Scorpios and past relationships

My Scorpio has said he wants to marry me. He thinks we should get a house first, then set a date - he wants to marry on 10/10/10 *chuckle*. He has even picked out a place and wants me to scout out rings I would like.

But there's just one teeny, tiny problem.

He's not in love with me.

The last few girlfriends he's had have:

* cheated

* lied

* cheated and lied (redundant?)

* left the country (permanently) without telling him

* tried to hit on his family members (one succeeded)

I have done none of those things, but I also feel that he feels that at age 40, I'm as good as it gets. I'm not entirely what he wants, but I'll "do." Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of. When I tell him that it's obvious he's still emotionally hooked in to his past gfs, he denies it, even though it is painfully obvious. To me, sometimes he can be the greatest guy in the world, and then he'll go cold, get sarcastic and biting, and distance himself.

So now he wants to make it permanent? Uh .. no. He has offered to go into couples counseling to "prove he is over his past" but I feel that would be just a waste of time. I do love him, but feeling second-best sucks.

So for Scorpios or Scorpio lovers - why stay so fixated on people in the past who have hurt you badly? My eldest brother is a Scorpio and I remember him telling me that the only girl he ever really loved was one who continually treated him like shit. He ended up cheating on every other girl but her, and some of them were really sweet. As an analytical Virgo-Libra cusp, I don't understand. I recall that Bible passage - "As a dog returns to its vomit, so does a fool return to his folly." I know Scorpios aren't that foolish ... right?

what a crumby position to be in...you get what you settle for

wow.




can you deal with that?

"what a crumby position to be in...you get what you settle for"

So true. I saw this in my mother's case and I have no desire to repeat her mistake.

"wow.




can you deal with that?"


Not sure. My brother said the offer of going to couples counseling is huge, as Scorpios don't like spilling innermost secrets to strangers. So not sure ...

"I also feel that he feels that at age 40, I'm as good as it gets. I'm not entirely what he wants, but I'll "do." Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of. When I tell him that it's obvious he's still emotionally hooked in to his past gfs, he denies it, even though it is painfully obvious."

What are the things, he's doing to you that makes it obvious?

Ah, Rays Heart, good question.

* He will be sweet as pie for a while. Then something will remind him of one of the women in his past and he sinks into depression. During that time, my beloved turns into some weird ogre, and seems to get more peeved the more understanding I try to be.

* He is overly hostile to their memory, calling them the b-word and saying how awful they all were to him - which is true. But his anger during these times crosses over to the "methinks he doth protest too much" territory.

* I have sometimes had the feeling he is not really attracted to me physically. the exes all had similar look. He has pictures of most of them still. He has very few of me.

* He has criticized me for being too "nice" to him, as if he is used to be used as a toilet.

Those are the things off the top of my head.

Dang! I knew I was forgetting something:

* He will out of the blue say stuff like "Don't fuck other men." Like, we'll be talking about something completely unrelated to men, fidelity or even sex. Then when I say to him, truthfully, that I've never in my life cheated on a boyfriend and would never cheat on him, he'll get really snippy with me and usually will distance himself for a few hours. He also routinely asks me how many men hit on me that day. Again, I am truthful. He then asks me why I don't tell the men hitting on me to "back the fuck up" I told him that ignoring their comeons, which I do, usually does the trick.

I see ... He's definitely jaded to my opinion but a lot of behavior of his you mentioned are simply part of being a Scorpio and wouldn't necessarily be related to his past but I think his thoughts is what shows that he's jaded. I think counseling is a good idea. He has to set himself back up, clean his heart before he can built something productive with you. At that age usually a man's mind is set and very reluctant to change and even more true with fixed signs (Leo,Aqua,Taurus,Scorpio), not saying that it's impossible for him to change but change will demand a lot of work from his side. He may not go through with the counseling but if he does it can make him a decent man. Good enough to built something with.

How long ago his last relationship ended before you came in?

Going to counseling could help but he seems prone to fall in love with women that are female assclowns which sets you up to have to constantly prove yourself to him and also the fact that he keeps reminding himself about the bad things and calling his exes names is a huge red flag, you will also be added to the list of ex bitches too no matter how great you were at least thats my experience with it, I usually stay away from men that talk about women from their past in a negative way because it says more about him than it does about the exes, he likes losers so what does that make him....I guess what I'm trying to say is that if he already has a problem with how you are, that will never change because his taste in women has nothing to do with YOU. He chose you for other reasons, most likely because he isn't very attracted to you and your the safe always going to be there for me bet, that's a really really shitty deal for you.

Bottom line is that the counselor may or may not work but you have to really ask yourself do you really want to spend the next 5 years or more consoling bullshit that he can't seem to get past, I can assume your either in your late 30's early 40's...Is he worth all that? He will never appreciate and respect you if you BELIEVE YOU DESERVE TO BE CHOSEN AS SECONDS...yeeesh ewwww

Also has the effected your self esteem? You have probably taken a bad hit from these feelings you carry around...bless your second best heart

Just for the record women like you, the women that choose these kind of men are usually drop dead gorgeous with tons of charm, he mostly likely refuses to see it or can't see it because he's too busy dwelling...I agree with sagigoat, you can do better, easily

scorpio sun cancer moons
Bella, don't mean to follow you around but Angryscorp has this combination !!! 😕 maybe he's your ex? 😉

Cancer does cling on but Ambid, why do you even care about helping this guy? his problems with love are not yours but his, if you hang around like this, you will give him the go ahead to mess with you....
he's made it obvious that he doesn't see you as any different from other 'B'...*shrugs*



off topic alert: are you really ambidextrous?

"I usually stay away from men that talk about women from their past in a negative way ".
I agree. I'd say something more. I usually stay away from men who talk about women from their past tout court!
listen, ambidex: I'm 40 too. I am one of the women you talk about: this scorpio man of mine has chosen to be "safe", being with a woman he doesnt' love, running away from me because I reminded him of past hurts, not even touching me, but the point is: he is NOT safe, she is NOT loved, and the only one to come out of the whole thing its' me, out of boredom whit his lack of courage.
see, choices made not following one's own real desires and passions, no matter how scaring or painful they might be, are choices pro bono pacis, doomed to failure right from the start. He's always cheking on me, looking for me, I FEEL his love, a love that he ahs been denying to the point of getting sick, and I see the sickness in the other woman, who knows nothing, and just understand something is wrong, wrong, wrong. no one is happy, not even me, though I'm doing anyway fine as I am now.
All of this because this scoprio man (moon in taurus, mars in cancer, go figure)has not the strength to follow what he really wants.
maybe your scorpio suffered, but did you ever think about the fact that maybe he just fall for THAT, kind of woman? I hope this could be helpful, to you, you dont' deserve to be second to none, and I wish you to meet someone you can be right yourself wiht no ghosts, no fears, just the wonderful you. good luck, and sagigoat is right, it would be the biggest mistake ver, for you.

Um, am I the only one, except maybe Ray's Heart, not so much seeing the gloom and doom in this relationship? My Scorpio fiance also was hurt in the past. I am vastly different than his many of his exes. I've never once thought he was "settling." What he had done was evolved, saw that he was attracting the wrong type of woman, worked on himself. That this girl's Scorpio is offering to go to counseling is pretty huge, IMO.

Also, nothing in what she has listed as "reasons" she feels this way really seems like "reasons" to me:

* He will be sweet as pie for a while. Then something will remind him of one of the women in his past and he sinks into depression. During that time, my beloved turns into some weird ogre, and seems to get more peeved the more understanding I try to be.


Like Ray's Heart hinted, this is typical Scorpio. Nothing new here, we see versions of this play out every day.


* He is overly hostile to their memory, calling them the b-word and saying how awful they all were to him - which is true. But his anger during these times crosses over to the "methinks he doth protest too much" territory.


I don't really enjoy people namecalling their exes either, but in the case of cheating, I can halfway see a Scorpio being very bitter. Scorpios have amazing intuition, and I know many Scorpios feel like they were "fooled" when they realize they had let someone capable of cheating in.


* I have sometimes had the feeling he is not really attracted to me physically. the exes all had similar look. He has pictures of most of them still. He has very few of me.


Has he said that he doesn't find you attractive or is this just a "feeling" based off other things you are looking for? Also, the picture thing - you have no idea whose idea those were or were not. My ex told me once that he had to delete a folder of pics of him and e because it was taking up too much computer space and mentioned that every time they were together, she'd grab his camera and start taking pics, and insisted he upload them. When I asked him why he didn't say no, he said "She was my gf - I wasn't going to make her mad over nothing."

Scorpios are direct. If you want pics of you and him, ask. Don't be coy. He may think you don't want to take pics.


* He has criticized me for being too "nice" to him, as if he is used to be used as a toilet.

Maybe he is, or maybe he was trying to tell you to slap him down sometimes. They like that. It keeps 'em going.

Ambi, here's my honest assessment of this situation and I mean no disrespect:

I think you may have pretty low self-esteem and this Scorp picks up on it. He loves you, so he wants to help, makes concessions like saying he'll go to counseling. But he also is annoyed by it, because low self-esteem is anathema to Scorps. They like strong personalities, passionate personalities. He wants to marry you because on some level, probably many levels - you make him happy. But you seem like the type who reads into a person's every action, word, etc. looking for "slights." It's possible the way a Scorpio loves clashes with either the way YOU love or the way you are USED to being love. It feels foreign to you, so you search for "problems." You assume then that he is still in love with women in his past to the detriment of you. You feed into this belief and give it life by "acting" as if it were so. I.e., you are so sure that he is in love with these ex bitches that you go around "acting" accordingly, feeding your belief and confusing the hell out of him.

I think counseling is in order - for you. Couples counseling is good, too, but if my hunch is correct, you're not going to be right for this guy OR any other guy. You have to look within. I'm very surprised at the reaction on this board. Scorps bore so easily. Very many aren't going to want to make a life commitment to a person just for shits and giggles. I bet you if this Scorp came to the board to tell HIS side of the story, it would be vastly different than Ambi's "perception" of events.

i dont believe that scorpios stick around 'just because'...they would rather be alone

is it so they can have someone to turture?

AnnBarrett no offense but you make excuses like your brainwashed, maybe you know if you accept her truth you would have to look at what you settled for in your own relationship, this woman is very clear about how this man feels about her, the fact that you believe otherwise is non-sensical in every sense of the word.

"b) he told her "she would do" she is not just pulling that out of thin air."

Where is this in the orignal post? Unless the OP erased an earlier post and put a new one in its place, I am reading:

"I have done none of those things, but I also feel that he feels that at age 40, I'm as good as it gets. I'm not entirely what he wants, but I'll "do."

Key word in that for me is "feel." She "feels." Not "he said." Not "he wrote." Not "he" anything. She "feels". Now, he might have said those things to her, I don't know. But she hasn't said that he has said them. She has a feeling that may or may not be based in reality.

"he has TOLD HER he is settling by marrying her. she KNOWS this. this is not made up stuff."

Again, there is nothing in the original post that says he told her any of this. But, maybe he has actually said that. It seems to me that if Ambi's feeling is so strong about this, that maybe he has said something like "I don't love you" to her. But that's not in any of her posts. Her posts, to me, are the posts of a very insecure woman who does not have a handle on common Scorpio mood swings.

Tiki, no offense taken. All I know is that I am marrying the man I love, who loves me and we are both happy.

And all I am saying is that based on Ambi's current, open, all-of-us-can-see-them posts, I more see an insecure woman projecting on a man who loves her and is striving to be a better partner via counseling and not some depraved asshole who is toying with her emotions. *shrg* If Ambi had an earlier post where she said he openly belittled her, compared her unfavorably to an ex or the like, then I stand corrected. If she confided in you via PM more than what she is sharing in her current posts on the board, then you are privy to knowledge that others don't have. But in neither of her posts has she said that HE said anything to her. His behavior seems very typical Scorp to me. But I do have to say that I agree with sagigoat in this - a Scorpio is not secretive or quiet in love. But I wonder if her own insecurities are keeping her from seeing a love that might be there.

I don't know. I just personally don't see where he is demeaning her, myself. *shrug*

LOL! *holds head down*

LK what are we going to do with you!?

LeoKitten - yep, he did! Cool, huh? 🙂

Well, I ended things with him today, so, thanks for all the advice. Onward and upward.

ended things with him on xmas day ?

and he's already jaded from his ex-es ?! LOL, you're my queen !

lol you'll be topping his bitch ex santa list from now on - oh boi

"My eldest brother is a Scorpio and I remember him telling me that the only girl he ever really loved was one who continually treated him like shit. "



A lot of ppl are like that, men and women, Scorpio or not.

yea MsP, cos people believe people can change or further more, people think they can change people - tsk tsk tsk

so I find it's not really love, it's probably the realisation that you couldn't change them, so you feel you lost and blah...and cling on to the hope that some day...sounds like a game really...

To the original poster: All the questioning is the charactoristics of a scorp guy in general. They are extremely loveable and intense and then they need space and time to be to themselves. They are VERY jealous and possessive. So yeah they ask tons of questions about the opposite sex, the one I was involved with asked the exact questions of me. Being "too nice" to them isn't good. You then don't seem like a challenge to them. Always call him on his shit nd don' just accept his behaviour. This makes him respect you no matter how pissed he may seem at the time.

They can be the best men in the world when they "are in love with you" also very complexed at times. You have to either hate 'em or love 'em. Never settle for someone who doesn't truly love you.

***a Scorpio is not secretive or quiet in love***

I know I have said this before, but I totally agree with the above statement and cannot understand when people say the opposite. We are extremely open an straight out with the way we feel for someone we love or even like a whole lot!!!

I'm sorry but me being a Scorpio. If I wasn't in love with someone, I wouldn't' t ask them to marry me. I'm not going to lie though I have played my fair share of games and even have told someone I love them because I didn't want to hurt their feelings (which in the end hurt them because I didn't really feel that way ?? [don't criticize please I'm only being honest]), but marriage was NEVER one of the games EVER. I'm damn near 30 now, but I couldn't ... NO ... I WOULDN'T marry someone because I thought ?they'll do?.

I have ex's that hurt me and to be honest the only time I think of them is when I'm laughing because I know they lost a good thing. I don't hold on to their memory's at all. I would however get really tired of being accused of doing so.

So now, in your Scorpio's eyes. He's been hurt by other woman (lying, cheating etc..) Now, the woman who he wanted to marry him, because he probably thought she was perfect and not like all the others, left him because she THOUGHT he was holding on to past relationships. HARSH!

"Now, the woman who he wanted to marry him, because he probably thought she was perfect and not like all the others, left him because she THOUGHT he was holding on to past relationships. HARSH!"


excuse me, what are you talking about? did you read what anmbidext. wrote?

"* I have sometimes had the feeling he is not really attracted to me physically. the exes all had similar look. He has pictures of most of them still. He has very few of me.


He has criticized me for being too "nice" to him, as if he is used to be used as a toilet."

I wouldnt' think I'd be "perfect" if this was done or said to me, or even if I just smelled an hint of hint.
I would think I am a rebound. period.
I am glad she broke. and I wish her to meet a new man with less ghosts and more sunny sides.