SunTauVenGem
@SunTauVenGem
12 Years500+ Posts
Comments: 1 · Posts: 825 · Topics: 61
How best to approach this situation?
Whats his sign?
I for one think you are doing the right thing....all of a sudden his ex popped up and its probably really frustrating for him. He needs to think things over...just let him know that you will wait for him and your feelings are strong. I dont think he wants you to fight for him, as for him being weak...i think hes just emotionally drained. You should give him some space to think things through 🙂
I for one think you are doing the right thing....all of a sudden his ex popped up and its probably really frustrating for him. He needs to think things over...just let him know that you will wait for him and your feelings are strong. I dont think he wants you to fight for him, as for him being weak...i think hes just emotionally drained. You should give him some space to think things through 🙂
Posted by aftershine
Whats his sign?
I for one think you are doing the right thing....all of a sudden his ex popped up and its probably really frustrating for him. He needs to think things over...just let him know that you will wait for him and your feelings are strong. I dont think he wants you to fight for him, as for him being weak...i think hes just emotionally drained. You should give him some space to think things through 🙂
Thank you after shine... I do believe i am doing the right thing. I am hurt now but it hurts me more knowing that he's emotionally drained. He was happier without her i know that because he says so. I want to see him happy and i make him happy but she's doing the opposite ! 😢
Posted by sandynadsPosted by SunTauVenGem
Question is...am i doing the right thing? was he expecting me to fight for him more—??
don't all bull men?click to expand
So.....you think I am doing the wrong thing telling him i'm letting him go and not fight for it?
I am a bull myself and its difficult for me regardless of how much i want to tell him to be with me.. and that i have feelings for him...
I think I am going to wait until she leaves the country..she's coming back in 3 months. I have written the sweetest love letter and i think i will send it to him once she's gone....
Don't you think that if he was over with her..he would have given her a straight answer NO ?...and tell her he's with someone else now? ..why don't you bull do that...is he not sure about me ? 😢
Posted by MilkySoft
Well, what would you be fighting for? Someone who is hung-up on their ex and unwilling to try to make things work despite the distance? Doesn't sound like something to pursue right now, not that I am in favor of pursuing men at all.
I'd take it a step further and stop communicating with him for awhile. To me, clean breaks like that really show whether they can live without you or not. I don't want to be a side dish, you either want me or you don't.
Anyway, good luck STVG.
totally agreed with you Milky soft. I am not talking to him for a while. It will show his true feelings for me and if he wants me he knows where I am. Yes or No. Black or White.... Theres no in between with us bulls. 😢
I've had some women go to war with the harem and other interests of mine. It was flattering and, being so passive, I do tend to just go with whoever pushes hardest (which didn't always work out). But I still think you did the right thing. I myself would never try to fight or compete for a woman. My attitude is that, if you aren't viewed as so different, so far above and beyond anyone they have ever been with, if they *can* let you go or put someone in a similar category as you, then they are just not all that bright and not worthy of you. I'm not saying that's *true*. That's just my attitude. Hahahah....
You are absolutely being the bigger person & doing the right thing
You can't force destiny & you're emotionally mature enough to know that & accept that.
It's not that you're an option to him. I think you & him could've fully ran off into the sunset had it not been for his ex. But unfortunately, they have history & his feelings for her are a little stronger than they are for you.
Like you said, he's not a bad guy for it b/c at least he was EXTREMELY honest with you about things.
And even if he doesn't end up going back to her, I truly respect him as a man for at least ending things with you simply b/c he's confused. He's right, even if he's confused but not necessarily back with her, that would be wasting your time b/c he'd be there but not THERE (emotionally) if you know what I mean
My question to you is: Can you REALLY be "just friends" with this guy? I know you don't wanna lose him completely b/c he had such a big affect on you. But were you just offering your friendship b/c it sounded good and/or didn't want him to think that you were no longer an option by you cutting him off OR are you really prepared to suffer being friends with someone that you secretly want?
I think that's the million dollar question. If you know yourself & know that it'll only hurt more & possibly even turn into you competing OR in you resenting him b/c he didn't choose you, then I'd say take a break from him for awhile. That way you guys can say that you ended off on a good note & may still have a chance later on in the future.
I'm not saying it's impossible to be a man's friend when you have strong feelings for him. Just saying that I hope you acknowledge that it will be extremely difficult & almost cringe-worthy & if that's a something you're willing to deal with, then go for it. If not, do what he did & spare him b/c it's hard to be as great of a friend to somebody when you feel heartbroken b/c of something they did, even if what they did technically wasn't wrong.
You can't force destiny & you're emotionally mature enough to know that & accept that.
It's not that you're an option to him. I think you & him could've fully ran off into the sunset had it not been for his ex. But unfortunately, they have history & his feelings for her are a little stronger than they are for you.
Like you said, he's not a bad guy for it b/c at least he was EXTREMELY honest with you about things.
And even if he doesn't end up going back to her, I truly respect him as a man for at least ending things with you simply b/c he's confused. He's right, even if he's confused but not necessarily back with her, that would be wasting your time b/c he'd be there but not THERE (emotionally) if you know what I mean
My question to you is: Can you REALLY be "just friends" with this guy? I know you don't wanna lose him completely b/c he had such a big affect on you. But were you just offering your friendship b/c it sounded good and/or didn't want him to think that you were no longer an option by you cutting him off OR are you really prepared to suffer being friends with someone that you secretly want?
I think that's the million dollar question. If you know yourself & know that it'll only hurt more & possibly even turn into you competing OR in you resenting him b/c he didn't choose you, then I'd say take a break from him for awhile. That way you guys can say that you ended off on a good note & may still have a chance later on in the future.
I'm not saying it's impossible to be a man's friend when you have strong feelings for him. Just saying that I hope you acknowledge that it will be extremely difficult & almost cringe-worthy & if that's a something you're willing to deal with, then go for it. If not, do what he did & spare him b/c it's hard to be as great of a friend to somebody when you feel heartbroken b/c of something they did, even if what they did technically wasn't wrong.
Posted by MilkySoft
Well, what would you be fighting for? Someone who is hung-up on their ex and unwilling to try to make things work despite the distance? Doesn't sound like something to pursue right now, not that I am in favor of pursuing men at all.
I'd take it a step further and stop communicating with him for awhile. To me, clean breaks like that really show whether they can live without you or not. I don't want to be a side dish, you either want me or you don't.
Anyway, good luck STVG.
I kind of disagree. If this guy was a dishonest A hole who lead her on & wasn't honest about things with his ex, then I'd feel it appropriate to tell her "screw him & leave him alone for good!"
BUT he was honest, so we have to give this guy some credit. Most guy wouldn't have been that honest. They would've just stop contacting you, no explanation & left you heartbroken & alone to figure out things yourself! Hell for a lot of women here on DXP that is their heartbreaking story!!
I think this guy truly did plan on starting new with you. But unfortunately, sometimes you don't realize just how much someone is NOT out of your system until they come back & you realize that damn, they still have a certain power/affect over you! And you'll really know until that moment actually comes
And that moment came. So this guy is kind of in a lose/lose. If he hadn't of told you & just disappeared w/o an explanation, he'd be an A hole & you'd probably guess that he either went back to his ex or got a new girl. But he DID tell you the truth, so again respect him for sparing you any further investment of yourself that you wanted to give him
Sometimes figuring out what you want is not that easy. Your ex is irresistible b/c although the relationship may not have worked out, there are still memories, history & a comfort-ability there. Then again, a new girl is irresistible too b/c everything is so fresh, new, innocent & pure, BUT that comfort-ability isn't there b/c you'll always be thinking "what if" about your ex lol
These kind of situations suck 😢
Just went through something similar except I had to find out on my own that the ex was never an ex.
In any case. . Take the high road. . Bow out and let what will be. .be. He may return he may not but it was in no way shape or form..you m xoxo
I'm sorry. 😢
In any case. . Take the high road. . Bow out and let what will be. .be. He may return he may not but it was in no way shape or form..you m xoxo
I'm sorry. 😢
SanTauVenGem,
If a man doesn't reciprocate I guess you know already where to begin with...
^^^ Thank you so much all for you inputs.
I do appreciate him being honest with me about it as I have always been honest with him. I am currently sitting and living where our memories are and they are so damn..beautiful and amazing and he knows it. He admitted it is very rare to have what we did. When we were together he even said we have this " power" of making everything amazing. We were two people falling in love with each other.
Right now, he's in another city. He hasn't got many friends up there as his family is here where I am. When he was with me he didn't miss his city one bit because of me and he said this in front of his friend. I know his loneliness and her pushing him for another chance is having major impact on him.
I can not be there because of the distance and if i we were to push for our relationship to work right now , we could ruin something that could be potentially beautiful because LDR have a high chance of failure. I can not force destiny so i'm letting everything working out for the best.
In his message he said " if you wish to remain friends until i sort things out with her for good then maybe thats best for both of us" .
At first, I said farewell to him and it was him mention us keeping in contacts so i went with the flow and said i will be here as a friend if he wishes to talk.
What I am sad mostly isn't because he's choosing her over me or he doesn't love me or anything..it is because i know he deserves so much better. He had a disaster relationship with her and i know she drags him down emotionally. The last month I brought him nothing but smiles and happiness because he deserves it and i deserve it. We both supported each other and always made each other smile and laugh. We trusted one another and there was no drama. One day i said to him " I'm glad you had a good day" and he said " you were one of the reasons for it "
He's a grown up man and i trust that he will make the right decision. Why go back to an ex that never worked out for a REASON. She brings him down i truly hope he sees that. She's giving him until next year Jan to think about things so i told him it will be good for him to think things through and in the meanwhile i am going to cut off all communication with him ( I didn't tell him that of course but i will )
@ krysrenee thank you so much for your comments and support. I strongly appreciate your insights and i also agree with you on that note. I am glad he's honest with me and that wa
I do appreciate him being honest with me about it as I have always been honest with him. I am currently sitting and living where our memories are and they are so damn..beautiful and amazing and he knows it. He admitted it is very rare to have what we did. When we were together he even said we have this " power" of making everything amazing. We were two people falling in love with each other.
Right now, he's in another city. He hasn't got many friends up there as his family is here where I am. When he was with me he didn't miss his city one bit because of me and he said this in front of his friend. I know his loneliness and her pushing him for another chance is having major impact on him.
I can not be there because of the distance and if i we were to push for our relationship to work right now , we could ruin something that could be potentially beautiful because LDR have a high chance of failure. I can not force destiny so i'm letting everything working out for the best.
In his message he said " if you wish to remain friends until i sort things out with her for good then maybe thats best for both of us" .
At first, I said farewell to him and it was him mention us keeping in contacts so i went with the flow and said i will be here as a friend if he wishes to talk.
What I am sad mostly isn't because he's choosing her over me or he doesn't love me or anything..it is because i know he deserves so much better. He had a disaster relationship with her and i know she drags him down emotionally. The last month I brought him nothing but smiles and happiness because he deserves it and i deserve it. We both supported each other and always made each other smile and laugh. We trusted one another and there was no drama. One day i said to him " I'm glad you had a good day" and he said " you were one of the reasons for it "
He's a grown up man and i trust that he will make the right decision. Why go back to an ex that never worked out for a REASON. She brings him down i truly hope he sees that. She's giving him until next year Jan to think about things so i told him it will be good for him to think things through and in the meanwhile i am going to cut off all communication with him ( I didn't tell him that of course but i will )
@ krysrenee thank you so much for your comments and support. I strongly appreciate your insights and i also agree with you on that note. I am glad he's honest with me and that wa
@ krysrenee thank you so much for your comments and support. I strongly appreciate your insights and i also agree with you on that note. I am glad he's honest with me and that was all i could ever wish for. If its meant to be it will be..and to your question, you are right i can not just be his friends. My feelings for him is way too strong for that. I will be there if he ever need to talk to me though.
@ Milkysoft - I agreed. That was the reason why i said farewell to him. I need him to make a decision on his own. Me pulling away and having her keeping her contacts with him 24/7 does hurt. I know she will do kind of hearty sweet things for him to make him change his mind and i'm just going to sit back and relax like a typical bull... If he falls back in that trap again there's nothing i can do. If i was in his presence and he made a decision to be with me..there will always be a " what if " . So my best bet is to sit back and wait for him to make a decision and i will adjust to it accordingly.
I think the only thing that's scaring me is that you seem to be convinced that if you were there in the same city as him, that the results would've been different.
Had you been in the same city, he would've maybe been MORE confused, but nonetheless, someone either has a power over you or they don't. And if she has that kind of power/effect on him, it wouldn't have mattered if you lived next door! Things would've still turned out this way
I encourage you to not think that way b/c thinking that way implies that you could've somehow done something differently (like moving to his city or already living there) & actually got different results. There's nothing you could've done that would've changed this
I know it sucks honey 😢
Again, I commend you though for being so strong & for being woman enough to push back, not force destiny or consider him a scumbag. A lot of women would've just started raging (lol), started competing with the ex or said a lot of mean things to him b/c of their feelings of rejection. I love that you're being the bigger person & respecting his inner wishes for you to back up, but also your OWN inner backbone's wishes/warning bells to back off.
I don't think things are completely ruined for you 2 though. I def. wouldn't suggest taking him back in any time soon even if he were to come back, swearing him & his ex were done for sure. BUT, I think that if taking a step back & bringing your feelings back to your chest & away from him, is what will help you to not resent him, then do what you've gotta do to spare the little bit of chemistry you 2 have left IN CASE there is really a future for you 2
I'm def. not telling you to wait. BUT b/c he was honest with you & isn't a bad guy, I don't think he deserves your middle finger either lol
Had you been in the same city, he would've maybe been MORE confused, but nonetheless, someone either has a power over you or they don't. And if she has that kind of power/effect on him, it wouldn't have mattered if you lived next door! Things would've still turned out this way
I encourage you to not think that way b/c thinking that way implies that you could've somehow done something differently (like moving to his city or already living there) & actually got different results. There's nothing you could've done that would've changed this
I know it sucks honey 😢
Again, I commend you though for being so strong & for being woman enough to push back, not force destiny or consider him a scumbag. A lot of women would've just started raging (lol), started competing with the ex or said a lot of mean things to him b/c of their feelings of rejection. I love that you're being the bigger person & respecting his inner wishes for you to back up, but also your OWN inner backbone's wishes/warning bells to back off.
I don't think things are completely ruined for you 2 though. I def. wouldn't suggest taking him back in any time soon even if he were to come back, swearing him & his ex were done for sure. BUT, I think that if taking a step back & bringing your feelings back to your chest & away from him, is what will help you to not resent him, then do what you've gotta do to spare the little bit of chemistry you 2 have left IN CASE there is really a future for you 2
I'm def. not telling you to wait. BUT b/c he was honest with you & isn't a bad guy, I don't think he deserves your middle finger either lol
Situations like this truly SUCK though b/c on 1 hand, you can't give him the middle finger & act like he's the scum of the earth BUT then again you can't just sit there & pretend like that sh**t didn't hurt either!!!!
@ Krysrenee
Your input is truly appreciated and maybe you are right. I shouldn't think that way that if I was in the same city as him things would have been different. I can't help myself but only remember the great memories we had and how amazing we could be together. I want to let it go but i can't either.
I do believe it will take their third time lucky to completely be over for them. Done and dusted. When we were together we couldn't careless about all the other exs and other girls/guys around.He event went through his phone contact list and showed me each of them not that i ever even asked for it ! He was showing me who each of the people were etc and i tried to look away because thats his privacy that he was willing to share.
WE went out to a social dancing and we were showing tons of public affection like he couldn't care less what his ex would think if she was to find out about us. In saying that, he couldn't have said it to her straight that he's done with her and he's met someone new and someone amazing he could potentially have something with but he didn't. I truly want to give him my middle finger but i can't you are right. He will always be kept as the sweetest man i have ever been with. I just hope she doesn't drain him too much. He is obviously considering being with her again because she was a big part of his life and he probably can't resist the power she has over him (knowing that things won't work out anyway.).. I am backing off....and trying to let things happen naturally. ....we can't start something fresh and new if there's still his past hanging around...they need to be over for good and i trust that he will make the right decision.....😢
Your input is truly appreciated and maybe you are right. I shouldn't think that way that if I was in the same city as him things would have been different. I can't help myself but only remember the great memories we had and how amazing we could be together. I want to let it go but i can't either.
I do believe it will take their third time lucky to completely be over for them. Done and dusted. When we were together we couldn't careless about all the other exs and other girls/guys around.He event went through his phone contact list and showed me each of them not that i ever even asked for it ! He was showing me who each of the people were etc and i tried to look away because thats his privacy that he was willing to share.
WE went out to a social dancing and we were showing tons of public affection like he couldn't care less what his ex would think if she was to find out about us. In saying that, he couldn't have said it to her straight that he's done with her and he's met someone new and someone amazing he could potentially have something with but he didn't. I truly want to give him my middle finger but i can't you are right. He will always be kept as the sweetest man i have ever been with. I just hope she doesn't drain him too much. He is obviously considering being with her again because she was a big part of his life and he probably can't resist the power she has over him (knowing that things won't work out anyway.).. I am backing off....and trying to let things happen naturally. ....we can't start something fresh and new if there's still his past hanging around...they need to be over for good and i trust that he will make the right decision.....😢
Nah everybody should act like adult... depends on we approach things in life.
I must say. I bring down my man. ...and he is a Taurus. Luckily me He gave a 2nd chance after
break up...
Now we are living together and he cooked and he washed the laundry. lol.
I didn't do anything other than ignoring him after break up. it's just 4 days after he sent me emails.
blah blah blah.
I guess when a man is 'into' the woman. He will do everything...and for a taurus man you will know
right away where you stand.
No you're not doing the right thing by telling him you will wait for him to make his mind up in January, do tell him that seeing as he is hung up on this woman, whom he only dated for 10 months, that he can stay hung up on her. You are not a choice to be mulled over, he either wants you or he doesn't. If you want to bring astrology into it and seeing as he has the same placements as my bull then I would say to you that if he didn't place you at the top of the heap and put this other woman out of his mind completely and without effort required then he is not seeing you as being above her.
Posted by celticlioness
No you're not doing the right thing by telling him you will wait for him to make his mind up in January, do tell him that seeing as he is hung up on this woman, whom he only dated for 10 months, that he can stay hung up on her. You are not a choice to be mulled over, he either wants you or he doesn't. If you want to bring astrology into it and seeing as he has the same placements as my bull then I would say to you that if he didn't place you at the top of the heap and put this other woman out of his mind completely and without effort required then he is not seeing you as being above her.
I didn't say i will wait for him to make up his mind at all and he knows my personality i am not the one to wait around...
@ Soul talk. I am not stepping back for her or him but i am stepping back for myself too. Our relationship was not defined . We were exclusive yes. I am not going to step in when she's out of the country. He will get no communication from me when she's away as well. PS: i am not ok with him talking to her while being with me hence why i stepped back and showing him i don't tolerate being an option or do i wanna be a second choice. He knows that pretty well.
Apologies I thought when you said that you said to him he has got until next Jan to sort himself out that you meant you would consider him again if he decides he wants to be with you. If you did say that to him though he probably heard "I will wait around until next Jan for you to decide whether you want me or not" - cut him away from you is doing the right thing, even if he comes back.
keep us updated 🙂 Hopefully he will choose you and if he doesnt...thats his loss :3 is he a taurus?
@ celticlioness. He messages me saying that she is giving him time to think things through untill she comes back which is in January. He then says to me " if it is better we are friends untill I sort things out with her for good then I think it's best for both of us" I replied that " I'm here as a friend if he ever need to chat" I didn't specifically say I will wait or I will not. From our past conversations he knows it well that if we are not longer exclusive I can do whatever I like... See other people etc (not that I'm interested)... he knows he could loose me if he doesn't make a quick decision... I am not sure if I should wait.. Secretly I do because if he does come back for me it will over between then for good but again it will be long distance and she will be closer to him so you are right it's probably best to stay away from untill untill he moves back to my city (without her) interfering ....😢 I will just let things unfold on its own time....
Posted by aftershine
keep us updated 🙂 Hopefully he will choose you and if he doesnt...thats his loss :3 is he a taurus?
I hope so too and if not its his loss you are right ..😢 he is a Taurus so I'm hoping he's going to use facts n logics when making his decision. I have faith that he will.. It's for his own good as well not just for me ...
I do think his ex does have a certain power over him but remember that when a relationship ends it's never just 1 person's fault.
There is obviously some good to this woman which is probably why he wants to go back.
Just like you're in the clouds thinking of all of the good times you guys had together despite the sucky situation he just put you in, imagine that he's also in the clouds thinking of the good times him & his ex had even though things b/w them haven't been perfect.
Thinking of those good times/memories will keep you wanting that person around huh? The same is true with him & his ex.
I say that b/c I don't think it's healthy for you to see him as this passive weakling who is being manipulated by some evil ex. She may be all of that, BUT you don't know her or her side of the story. There's always 2 sides to EVERY story. I'm sure if you were to talk to her, you'd hear some not so nice/good stuff that he's said/done that contributed to his part in things going south
If you see him as this weakling guy who just needs to wake up & get out from under some evil ex, the nurturer/protector in you will come out & will keep you mentally attached to him b/c you'll convince yourself that this grown azz man somehow needs to be "saved" lol
They may or may not work out. Regardless of what happens, I'd hope that you're not necessarily 100% closed minded to "trying again" if he comes back completely void of her, BUT I'd also hope too that you're not gonna be willing to just jump back into his arms either. IF you do go another round with this guy in the future, be a hell of a lot more cautious next time. Not b/c he's not trustworthy or a bad guy, but b/c he's shown you that he has it in him to leave you hanging with things get the most intense. And if that's not a risk/feeling you're willing to take the chance of feeling again, then either be done completely or use extreme caution next time
Good luck girlie =)
There is obviously some good to this woman which is probably why he wants to go back.
Just like you're in the clouds thinking of all of the good times you guys had together despite the sucky situation he just put you in, imagine that he's also in the clouds thinking of the good times him & his ex had even though things b/w them haven't been perfect.
Thinking of those good times/memories will keep you wanting that person around huh? The same is true with him & his ex.
I say that b/c I don't think it's healthy for you to see him as this passive weakling who is being manipulated by some evil ex. She may be all of that, BUT you don't know her or her side of the story. There's always 2 sides to EVERY story. I'm sure if you were to talk to her, you'd hear some not so nice/good stuff that he's said/done that contributed to his part in things going south
If you see him as this weakling guy who just needs to wake up & get out from under some evil ex, the nurturer/protector in you will come out & will keep you mentally attached to him b/c you'll convince yourself that this grown azz man somehow needs to be "saved" lol
They may or may not work out. Regardless of what happens, I'd hope that you're not necessarily 100% closed minded to "trying again" if he comes back completely void of her, BUT I'd also hope too that you're not gonna be willing to just jump back into his arms either. IF you do go another round with this guy in the future, be a hell of a lot more cautious next time. Not b/c he's not trustworthy or a bad guy, but b/c he's shown you that he has it in him to leave you hanging with things get the most intense. And if that's not a risk/feeling you're willing to take the chance of feeling again, then either be done completely or use extreme caution next time
Good luck girlie =)
@Krysrenee
You are spot on with everything you have said above. YOu are also right about my naturing attitude kicking in when i think of his ex interfering with his life. I just want to jump in between them and tell them to STOP ..not for my sake but for their own good. However, when i change the way i think maybe..they do have some great qualities together which i have not seen or heard of. I'm sure they were deeply in love at one stage and when their relationship fell apart all they saw were some horrible moments. He threw away all her past ...her gifts her letters when he came back down to my city.. that was when i thought they were completely over . I am exactly the same. In saying that, i do have a scorpio ex of mine who i wish never to be near again because he also has that POWER over me. I get all weak and emotional around him. I know it is the same thing with him and his ex. I don't know her star sign regardless of how hard i tried .... As of now, I am letting go bit by bit. What he's putting me through isn't right and i don't deserve any of this pain or heartache. I have given him nothing but smiles and recently all i was getting back from him was pain and tears. I am definately keeping my distance with him now that i have learnt his ex has so much power over him. Next time he comes to my city which should be in a month, i will do nothing but catch up for a coffee. I am not going to run into his arms etc. He has to do heaps of work if he ever want me back again. I do wish them well and i never like judging a person but i know how broken she is and how broken my ex scorpio is hence why me and him bonded like mashed potato.
It is now a past tense what happened between us as he has shown his feelings for her are a lot stronger than what he has for me. I can not see someone knowing that they still have their past hidden somewhere deep down regardless of how much i want to rescue him and bring him out of it. It is his own path and his own destination. Not mine... I do wish them well and thank you so much for all your kind words.
You are spot on with everything you have said above. YOu are also right about my naturing attitude kicking in when i think of his ex interfering with his life. I just want to jump in between them and tell them to STOP ..not for my sake but for their own good. However, when i change the way i think maybe..they do have some great qualities together which i have not seen or heard of. I'm sure they were deeply in love at one stage and when their relationship fell apart all they saw were some horrible moments. He threw away all her past ...her gifts her letters when he came back down to my city.. that was when i thought they were completely over . I am exactly the same. In saying that, i do have a scorpio ex of mine who i wish never to be near again because he also has that POWER over me. I get all weak and emotional around him. I know it is the same thing with him and his ex. I don't know her star sign regardless of how hard i tried .... As of now, I am letting go bit by bit. What he's putting me through isn't right and i don't deserve any of this pain or heartache. I have given him nothing but smiles and recently all i was getting back from him was pain and tears. I am definately keeping my distance with him now that i have learnt his ex has so much power over him. Next time he comes to my city which should be in a month, i will do nothing but catch up for a coffee. I am not going to run into his arms etc. He has to do heaps of work if he ever want me back again. I do wish them well and i never like judging a person but i know how broken she is and how broken my ex scorpio is hence why me and him bonded like mashed potato.
It is now a past tense what happened between us as he has shown his feelings for her are a lot stronger than what he has for me. I can not see someone knowing that they still have their past hidden somewhere deep down regardless of how much i want to rescue him and bring him out of it. It is his own path and his own destination. Not mine... I do wish them well and thank you so much for all your kind words.
Wow you are such a strong young lady!
I hate encouraging women to not only let go of the guy but also to let go of their feelings b/c I know it's extremely hard. Damn near feels impossible when you're the person whose going through it. Been there, done that
What helped me when I was in this situation before was to not just think about all the good in the guy I really wanted at the time. I couldn't have "convenient thinking." I had to remember & remind myself that a few great nights of chemistry costs me lots of pain, confusion & feelings of rejection. The price to pay for having those few great nights was too high of a price.
No matter how much we women try to defend continually keeping our feelings for a man afloat, the truth doesn't change just b/c we would rather go into denial b/c facing the pain of the results we feared the most is just too painful. Been there, done that too.
Again, I'm not saying this guy is a scum ball. He did the right thing. Hell, even if him & his ex were done completely, I'd still tell you to back off for awhile so that he can fully get her out of his system. A person can be done with you & still have you in their heart. That's just as unhealthy though as it would be if the SOB actually went back to his ex
That's why they not only tell women to be the bigger person & step back (vs. competing with the ex) but also to steer clear from men who just got out of relationships. There's just too much room for error, hurt feelings, someone being lead on or THIS kind of situation to happen.
Not only should you want someone who is over his ex enough to not want to be near her, but also a man who has completely moved on emotionally, whether his ex lives down the street or 2 million miles away. Even had they not lived in the same city, the results would've still be the same b/c his ex still lives in his HEART. That's more dangerous than him only being attached b/c they live near each other, ya know?
I'm sure you'll be fine. Once you get him out of your system, I guarantee you that you won't see him the same the next time you guys hang out. And maybe that's for the best.
I hate encouraging women to not only let go of the guy but also to let go of their feelings b/c I know it's extremely hard. Damn near feels impossible when you're the person whose going through it. Been there, done that
What helped me when I was in this situation before was to not just think about all the good in the guy I really wanted at the time. I couldn't have "convenient thinking." I had to remember & remind myself that a few great nights of chemistry costs me lots of pain, confusion & feelings of rejection. The price to pay for having those few great nights was too high of a price.
No matter how much we women try to defend continually keeping our feelings for a man afloat, the truth doesn't change just b/c we would rather go into denial b/c facing the pain of the results we feared the most is just too painful. Been there, done that too.
Again, I'm not saying this guy is a scum ball. He did the right thing. Hell, even if him & his ex were done completely, I'd still tell you to back off for awhile so that he can fully get her out of his system. A person can be done with you & still have you in their heart. That's just as unhealthy though as it would be if the SOB actually went back to his ex
That's why they not only tell women to be the bigger person & step back (vs. competing with the ex) but also to steer clear from men who just got out of relationships. There's just too much room for error, hurt feelings, someone being lead on or THIS kind of situation to happen.
Not only should you want someone who is over his ex enough to not want to be near her, but also a man who has completely moved on emotionally, whether his ex lives down the street or 2 million miles away. Even had they not lived in the same city, the results would've still be the same b/c his ex still lives in his HEART. That's more dangerous than him only being attached b/c they live near each other, ya know?
I'm sure you'll be fine. Once you get him out of your system, I guarantee you that you won't see him the same the next time you guys hang out. And maybe that's for the best.
^^ krysree .. Thank you 🙂 I was in a lot of pain the past few days but it's ok. He sent me a message kind of hinting that he hopes the next time he sees me we will continue to have great moments together. I am not going to reply. He will soon realize I won't be the same "me " next time he sees me and we wont have the same meaningful moment together next time i see him . It will be interesting to see how this play out. You are right he's not over her completely . that was the reason why he said " You are a great woman... Where were you 3 years ago... ?" he knows that he can't give me everything I wish for right now . I still put myself into this situation.. It is also my fault and now I have learnt not to ever get myself involved with men who just came out of a serious relationship. The only for us to be together again is him moving back to my city and she out of his life for good.. However I'm not waiting. If its meant to be it will be ...I trust that things will work out the way they are supposed to....🙂 I will keep you guys posted. .. I'm going to try my best to give him the silent treatment...and cut off all communication.. It's the right thing to do I guess.....
Posted by krysrenee7
Wow you are such a strong young lady!
So true^
@SunTauVenGem i wish i had an older sis like you 🙂
😭 sorry to hear that
Posted by SunTauVenGem
^^ . He sent me a message kind of hinting that he hopes the next time he sees me we will continue to have great moments together. ....
Ugh here we go!
This is the part where he's just simply being a man lol I think he was selfless enough to tell you the truth & give you a way out given the sudden circumstances with his ex BUT then again, he's a freakin' man! Of course he'd be willing to hang out with you again & have those "great memories."
What's he got to lose? He likes you & all but his ex has his heart. So him hanging with you & then everything suddenly ceasing again won't hurt him. It'll hurt YOU! I don't think he's even thought of it that deep. I don't think that that's his intention either
BUT if you hang out wit him again, knowing good & damn well you're not over him, he's gonna hurt you. Not on purpose. But indirectly b/c his ex still has his heart.
So I say don't agree to hang with him or even communicate with him at all b/c if you do & he hurts you again, he'll just ruin the little bit of respect/admiration left that you had for him.
Try to spare the little bit left that you 2 have, like you said, b/c you never know what the future holds. There won't be a damn future though if this guy pulls too many false alarms before you guys even get the chance to finally have each other to yourselves!
So do what you gotta do to protect your emotions and/or to protect you from resenting him later. Hard, I know, but necessary =)
Posted by krysrenee7Posted by SunTauVenGem
^^ . He sent me a message kind of hinting that he hopes the next time he sees me we will continue to have great moments together. ....
Ugh here we go!
This is the part where he's just simply being a man lol I think he was selfless enough to tell you the truth & give you a way out given the sudden circumstances with his ex BUT then again, he's a freakin' man! Of course he'd be willing to hang out with you again & have those "great memories."
What's he got to lose? He likes you & all but his ex has his heart. So him hanging with you & then everything suddenly ceasing again won't hurt him. It'll hurt YOU! I don't think he's even thought of it that deep. I don't think that that's his intention either
BUT if you hang out wit him again, knowing good & damn well you're not over him, he's gonna hurt you. Not on purpose. But indirectly b/c his ex still has his heart.
So I say don't agree to hang with him or even communicate with him at all b/c if you do & he hurts you again, he'll just ruin the little bit of respect/admiration left that you had for him.
Try to spare the little bit left that you 2 have, like you said, b/c you never know what the future holds. There won't be a damn future though if this guy pulls too many false alarms before you guys even get the chance to finally have each other to yourselves!
So do what you gotta do to protect your emotions and/or to protect you from resenting him later. Hard, I know, but necessary =)click to expand
So this is what he said
" we became close within a week and i know things haven't been easy since but i still hope that next time we meet we are still able to remember great memories that we had, be good and talk soon x"
That was his last message.
...I left it as that for a day now...its hurting like hell not being able to talk to him...but i'm holding on and trying to let go bit by bit.....
Ok, I get it
He wasn't saying he wanted to recreate those beautiful memories or start making new ones the next time you guys hang out
He was saying that although his heart is with his ex, that still doesn't change or erase the good times he had with you. All he's saying is that he hopes the same is true for you; he hopes that the bad circumstances haven't made you forgot the good times
He doesn't want you to forget the good times b/c he knows that if you do, you'll probably think negatively of him. And this guy may not mind drama from his ex, but yet may hate drama or being hated by others.
It's probably important to him that you guys not leave on a bad note, so him dropping by to advise that you remember the good times is his way of keeping your mind/imagination above water & on a positive note, just in case you were thinking of drowning in your emotions & resenting him for it
The reason he's so sure that you guys will see each other/talk again is b/c you told him that you'd still be his friend & there whenever he needs you. Now, you're clearly eating those words lol but nonetheless, you still said them & he still believed you when you said it
Maybe he'll get the hint that you were a little hurt by what happened, when he sees that you're not responding. If he's a good guy, he'll pick up on this hint, leave you alone for awhile & let you get yourself together.
If he's the type to play mind games & likes having 2 girls attached to him at all times, he'll keep wheeling you in with those kind of text messages b/c he knows it will affect you & turn those frowns of yours upside down lol (A great mind trick/game if you don't want others to think of you negatively, even if you've done something hurtful)
He wasn't saying he wanted to recreate those beautiful memories or start making new ones the next time you guys hang out
He was saying that although his heart is with his ex, that still doesn't change or erase the good times he had with you. All he's saying is that he hopes the same is true for you; he hopes that the bad circumstances haven't made you forgot the good times
He doesn't want you to forget the good times b/c he knows that if you do, you'll probably think negatively of him. And this guy may not mind drama from his ex, but yet may hate drama or being hated by others.
It's probably important to him that you guys not leave on a bad note, so him dropping by to advise that you remember the good times is his way of keeping your mind/imagination above water & on a positive note, just in case you were thinking of drowning in your emotions & resenting him for it
The reason he's so sure that you guys will see each other/talk again is b/c you told him that you'd still be his friend & there whenever he needs you. Now, you're clearly eating those words lol but nonetheless, you still said them & he still believed you when you said it
Maybe he'll get the hint that you were a little hurt by what happened, when he sees that you're not responding. If he's a good guy, he'll pick up on this hint, leave you alone for awhile & let you get yourself together.
If he's the type to play mind games & likes having 2 girls attached to him at all times, he'll keep wheeling you in with those kind of text messages b/c he knows it will affect you & turn those frowns of yours upside down lol (A great mind trick/game if you don't want others to think of you negatively, even if you've done something hurtful)
SanTauVenGem,
You sounds like my bf ex at this time.
Facts: We broke up 1st wk of Sept.2013. He contacted her for a booty call.
Scary part, Now , we are living together(me and my bf Taurus) She sent him multiple msgs a day.
HE told me that night after we picked up all my things from my unit. The ex lady msg him before
we take my things out where I lived. The saddest part...He didn't let me know right away.
He knows me and my capability of leaving him even before.
At that night he confessed everything without asking him. He told me that he loves me and the ex
thing is not important to him but me and was worried of me if she is going to attack.
Again, I am not a violent person but if she's a threat I can't promise to be good to her which
he kissed me and hug me that we face it together and fight against her.
Taurus are good. If there is EX thing.. Leave him. I promise you that maybe He just don't like
hurting your feelings that's why he seems too good in his message to you.
My Taurus always treat me a good one. He cooked and washed laundry. I cleaned and folds.
He always treat me to the best restaurant even before...even at this time.
He even let me know that He loves me... even when he first saw me after break up that his heart
still the same for me.
Taurus hates changes... maybe that's why. lol
**Updates**
According to him they have settled as friends as her feelings for him is a different kind of Love.. she cares for him like brother/sister so things are over between them. They agreed they are not happy in the relationship but they want the best for each other but they are not the ones to give it.
As for myself and him, we also can't continue with anything deeper than what it was. I have chosen to erase our memory and move forward. I'm hoping that my venus in gemini and my aquarius moon will kick in soon. I still miss him terribly and wish that he was here next to me in my city but it isn't the case so life goes on.. Do i wait ( secretly?) do i move on ? I don't know. He is not invested in us the way i am willing to give so he does not want to lead me on.
I think we both and esp him needs a lot of space to clean his head and his heart... as for myself too... FAITH ! i still secretly wish he will be mine in the future but my options are open.... the question is...if i really want him...what do i do 😢 ... do i wait patiently like all the other girls on DXPnet? or do i move on.. he's long distance so its probably best to move forward... thoughts?
According to him they have settled as friends as her feelings for him is a different kind of Love.. she cares for him like brother/sister so things are over between them. They agreed they are not happy in the relationship but they want the best for each other but they are not the ones to give it.
As for myself and him, we also can't continue with anything deeper than what it was. I have chosen to erase our memory and move forward. I'm hoping that my venus in gemini and my aquarius moon will kick in soon. I still miss him terribly and wish that he was here next to me in my city but it isn't the case so life goes on.. Do i wait ( secretly?) do i move on ? I don't know. He is not invested in us the way i am willing to give so he does not want to lead me on.
I think we both and esp him needs a lot of space to clean his head and his heart... as for myself too... FAITH ! i still secretly wish he will be mine in the future but my options are open.... the question is...if i really want him...what do i do 😢 ... do i wait patiently like all the other girls on DXPnet? or do i move on.. he's long distance so its probably best to move forward... thoughts?
^^^ CEU
Thank you so much for your support. I"m using my Aquarius moon as my strength but it is not easy when you are " inlove " with someone.
I am trying my very best to LET GO and stop thinking about me.. It gets better each day.
" He had his chance and this outcome, the destruction, of your relationship was both his conscious choice and his deliberate making. "
EXACTLY RIGHT..... Truth hurts but life goes on.
I am trying my very best to calm my venus in gemini and not just JUMP into another guy just because i've been hurt. I"m trying to heal my heart/ soul from
the inside out. What we had...to me was " real"..to him " wasn't" to him.. it was just a beautiful week with a beautiful girl... that was all ...
to me..it was the best week of my life and the only man who's ever made me so " HAPPY" ..the sad part is letting go of the happiness.. what do i know
when his heart isn't for me... I can only accept the reality and move forward.
Thank you so much for your support. I"m using my Aquarius moon as my strength but it is not easy when you are " inlove " with someone.
I am trying my very best to LET GO and stop thinking about me.. It gets better each day.
" He had his chance and this outcome, the destruction, of your relationship was both his conscious choice and his deliberate making. "
EXACTLY RIGHT..... Truth hurts but life goes on.
I am trying my very best to calm my venus in gemini and not just JUMP into another guy just because i've been hurt. I"m trying to heal my heart/ soul from
the inside out. What we had...to me was " real"..to him " wasn't" to him.. it was just a beautiful week with a beautiful girl... that was all ...
to me..it was the best week of my life and the only man who's ever made me so " HAPPY" ..the sad part is letting go of the happiness.. what do i know
when his heart isn't for me... I can only accept the reality and move forward.
Posted by SunTauVenGem
**Updates**
According to him they have settled as friends as her feelings for him is a different kind of Love.. she cares for him like brother/sister so things are over between them. They agreed they are not happy in the relationship but they want the best for each other but they are not the ones to give it.
As for myself and him, we also can't continue with anything deeper than what it was. I have chosen to erase our memory and move forward. I'm hoping that my venus in gemini and my aquarius moon will kick in soon. I still miss him terribly and wish that he was here next to me in my city but it isn't the case so life goes on.. Do i wait ( secretly?) do i move on ? I don't know. He is not invested in us the way i am willing to give so he does not want to lead me on.
I think we both and esp him needs a lot of space to clean his head and his heart... as for myself too... FAITH ! i still secretly wish he will be mine in the future but my options are open.... the question is...if i really want him...what do i do 😢 ... do i wait patiently like all the other girls on DXPnet? or do i move on.. he's long distance so its probably best to move forward... thoughts?
😭 im so sorry...how long did you two go out? *curious*
Time heals all wounds so dont worry ^-^ But now that the ex gf incident is cleared out...why cant you 2 go back to the way it was? Its not like he did anything behind your back....
^^ Aftershine
We only dated for a week because his life is in another city right now and i'm here in my city..after he left though we remained supportive to one another for another 3 weeks...(until his ex came along) and the drama began.
He used to live in my city but just moved up there 10 months ago and his ex lives up there. He also moved up there for her but things went down hill . He's lonely up there because his life is where I am. He cant move back here because of his job. When we were together just for that week.. to me it was special / memorable/ best week of my life and he made it seem..or i just knew that we were falling in love with each other.. you know...touching each other's forehead while dancing to a romantic song...cooking together.. romantic dinner/dates/lots of PDA..and everything else.. we had so much in common and to me it was the best week and he made me so happy....so...so...happy...
HOWEVER ... whats the point of trying pursue something when its long distance.. we bulls need affection and LDR will fail anyway. Its only fair that he gets to live his life and i get to live mine. I have also said something hurtful in my most recent letter and i believe he's giving me the silent treatment and maybe i have crossed the line with him so we are on BAD note at the moment. It is probably a good thing. Leaving each other on a good note is WAY too painful for me..i need a reason to hate him to move forward.. i'm trying to resent him for everything he's put me through ..so i can move forward but his memories are everywhere..." our" memory.. something i thought was " real" and for him it was just " one beautiful week with a beautiful girl" that is all .. truth hurts but i got to move forward and deal with the reality.
We only dated for a week because his life is in another city right now and i'm here in my city..after he left though we remained supportive to one another for another 3 weeks...(until his ex came along) and the drama began.
He used to live in my city but just moved up there 10 months ago and his ex lives up there. He also moved up there for her but things went down hill . He's lonely up there because his life is where I am. He cant move back here because of his job. When we were together just for that week.. to me it was special / memorable/ best week of my life and he made it seem..or i just knew that we were falling in love with each other.. you know...touching each other's forehead while dancing to a romantic song...cooking together.. romantic dinner/dates/lots of PDA..and everything else.. we had so much in common and to me it was the best week and he made me so happy....so...so...happy...
HOWEVER ... whats the point of trying pursue something when its long distance.. we bulls need affection and LDR will fail anyway. Its only fair that he gets to live his life and i get to live mine. I have also said something hurtful in my most recent letter and i believe he's giving me the silent treatment and maybe i have crossed the line with him so we are on BAD note at the moment. It is probably a good thing. Leaving each other on a good note is WAY too painful for me..i need a reason to hate him to move forward.. i'm trying to resent him for everything he's put me through ..so i can move forward but his memories are everywhere..." our" memory.. something i thought was " real" and for him it was just " one beautiful week with a beautiful girl" that is all .. truth hurts but i got to move forward and deal with the reality.
OMG. The 3 wks or 2 months is not a relationship for me. If it exceeds 3 months or more... then it
is. My friends kept asking me how's my relationship with my Taurus guy and I always tell them as long
as it didn't exceeds for more than 3 months it's not a relationship to me but thanks to the universe.
Now we are 4 mos. Taurus are good in being romantic that's why many women fall in love to them in
just a quick days. lol. Perhaps it's just happened that I am Scorpio and I don't fall in love so
easily. My Taurus guy kept telling me he loves me and looking forward for more years to spend
together. He provides my needs. I admit though I am not obsessed with him but I am protecting myself
and save my heart in the future. NOTHING IS PERMANENT and I am always aware of this. Now He is
my birthday party but he initiated going overseas but I suggested him I felt like staying in our
pad but yes we will go overseas after my birthday. Eventhough, He had plans a lot for me in the
future... I still in my conscious mind and I am doing my best for myself and even he can give.
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THoughts? What should I do ? ....Please help