Spin-Off of Privacy vs Secrecy

This is sort of a spin-off of S-I-L's thread regarding Scorp's privacy vs secrecy. My scenario is this...My Scorp had a relationship of two years before he met me - I never asked why they broke things off because it doesn't really concern me and I respect anyone's right to privacy. If he told me what happened, then that's a different story but to this day (have known him a year) he hasn't mentioned anything regarding their break-up. I never thought he was being secretive about it; I've just always thought he wanted to keep that part of his life private and IF he was ever ready to share it with me, then he will. I've always suspected the relationship sort of damaged him in some way or another because he's been reluctant to commitment; add that to his Sagi moon and you can imagine! Well, there's this girl that he's friends with and she's acquaintances with one of my close friends (got that?)- the other day they bumped into each other @ a club and they got to talking about my Scorp and somehow his last relationship came up in conversation. The girl told my friend stuff she knew about his break-up i.e., his ex cheated on him and it brutally hurt his ego because he trusted her...and other personal stuff. Naturally, this bothered me that she had this personal information about him and I didn't. So, I casually asked him the other day if he was ever hurt in any of his relationships and he denied it. I realize that he may not be ready to share this personal information with me, and I respect his privacy but my question is why was he willing to share that personal info with her and not me? Do Scorps feel more vulnerable telling significant others personal info as opposed to telling a casual friend...because again, 'I could use that personal information against him later' thing? Can anyone shed light? Just as an FYI, he's only been cool with this girl for about a year or so.

Hey DB!

"Are you familiar with his relationship with her?"

What I do know is that she's cool with his cousin and they have a few mutual friends...so they knew each other when they were younger, but never really spoke up until recently. My friend did tell me that she believes the girl is attracted to him.


"Well, no suprise there...he is obviously still staying behind his wall. But since the topic is about a 'girlfriend', I can see how it would be harder for him to tell you about it rather than someone who isn't a love interest..."

I can understand this knowing what I know about Scorps. Is this because she bears no threat on knowing this personal info and I do? He has shared other personal info with me because we have built alot of trust over the past year, from both ends...is it that scorp pride that won't let him admit to being hurt by a girl. When I asked him, he kind of sneered; almost like saying "Me?! Hurt?! Pffft, please!" And as crazy as it may sound, it hurt me even more to think that someone hurt him like that...but I didn't tell him so. I get overly protective of my loved ones, can't help it.

DB, thank you so much for your insight! It's always appreciated! 🙂

I never pushed on the issue because somehow, someway I always find out little things here and there through other people without even meaning to. Although believe me, its been hard! Of course, it would be so much better if I were to find out from the source...but I have learned not to push on any issue if he's not ready to divulge any info. Through my experience with him and other Scorps, it is always so much better for both parties if they tell you something personal of their own free will. I wouldn't like it done to me, so I don't do it to him. As far as how it's affected his outlook on relationships; I can tell you that it has affected it because he sometimes has a negative attitude as far as love is concerned. At times, he lets his insecurity shine through as well...as far as me and other men are concerned. He says that he is not in love with her...he says that if relationships don't work out, he usually can move on pretty quickly. I can understand this, because this has been the case with me in my past relationships. Once I decide to move on, I am determined!

"It's the childhood past that keeps jumping into my mind...they didn't talk much before...which could mean he liked her then, but didn't have the confidence to say something...later in life, he is more confident and the back of his mind always remembers the childhood crush....just a thought."

Hmmm...never thought of that!


"Is he damaged and requires time to heal?"
I wondered the same thing, and he told me that he & his ex had broken up a year before he & I started dating. Again, he claimed he's over it. In my opinion, somehow someway I think he is still holding on to the pain.

"(LOL) Translation: YES! And I haven't worked through all my feelings about it yet, and am therefore not prepared to discuss it with you."

SIL,
This makes sense! LOL! I tried to be open about my own past hurts. But as you said, he just isn't prepared to discuss it and I'll respect that. I think it has affected him in more ways than he cares to admit.

Wow, so your advising me to push?! LOL!
When it comes to certain things, not all, I can be patient...sometimes too patient! But you'll know once I've reached my limit...by then it's too late and I'm through! I'm giving him time to sort through his feelings if he hasn't yet. If he hasn't come to terms with how he feels, I can't expect him to explain it to me.


"this is probably why I can't deal with a relationship with another scorpio..."

LOL!!!! Well, at least you recognize it. I read somewhere that in a scorpio-scorpio relationship, the most difficult part is having to deal with the faults that you see in yourself.

Thanks, SIL! You are right! I am going to attempt @ bringing it up again...it does bother me to some extent, but not enough for me to lose sleep over it. Again, I'll respect his privacy and won't push the issue too much but I want to get him talking, especially if it's going to affect what we have.


*And just to clear something up, I was mistaken...I found out yesterday from my friend that him and the girl didn't know each other when they were younger...she knows one of his cousins because they lived not too far from each other, but my scorp and her never met before until recently.

*On another side note, I also found out that he told her against his will....the girl's cousin is in a long-term relationship with her cousin; so she found out most of the story through her and she casually told him she knew the story. Hope that makes sense!
Either way, the point is that if your sort of coerced into telling someone something, is that the only way you'll come clean...