Scorpios and asking for you to toughen up

Any advice? I am a Capricorn dating a Scorpio male. Recently he sat me down on my couch and said "If you do not toughen up I will leave. Please stop coming to my job for 'surprise' or calling me 12 in a row or emailing me nonstop because it feel like you don't trust me." I do but his ex girl is working with him again and even though she is married and has a kid he said to me openly he will never love someone like he did her because she was his first love. He says he loves me and is waiting for us to have a baby. I am sad also because that is taking a long time and she is already a mom. Also she is a Pisces and that's supposed to be the best match evr for Scorpio but she left him to date one of his fraternity brothers, they are married and have a kid as I said, moved out of Miami to Atlanta and now they are back with her working in the same place as my boyfriend.

He says insecureties are a turnoff but how am I supposed to do it when he says he iwll never love someone like that? And how can I toughen up, I do not like him to not call me esp. knowing she is working there. I do not know what is going on or if they are talking or what. He got mad at me because he did not call me to say good morning and I turned my home phone off the rest of the day he said it was childish but why not call to say good morning? He says I am so different than the girls he has dated since her and that's why he wants us to get married and have babies but I feel like he still wishes it was her and I'm the best he can do. 😢

It is frustrating hard.

Cusp of power I do not understand your last statement. Your first, I do understand, yes, I suppose I build his ego, but your 2nd statement is confusing me

"He says insecureties are a turnoff but how am I supposed to do it when he says he iwll never love someone like that?"

I think he's trying to get you to break up with him so he won't have to be the bad guy, Cappie. If any man ever said this to me, I would show him the door. Why should you have to be second choice? To ANYONE? Don't put up with this crap.

I don't know any woman who would be completely comfortable with her man seeing his ex everyday at work. And then for him to admit he's still carrying a torch, well that's just the icing on the cake, isn't it?

I left him in January. It was when he heard she might leave her man and he was acting funky. I went to NC with my sister and he followed me said he was scared to lose me but he always felt that he got played by her because her husband was one of his best friends and he my Scorp condided in the guy when he and his ex girl where having problems and the next he knows the guy and his ex girl are together. I told him to please go and he asked me to understand that first loves are first loves and that he can't help how he felt. In NC is when he first said he loved me. He did leave and go back to Miami but I went back in April and we started talking gain and planning a future. I do love him I wish I were not insecure but feel I cant really compete. 😢

I appreciate your advice. Maybe he doesn't want to be bad guy after all.

"he asked me to understand that first loves are first loves and that he can't help how he felt."

We all have a first love, though. I was crazy about mine! But I've felt the same way for others who came after. I wouldn't trade in the man I have now for my first on any day of the week. If he doesn't want you to be insecure, he sure has a stupid way of showing it, because he said the number one thing that would make you even MORE insecure. Doesn't make any sense to me.

"he says he iwll never love someone like that"

this is controlling behavior...I was with an ex Taurus who would tell me, "I usually fall in love much faster than this" and "I'm trying to love you, but I don't love you yet" often. It took me longer than I like to admit to understand that these remarks kept me right where he wanted me, with him in control of our relationship. Listen to the advice given above, you should be treated better.

Curry:

if you want to know how to toughen up, stop calling him all the time, and stop worrying about him working with her. Put your foot and down and tell him " If you want to marry me and if you want to have children with me, you cannot work in the same office as your first love. it makes me insecure and I don't need that in my life."

Because from the gist of your message, his being by her side all day everyday is what makes you insecure. Tough girls in serious relationships can ask difficult things of the men they're with. He may say no...but can you live like this?

You need to do exactly what he says. Completely leave him alone. Leave him alone so much and don't give a shit about anything he does anymore and he will be so obsessed that you might leave him that he will forget all about that ex. Read the book "Why Men Love Bitches" and make it your bible.

I think he's trying to get you to break up with him so he won't have to be the bad guy, Cappie. If any man ever said this to me, I would show him the door. Why should you have to be second choice? To ANYONE? Don't put up with this crap.

I agree with Sea on this one. In general, we cappy women feel like we have to be second best many times in our lives until we realize that we need and deserve more 🙂 I agree, if a man sat me down and said those things to me, I'm done. I will feel like he was dislipling me or something hahahahahahaha

disipling you? lol Yeah i guess it can be seen that way too but alot of women are just too insecure for my liking nowadays and it sucks. it seems like noone ever wants to see things though anymore.

Explain 🙂

it doesn't take a genius to figure out that I've been battering the ladies on this board quite a bit.

Misogynist and male chauvinist? Maybe.

REAL REASON: THEY ARE THE NASTIER AND MEANER HUMAN BEINGS ON THIS BOARD.

All of you who have been hammered and will be hammered by yours truly. You deserve it.

We are not, both men and women can be terrible. I think you are grumpy S_R and you need a nape (:

"We are not, both men and women can be terrible. I think you are grumpy S_R and you need a nape (:"

LMAO! SR? Grumpy? I don't believe it! 😛

I like that avatar much better than the sad one, CS. It's Cute!

Maybe it's just me, but I don't get the whole "I still love my 1st love" thing. I don't love any of my exs, not the 1st, the last or anywhere in between. I have some good memories & bad memories & I don't wish anything bad to happen to any of them, just like I would anyone else. I guess you could say that I care about their well being but I wouldn't describe the feelings I have as "Love"

Maybe the word love is used a little too loosely in circumstances such as these. Maybe it's not the person that you love but the emotion & or memory that, that person represents.For lack of a better word, I'd call that selfish & I hate to use that word because it comes with a negative connotation but really, it's not about the feelings of love that you have for that person but rather the feelings that the person represents for YOU.

Love isn't selfish. FYI this isn't directed at anyone specifically, Just my thoughts 🙂

"he asked me to understand that first loves are first loves and that he can't help how he felt."

Oh that phrase sounds so familiar.. my ex Scorpio said that too! He was my first love, but his ex was his first love (who cheated on him). I never knew there was an 'ex/first love' involved when we were dating. After he asked me to be his gf, he started to act weird like getting home late from work etc. He told me not to call him that night b/c he would be working late, very late, but my instinct told me to call for a checkup. Guess who picked up his cellphone, his ex. It was very awkward, and it seemed like she was in shock too.

She handed him his cell and he said:"I can't talk right now, I'll call you back."
Me:"Go to hell."

He later on made up this stupid story about his ex's mom "not breathing" and she called him for help (since she was his first love, he couldn't say no). I was like "I'm surprised that she's still breathing by the time you got to her place and drove her to the hospital(30min total)." I ignored him, and he spammed my cellphone, myspace, and mailbox with calls and msgs like a mad man. Then he finally admitted that the story was a lie, and they were at a party which they didn't do anything, uh huh. I dumped him on my bday, and it was the best bday present ever. Then, the suicidal notes started to pour in, and I've blocked him from everything ever since. That's pretty much how I remember about my first love. Oh btw, he's very much alive today.

Honestly, if you feel insecure, your relationship won't last long. I went through 1.5 month of guessing/suspecting this and that, man, it was exhausting, but I was right! Part of me was relieved when I found out he was indeed cheating, so I could end the chapter with him asap and move on.

SR: "it doesn't take a genius to figure out that I've been battering the ladies on this board quite a bit."

no, it may not take a genius to work that out. perhaps a more delusional person would reach that conclusion though.

you're the most pussy-whipped man here. LOL!!!

double LOL!

oooooh. scorpio-rising is just too terrifying for words. see how we tremble. LOL!!!

on the topic: it's hard to be with someone who is constantly on your tail. insecurities or not - it's just not healthy to be in eachother's pockets.

the stuff about the first love is a whole load of bollocks. personally, i think it's your last love that is the most important.

and he's definately using the scorpio tactic of putting things out there to make you hate him so that you dump him before he dumps you.