if he loved me and he said yes.
I thanked him for texting me and for his honesty. I also suggested that how about we start again and take things slowely and to just enjoy the moment saying I didnt want to lose him.Also that we would just have lots of fun (how we always did)and as i loved him that i would still tell him but cut out the clinginess, give him space and not expect more than he can give me at this moment in time etc.And we also talked about if things didnt work out we were to tell each other straight.Also invited him to tell me if I wasnt doing stuff he didnt like...saying that I was still learning about relationships (was married for 18 years and then had a b/f for 15 months) and needed his help to get to know him better...he seems to have a prob with not telling me what he wants from me.
He seemed to be happy with all this and has since texted me a few times tonight.
Sooo, I have another shot with this lovely man.
I just have to make sure I dont smother him again, let the man have his space and let him lead the way.
Will see how things go with him and after reading everything on here about Scorpio men I think Im in for quite a ride!!
Here's an update on mine...
This evening i got a text (at long last) saying how sorry he was to have taken so long to get back to me, he said its been a very difficult time for him as it probably was for me. He explained how he wasnt much further forward and after talking with his kids he knew he had to make his own decisions. He told me that he enjoyed spending time with me but he couldnt him give me the intense love that I wanted from him as he knew how important it was to me.He then said he honestly didnt know what to do for the best.
I was very glad to finaly hear from him so i asked to talk with him on the phone.
That we did...he said he felt much better now he was talking to me and we chatted in general at first ( him asking about my kids and stuff) and I asked him how he was feeling now...he went on to explain he just couldnt do all the lovey dovey stuff any more kinda said he did all that when he was younger, I asked him if he loved me and he said yes.
I thanked him for texting me and for his honesty. I also suggested that how about we start again and take things slowely and to just enjoy the moment saying I didnt want to lose him.Also that we would just have lots of fun (how we always did)and as i loved him that i would still tell him but cut out the clinginess, give him space and not expect more than he can give me at this moment in time etc.And we also talked about if things didnt work out we were to tell each other straight.Also invited him to tell me if I wasnt doing stuff he didnt like...saying that I was still learning about relationships (was married for 18 years and then had a b/f for 15 months) and needed his help to get to know him better...he seems to have a prob with not telling me what he wants from me.
He seemed to be happy with all this and has since texted me a few times tonight.
Sooo, I have another shot with this lovely man.
I just have to make sure I dont smother him again, let the man have his space and let him lead the way.
Will see how things go with him and after reading everything on here about Scorpio men I think Im in for quite a ride!!
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So toward the end of last October 2010 we meet on the Internet, we became very interested in each other, we exchanged numbers and start to text and chat on the phone and finaly the big date arrives :-)
Sooo excited about meeting this deep, caring and exciting man for the first time.
Our date went great and we went on to have a few more dates.he came on thick and fast, he wanted me to be `his girl` after only 3 dates. I was pleased yet hestitant as I had promised myself not let let my feelings go to early on in a relationship again (had been a bit burnt in one that had finished a few months earlier).I told him to lets take things a bit easy first, so he seemed fine with that.
Anyhow, the textes from him followed thick and fast,and I grew to love them,I was starting to get feelings and one evening he asked if I would allow him to fall in love with me...baring in mind this was only 2 weeks after our first date.I was again hestitant and said we will see but at this point I had already agreed to be `His girl`.
A little about my man...he has had a very colourful past and a very hurtful one as well....married 4 times, three times of which 3 of his wives walked out on him, the first one leaving him to raise 3 small girls (youngest 13 months old).
He had one son with another wife. Then 4 years ago he moved to Australia where he met a much younger woman, fell in love, and married her within 3 months, they had a son and she went on to become very mentally unstable and he left her....upshot is he moved back to England last June and left his 3 year old son behind.
This is where his emotional pain seems to lay (and I dont blame him 😢..).
Right back to us, the Monday after weekend he asked me about the love thing he became distant on the text and told me he had to much going on in his head and couldnt carry on with me.
Of course I was upset and after a few words of understanding I said goodbye. He said he had to go talk to his kids and clear his head.
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