Scorps Wishy Washy?

sooo, I'll save you the drama that precedes this question and share the points that will help paint the current pic....

I met a scorp 5 years ago and I just KNOW he is THE ONE-- regardless... due to where we were in past marriages and where he is now in current marriage we cannot be together. The desire has always been strong. I have learened from his actions more so than his words that he does love me and when "confronted" with this truth his reply has been "I'm sorry, Im just flriting, i didn't mean to lead you on..." Yes, he HAS said those three words and he meant it. He is not one to throw that phrase about carelessly.

We are as of today, incredibly close best of friends not in a romantic realtionship. He won't leave his wife, I won't ask him to< and I also willnot allow him to take advantage of me, ie have cake and eat it too.

my question is this--- WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY does he keep coming back with the love romance stuff? why? why waste the time, no other hobbies to pursue? do Scorps have need for ego fueling? I know he loves me, HE knows he loves me-- yet he denies it. he will call and say the most beautiful things and wheni say why would you tell someone that if you dont love her he will say, oh it's just a comeon, im sorry if I led you on.....— then he backs off, thenhe will come bakc and do it again.

I have no hope for anything with this man I just wondered if any other scorps could shed light on this wacky behavior. I mean if he is lookin to treetrunk on the side, he isnt getting that from me.... why not go after someone (and there areplenty) who will? why keep coming back to me and then denying it when full light is shown on how he feels? bizarre.. I've given up trying to understand but if you have a comment im interested in it. thanks Im a cap,not that it matters.

you care.

""I have learened from his actions more so than his words that he does love me ""


How?


I don't see evidence of that in anything you've written above.

No I didn't because it's personal. Not here aksing to have my perceptions analyzed-- I suppose I could have summed my quesiton this way, are Scorps uneasy about being vulnerable and showing emotion?

" you care"

—??

So it's merley the attention he gets from it? WHat about the days when I shut him down?

Ok, well...


When you post here, in an open forum, you're going to get a variety of responses. Some of them won't confirm your presuppositions or meet your expectations. One can only respond (which involves forming assumptions) based on the information provided.


""...are Scorps uneasy about being vulnerable and showing emotion?""

- Perhaps. But, from what I can gather, I don't think that's the case here.

I think we all see the same thing--- I dont see him doing anything to further our relatinship either which is why I wont allow intimacy. What I dont understand is why he keeps up with the flowery sentiments and words despite?

Thanks Scorp Sup

Thanks Scorp Sup

""What I dont understand is why he keeps up with the flowery sentiments and words despite?""

- Because you're still there. You choose to stick around.

Men see actions. He sees that you're still there, and are emotionally involved, so he's going to continue to try to get the nookie. He's working on you, 😉. At least, that's what I think he's thinking.

I doubt he loves you. If he loved you, he would have more respect for you than to tamper with your feelings, knowing that he is unwilling to leave his wife and cannot offer you his full attention.

You're very welcome, bull.

I agree with Scorp Superior. He comes back to you because he knows you are always there (already for 5 years) for him. If it was true love, he would leave his wife and pursue you with respect. Now he's just testing every now and then, if he gets more of you. When you let yourself to be available even to talk to him, he will continue this till something better comes up. IMO, you should cut all the ties with him. Then you'd see if he wants you or not.

thanks everyone. Ihave gone thru bouts of not communicating with him. Months at a time. he always comes back. andi guess i do too.

I just had to add to this becuase I am going throught the same situation with a Scrop and I an a Scorp as well I meet almost 2 years ago and the thing was we both had relationships mine a significant others and his a marriage which he had on child and I latter found out when we first me soon after she got pregnant with there second child and we were honestly just friends even though we had long talks and he told me his marriage was falling apart.

Needless to say things did go further once I parted with my relationship and he is still married with problems and now i know that he loves me and he wants to spend all his extra free time with me but Scorp men I feel they want to have their cake and eat it to and this is probably what your Scorp wants at this point I have tried to tell him multiply times that we are only friends and he will start calling a lot trying to constantly take me out give me gifts, etc and I have any dating other men during this time and he would come on stronger so finally tonight I have to let him now that I meet someone and me and him are only and truly friends and I hope he will understand but it is like with a Scorp men you have to really break it down and cut off communication. I have met a Tarus and Like how you said you know he is the ONE this is how I feel about this new man and my Scorp friend and I am not going to let him mess things up which he has already tried constantly calling me when I am with the bull, and I just dont answer and then he really gets clingly like he wants to meet today, he wanted to meet last night but I told him I was busy so they sense when you are feed up and they come on EVEN STRONGER

What I dont understand is why he keeps up with the flowery sentiments and words despite?

The ONE wouldn't disrespect you while married, his character is WEAK and he's emotionally cheating....I suggest stronger boundaries for yourself, ditch married male friends that don't have any boundaries and preferably one that doesn't test to see if he can get a piece of a $ $ from time to time...He comes back because he can and sex=ego

I agree with all responses^^ Nothing he is doing screams "The One" from his end.


"due to where we were in past marriages and where he is now in current marriage we cannot be together."

Does this mean there was a point when both of you were single?? He still married someone else while "in love" with you?



Outside perspective is good bullfughter.

thanks everyone. you al make good and valid points. 🙂

that's more of where I was thinking... becuase there are NO opportunites for physical expression ever. it's just not going to ahppne... so I doubt highly its for sex/ego cause believ em there are plenyty of other womwn out there who will succumb to him. But he keeps turning up at my door despite.

I've often accusd him of havin gme for his emotional wife.

to reply to an earlier post--No, when we met we were both married. Then eh divorced, then met his current wife, now i have divorced.

Loved your insight Sagigoat!

"regardless, i think many scorpio men always think long term and they are careful of protecting their emotions to a certain degree so given that he knows the risk of both of you getting hurt if involved deeper, he is trying his best to remain at a level he does not lose control.

Scorpios don't play games like this. Make no mistake, he is in control. She knows he's married. As far as he is concerned, she has full knowledge of what she is doing and she is allowing it. She likes the fantasy as much as he does.

if he is truly in love with you and is sincere, i think he would fear to actually have a physical relationship with you even when the opportunity presents itself he may run the other way because he knows a unbearable pain can be expected. sometimes to really love someone is to leave her be."

Huh? Unbearable pain? If he were truly in love with her, he would divorce his wife and go to her. Scorpios live to give and get true love.

it's not pretty but it's a fact that many are not in love with their spouses and the more emotional ones would need someone else to fullfil their need of feeling "in love".

The man is MARRIED. I'm not sure where you are getting your "'fact' that many are not in love with spouses", sagigoat, but every scorp that I know would say that's a lie. I don't know of "Many" who are wishy-washy about their love for, or being in love with their spouses. I think that is rare.

I guess if enough people respond, you can get the answer you seek. I have to agree with the other posters who were keeping it real. He is not "your" ONE, bullfighter. He is not afraid. IMHO, if you have any respect for yourself, you will cut him off and let him find another "other" woman.

Five years. You are both in a comfort zone. He may just be too lazy to go out and try to build a "fantasy" with another woman, and vice versa. But he's married. He's made his "real life" choice. So you need to do likewise, and go find someone who will give you the level of committment you want.

Just my two cents.

Excellent advice from everyone and I deeply appreciate it.

If anyone is keeping track, I had yet another "i simply cannot do this anymore!!" (this being the hot cold I love you no I'm just teasing you butter)and really took ray's insight to heart. I AM allwoing all this and it does hurt me.
The only one who can protect my heart is me. I hinted at "this tree trunking crap is going to stop and NOW" last night and he's been a no show alllll day. I'm done. Communication is done. He may not have wanted to lose me (sans physical realtionship and all) BUT his motives aren't exactly altruistic. Can't be or he'd not come back time and time again knowing how much I hurt. Ca't be or he'd not hurt his wife like this.

If you apologized for laying it on the line or being honest with me please dont. It is what i asked for and needed. Thanks a bunch!!

Excellent advice from everyone and I deeply appreciate it.

If anyone is keeping track, I had yet another "i simply cannot do this anymore!!" (this being the hot cold I love you no I'm just teasing you butter)and really took ray's insight to heart. I AM allwoing all this and it does hurt me.
The only one who can protect my heart is me. I hinted at "this tree trunking crap is going to stop and NOW" last night and he's been a no show alllll day. I'm done. Communication is done. He may not have wanted to lose me (sans physical realtionship and all) BUT his motives aren't exactly altruistic. Can't be or he'd not come back time and time again knowing how much I hurt. Ca't be or he'd not hurt his wife like this.

If you apologized for laying it on the line or being honest with me please dont. It is what i asked for and needed. Thanks a bunch!!

You guys are great! I appreciate everyone's insight and can pull a bit of truth from all of these posts. I have to go with my own truth and what feels omcfortable. I agree with both Sagigoat and Stinger.

Sagi you are right I am tenacious and fight with all I have and he is in my soul but I've tried to move away from him--- I have to turn that resolve to strengtheing my boundaries.

Stinger- i so agree with you too and My Scorp fits what you siad to a tee and that is why I didnt' blast him or chastise him. He is a good person andmaybe confused, who knows he isnt here to defend himself. I was asking advice for ME because I am miserable. He may be too but I cant help him, he has to help him and I me. so here we are. Thank you all again.

sagigoat, I am just speaking very plainly here from my experience about your statement that "many" (implying scorpios) are not in love with their spouses as an example that bullfighter's scorp is not in love with his wife and wants bull instead. I don't agree. While he may not be in love his wife, I think your example speaks of the few, not the many.

"Many" scorpios I know love and are in love with their spouses. If they didn't, they would leave. No matter how hard it may be.

Bullfighter's scorpio is a married man. One can make all the excuses in the book to justify his wanting to be unfaithful to his wife. The fact still remains, "real" is that he is married, fantasy is the affair. It may all sound like a romantic tragedy that he is trying to remain in control because doesn't want to hurt his true love, or he is confused or is in a loveless marriage, etc., etc. This is the crap that makes so many women hang on to a MARRIED MAN.

Cut the cord, bullfighter, as long as he is married, he is not for you.

And no, bullfighter, you will rarely if at all, find a wishy-washy scorpio.

"okay pathfinder i think you are right it was not fair for me to use "many" instead of "some". i take it back."

Thanks, I appreciate that.

". other than that, i know i'm not very black and white sometimes when it concerns the matter of heart. it is my view and i understand for many, it can become dangerous if one cannot love at a higher level and act wise"

You certainly have a right to express your views. Love at a higher level and act wisely? Do you mean the man should nonor his marriage vows? I agree if that is what you mean. This is loving and wise. However, if he doesn't, bullfighter should, if for no other reason than her own karma.

To me, the "heart of the matter" is very "black and white" (clear) in this situation. The man is married. How would bullfighter feel if HER husband was unfaithful to her?

"The man is MARRIED. I'm not sure where you are getting your "'fact' that many are not in love with spouses", sagigoat, but every scorp that I know would say that's a lie. I don't know of "Many" who are wishy-washy about their love for, or being in love with their spouses. I think that is rare."

Sorry, but I definitely understand where Bull is coming from. I was in the exact situation. The first scorp and I were both separated from our spouses when we met. I divorced mine, he didn't. He later tried to work it out.

I have had to completely cut him off. Does he ever just leave? NO! I tried remaining friends with him, but he always wants more. He is definitely miserable at home. I know his family and they talk about how bad his marriage was/is. However, just like bull, I am way too good to settle to be "the other woman" he knows that. At the time we were both separated we were casually involved, but when I decided I wanted a relationship, I started dating others. He went crazy, but yet still considering going back to his wife. Funny, I even encouraged him to try again. I believe if a marriage can work, try to stick it out. Although if you are in it just because of the kids then that isn't a wise choice. That seems to be his choice. We all should be able to live with our choices.

So, a scorp can stick it out in a marriage even when they are miserable for whatever reason. Scorp men seem to this a lot, my godfather. A scorp friend of mine, this guy I am speaking of and yes, they do still long and look for the connection to someone they can love and feel love in return without all the drama of whatever they may be going through in their marriage.

There are women out there who will settle for this but you need to understand that as scorps, we love deeply and we try our best to stick with a commitment. We also leave when we are not happy and don't see the situation changing, but only after we feel we have done all we could to save it.

Bull, 5 years? It is hard to believe he is being this way with you and you NEVER were involved more than friends. Really strange that he would be all mushy like that with just a friend. That my dear is totally out of charactor for a scorp man. Especially one who is used to getting what he wants.

"Sagi you are right I am tenacious and fight with all I have and he is in my soul but I've tried to move away from him"

Sorry, you should probably admit that you two were involved more than friends at some point. Unless there are other friends you feel like this about. When posting something, you should post honestly. Especially if you want honest responses or it doesn't make sence. In line with what superior scorp was saying earlier.

"To me, the "heart of the matter" is very "black and white" (clear) in this situation. The man is married."


Agreed, meaning wether he is happy or not, his whole being is at home, not with her.

Irish libra, those are very true statements for male scorps in my experience. The first scorp answered when I asked why he stays in a miserable marriage. After we were no longer involved. He said he wanted to be a "present father" in his children's lives, to be in the house while they grow up and that it was cheaper to keep his wife. Sucks, but he said although he isn't happy, he is content being there while his children grow up.

Sucks, as I am the opposite. He will always look for that emotional connection from someone outside of the marriage. Bad way to live IMO.

QueenScorpio, you cut off the relationship. That is the right thing to do since he is a married man. To my way of thinking, it doesn't matter what state his marriage is in. All the sob stories can be told, it just doesn't matter. As long as he is married, he is married and made his choice. She needs to make hers. Scorpios that I know are not wishy-washy. They make a decision. They are upfront. He is not lying about being married and unavailable to her. That is what I mean by not being wishy-washy.

It is her who needs to make a decision, either continue with this fantasy of his and hers that he is so miserable, desires to be with her, etc., etc., -- but will not leave his wife for whatever reason, or cut him off and go find her own man.

"We also leave when we are not happy and don't see the situation changing, but only after we feel we have done all we could to save it."

QS, this is exactly what I am saying about scorpios. Evidently, he still has faith in his marriage if he hasn't left. So you are confirming.

When he has truly lost faith in his marriage or in his ability to revive love in it, then he will divorce his wife. This he will decide whether bullfighter is around or not. BUT, if he divorces his wife and he still desires bullfighter, he will pursue her. He will not be wishy-washy about that, either.

My only caution to her would be this: she may never get his trust. Which is what you want from a scorpio and already very difficult to get. He could decide never to trust bull simply because he was a married man when she was dealing with him. Her character has been embedded in his psyche -- for example, "can I trust her not to flirt with other men?"

It's not fair, but we all know there can be a double standard when it comes to scorpio men.

"It is her who needs to make a decision, either continue with this fantasy of his and hers that he is so miserable, desires to be with her, etc., etc., -- but will not leave his wife for whatever reason, or cut him off and go find her own man."

Pathfinder, although I agree with you regarding not continuing to be with someone who isn't available . There are scorp men who will fall for someone outside their marriage, but will not leave for WHATEVER the reason, that sometimes have nothing to do with wether they love their wife or not. I am telling you I have seen it over and over with others signs yes, but my personal experience includes scorp men. Which is a sad state of affairs for him, his wife and family and the other woman. A bunch of drama. Nothing is true in a situation like this!

Hey QS, my only point in this whole scenario was to answer Bull's question on whether scorpios are wishy-washy. My answer and experience says no, they are not.

I did get off that topic in an attempt to discourage Bull from getting involved with a married man. ANY married man.

As most of the last few posts have proven, he rarely leaves his wife. He indulges in his fantasy from time to time as long as the other woman allows and he chooses to go home to his wife no matter how "sad" that may be.

"As most of the last few posts have proven, he rarely leaves his wife. He indulges in his fantasy from time to time as long as the other woman allows and he chooses to go home to his wife no matter how "sad" that may be."

Pathfinder, I agree with this 150% and yes the other woman (fantasy girl) has to make a decision to be a #2 or the only one. Some women are fine with it. I am just not one of those women. Yes I also believe it is bad karma to be involved with someone else's husband. Being an ex wife I would hate to be in the scorp's wife position (the one I know and the one bull is speaking of).

The one I know still and especially as of late calls, leaves songs on my phone. Hate it! (Ironically this is what the current scorp I am actually dating does which I love.) He continually tells me he understands and respects who I am and that I can no longer be involved with him, it has been several months since we were involved. We did get very close and we had tons of fun together, so yes, I can relate to where bull is coming from. Like her scorp he will try and stick around, or give me a break when I snap on him, and then pop back up. Because they are good at heart, but have major problems, one being a cheater or desiring to be one. It is hard to keep out of contact.

I can honestly say that it is sometimes painful to ignore him the way I do because we were more friends than anything and being a scorp myself. I like to keep people close who I care about even exes, but he can't get the "just friends" thing and will act a damn fool if he knew I was dating soemone. I have told him lately I am and he would wish me luck and then ask personal questions that I would refuse to answer. It pisses me off and I will ignor him. They are sick when rejected. He will have things delivered to my house for my daughter and me. I send it back. He knows where my daughter goes to school and has made afterschool payments for her. That I would send back to him. It is kind of scary and psycho. I had to threaten him awhile ago and he hasn't pulled any stunts like that lately.
Just leaves me messages and emails about how sick he is without me in his life. Blah, blah, blah. All I can do is remind him he is a married man and I am actually dating someoene. They don't give up!

Bull couldn't have "just been platonic friends" with him. I don't buy that at all.

QS, you are doing the right thing -- for YOU. You deserve better. Yes, there are many women who will be #2 for lots of reasons. I just don't think that's what bull really wants. I think the relationship may have started out platonic (many do), but that ying & yang pull is powerful.

It seems she's left the thread, though.

NO- I;m still here, I check this daily to see the havoc I brought about. I also have nothing more to say. I have stopped all communication with him and intend to keep it that way as I am responsible for my own self.

AND I also really didnt want to get back in here becuase, well, If I don't speak to the allegations that I have been more than platonic with this man it will be assumed so and if I post a denial and charge the writer who is pointedly calling me a liar swho is eeking only the answers that I want to hear... well that is no better. So I've stayed mum. I know my truth. I apprecaite everyone's response a great deal.

" ...I am responsible for my own self"

Totally answers your "wishy-washy" question.

Touch?.

Bullfighter, no is calling you a liar. It just seems TO ME that a scorp guy wouldn't go through all this trouble with a platonic friend. I have a couple of platonic friends who are scorp males who I love to death and although I know if given half the chance they would jump at the opportunity. They are not beating the door down trying to get some ass. Especially while involved with someone else. Sooooooo it just seems baffling. My own opinion though. You are allowed to stick to your story. Again, no one really cares as much to create a thread for just a platonic crush. Again, just my opinion.

Are scorps wishy washy? No, we know exactly what we want. We are with those we want and those we don't, it is evident.