Sarcastic ways to say no to non-smokers

I wrote these this morning after searching through my head's dictionary of sarcasm. This is dedicated to all the smokers here. Enjoy.

Smoking's bad for your health!

"So is the stress you're causing me."

You need to quit now because it polutes the air.

"Okay fine but only after you buy an electric car."

Did you know it causes cancer?

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you. I was chewing my juicy half-cooked steak."

Cloves make an annoying crackling sound and it's too loud.

"So is your tie die shirt."

Next time you want a smoke just have a piece of gum instead!

"Next time you want to eat just drink water."

Smoking is disgusting and makes you look older.

"Really? You seem to have mastered that naturally!"

The next time you buy a pack I'm going to throw it out.

"The next time you talk I'm going to chop off your tongue."

Kissing you is like kissing an ash tray.

"At least I've never practiced kissing an ash tray."

Did you know there's fiberglass in menthols?

"Did you know there's lead in Chinese toys?"

Every cigarette you smoke takes 15 seconds from your life.

"Every word you speak takes 40 from mine."

No, I'm sorry but I don't date smokers.

"That's okay. Now that I think of it, I don't date ugly."

When I was 16 my dad caught me smoking and he hates smoking. He told me that it was bad and made me look older.

I told him that I knew and was trying to look older so I could buy beer too.

So is your hair do.

Lol!! Your 12 gage and cape. The protecter of Dehli. Very sexy look for you.

Remember when we escaped on the road on my bike with your cape?

Yes, which is why I was going to ask for it back. I forgot I already promised it to the devil in exchange for $ 10, a pack of cigarettes, and some sunglasses.

I was going on a road trip.

Well this is going to be a bit awkward of a favor when he finds out you gave me a kiss isn't it.

Ask him how my lawyer is doing down there for me, will ya?

Well you certainly aren't going to find a lawyer in heaven.