Brutal Truth

IMPORTANT TO READ ALL!

Him Taurus

Me Capricorn

Feel like this is killing me long enough. I know I'll be judged but after college I started working. At first all was well then my boss started pursuing me. I told him i didn't want to and being that hes married we couldn't. He continued pursuing me and eventually i gave in. Things happen in life which we never thought we'd go through.

Rumor although not proved got out that we had something going on, so i backed off with all the drama and got married to another Taurus. I was happy at the time to until husband and I got into a huge fight although i tried to make it work with him i couldn't and still can't make myself love him to present. He's not even a bad guy just a person who has made a mistake but he doesn't make love to me at all during sex just by love making i mean kisses, teasing etc...

But I've distanced myself from Tar boss for almost a year after marriage especially because i didn't want anything ruining my marriage and he had already replaced me with another which he claimed he had not been with, but was obvious he was due to him treating her the exact same way he treated me. Plus I was over him until he came in again and told me he had feelings for me. The passion in his eyes, i kept fighting it that i to was falling again for this guy? How? Why? fast forward he and I ended up going there again.

This time everything was different, he wouldn't call me, text me and he would come in at office not call me at all like he used to but would always call another co worker in everyday. Although i told him about it he kept claiming he was she was nothing clearly she was. Jealousy really hit me then. I've tried to leave but i need this job. I'm broken in so many ways so much going on in my mind. Home issues, Work Issues, Maternity---trying to conceive issues, financial issues and whats worse is that he keeps coming back to me. He won't give me my space to move on with my life.

Everytime i tell him let me be so that i can really just move on he tries a little to keep me and when I come back to him he makes no time for me, doesn't call or text. I've blocked him on social media only have him on whatssap he barely messages me. When I stay away from him he chases after me.

Now after all that and one last round of sex i told him i just needed closure with everything between us so that i could move on. I told him that i loved him and he said he did to however being hes married i could not continue this and he to said the same and asked to be friends, i told him i could not be his friend (knowing in mind his friendship would be that of benefits and i was just looking for a way out of this). He keeps on insisting we be friends but if you don't check up on me, call me, text me or support me in anyway how are we friends? He keeps on saying he's busy but makes time for the other co worker everyday.

I told him we could be professional not friends. I would normally say goodbye when i'm leaving for lunch or home at the end of the day but every time I stop doing it he notices and knows i'm trying to move on. He even said you want to leave and not be friends when i would want us to be. I would want for you to come to me if you have a problem. But in my honesty I'm not that person. I can't trust you with my life if I see you're too close to someone else.

He insists still lets be friends but If i'm trusting you, being there for you, calling and texting you i'm investing my time, my heart on you so if I don't get that back it will hurt me like crazy which is what i'm facing now. So I'm trying to just distance myself from him go silent and hope I can heal myself to really let go without saying it to him. I know he'll be back but it hurts to love someone in my case plus i'm devastated wanting a baby at the moment.

Help! Advise !

And guys if you could just explain to me whats really going through his mind, why doesn't he just let me go. I feel like he doesn't want me but don't want me to let go of him nor does he want to the cause of the breakup and doesn't want me to hate him. He's very confusing might I add. One minute he has feelings for me and the next wants to be friends. But I'm just not interested in that. It just hurts at the moment to be replaced and him never being there for me has made me hate him a bit. Although i do have love him at the same time because of the way he treats me i'm starting to hate him.

Posted by FantamRooster

He's selfish. He wants his wife, you, and the other girl too, and he's willing to punish you to keep you in line.

Extremely selfish. Any advise on what to do?

Posted by -sierra-

he wants you to be his side chick

Advise on what to do? Every time i back off he gives me no work to do. He gets upset. Oh! feel like i'm dying.

please don't have children at this point in time.

Posted by jeane

please don't have children at this point in time.

I wish you could see my heart and the tears that run down my face on a daily basis. I desperately want a baby to love 2.5 years of marriage and no baby hurts I've tried to hard to have one. I understand at this point in time I'm a wreck. The pain that i'm facing is no joke and i've been going through this for a while now but truly i'm trying my best to get my life on track part of that includes getting over this guy, trying to find something else to do which is so hard at the moment and husband don't want me to leave.

Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by Capri67

Posted by -sierra-

he wants you to be his side chick

Advise on what to do? Every time i back off he gives me no work to do. He gets upset. Oh! feel like i'm dying.

Are you trying to salvage the job or the relationship? I don't think there's much hope for the relationship, because he doesn't treat the women in his life with respect. People like that tend to stay like that. Is the job so special that you can't find a similar one elsewhere?

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I'm not trying to be any side chick, I'm trying to get out of this job and relationship. I can't tell you where I am from only its extremely hard to find a job in very small community, I've searched for a long time and finally got one. I can't leave without finding one, my finances are bad because husband is not working at the moment plus he has no clue whats going on so he doesn't want me to quit. Believe when i tell you many times I've tried to focus on work and just be professional, I even started letting go, and every time he realizes this he gives me no work to do. Tells me I complain too much but what am I coming to work for if not work? He pretends to be this great guy but treats me terrible as an employee.

Posted by Capri67

Posted by jeane

please don't have children at this point in time.

I wish you could see my heart and the tears that run down my face on a daily basis. I desperately want a baby to love 2.5 years of marriage and no baby hurts I've tried to hard to have one. I understand at this point in time I'm a wreck. The pain that i'm facing is no joke and i've been going through this for a while now but truly i'm trying my best to get my life on track part of that includes getting over this guy, trying to find something else to do which is so hard at the moment and husband don't want me to leave.

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want to be a parent? first you need to learn not to put yourself first. all of this is about you and your needs. you're not thinking about your future child. it's just about what you want, what you want to feel. you need to grow up.

Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by Capri67

Posted by jeane

please don't have children at this point in time.

I wish you could see my heart and the tears that run down my face on a daily basis. I desperately want a baby to love 2.5 years of marriage and no baby hurts I've tried to hard to have one. I understand at this point in time I'm a wreck. The pain that i'm facing is no joke and i've been going through this for a while now but truly i'm trying my best to get my life on track part of that includes getting over this guy, trying to find something else to do which is so hard at the moment and husband don't want me to leave.

Are you married too? I missed that part. Girl, these things almost always end poorly. I suspect that you're not thinking rationally, that you're having a hard time finding logic right now because you're so caught up in this. You MUST take a step back to find your clarity again.

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My life is hell right now. The only way out for me is to leave completely.

Posted by jeane

Posted by Capri67

Posted by jeane

please don't have children at this point in time.

I wish you could see my heart and the tears that run down my face on a daily basis. I desperately want a baby to love 2.5 years of marriage and no baby hurts I've tried to hard to have one. I understand at this point in time I'm a wreck. The pain that i'm facing is no joke and i've been going through this for a while now but truly i'm trying my best to get my life on track part of that includes getting over this guy, trying to find something else to do which is so hard at the moment and husband don't want me to leave.

want to be a parent? first you need to learn not to put yourself first. all of this is about you and your needs. you're not thinking about your future child. it's just about what you want, what you want to feel. you need to grow up.

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Understood! So true ! I think I'm going to quit my job.

my suggestion is that you get a new job and work on getting your head screwed on straight and stop messing around with married men period

Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by Capri67

Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by Capri67

Posted by jeane

please don't have children at this point in time.

I wish you could see my heart and the tears that run down my face on a daily basis. I desperately want a baby to love 2.5 years of marriage and no baby hurts I've tried to hard to have one. I understand at this point in time I'm a wreck. The pain that i'm facing is no joke and i've been going through this for a while now but truly i'm trying my best to get my life on track part of that includes getting over this guy, trying to find something else to do which is so hard at the moment and husband don't want me to leave.

Are you married too? I missed that part. Girl, these things almost always end poorly. I suspect that you're not thinking rationally, that you're having a hard time finding logic right now because you're so caught up in this. You MUST take a step back to find your clarity again.

My life is hell right now. The only way out for me is to leave completely.

I guess step one is to accept that you let yourself get into this situation, and now there are consequences. You didn't do it all alone, of course, but you were there, doing stuff that messed things up for you. You have some tough choices ahead of you now, but you _can_ handle them. You're not evil. Your life isn't over. You just fucked up, and now you have to fix it. Will you still get paid if he doesn't give you work or is your salary dependent on what he hands to you to do?

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I still get paid but what happens when appraisal comes in ? I can't complain to my husband because i know he'll never forgive me and I am not trying to lose him I'm just trying to make my marriage work after finding out he tried to be with my sister before we got married. I'm telling you its not easy what I'm going through and I am not trying to play victim i accept my part.

Posted by RooSagicorn

Your unhappy in your marriage & you want kids? You let this jerk boss back in every time? Walk away, get another job. Please don’t have kids until you learn how to take responsibility for yourself.

Kids are not about.. oh I just want them. Kids are about them not you.

So true. Guess I need to better prepare for that

Posted by tctaa

my suggestion is that you get a new job and work on getting your head screwed on straight and stop messing around with married men period

I am working on getting a new job i have been for a long time now, I have stopped messing around with him my only problem is finding a job is hard and i can't complain because i don't want my husband finding out

Posted by FantamRooster

Posted by Capri67

Posted by tctaa

my suggestion is that you get a new job and work on getting your head screwed on straight and stop messing around with married men period

I am working on getting a new job i have been for a long time now, I have stopped messing around with him my only problem is finding a job is hard and i can't complain because i don't want my husband finding out

Are you planning to keep this a secret from your husband forever? Can you live with a secret of that magnitude?

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I would tell him, I want to but some people are just not the forgiving type. It will ruin everything we still have. Contrary to everything that's happened I really do love him. I actually ended everything with this tar boss before getting married Its my feelings of rage and hurt from finding out he had love for my sister that killed me and made me stop loving him for longtime. I've forgiven him although he denied it when my sister showed me proof. We've been okay only he hasn't made love to me as often or in a way that a man shows a woman he loves her. To answer your question yes i plan to keep it a secret in order to save what we still have and continue to work through our issues. I don't believe in divorces.

WAIT A MINUTE!!!

WHAT BABY? WHAT ARE YOU ARE GOING TO GIVE TO THE BABY EXCEPT EMOTIONAL WRECK OF THE MOTHER—

Posted by Capri67

Posted by tctaa

my suggestion is that you get a new job and work on getting your head screwed on straight and stop messing around with married men period

I am working on getting a new job i have been for a long time now, I have stopped messing around with him my only problem is finding a job is hard and i can't complain because i don't want my husband finding out

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if you are doing everything that you can to get yourself out of the mess you helped create there isn't much anyone can offer in the way of advice - just continue to move forward and tcb

Posted by GemCurio

Honestly, you're in deep. You really don't need any emotional attachments to anyone right now because you're living vicariously for what everyone else wants. Pull away from the entire situation. Get away from you boss and get away from your husband. Go back to mom if you have to but you have to step back and humble yourself before this all blows up in your face. Which it's going to do regardless. We have to live with the choices we have made already and there are consequences. In all your wanting for yourself you haven't really displayed love for anyone other than yourself. So... being in the position where you can't really decide anything and are being torn between passion and duty, let go of both. Take a break away from all of it. There will always be other jobs, and if your hubby was so concerned about the families well being I think he'd get off the couch and at least make an effort to bring something to the table. Even if it required flipping burger or pouring someone's coffee. We all make bad choices based on "feelings" and over processed "thoughts". Regardless, you can't move forward in any direction until you draw a line today with all of it, pull yourself out of it, and look at it for what it is. You are playing victim of circumstances when really all the choices up to this point were yours. So, take a deep breath, stick your chest out, and handle it.

Wow, this really hit home. This very deep and exactly what i needed to hear. Truly this is a relief of hope and exactly what i need. I don't want Tar Boss, I want my happiness back. My peace of mind back. I want to be in control of my life again. I let situations hurt me because I was too nice in not wanting to break anyone's heart. This is not about my husband or boss this is about me finding me again. Fixing me to fix my situation. Yes I lost me but now I'm smiling because I'm starting to find me. It feels great regardless of all that's going on I have hope all will play well, Thank you

Posted by Capri67

Posted by GemCurio

Honestly, you're in deep. You really don't need any emotional attachments to anyone right now because you're living vicariously for what everyone else wants. Pull away from the entire situation. Get away from you boss and get away from your husband. Go back to mom if you have to but you have to step back and humble yourself before this all blows up in your face. Which it's going to do regardless. We have to live with the choices we have made already and there are consequences. In all your wanting for yourself you haven't really displayed love for anyone other than yourself. So... being in the position where you can't really decide anything and are being torn between passion and duty, let go of both. Take a break away from all of it. There will always be other jobs, and if your hubby was so concerned about the families well being I think he'd get off the couch and at least make an effort to bring something to the table. Even if it required flipping burger or pouring someone's coffee. We all make bad choices based on "feelings" and over processed "thoughts". Regardless, you can't move forward in any direction until you draw a line today with all of it, pull yourself out of it, and look at it for what it is. You are playing victim of circumstances when really all the choices up to this point were yours. So, take a deep breath, stick your chest out, and handle it.

Wow, this really hit home. This very deep and exactly what i needed to hear. Truly this is a relief of hope and exactly what i need. I don't want Tar Boss, I want my happiness back. My peace of mind back. I want to be in control of my life again. I let situations hurt me because I was too nice in not wanting to break anyone's heart. This is not about my husband or boss this is about me finding me again. Fixing me to fix my situation. Yes I lost me but now I'm smiling because I'm starting to find me. It feels great regardless of all that's going on I have hope all will play well, Thank you

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Hello, an update:

Had an honest conversation with him, told him I had enough and its time for me to be honest with my husband in letting him know exactly whats going on and why I want to leave. He flipped got so scared but I admit I said it to grab his attention like you treat me like crap I have the power to treat you like crap to. But i wouldn't do that I would never destroy a home. What got on my last nerves is that he is such a gossiper. Everything you tell him as a boss never stays there. This place is toxic because the leader is toxic. Not to mention he looks out for who he wants to in office. So I was honest in every word every sense and even told him its obvious hes having office affairs. I needed to get it all out and I don't feel bad for being honest, just feel bad how hes playing victim. I've own up to my faults, because yes I'm at fault to. But before I go on vacay and leave it all behind the truth needed to be said. Problem now...he's being all immature, not showing up to work, now hes mad.