Friends?!? Much less neurotic this time,,,

Ok so I promise to summarize this time...lol If you read my Am I seriously neurotic or seriously being played post this is the update. Any advice or opinions would be appreciated. 1st I'VE CALMED WAAY DOWN! (Thank you taurusbelle for showing me the ugly reflecting in the mirror). So we ended up going away together and it was REALLY great; we were all touch and food and walks on the beach. Oh and LOTs of sex... At one point during sex that night he stops pulls me close opens my eyes and just stares at me for what seems like forever. I can't lie it was SMOKING HOT! But is this some sort of Taurus communication. I only half trust my judgment as a reforming neurotic. So on the last day I tell him that even though I have a zillion questions I am not going to ask any I am going to give him time to tell me what he wants me to know but as some point I really do want us to be together. Then he pulls...He tells me that he doesn't want to enter anything until he has his life together. He said growing into a relationship has to move extremely slow for him, he has to be my best friend and then grow naturally into more while growing to trust that I am going to continue to be who i say I am. But right now he cannot offer me a title and he's too afraid to sacrifice our friendship for a relationship. Well this totally floors me...I mean I knew neither of us were ready for a full blown relationship but maybe this is just the virgo in me but it kinda sounded like a blow off and kinda didn't. I can't really decide. So I respond with, "I'm not willing to sacrifice being in a relationship with you AT SOME POINT for the friendship ONLY. I want BOTH!" He pauses for a moment (as if he never considered the possibility of both) then responds simply; Ok. Which throws me off again cause he just spent the past 45 minutes riverdancing on my heart. So I respond, Ok? He says, yes ok. I'm like ok you hear what i'm saying? Or is both possible? He says, Ok both is possible and says I know how you feel about me, I wouldn't be here if both wasn't possible. So my question is: Am I being politely blown off or really just told that he needs to go slow. Is this 1 of those Taurus test where he tries to see if I will run at the 1st sight of not getting what I want? Since then i've calmed down even more and he left town but he's been even more attentive and open with his feelings. The word baby, lover and pet names abound our calls and text. He told me that he is mine (small continuation)

how much he really likes me, how deep his feelings are for me, how he loves being with me no matter what we're doing. He invited me to go away again when he comes back to town and he has yet to pull the TAURUS disappearing act on me. His calls have doubled and he hates talking on the phone. At 1 point I text to ask if he was ok; he responded simply that he was tired. I told him cool go rest and I hope to hear from him soon. He called immediately and asked is this was soon enough and we talked for hours. I was originally concerned because I felt he never really asked questions about me or my past but the other day he told me something about myself that I KNOW I haven't told him yet which means he's obviously checking up on me (creepy). With the exception of him shooting down a relationship I'd think we were both moving steadily towards a future together. I guess my question is do I honor his words or his actions? I can be your friend or I can be you lover but I DONT do FWB and I do treat my friend the way he and I treat each other. Currently i'm just taking it 1 day at a time and focusing on myself. But do you think he's really not interested in a FUTURE relationship or was that just Taurus talk for it needs to go slow. Cause I'm a Virgo slow I can do; I just wanted him to know I was interested in a future not ready for it. Also; should I clarify that point or let it be. It kind of bothers me that he might think i was trying to lock this thing down immediately cause I'm not ready for that and to me that would seem insincere which is not where I was coming from.

Correction: I DON'T treat my friend the way he and I treat each other

I am learning that Taurus can be VERY slow.

But aside from a sign issue....in my experience...when a guy says "I don't want a relationship right now" believe him.
Can it grow into a relationship in the future, sure...but until it does, you are still single. IMHO

Point well made Scarlettgirl... Then my question is should I slow him down on all the affection and what nots? It's kind of sending a mixed signal to say I don't want a relationship and then treat us like a full blown relationship. I fear getting so wrapped up in his actions that i trip and fall for him and I'm really trying to keep my head right here. But I'm also concerned that if I slow him down he may take that as rejection or impatience and stop things all together. How do I find a happy medium for us both?

Posted by neuroticvirgo
(Thank you taurusbelle for showing me the ugly reflecting in the mirror). So we ended up going away together and it was REALLY great; we were all touch and food and walks on the beach. Oh and LOTs of sex...At one point during sex that night he stops pulls me close opens my eyes and just stares at me for what seems like forever. I can't lie it was SMOKING HOT! But is this some sort of Taurus communication. I only half trust my judgment as a reforming neurotic. So on the last day I tell him that even though I have a zillion questions I am not going to ask any I am going to give him time to tell me what he wants me to know but at some point I really do want us to be together. Then he pulls...He tells me that he doesn't want to enter anything until he has his life together. He said growing into a relationship has to move extremely slow for him, he has to be my best friend and then grow naturally into more while growing to trust that I am going to continue to be who i say I am. But right now he cannot offer me a title and he's too afraid to sacrifice our friendship for a relationship.

...annnd after he told you all of that, THIS is where I think everything should have STOPPED...more on that down below.

PS-(Welcome back NeuroticVirgo.. and you're welcome.)

Since then i've calmed down even more and he left town but he's been even more attentive and open with his feelings. The word baby, lover and pet names abound our calls and text. He told me that he is mine..how much he really likes me, how deep his feelings are for me, how he loves being with me no matter what we're doing. He invited me to go away again when he comes back to town and he has yet to pull the TAURUS disappearing act on me. His calls have doubled and he hates talking on the phone. At 1 point I text to ask if he was ok; he responded simply that he was tired. I told him cool go rest and I hope to hear from him soon. He called immediately and asked if this was soon enough and we talked for hours. I was originally concerned because I felt he never really asked questions about me or my past but the other day he told me something about myself that I KNOW I haven't told him yet which means he's obviously checking up on me (creepy). With the exception of him shooting down a relationship I'd think we were both moving steadily towards a future together. I guess my question is do I honor his words or his actions? I can be your friend or I can be you lover but I DONT do FWB and I don't* treat my friend the way he and I treat each other. Currently i'm just taking it 1 day at a time and focusing on myself. But do you think he's really not interested in a FUTURE relationship or was that just Taurus talk for it needs to go slow.

@NV...He's holding the carrot out over your head..he doing all this because he knows exactly WHAT you want, and gives you crumbs of "What COULD be"..with no plan of actually making things happen between you two. I say, STOP everything, NO more sex. You'll only be prolonging the confusion, if you don't want friends with benefits, then STOP having sex, and eliminate your availability to him, like going on trips..etc. Yes they may be fun, but you'll confuse yourself by going out with him, clinging onto something that ISN'T. Like I said before in your previous thread, He'll only get away with what you ALLOW him to. After you remove what is FOR a committed relationship (SEX)..If he wants to commitment, he will step up to the plate. IF not, then you already know it won't work.

OUCH!!! Tough love hurts...lol Ok Taurusbelle I gotta lick my wounds and regroup on that one. I hear what you're saying and after I spend the evening absorbing this depressing thought i'll be ready to apply it. We haven't had sex since then or seen each other. He left town and i've really stopped my end of communication while I decide what to do next. We only talk when he initiates it. I guess i'll prepare myself to move on. Thanks guys...

@neuroticVirgo: I don't mean to "hurt" u in any way, I just keep it real. I see the game for what it really is. He wants to have his cake & eat it too. He wants to take it slow?? -Cool. He can take it slow WITHOUT tappin' the booty. Watch how quick & diferent his pace and language changes after you take it away. and when it does, don't fall for his immediate words and empty promises. MAKE him PROVE himself to you through his actions. If the actions meet your satisfaction, then you can start to work on your friendship....Just keep those Legs CLOSED. Trust me.

I agree with Taurusbelle, taking it slow and thinking about things means THINKING about things and taking any connection, emotional AND physical ...slow. You can't take it slow emotionally while knockin boots.

I know quite a few Virgos and they all seem to have the same issue.....communication subtlety. To a Virgo...a word means precisely what a word means...so when someone says "I don't want a relationship RIGHT NOW with you" they focus on the "right now part" and start the analysis..."what does that mean?"...."when will he be ready?" etc etc...when the whole sentence in man talk is "I don't want a relationship, with you."

I'm not saying that it can't happen in the future. But I am saying that there is no incentive to see you in any other way but a booty call. "There is an old saying, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" (which I hate BTW) but at the moment, he doesn't have to do anything at all except show up for a weekend of sex. You are not only giving away all the milk, you have said, "hey farmer Joe, I am saving all my milk for you and you alone, whenever you want it."

It's not about distancing yourself to manipulate him into chasing you, it has to be about knowing that you are a prize worth pursuing and opening yourself up to being pursued by men who will value you. And the fact is, no one, man or woman values things that they get easily or for free.

Posted by ScarlettGirl
There is an old saying, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free" (which I hate BTW) but at the moment, he doesn't have to do anything at all except show up for a weekend of sex. You are not only giving away all the milk, you have said, "hey farmer Joe, I am saving all my milk for you and you alone, whenever you want it."

It's not about distancing yourself to manipulate him into chasing you, it has to be about knowing that you are a prize worth pursuing and opening yourself up to being pursued by men who will value you. And the fact is, no one, man or woman values things that they get easily or for free.

++++1

Ok I feel like i'm giving the impression that he just shows up bangs me and leaves which is not the case. We have been seeing each other regularly for a few months now which is why his pull kind of threw me because even though I am willing to make concessions for someones trust issues from the past I am very clear about what I cannot accept only because like my name I have a tendency to be a little neurotic so I try not to put myself in situations that bring up the neurosis.

TaurusBelle I adore the truth even when it hurts ESPECIALLY when it hurts so you NEVER have to apologize to me for that. You manage to give me a new perspective everytime I post or read your other comments so I'm glad you took the time to respond to this one.

So he called (the Taurus) and I didn't make a big scene about it I just told him that I am not equipped to handle a situation with no clear future and the term "friends" as a definition for us just does not work for me as I don't behave this way with friends. I explained that I am going to give us some distance and if I come back then we can try to be the exact definition of friends. He responded that his choice of words was wrong and that he did not mean we were only friends or that all he wants is friendship from me. What he was trying to say was that he does want us to build slow because he feels the only way to know each other is to walk through life with each other. He said he's also investing in our future which is why he chose to relocate permanently to my city. He said he's never cared enough to want to be stationary in his life and for first time he wants to do that with me. I agreed that going slow is what we both need and what I actually want but I have to be in something forward moving. I told him for the time being we need to remove the sex from the equation so that I can keep my wits about me while we define what we want from each other and what we're willing to give each other and if he's not ok with that then I understand but I have to protect myself first. He agreed said he would give me all the time I need because thats what it means to him to be with someone. He apologized for hurting and confusing me. I'm taking it 1 day at a time with little to no expectations. But I am going to keep the kabosh on my goodies until I have a comfort with his commitment to us. And if it's game then that will reveal itself very shortly and I will keep it moving without him. What do you guys think?

Posted by SweetLibra
So is it possible for one of you Taurians to explain what "slow" means to you? I keep hearing you all say this and I still don't have a clear picture of what it means to a Taurus. Can someone breakdown a timeline and paint the picture for me?

I have Mercury in Virgo. So like @Scarlettgirl mentioned above, I too take words as their actual literal meaning. Why would a Taurus say he wants to go slow but yet has no problem jumping right into sex? When I think of taking things slow, I think of sex being way down the line, not at the front of it. And since Taurus is described as being lusty and sexual, is it really possible for a Taurus to take things slow and not expect the panties to come off?

And on a side note, @Taurusbelle you are utterly adorable! With dimples like that, what man could resist you? I'm totally straight by the way. I just give props when I see it 🙂.

@SweetLibra: Thanks doll! That was sweet.🙂

As for Taureans going slow. The time span varies for each. Lets not forget that zodiac signs doesn't rule ALL actions, we have to remember, that Men will be MEN in ANY given situation. Some will be GENTS and some will be CLASSIC azzwipes!

For me, I don't rush or leap into overtures and outwardly declarations of love until I am good and ready, time ranges have spanned anywhere between 6months - 1yr. I have to make sure I FEEL secure and can FULLY trust my mate...and even still, my actions speak more than I actually say the 3 words.. From the moment I meet someone, my only interest is getting to know them on an intellectual & friendship level, then compatibility is more closely examined or analyzed for future potential, THEN from there the possibility of forming a relationship may be discussed. THAT's my loose sketching of painting a picture for ya. 🙂

Posted by neuroticvirgo
Ok I feel like i'm giving the impression that he just shows up bangs me and leaves which is not the case...TaurusBelle I adore the truth even when it hurts ESPECIALLY when it hurts so you NEVER have to apologize to me for that. You manage to give me a new perspective everytime I post or read your other comments so I'm glad you took the time to respond to this one.

So he called (the Taurus) 1)I just told him that I am not equipped to handle a situation with no clear future and the term "friends" as a definition for us just does not work for me as I don't behave this way with friends. I explained that I am going to give us some distance and if I come back then we can try to be the exact definition of friends.

2)He responded that his choice of words was wrong and that he did not mean we were only friends or that all he wants is friendship from me. What he was trying to say was that he does want us to build slow because he feels the only way to know each other is to walk through life with each other.
He said he's also investing in our future which is why he chose to relocate permanently to my city. He said he's never cared enough to want to be stationary in his life and for first time he wants to do that with me.

3)I agreed that going slow is what we both need and what I actually want but I have to be in something forward moving.

4)I told him for the time being we need to remove the sex from the equation so that I can keep my wits about me while we define what we want from each other and what we're willing to give each other and if he's not ok with that then I understand but I have to protect myself first.
He agreed said he would give me all the time I need because thats what it means to him to be with someone. He apologized for hurting and confusing me. I'm taking it 1 day at a time with little to no expectations. But I am going to keep the kabosh on my goodies until I have a comfort with his commitment to us.

GOOD.. You did well. You noticed how as soon as you started to change the game, he tried to "CLEAR-UP" what his definition of what he meant vs. how things REALLY are....smh. Stay strong. You're worth the Committment. SN: I wasn't under the impression of your taurus just being a FWB, but that's what the set up was going to be, if u didn't stop it!

Taurusbelle; I think that was the major issue that's been causing all this neurosis; is one day waking up and finding out that the future relationship I signed up for was nothing more than a dead end FWB situation. So I am glad that I took the sex out of the equation it just clears all of the fog out of the situation and allows me to be able to think clearly. I honestly don't think he's running game on me BUT I have been wrong before so... we'll just see where this goes. I'll keep you posted. How are things with your LDR?