stellium 8th house

I have Sun and Pluto exact conjunction in scorpio, 7th house. Saturn , moon, and mercury in a loose conjunction in 8th house, scorpio also. Pisces rising, and Neptune in Sag, 9th house, 3 degrees from midheaven. Venus and Uranus also in Sag, but in 8th house. Mars and Jupiter in Capricorn, 10th house. North node is in Taurus in 2nd house, the only thing that balances this clusterfuck of planets in houses 8-10. Would love to hear from people who have similar charts in any way, or are good at analyzing charts. I only recently started getting into astrology in a deeper way.

Pretty depressed at the moment. Just left a relationship w/ Pisces woman (awesome person, I still have tons of respect for her), but not all the way out of the relationship yet, and unsure. We were together 3.5 years.

I am not good with money, making it or holding on to it. I seem to resent it's existence. Was heavy into yoga throughout my teens and the first half of my twenties; I am 30 now. Studied music in college, still enjoy playing. I don't seem to really care about anything, never have. Recently started drinking and getting high, and I enjoy it. I seem to avoid responsibility whenever possible. Most would call me lazy, and I would agree.

Have had a few brushes with death, some extremely close. Tend to black out when drinking. Possibly I died (multiple times?) and am unaware of it.

My focus seems to be shifting toward games, which I have always enjoyed. Mostly Chess and poker. I seem to play best when I am partially drunk.

Am getting towards the end of my Saturn return. Have heard a lot about how challenging it supposedly is. I had a hell of a hard time between the ages of 21-23, and my Saturn return doesn't seem to be very challenging in comparison.

I have always identified with the sign Scorpio, but as far as transforming into the phoenix, I have an idea what it would require from me and have pretty much given up on it. I usually just go with the flow, unless I get pissed of, and then I start behaving like a madman. I really don't get truly angry very often though, and I still don't know exactly what it is that sets me off. I seem to have a ton of anger inside, but I am usually disconnected from it.

Fire at will, fellow scorps.