capgirl69
@capgirl69
12 Years1,000+ PostsCapricorn
Comments: 31 · Posts: 2423 · Topics: 55
So we had our first real fight.
Not quite. lol.
The most mundane and insignificant thing only to be overblown completely out of proportion type of fight?
or...
A secret of total unimportance being blown from its cover?
or...
A secret of total unimportance being blown from its cover?
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The most mundane and insignificant thing only to be overblown completely out of proportion type of fight?
I pick choice A, I think.
But really, I do not think it was blown out of proportion. It was silly and mundane, but I think the reasons for it were valid on both sides.
I think it really had more to do with the way that we respond to stimuli being completely different. More and more apparent now that he moved in.
Posted by capgirl69Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The most mundane and insignificant thing only to be overblown completely out of proportion type of fight?
I pick choice A, I think.
But really, I do not think it was blown out of proportion. It was silly and mundane, but I think the reasons for it were valid on both sides.
I think it really had more to do with the way that we respond to stimuli being completely different. More and more apparent now that he moved in.click to expand
Anything we could help you on here on our boards? 🙂
Posted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by capgirl69Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The most mundane and insignificant thing only to be overblown completely out of proportion type of fight?
I pick choice A, I think.
But really, I do not think it was blown out of proportion. It was silly and mundane, but I think the reasons for it were valid on both sides.
I think it really had more to do with the way that we respond to stimuli being completely different. More and more apparent now that he moved in.
Anything we could help you on here on our boards? 🙂click to expand
No, it's over, I think. I just figured I would report on it. lol.
Because for a long time he was wanting to have a fight, and I posted a thread about it. Well now we have had a fight so I figured I'd report it.
It spilled out over two days.
Posted by capgirl69Posted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by capgirl69Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The most mundane and insignificant thing only to be overblown completely out of proportion type of fight?
I pick choice A, I think.
But really, I do not think it was blown out of proportion. It was silly and mundane, but I think the reasons for it were valid on both sides.
I think it really had more to do with the way that we respond to stimuli being completely different. More and more apparent now that he moved in.
Anything we could help you on here on our boards? 🙂
No, it's over, I think. I just figured I would report on it. lol.
Because for a long time he was wanting to have a fight, and I posted a thread about it. Well now we have had a fight so I figured I'd report it.
It spilled out over two days.click to expand
Better to fight than to have the volcano simmering underneath the surface, then that would cause a nuclear explosion/warfare of epic proportions that will be hard to walk away unscarred.
Good to hear it's over 🙂
Posted by capgirl69Posted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by capgirl69Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The most mundane and insignificant thing only to be overblown completely out of proportion type of fight?
I pick choice A, I think.
But really, I do not think it was blown out of proportion. It was silly and mundane, but I think the reasons for it were valid on both sides.
I think it really had more to do with the way that we respond to stimuli being completely different. More and more apparent now that he moved in.
Anything we could help you on here on our boards? 🙂
No, it's over, I think. I just figured I would report on it. lol.
Because for a long time he was wanting to have a fight, and I posted a thread about it. Well now we have had a fight so I figured I'd report it.
click to expand
Ahhh...so ignore my previous post then--that was why I asked. Glad you guys worked things out.
The guessing is kind of fun. lol.
It was all my fault, guys. It was because of chores in the house, but really it was more about me keeping everything to myself.
I avoid conflict all the time, this time I was trying to do all the chores in the house myself. I never asked him to do anything, but it was bothering me, and I never said anything about it.
Normally I keep everything in and that works on MOST people, because they are none the wiser. But we all know that doesn't work on you guys, because he feels everything.
So he asked me why I was distant and what was wrong and he pulled it out of me that I was feeling overwhelmed about doing everything. So right there, it was a fight, because he just moved in, and he still even has a few things at his old place (all his furniture and clothes are at my house) so in his view he's not really "in" yet, though he has eaten, slept, and watched TV at our place every day for 3 weeks. And of course he was upset because I was harboring resentment and not talking about it.
Anyway, we had a fight, then I went to Cub Scouts with my son. When I came back, he had cleaned the whole downstairs of the house (he really is such a good man). So when I came in, I said, "Oh you cleaned! Thanks!" but it still wasn't over because that annoyed him because apparently he said he would do so and I should not have acted surprised. (Even though he has said before he would do something and didn't, but I digress).
And then last night I forgot a laundry basket and it continued. :O Because he really takes everything to heart and was really hurt that I would say he wasn't pulling his weight. So we had like a 2 hour discussion about it and I *think* it has been resolved.
It was all my fault, guys. It was because of chores in the house, but really it was more about me keeping everything to myself.
I avoid conflict all the time, this time I was trying to do all the chores in the house myself. I never asked him to do anything, but it was bothering me, and I never said anything about it.
Normally I keep everything in and that works on MOST people, because they are none the wiser. But we all know that doesn't work on you guys, because he feels everything.
So he asked me why I was distant and what was wrong and he pulled it out of me that I was feeling overwhelmed about doing everything. So right there, it was a fight, because he just moved in, and he still even has a few things at his old place (all his furniture and clothes are at my house) so in his view he's not really "in" yet, though he has eaten, slept, and watched TV at our place every day for 3 weeks. And of course he was upset because I was harboring resentment and not talking about it.
Anyway, we had a fight, then I went to Cub Scouts with my son. When I came back, he had cleaned the whole downstairs of the house (he really is such a good man). So when I came in, I said, "Oh you cleaned! Thanks!" but it still wasn't over because that annoyed him because apparently he said he would do so and I should not have acted surprised. (Even though he has said before he would do something and didn't, but I digress).
And then last night I forgot a laundry basket and it continued. :O Because he really takes everything to heart and was really hurt that I would say he wasn't pulling his weight. So we had like a 2 hour discussion about it and I *think* it has been resolved.
capgirl69
That just sounds like our sensitivity acting up, sometimes it blinds us into reading things that were not intended, which in turn causes us to be 'hurt'. But overall, we hate people when they 'keep' things from us because we can 'sense' it more often than not, and when the other individual does not cough up what the problem is, it triggers our emotional thinking that the other person maybe be underestimating our intelligence, or worse our intuitional feelers, but then from the former I have gone from emotional self to the ego part of us...am I making sense?
Forcing us to sit down and calmly making us talk it out, communication usually does the trick, if we are mature enough that is 🙂
That just sounds like our sensitivity acting up, sometimes it blinds us into reading things that were not intended, which in turn causes us to be 'hurt'. But overall, we hate people when they 'keep' things from us because we can 'sense' it more often than not, and when the other individual does not cough up what the problem is, it triggers our emotional thinking that the other person maybe be underestimating our intelligence, or worse our intuitional feelers, but then from the former I have gone from emotional self to the ego part of us...am I making sense?
Forcing us to sit down and calmly making us talk it out, communication usually does the trick, if we are mature enough that is 🙂
It does make sense. Thanks.
He said, "I analyzed it and analyzed it..."
We talked about it until I said I was wrong. lol. That's what took two hours. I am not the easiest person to deal with!
He said, "I analyzed it and analyzed it..."
We talked about it until I said I was wrong. lol. That's what took two hours. I am not the easiest person to deal with!
Posted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by capgirl69Posted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by capgirl69Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The most mundane and insignificant thing only to be overblown completely out of proportion type of fight?
I pick choice A, I think.
But really, I do not think it was blown out of proportion. It was silly and mundane, but I think the reasons for it were valid on both sides.
I think it really had more to do with the way that we respond to stimuli being completely different. More and more apparent now that he moved in.
Anything we could help you on here on our boards? 🙂
No, it's over, I think. I just figured I would report on it. lol.
Because for a long time he was wanting to have a fight, and I posted a thread about it. Well now we have had a fight so I figured I'd report it.
It spilled out over two days.
Better to fight than to have the volcano simmering underneath the surface, then that would cause a nuclear explosion/warfare of epic proportions that will be hard to walk away unscarred.
Good to hear it's over 🙂click to expand
Hmmm..better to fight and essentially get it out there...? I'm now realizing that I probably should've had it out with my scorp, as opposed to downright refusing to fight with him.
Posted by capgirl69
It does make sense. Thanks.
He said, "I analyzed it and analyzed it..."
We talked about it until I said I was wrong. lol. That's what took two hours. I am not the easiest person to deal with!
Yes, we tend to be guilty of that at times...why?
Because when we sense something, we feel this innate need to get to the bottom of things and when others deny or refuse this of us, it irks us very very badly hence the over analyzes that he spoke of.
Well, whichever the case, stand your ground if you were never wrong, we need respect for those we care about, if you back down and allow us to manipulate you into accepting the guilt of doing wrong when you had not...well, we tend to lose respect that way, to know another's achilles heel I suppose :/
Anyhow, it sounds all good and pleasant now 🙂
Posted by analyticalaquaPosted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by capgirl69Posted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by capgirl69Posted by TheLadyScorpio
The most mundane and insignificant thing only to be overblown completely out of proportion type of fight?
I pick choice A, I think.
But really, I do not think it was blown out of proportion. It was silly and mundane, but I think the reasons for it were valid on both sides.
I think it really had more to do with the way that we respond to stimuli being completely different. More and more apparent now that he moved in.
Anything we could help you on here on our boards? 🙂
No, it's over, I think. I just figured I would report on it. lol.
Because for a long time he was wanting to have a fight, and I posted a thread about it. Well now we have had a fight so I figured I'd report it.
It spilled out over two days.
Better to fight than to have the volcano simmering underneath the surface, then that would cause a nuclear explosion/warfare of epic proportions that will be hard to walk away unscarred.
Good to hear it's over 🙂
Hmmm..better to fight and essentially get it out there...? I'm now realizing that I probably should've had it out with my scorp, as opposed to downright refusing to fight with him.click to expand
Anything we could help you with? 🙂
Posted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by capgirl69
It does make sense. Thanks.
He said, "I analyzed it and analyzed it..."
We talked about it until I said I was wrong. lol. That's what took two hours. I am not the easiest person to deal with!
Yes, we tend to be guilty of that at times...why?
Because when we sense something, we feel this innate need to get to the bottom of things and when others deny or refuse this of us, it irks us very very badly hence the over analyzes that he spoke of.
Well, whichever the case, stand your ground if you were never wrong, we need respect for those we care about, if you back down and allow us to manipulate you into accepting the guilt of doing wrong when you had not...well, we tend to lose respect that way, to know another's achilles heel I suppose :/
Anyhow, it sounds all good and pleasant now 🙂click to expand
He wanted me to say that I was wrong for feeling that way.
I refused to say that, because how can something I feel be wrong?
But he made me go round and round about it.
Finally I said that I was wrong for handling it the way I did, which I really believe I was. I should have been more sensitive and not as blunt about it, and I should have asked for help in the first place. But I did not ask for help because last week I asked for help with the dishes and he did them grudgingly and that drove me crazy. He said he was not going to do dishes every day. So I felt pressured to do more of the housework so he would not have to deal with it and then I got overwhelmed. I also did not want to be a nagger. I hate that. I just think that a grown man should be able to pitch in where he sees it is needed.
I get that he wants more time to get acclimated to his surroundings.
You were not wrong for feeling that way! He shouldn't be feeling that you are going to pick up after him, in a general sense. He pisses in the pot, he eats off the dishes, he wipes his shoes on the mat, he spills his spunk on the bed and probably leaves track marks in his underwear too! YES! The man can do his fair share and you should not be ashamed to ask!
Glad you two worked it out! 🙂
Posted by capgirl69Posted by TheLadyScorpioPosted by capgirl69
It does make sense. Thanks.
He said, "I analyzed it and analyzed it..."
We talked about it until I said I was wrong. lol. That's what took two hours. I am not the easiest person to deal with!
Yes, we tend to be guilty of that at times...why?
Because when we sense something, we feel this innate need to get to the bottom of things and when others deny or refuse this of us, it irks us very very badly hence the over analyzes that he spoke of.
Well, whichever the case, stand your ground if you were never wrong, we need respect for those we care about, if you back down and allow us to manipulate you into accepting the guilt of doing wrong when you had not...well, we tend to lose respect that way, to know another's achilles heel I suppose :/
Anyhow, it sounds all good and pleasant now 🙂
He wanted me to say that I was wrong for feeling that way.
I refused to say that, because how can something I feel be wrong?
But he made me go round and round about it.
Finally I said that I was wrong for handling it the way I did, which I really believe I was. I should have been more sensitive and not as blunt about it, and I should have asked for help in the first place. But I did not ask for help because last week I asked for help with the dishes and he did them grudgingly and that drove me crazy. He said he was not going to do dishes every day. So I felt pressured to do more of the housework so he would not have to deal with it and then I got overwhelmed. I also did not want to be a nagger. I hate that. I just think that a grown man should be able to pitch in where he sees it is needed.
I get that he wants more time to get acclimated to his surroundings.click to expand
Fair is fair, there was wrong to be found on both sides but I am glad to hear you are both self correcting individuals and handled it with compromise. That usually works, just remember never ever back down if you were never in the wrong 🙂
Posted by lildol
You were not wrong for feeling that way! He shouldn't be feeling that you are going to pick up after him, in a general sense. He pisses in the pot, he eats off the dishes, he wipes his shoes on the mat, he spills his spunk on the bed and probably leaves track marks in his underwear too! YES! The man can do his fair share and you should not be ashamed to ask!
Preach! lol.
He thought it was wrong because he did not think it was accurate.
Perceptions are interesting!
For instance, I don't always get all the cleaning done because I get overwhelmed and shut down sometimes. He thought the mess just didn't bother me and I was just really laid back. lol. I was like, "I don't like filth, I just run out of time!"
Thanks lady Scorp!
Thanks Elle!
lol.
@Stinger Baby- we will see. We are back to bliss right now.
He went away for two days. He came back. He pitched in with the housework. All is well.
@Stinger Baby- we will see. We are back to bliss right now.
He went away for two days. He came back. He pitched in with the housework. All is well.
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