Capi Taurus Attraction

Damn can people even remain faithful anymore

Posted by Capilady
... Please no moral judgements. i give myself enough of those.

Clearly the defense is winning. You only need one for reasonable doubt.

Hi Capilady...

I don't believe your intentions are disingenuous. Call it a sixth sense, but something tells me that your value system in regards to family, tradition, morality and respect is impeccable. You also strike me as an individual who is very cautious, forthright, and values honesty and loyalty. Your emotions are intense because they're unapologetic, raw, and unfiltered. You feel a cosmic connection with this Bull because it's organic...not intentional. No judgments here.

You referenced this term, "in love til such times or will move on." A Bull's love flows organically. It begins with a silent whisper, a lukewarm feeling, becomes more euphoric, constant, but dormant (until the safety and security is entrusted)...when this occurs, the love shifts, it's not over-romanticized with unrealistic fairy-tales, but soars into a greater, higher love. A love that is unconditional.

Not the promise of white tulips on your bed, but the promise of being by your side through thick and thin.
Not love letters, poetry, or grand vacations, but wanting to sleep and wake up next to you for the rest of his life. To be a witness to your life. Your struggles, happiness, sadness, achievements, flaws, and hidden perfections. Your burden is now his burden.
To take care of you, you're his, just you and him against the universe through trials and tribulations, loyalty, and complete dedication. He knows of no other way to love but to show you. The entire idea of romanticism is too frivolous, too impractical. (cont'd)

(Cont'd)

If he can offer you what I just stated, then his love for you is quite REAL, and very genuine (no fleeting emotions, it will certainly remain intact).

I don't know the entire story of the relationship dynamics involving all romantic spouses in general, there seems to be many other factors involved, children, finances, etc.



1. What was his initial connection to his wife? This is very important.
2. What was your initial connection to your husband? This is also very important.

Figure it out and measure all the other factors involved....and you will eventually have your answer.

You should watch the film "Little children" for the most plausible end of your affair.

Posted by Infinite8


I'm sorry Taurusbull77, I don't understand your logic. I just can't get past all the people that they are hurting. .

I respect your opinion Infinite.

But as I stated earlier, call it a gut instinct, but I stand firmly by my initial assessment of the OP. I don't believe she has a malicious bone in her body. Which was why I asked "What was the initial connection with their spouses prior to marriage?"

Something tells me, this is the first real cosmic experience for the both of them.

Posted by TaurusBull1977
(Cont'd)
1. What was his initial connection to his wife? This is very important.
2. What was your initial connection to your husband? This is also very important.

Figure it out and measure all the other factors involved....and you will eventually have your answer.

click to expand

I assessed her situation.
Gave her a candid feedback.

But it's not my place to decide what course of action she should take.

This will be her decision to make.

Posted by Infinite8
Over react on emotions only. I still strongly believe what I wrote though 😉

It's OK. I'm very conventional in regards to relationships as well. So trust me, I'm not knocking your opinion 😉 But her scenario reminds me a lot of my past relationships during my undergraduate years. I settled 'only' for stability. A safe precaution. I felt emotions were impractical, and would eventually start fleeting, so why 'act' on them. Too lazy to go after what I really wanted, or to wait on someone I felt truly connected to, and just simply settled for not having my heart broken.

Although I never cheated on any of my exes, it did in fact allow me to re-evaluate the choices I was making when I did meet people I felt a connection to. I experienced the same internal struggles. Fortunately for me, I didn't get married then, if I did, I would have been in a world of trouble.

Strong morals and unhappiness & unfulfillment.

OR

No morals and happiness and fulfillment.

A double edge sword.

You know what's the scariest thing, in a marriage setting, I would have settled for strong morals, unhappiness and unfulfillment. Being a determined, and ever-so-faithful Bull, I would have rocked that marriage all the way to the bitter end. Being a Bull can be both a gift and a curse.

Thank God I didn't get married back then.

I need both...

Stability + Emotion = Unconditional Love

She was caught having an affair last year with her boss and he chose to stay for the kids. He says there is no passion between them. They do their own thing. He sleeps in another room. He says he feels like an unpaid au-pair. She goes out til 2 in the morning with work friends and spends the weekend hung over. He says he has tried and tried but she is not interested in him. He said neither of them would be there if it wasn't for the kids. She pays the mortgage and bills but keeps the rest of her money to herself in her own bank account. She thinks nothing of spending $ 800 on a new necklace and if he needs new shoes she asks why she has to pay. They still get along as friends as he has a chatty nature. His mum and dad are very well off and they will have a large inheritance. Which of course they may not see for another 20 years. She is very close to his mum and he feels that they would hand it over to her if he were to leave. She has it all at the moment. She gets to do the job she loves, has a very dedicated dad to her kids. He does everything with them. Has her social life and her own bedroom. Not saying she doesn't love him. He loves her more than she loves him I feel. He says he doesn't feel resentful. But resented.

Sorry posted the same thing twice. Having problems uploading the messages.


My connection with my husband... I met him at work when he was 23 and I was 25. We were both single and he pursued me. He is lovely and kind. When I ask him why he doesn't feel the need to chat or be close to me in other ways apart from sex. He says he is happy that way. When I ask what attracted him to me in the first place. He says he thought I was pretty. He says the affection he gave me was purely sexual in the early days. At least he is honest! He says he doesn't feel anything If I tell him he looks great, And being affectionate means nothing to him (his words). He would happily ignore me most of the time. We can drive for 5 hours and he has nothing to say. He is quiet. He thinks nothing of being distant and unaffectionate and then want to have sex. I hate it. And I've told him that for years. He tries to change for a couple of weeks then goes right back to his usual self. He has never liked to be touched. Say its tickles and is annoying. He is competitive at work. Not married to work. Loves to spend his free time playing with our son. He is very much a child at heart. Loves sci-fi, Star Wars all that kinda thing. Loves watching sport on T.V. And playing video games. He walks 10 meters ahead of me if we go shopping together. It annoys both me and my son. He lives in his own world. My son says mum is for loving and dad is for playing. He is placid and even tempered. I just feel disconnected. I don't want to take my son away from him as it would break their hearts. He has asked about my Taurus man as i have been just as distant towards him in the past 6 months and he can see a change. I treat him how he treats me now. I would love to find the love and connection with him but have no idea how. It would certainly be the best option all round. My heart is no longer in it. I still love him but it's not how it should be. I don't hate him. Fed up being the one who is always trying.

Taurus man says he misses me madly and wishes things could be different. He wants to stay and raise his kids more than anything. He would love to be happy with his wife and he hopes he can. He says after she had her kids, she changed and is no longer interested in him. He gets jealous of my one friend who is a girlie girl but also into natural things. We go fishing and to the beach etc. He is jealous that she gets to spend time with me. He says he hopes that one day when the kids have grown up that may be possible. He is a fisherman and would love to go with me, kayaking and walking etc. His kids are 10 and 8. My son is 8. We both feel that when the kids are older we will not be with our spouses no matter what. It's true what you said about the double edged sword. That is exactly how it feels for both of us. The sex was just the icing on the cake for both of us. There is so much more to us than that. I know most of you will judge and think badly of me and I felt like taking my post down but instead decided to tell more of my story. I feel that TaurusBull has it spot on and neither of us have had the cosmic connection before. Taurus man says a love like this should be written in the stars, the kind of love that people write poems and love songs about and never knew what love was until he met me. He says I make him want to be a better man. He said that when we were together he could think of nothing else. Thought about me every second of every day. He recently said he has this ball of dense emotion inside him. As dense as dark matter. He says he has loved me for years and some things are worth waiting for. Thats why I wanted to know if you think he will hold on to that love. Our emotions for each other have only been open to each other for 6 months. We are both homebodies and love the same music and cooking etc. Maybe boring to most and not the most glamorous of lives. But we love it. He sometimes shuts down needs space and says that is a testament to how hard it is for him. For now I'm trying to figure it out and trying to make the most of my marriage. It's not easy now that I have had this experience.

I'll continue to say this till the cows come home. I find it utterly hilarious when people speak of how "real" and organic things are while simultaneously overlooking the equally real other side. Using love to justify selfishness. Another's infidelity NEVER justifies action of the same. His wife cheated. He CHOSE to stay...for his kids. He should've owned up to and accept responsibility for his choice. Now, he decides to not honor that agreement...put his kids feelings aside...and violate the integrity of his marriage. The OP gave him the benefit of the doubt for the exact same reasons. Hence, you two are mirroring each other. The connection is real and derived from the same energy...selfishness.

...and like many, you're overlooking the obvious. He's gone back on his word to make it work for the kids putting their security at risk. If he's willing to do that, then he won't respect the integrity of a relationship he would have with you and don't let your "love" for him or feelings of invincibility convince you otherwise. Principles are not principles if you're willing to abandon them when it's least convenient. But you're doing the same as he.

The karmic implications, which are equally real, are exactly why these things do not work out in the in no matter the love. Love doesn't matter if you cant respect the things, the relationship that keeps it in place. Specifically, the relationship other people have with the one you love. It doesn't matter how "easy" it is between you. You both ignore the feelings other the others that are involved. An inescapable fact. You both should've ended your previous relationships.

In my defence. If I wanted to be selfish I would sell my home. Take half of what is mine. I used to be the breadwinner and have put just as much into our equity, and buy a new home. I don't feel the need for an extravagant life style . I'm not materialistic. We have been lucky and clever when it comes to making our equity grow. We live in Australia. (I came form a poor family where there was a lot of love) Take my son from his dad and have him pay to help with his keep. I don't want to be selfish. That is the problem. Yes we made a mistake of being unfaithful. But unless you have been in my situation then you cannot possibly feel what I feel. Hence in the OP, I said I used to be quick to judge others for stealing another ones spouse. Perhaps because I did not understand it. I want my son and his dad to have each other until they no longer need me as a link. My son has me to collect him after school. Take him to see friends. Look after him during holidays and when he is sick. I cook, clean, teach, and do everything for him. My son will grow up and have his own life and in the mean time I want him to feel secure and stable. Its the same for Mr Taurus. And if MrTaurus just wanted to have sex then he could easily have just gone out and done just that. The fact is that we grew together just as my husband and I grew apart. I never went looking for a replacement. I could also go out on the town if the notion took me and get attention from other men. Anyone could. I'm not interested. I would rather have plodded on the way things were. Even though I was not happy. This situation has crept up on me and I wish I knew the way out. It's the feelings of the others involved that keep us apart. I want to do the right thing by everyone. Including myself. But that is not possible. Catch 22 situation. Thanks for your help. I know you mean well. I know this situation will linger on in our heads and hearts for a long time yet, but I cannot see us being selfish enough to get together.

Posted by Capilady
Thanks for all your feedback. Just what I expected. I really appreciate your post TaurusBull. To put you in the picture. I'm not an attention seeking person. Dress very casually. Don't wear makeup. Don't go on girls nights out. I have a group of mum friends at school and we get together to let the kids play after school and in the holidays. They are lovely but i am a lot different in a lot of ways. They are all into manicures, makeup typical girlie things and thats fine. Each to their own. They also go on regular girls nights out flirting and getting lots of attention from other guys. I never go on the nights out as I'm not interested in that kind of life and I can't sit and listen to too much talk on Shellac etc. I like to grow veggies and cook and bake, I run a part time photography business too.

I knew it. My sixth sense never fails me. I knew you were a good person. 😉

Capilady,
Best of luck to you in whatever decision you make. If you decide to work things out with your current husband, know that what you felt with your Taurus man was a 'real' connection. For some people, it can take them a lifetime to experience real love. Some never experience it at all.

Again, best of luck to you.....

Selfishness.

I also see where TaurusBull1977 comes from with assessing this woman's character. She doesn't seem the type to purposefully go for for married men at all.

HOWEVER, if there is indeed a cosmic connection, it will endure. I never understood people who treated connection as if it's fleeting. If indeed higher energies are at work here, you can wait until you get the divorce. The sense of urgency should not preclude doing what's fair by your spouses. You're actually tricking 4 innocent people here..ok the adults may deal with it but people don't often realize how much of emotional sponges kids are.

As someone who saw my mother cheat all throughout her marriage with different men, all in the name of a connection her delusional mind created just to escape the guilt...it fucked up my father. Funny enough the last person he cheated on him with, who also took upon himself to beat me up because I was standing in the way of his happiness with a married woman..was a Taurus Man. I hold no resentment, however I cannot help but smile that karma found its way back to my mother and she's miserable right now. I have no mercy for her and will never have. Don't think this affair will not go back to the kids in some way..and having your child dismiss you will come as a huge cost for both of you.

I cannot condone cheating at all. Under any circumstance. People take vows in marriage. Disrespecting this will affect them on a spiritual level.

To be clear, not judging you on falling in love. Life happens. But the choice to "go there" while still married is something completely different than the cosmic connection. The choice is rooted in selfishness.

Posted by Capilady

Thanks Damnata
Sorry to hear that you had a difficult childhood and I agree with you. I see you are 25. The same age I was when I met my husband. I wish you all the best of luck in your future relationships and hope that reading things like this will help you on a good path for your future. Not sure if you are married or not but when I got married I was in love. Just never knew the potential of what could be. It wouldn't have changed it. We take the paths in front of us. Be careful and choose wisely. Hope things improve in time with you and your mum. x

I know life happens. By the way you phrase things I can tell you're not one of the women hell bent on ruining someone's marriage for the sake of ego. I just brought the child perspective into this. What my mother did and what you're doing isn't the same thing. However if it comes to making a choice, make it quick for all the people involved, especially the children.

you are using this cosmic connection thing as an excuse for your lack of control. you'd like think this is a situation you had no control over when that's not the case at all.

you "allowed" yourself to open to him, by choice. don't get caught up in thinking the universe brought the two of you together, which is an insult considering the circumstance. this cosmic connection would have connected the two of you together before either of you married if the connection was THAT strong.

I just want you to snap back into reality a bit, and deal with one thing at a time. Imho your priority should not be the Taurus, but how you are going to fix what has been broken, which is your bond with your husband. you are deluding yourself and you will have nothing if you don't snap out of it. I honestly think you should refocus on your marriage, tell your husband, and see how he wants to proceed further.

Still, if it was meant to be, it would have been and NOT this way.

Capilady,

I still want to respect you... but If you love this man.. Tell him you love him enough to save your family and save his family... it would be a heart wrenching if you're going to cut the ties and avoid him...but it's worth... at the end... You will understand what is LOVE.

it's not about our emotions. The reason why you lost the love to your husband because you found
someone...go have date with your husband and nurture the family... Love has many faces.. and that's not going to be the last man standing you're going to fall in love with...

I once did not believe myself I went through the same back 2006... I cried a lot of giving up the man
that I love. He disguised any numbers because I cut him and suffered my own decision... but at the end
he still loves me even I left him.. One thing for sure: I love him enough not to destroy his own family...Fools only believe his/her heart. A wise woman/man knows what's the right thing to do.

I can only advise you: Forget him and have bond with your family... your husband is kind.

A man who cheated with you will cheated on you.... I promise you.

you're not the only woman I advise this thing, they give me enough appreciation at the end...

Taurusbull77?

She might not a family oriented person. I doubt. You cannot mend what is broken after all.

capilady,

You need an advise my TLS, and Omagalll, these bull knows how to solve your problem.

I mean from TLS and Omagalll.

Posted by scorchedearth
i grew up in a house hold where both my mother and her husband cheated. i have little patience for people who don't leave their relationships when they develop stronger feelings for someone else. it's incredibly selfish and cowardly. you're not making anything better for your kids. they pick up on that shit. trust me, the kids know. and it's fucking them up.

+1000

Posted by scorchedearth
i grew up in a house hold where both my mother and her husband cheated. i have little patience for people who don't leave their relationships when they develop stronger feelings for someone else. it's incredibly selfish and cowardly. you're not making anything better for your kids. they pick up on that shit. trust me, the kids know. and it's fucking them up.

+1

Cheaters deserve no candy coating