Horns locked: Battle between Taurus & Aries

I've come to find myself locked in a battle of wills with an Aries over the silliest thing.

My brothers girlfriend (Aries) gave birth to my niece 2 months ago. I haven't been able to see her for the past month.

She refuses to reply to my texts or answer my calls when I try to ask if it's a good time for company. But she will post (IE: "I feel like the only person I talk to anymore is the baby") & "like" things I post on FB. Yet she says that she's not "intentionally" ignoring me..... I guess it's an accident?

The thing is she INSISTS that I just show up unannounced for visits. She says that she knows that I'm not comfortable doing that but that works better for her. So I'm guessing that her refusal to acknowledge me when I reach out to ask if I can come over is her "unintentional" attempt at trying to make me just show up & do things on her terms.

I need to understand the logic in preference for unannounced visits because that's completely foreign to me. I've always thought it was rude & inconsiderate to just drop in on someone. Especially so when there's a newborn baby involved. Any parent knows that the worst thing ever is to have someone come pounding on your door when you've just gotten your fussy baby down for a nap. Or to be bombarded with company when your sleep deprived and just want to nap yourself. And I'm not keen on wasting my time & gas to drive across town to be met by a closed door or find out that it's not a good time.

The last time I saw my niece the visit only lasted 20 minutes because as soon as I arrived my brothers girlfriend went outside to make a phone call & within 15 minutes her mother showed up & said she was there to get mom & baby & my daughter & I had to leave......

I feel like this has more to do than just preference on visit arrangements and more to do with control and shutting the other side of the family out? Or am I just being paranoid?

Posted by RiverLee
I've come to find myself locked in a battle of wills with an Aries over the silliest thing.

My brothers girlfriend (Aries) gave birth to my niece 2 months ago. I haven't been able to see her for the past month.

She refuses to reply to my texts or answer my calls when I try to ask if it's a good time for company. But she will post (IE: "I feel like the only person I talk to anymore is the baby") & "like" things I post on FB. Yet she says that she's not "intentionally" ignoring me..... I guess it's an accident?

The thing is she INSISTS that I just show up unannounced for visits. She says that she knows that I'm not comfortable doing that but that works better for her. So I'm guessing that her refusal to acknowledge me when I reach out to ask if I can come over is her "unintentional" attempt at trying to make me just show up & do things on her terms.

I need to understand the logic in preference for unannounced visits because that's completely foreign to me. I've always thought it was rude & inconsiderate to just drop in on someone. Especially so when there's a newborn baby involved. Any parent knows that the worst thing ever is to have someone come pounding on your door when you've just gotten your fussy baby down for a nap. Or to be bombarded with company when your sleep deprived and just want to nap yourself. And I'm not keen on wasting my time & gas to drive across town to be met by a closed door or find out that it's not a good time.

The last time I saw my niece the visit only lasted 20 minutes because as soon as I arrived my brothers girlfriend went outside to make a phone call & within 15 minutes her mother showed up & said she was there to get mom & baby & my daughter & I had to leave......

I feel like this has more to do than just preference on visit arrangements and more to do with control and shutting the other side of the family out? Or am I just being paranoid?

Yeah, I hate to visit someone unannounced as well. It just seems like a rude thing to do. But, maybe, you should go easy on her, since she's the mother of a newborn baby? I mean, unless you have a legit reason to believe she doesn't like you and is shutting you out on purpose.

I get that fire signs are less scheduled. I'm almost all fire & air but my Taurus earth does make me very scheduled. But fire signs aren't incapable. And I'm not even asking for a plan. This isn't asking for an itinerary for the month lol This is about efficiency and consideration.

I work full time, go to school & I'm raising a child on my own. Before I load up and travel I'd just like to know that the door is going to be open and that it's a good time with a simple yes or no reply, not a dissertation on why or why not.

I just find it unreasonable to expect that of me because it's "easier" for her than lifting a finger to reply to a text. Of course it's easier!! LOL she literally has to do nothing!! I find the whole thing insane....

At any rate, I'm just going to go through my brother to arrange visits from now on because despite working 6 days a week and being a Sag sun, he's capable of replying to a text with a yes or no. I'll visit the baby on his one day off a week if he's feeling up for company.

Posted by Redoctober2000
It's a fire sign way...

They don't keep or make "schedules"... Leos, sags... They all do it....

In order to see your neice, you are going to have to just "show up"... Dont make it a "battle of wills" or you will never get to see the baby.

Earth signs can sometimes be "schedule" based... Need to adapt..

Congratulations!

Aries like to control everything too. There's that to consider also. I hope you can work it out.

"And I would like to ask you why you think your sister in law has it easy?

From what I have noticed, some women take to motherhood easily and few struggle during the initial phase.

AND some babies are easy to manage. Maybe her baby stays away in the nights or has stomach aches or cries more than most other babies.... Or she doesn't get enough sleep!"

All of these reasons are reasons WHY I wouldn't just stop over unannounced but rather be CONSIDERATE enough to ask first. What if the baby was awake all night & they just laid down for a nap & I come pounding on the door? Would I be welcome? I assume not. The solution to avoiding coming over at a bad time is to ask first, logically. But when the question is ignored..... well, no answer IS an answer. That's fine I guess. But the fact that she sits on FB all day on the same phone my texts come through and then uses the excuse that it's "easier" for her to ignore me (IE: too hard to reply with a simple yes or no) is a shit excuse.

Also I've kept my visits to 1-2 hrs, I would never, nor have I ever hinted at staying the night & I don't care if the house is messy. I'm not there for house inspection.

"And I would like to ask you why you think your sister in law has it easy?"

I never said she has it easy, I said replying to a text message isn't hard.

On that note, she DOES have it easy. She quit working the week after she found out she was pregnant and has ZERO intention of going back to work AND someone from her family is always there to help her with the baby. Her brother lives there and either her mom, sister or both have been there every single time I've been there.

I am an Aries this does not sound good... You pissed her off royally.

PM

Posted by Season

Posted by Redoctober2000
It's a fire sign way...

They don't keep or make "schedules"... Leos, sags... They all do it....

In order to see your neice, you are going to have to just "show up"... Dont make it a "battle of wills" or you will never get to see the baby.

Earth signs can sometimes be "schedule" based... Need to adapt..

Congratulations!

Aries like to control everything too. There's that to consider also. I hope you can work it out.

click to expand

This is what it's about. She has something that everyone loves and wants to see, the baby. And she's the gatekeeper. She says who, how and when. I had an EX friend (Pisces) who was this same way. Eventually she left her daughters father and refused to allow him or his family see the baby. The grandmother would BEG to see the baby & she wouldn't allow it. She now has some new guy raising her daughter as his own & it's as if the actual father never existed and she impregnated herself. I can see this happening with my brother in the future.

Posted by piscesmoon2
I am an Aries this does not sound good... You pissed her off royally.

PM

You're right. I did. Because I went over her head & asked my brother if I could see the baby instead of dancing like a circus monkey for her to gain admittance. That's when she sent me the barrage of texts saying that she's not intentionally ignoring me & it's just easier for her to not answer & for me to stop by to see if she's home........ WHAT?

Posted by Redoctober2000
Taurus likes to control or "do not like being told what to do".. So either some has to concede or let the "battle commerce"...!!

For the sake of the baby I would prefer to get the upper hand by letting the Aries believe she has won the battle by simply being the better person and doing as she wishes so that I can see my baby niece. Afterall, she is the mother and yes, she is the one who is in control.

But see that's part of the problem. Telling women/mothers that they are the only ones in control which gives them this false superiority complex where everyone has to bow before them. I don't do well with being emotionally manipulated. My brother is also half of the baby and sole provider. He also has a say in who can visit her. I'm a mother, I'm a single mother at that & I've always acknowledged my daughters dad's role in her life & his say in all things having to do with her because without him I wouldn't have my daughter. I've never told him or his parents/family that they couldn't see her nor have I made them jump through hoops to do so. All I've ever asked for was a heads up so I could make sure not to make plans for that day/time. There's no need to make everything so complicated!!!

Well, what may be rude in your eyes might not be in hers. Are you sure, that this isnt about making you comfortable and have it make it fit to your ideas or politeness?

Cant you just let go and play along?