The FIRST sign...

Where do you draw the line with a new love interest when it comes to disrespect? The FIRST time he says he will call and doesn't? The FIRST time he says he wants to see you the following weekend and doesn't? So I guess my main question is this: HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN TO JUST BE COOL AND GO WITH THE FLOW AND NOT PRESSURE A MAN, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME HAVING A BACKBONE AND DEMANDING RESPECT FROM HIM? How many of us simply "blow off" the first sign in hopes that things will get better? How many of you went through similiar situations and still ended up in a successful relationship?

Well with the calling....if he does not call when he say that's no big deal to me just don't call and let him call you

As far as making a date and standing me up that will required a phone call for an explanation or cussing them out depending on how I feel and or how good I look.

If you are going through those issues so early on then you should either confront him with this behaviour before it gets out of control.

It does not take long to see how far the apple fall from the tree......and if this is being done to you so soon....I would confront him.

It takes about 3 months for me to decided if I want to continue the friendship....

Friendship/relationships takes 2 people I don't believe in doing all of the work. I also believe that you should lay it on the table what you will and will not excepthow you are what you like and dislike I believe it helps to cuts down on some of the drama if you are dealing was a mature individual.

"Where do you draw the line with a new love interest when it comes to disrespect? The FIRST time he says he will call and doesn't? The FIRST time he says he wants to see you the following weekend and doesn't?"

This is a hard one .. for I can't see a line. If a man says he wants to see me on the weekend, yet, today is Monday .. then anything could come up in his life between now and the weekend .. so, I can't see where a vow was made by him to have to honour his word. He could very well do something else and STILL want to see me on another night.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN TO JUST BE COOL AND GO WITH THE FLOW AND NOT PRESSURE A MAN, WHILE AT THE SAME TIME HAVING A BACKBONE AND DEMANDING RESPECT FROM HIM?"

This one is easy to answer .. just always go with the flow, never put pressure or demand anything. It appears that people have pre-determined expectations on how they believe the other person should behave .. whereas, if you don't have any expectations, then people tend to be more tolerant for the other person's behaviours.

"How many of us simply "blow off" the first sign in hopes that things will get better?"

My relationships have always been for the better, right from the beginning because they just went with the flow and there weren't any expectations other than what the other was capable of giving .. and this giving evolved as we got to know each other deeper.

Enough is enough the minute YOU feel it is enough.

"women trying to rationalize bad behaviour."
"irishlibra is a perfect example of this"

Oh, I see EG .. thanks for explaining that. I'm not sure why women do this exactly.

Then it would be ONCE .. I'll only get fucked once, then it's fuck you !

I guess where I was coming from in my train of thought is .. the relationship itself. Trying to get a boy to want to call me, isn't a relationship, rather an expectation/anticipation of one .. a desire only. To me, a desire for a relationship is strictly one-sided (mine) and there can't be any expectations on his side. An attraction, to me, isn't a relationship.

My first response was about an actual relationship when I said, there's no expectations other than what he is able to give, which changes as we get to know each other better.

Sorry for the mis-understanding 🙂

Men only do what women allow them to do.

QueenScorp makes a good point. If he stood me up just once, with no real excuse and no call, it's over. Done and done. It's been a rule of mine before i had any rules.

"Men only do what women allow them to do." And I'll add, they only respect a woman as much as she asks him to.

My best friend from college, her guy would flaked on her in the begining. But she still ended up marrying her college sweetheart. My point being, would if she would have said (and listened to everyone else)"Oh--he's just not that into me". In other words, MEN are not perfect and neither are women. One of the two people invovled are going to do something unpleasing to the other person in the begining stages. I think it all depends on what is important to YOU PERSONALLY. Me for example, I dont expect a guy to call me everyday, because I am the type of girl who values my personal/alone time. BUT, to another girl, if a guy does not call her everyday, she may not find that acceptable at all. Individual preferences.

Hi SouthernT,

I think of it kinda like this, you wouldnt let a child get away with something disrespectful and bad would you? You would make sure to let that child know that that behavior is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate and please do not do that again. You dont shout this, you dont scream this, you calmly say this while looking them in the eye and mean it. If it happens again there will be a consequence. Now, I know we are talking about men. But its kinda the same deal. I mean, dont let them start a pattern ya know? Stand up for yourself. If he doesnt call when he says he is going to. Then dont call him and ask him why he didnt call, thats just desperate. Wait until he calls you and eitiher pick up the phone and talk for a bit and then act like your busy and get off, or better yet, let it go right to voicemail, he will get the hint. If the two of you made definate plans, and he bailed without a phone call or anything, then thats a huge no no and you better make it a point to explain to him that your time is worthwhile and you have better things to do than wait around for him and that that definately will not happen again if he values your time as a friend or otherwise. If the two of you just casually said something about plans next weekend and then nothing materialized, blow it off, but make sure not to ask him what he did that weekend, let him ask you (and he will because you will seem disinterested in him which in turn will make him interested in you) and then proceed to tell him what a great weekend you had with your friends and what not.

Bottom line.....try and address things sooner than later or he will think he can walk all over you and treat you badly. Your special, your time is special, and he better understand that or move along 🙂