How to get taurus guy to open up?

There is this taurus guy that I know who I would like to date, but he's very closed as a person with me, in that he won't share anything about himself.

We have known each other for about a year and have spent many hours and hours talking about many things like books, movies etc, all academic stuff, but never anything personal.

If I ever ask him anything personal, like about his family, his favourite pastimes, he changes the topic and clams up.

I then spend ages telling him things about myself so that he can feel like we have some trust, but still he won't share.

This guy emails be several times every day and is always posing questions to me like: "What do you think about the history of race in the US?" or "Have you read any books?" and I respond and that's fine, but nothing personal.

I have heard that Taurus find it difficult to trust, but I've never done anything to breach his trust.

I asked him why he was so secretive and he said he's not secretive, just private. That's fine, but we've been friends supposedly for a year now and I still know nothing about him. I am sure he tells pieces of information to others, but with me, he contacts me all the time, but it's all intellectual debate.

How can I make this taurus guy to open up and stop being so closed?

Fishyfish, he likes you, he's just private. I am the same way. My close friends and my serious relationships will tell you that it took them years to get close to me, and guess what; there are only like 3 people who are really close to me, and they only know me at about 50% ; which for me is a lot. When you open yourself up to someone that is a big thing, because you are (for all intense purposes) giving them the power to hurt you, because that person knows what makes you "tick" what hurts you, what makes you happy, etc. I don't like to be vulnerable, it is a control thing, not as in "being controlling" but me maintaining control over my feelings. I'm not saying this is what he is doing, but I think that it is in a sense, because he knows that the more he opens up to you, the more vulnerable he will be...perhaps he's not ready for that yet, but that doesn't mean he never will be, just not right now.

Posted by Shaks
Feed him, and then massage his neck, and then get naked in front of him, and then feed him again, etc, etc

And this is always a good idea too!

Posted by Shaks
Feed him, and then massage his neck, and then get naked in front of him, and then feed him again, etc, etc

haha that sounds good. I'll try it 🙂

Posted by Shaks
you see Taurus are pretty simple people, he seems like he has some gem in him though.

Wow, how did you know that. He has his moon in Gemini and his mars and venus are in Cancer.

Posted by USCTaurusGal
Fishyfish, he likes you, he's just private. I am the same way. My close friends and my serious relationships will tell you that it took them years to get close to me, and guess what; there are only like 3 people who are really close to me, and they only know me at about 50% ; which for me is a lot. When you open yourself up to someone that is a big thing, because you are (for all intense purposes) giving them the power to hurt you, because that person knows what makes you "tick" what hurts you, what makes you happy, etc. I don't like to be vulnerable, it is a control thing, not as in "being controlling" but me maintaining control over my feelings. I'm not saying this is what he is doing, but I think that it is in a sense, because he knows that the more he opens up to you, the more vulnerable he will be...perhaps he's not ready for that yet, but that doesn't mean he never will be, just not right now.

Gosh, this is exactly how he is. He talks to me more than anyone else we know and yet has this wall up. I have been thinking that he's worried about being vulnerable to me too.

Thank you so much for the advice.

Do you have any ideas of what would make him (you) feel more comfortable in opening up? Anything that would accelerate the process? Should I tell him that I won't hurt him or should i just plod along?

"Do you have any ideas of what would make him (you) feel more comfortable in opening up? Anything that would accelerate the process? Should I tell him that I won't hurt him or should i just plod along?"

Telling him you won't hurt him is essentially worthless, we are action oriented, which means we watch and see how you are, and as we trust, we will open up more. I think that you need to ALWAYS just be yourself, anything that appears fake or insincere will be a complete turn-off. We don't like doormats, so always state your opinion. For me, I'm fine with people expressing their opinion, and I am always more than willing to listen, but (this isn't necessarily a sign thing), I don't like people to be in my face, talking down to me, or treating me like I'm stupid, just because I don't see things there way. I just don't like someone shoving their agenda down my throat. If I feel like someone is disrespecting me, it gets ugly pretty quickly - that's work or personal life. Only time will help to accelerate the process, but the fact that he talks to you more than anyone else, and has intellecutally stimulating conversations with you means that he does see you as his equal (definitely a plus), and he is just gauging/feeling out what type of person you are - inside and out.
Unfortunately, as I'm sure you've read on here, we are stubborn, and will not be rushed. The more we feel someone has an agenda is attempting to "make us" do something, the more we will dig in, and not budge...from my experience, and speaking from the way I am too!

"there" = "their" good grief! I can't stand when I make typos (which happens more often than I care to admit).

Posted by USCTaurusGal
Fishyfish, he likes you, he's just private. I am the same way. My close friends and my serious relationships will tell you that it took them years to get close to me, and guess what; there are only like 3 people who are really close to me, and they only know me at about 50% ; which for me is a lot. When you open yourself up to someone that is a big thing, because you are (for all intense purposes) giving them the power to hurt you, because that person knows what makes you "tick" what hurts you, what makes you happy, etc. I don't like to be vulnerable, it is a control thing, not as in "being controlling" but me maintaining control over my feelings. I'm not saying this is what he is doing, but I think that it is in a sense, because he knows that the more he opens up to you, the more vulnerable he will be...perhaps he's not ready for that yet, but that doesn't mean he never will be, just not right now.

this summarizes my relationship with a cap man. he is exactly like this.

i think usc is on to something there.

Posted by Shaks

http://www.hawkproxy.com/index.php?q=aHR0cDovL3d3dy5keHBuZXQuY29tL29waW5pb24vbWVzc2FnZXMuYXNwP3A9MSZpZD0xNzg2MDAxIzE3ODYwNjg% 3D##1786068">Posted by FIshyFish

http://www.hawkproxy.com/index.php?q=aHR0cDovL3d3dy5keHBuZXQuY29tL29waW5pb24vbWVzc2FnZXMuYXNwP3A9MSZpZD0xNzg2MDAxIzE3ODYwMTQ% 3D##1786014">Posted by Shaks
you see Taurus are pretty simple people, he seems like he has some gem in him though.

Wow, how did you know that. He has his moon in Gemini and his mars and venus are in Cancer.

Thats cause Im psychic 😛

Moon in gem people are indirect like that, showing interest by being intellectual or by wanting to discuss intellectually-oriented topics..but never personal, they are pretty bad at revealing their real feelings, they dont feel comfortable with feelings at all.

All that Cancer in him is what makes him cling on to you in his very strange/impersonal way, thats the reason he tries to get your attention all the time even if he refuses to really open up about his personality.

click to expand

I think you are psychic, because what you just said sounds exactly how he is. Word for word. I was baffled because I am Pisces in a big way (sun/venus/mars) and I'm used to talking about feelings. A lot.

My question is that if someone doesn't feel comfortable with their feelings like this but we are having these strange intellectual discussions four times per day, what do you do to move it to something else?

Once I said to him. I really like you as more than a friend by email and he responded in under one minute with "I haven't been able to stop thinking all night about your history paper and think I have another argument for you to add to it...." Weird! Then he wrote back again in five minutes when I hadn't responded with "What do you think about X part in history?"

I'm a pisces. I want declarations of undying love!

"All that Cancer in him is what makes him cling on to you in his very strange/impersonal way, thats the reason he tries to get your attention all the time even if he refuses to really open up about his personality."

Gosh this is true!

Posted by USCTaurusGal
"Do you have any ideas of what would make him (you) feel more comfortable in opening up? Anything that would accelerate the process? Should I tell him that I won't hurt him or should i just plod along?"

Telling him you won't hurt him is essentially worthless, we are action oriented, which means we watch and see how you are, and as we trust, we will open up more. I think that you need to ALWAYS just be yourself, anything that appears fake or insincere will be a complete turn-off. We don't like doormats, so always state your opinion. For me, I'm fine with people expressing their opinion, and I am always more than willing to listen, but (this isn't necessarily a sign thing), I don't like people to be in my face, talking down to me, or treating me like I'm stupid, just because I don't see things there way. I just don't like someone shoving their agenda down my throat. If I feel like someone is disrespecting me, it gets ugly pretty quickly - that's work or personal life. Only time will help to accelerate the process, but the fact that he talks to you more than anyone else, and has intellecutally stimulating conversations with you means that he does see you as his equal (definitely a plus), and he is just gauging/feeling out what type of person you are - inside and out.
Unfortunately, as I'm sure you've read on here, we are stubborn, and will not be rushed. The more we feel someone has an agenda is attempting to "make us" do something, the more we will dig in, and not budge...from my experience, and speaking from the way I am too!

Thank you so much USCTaurusGal. You have great insight..... I will just try to keep on being his friend and facing the gauntlet. I've never felt more under the microscope than with this guy. It's relentless. I feel like he's testing me again and again like a teacher.

The thing is that I've never been this attached or had this kind of a close but yet distant relationship with anyone before so I am really trying to do everything I can to learn about why he is acting like this and do everything I can to accommodate and work with him so that he can see me as being someone he could be with.

Machiavelli, I saw what you wrote before you hid it and I do take your point that it should be obvious to me that he doesn't like me, I just get the feeling that he does but he's just emotionally got expression problems or something, because the amount of contact is a lot and we also text and talk on the phone. I'm not a taurus though, so you would probably have a better idea.

^^I'd like to hug you too Shaks 🙂
@Bella - he always has some Taurus and Cap love!

Posted by machiavelli bull

Posted by FIshyFish
There is this taurus guy that I know who I would like to date, but he's very closed as a person with me, in that he won't share anything about himself.

We have known each other for about a year and have spent many hours and hours talking about many things like books, movies etc, all academic stuff, but never anything personal.

If I ever ask him anything personal, like about his family, his favourite pastimes, he changes the topic and clams up.

I then spend ages telling him things about myself so that he can feel like we have some trust, but still he won't share.

This guy emails be several times every day and is always posing questions to me like: "What do you think about the history of race in the US?" or "Have you read any books?" and I respond and that's fine, but nothing personal.

I have heard that Taurus find it difficult to trust, but I've never done anything to breach his trust.

I asked him why he was so secretive and he said he's not secretive, just private. That's fine, but we've been friends supposedly for a year now and I still know nothing about him. I am sure he tells pieces of information to others, but with me, he contacts me all the time, but it's all intellectual debate.

How can I make this taurus guy to open up and stop being so closed?

You cant,because he doesnt want to open up to you,thats why he only talks about books etc.Probably he just sees you as a friend.And probably he doesnt trust you at all.And this is the reason.

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I get your point. I just don't know why he wouldn't trust me. I am very trustworthy. 😢

Posted by BellaBulleautiful
he likes you,it's the gemini moon making him that way.Shaks is right......

I am amazed by Shaks. He's so good at this astrology stuff. From his first comment he described this guy perfectly. It was a little scary!

Posted by BellaBulleautiful

Posted by Shaks
Fishy.. never forget this regarding your Taurus.. "Dont listen to what people say, its what they do that shows their true intentions"

this is my way of life 😉

I sure would like to hug you Mr. Shaks.



oh,and you're really smart🙂

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So taurus show that they like you, but don't tell you? Why is this?

I also bet that Shaks is good looking - being a virgo (usually good looking right?) with a libra ascendant. Everyone I know with a libra ascendant is gorgeous.

I'll give you an analogy that I share w/my female friends who date complete losers:
Your man can tell you he loves you everyday, but if he comes home and kicks you and tosses you down the stairs - which one do you believe? Are his actions showing love?
vs.
A man may not tell you he loves you everyday, but he makes sure your gas tank is filled; he brings you a personal gift NOT on a holiday. He takes you to the beach and cuddles with you while watching the sun rise or set. Are these actions showing love?
The point is, some people would rather show their love, then say it - I'm not saying that you don't want/deserve a mixture of the two, but I would GLADLY take the second scenario; versus the first with some losers saying he "loves me" yet, all his actions are to the contrary.

Posted by BellaBulleautiful
And yes,Shaks is very handsome 🙂

LMAO!! Shaks has groupies here 🙂

Yeah, it's hard for people to understand that whole thing about actions speaking louder than words. Our society is so fixated on when someone tells you they love you? How long it took them to tell you? etc. I guess upbringing has a lot to do with it too, because I saw a lot of BS transpire in relationships that sure in the hell didn't look like love; yet, these people were professing their undying love for the other.
Does everyone want to know and feel love? Absofrigginglutely, but the way it's expressed is going to be different from person to person.

Posted by machiavelli bull

Posted by FIshyFish


I have heard that Taurus find it difficult to trust, but I've never done anything to breach his trust.

Correction:You've never done anything to gain his trust.🙂

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LMAO! Touche' that is SOOO true. Me and my ex-fiance (him: Libra) were so opposite about that, he said, "A person has my trust until they lose it." I said, "You have to earn my trust." There is a distinct difference!

Posted by USCTaurusGal
I'll give you an analogy that I share w/my female friends who date complete losers:
Your man can tell you he loves you everyday, but if he comes home and kicks you and tosses you down the stairs - which one do you believe? Are his actions showing love?
vs.
A man may not tell you he loves you everyday, but he makes sure your gas tank is filled; he brings you a personal gift NOT on a holiday. He takes you to the beach and cuddles with you while watching the sun rise or set. Are these actions showing love?
The point is, some people would rather show their love, then say it - I'm not saying that you don't want/deserve a mixture of the two, but I would GLADLY take the second scenario; versus the first with some losers saying he "loves me" yet, all his actions are to the contrary.

That's so true. With this taurus guy, besides talking a lot, he is always doing nice things for me and helping me all the time when I don't even ask him too. It's very sweet.

Posted by USCTaurusGal

Posted by machiavelli bull

Posted by FIshyFish


I have heard that Taurus find it difficult to trust, but I've never done anything to breach his trust.

Correction:You've never done anything to gain his trust.🙂

LMAO! Touche' that is SOOO true. Me and my ex-fiance (him: Libra) were so opposite about that, he said, "A person has my trust until they lose it." I said, "You have to earn my trust." There is a distinct difference!

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Yeah I am more like your Libran. I trust instinctively. I think the only way to find out if you can trust someone, is to trust them. I don't understand how it can work backwards. How does someone gain someone else's trust? It seems like a crazy question, but I just trust everyone. What kind of things would I have to do to earn or build trust with my taurus?

Posted by machiavelli bull

Posted by FIshyFish


I have heard that Taurus find it difficult to trust, but I've never done anything to breach his trust.

Correction:You've never done anything to gain his trust.🙂

click to expand

If this was you, how would I gain your trust? Doesn't trust have to be broken and for you to actually know about it before you know that you can't trust someone?

@Fishyfish - I'll give a simple example that I use myself. If I meet someone, I'm going to just say a "friend" male or female, I hang out with them and get a feel for the type of person they are. If, for example, we have a mutual friend, and they talk "trash" about that mutual friend to me. That would be a glaring red flag, because I wouldn't want that to be done to me, and in my minds eye, how do I know they won't turn around and talk trash about me to them or someone else. Another example, I am an extremely private person, so if I am dating/friends with someone and they are cavalier about the types of information they share with other people about themselves, and it doesn't bother them, then that would be a red flag for me, because if they don't care about talking about all of their personal business to other people, then they surely won't give a damn about sharing my personal information with other people. I hope these are good enough examples for you to get the gist of what I mean. With all of this being said, it's not necessarily that the person who is more open and cavalier about their personal life is a bad person, it's just not me, and that would be an issue in the future, because I wouldn't really trust them, because they've already shown (in my opinion) that they can't hold confidences.

But, I have met good, decent, honest people that would literally give the shirt off their backs to someone. They live a good life, and they don't hurt anyone. I know this because I've taken the time to get to know them, and it's been over the course of years that I've found this out about them. It's through observing them through good circumstances and bad circumstances, that I've been able to see the caliber of the type of person they are, and hopefully the reverse is true for them in respect to me. I don't expect people to just trust me carte blanche, I always know I have to earn their trust. It's like how banks were SUPPOSED to operate. You want to borrow some $ $ from them, you have to show that you can pay it back; that could be through assets, a job, a car, etc. They just don't (well, shouldn't) just give someone some money because they "say" they will pay it back—?

Posted by USCTaurusGal
@Fishyfish - I'll give a simple example that I use myself. If I meet someone, I'm going to just say a "friend" male or female, I hang out with them and get a feel for the type of person they are. If, for example, we have a mutual friend, and they talk "trash" about that mutual friend to me. That would be a glaring red flag, because I wouldn't want that to be done to me, and in my minds eye, how do I know they won't turn around and talk trash about me to them or someone else. Another example, I am an extremely private person, so if I am dating/friends with someone and they are cavalier about the types of information they share with other people about themselves, and it doesn't bother them, then that would be a red flag for me, because if they don't care about talking about all of their personal business to other people, then they surely won't give a damn about sharing my personal information with other people. I hope these are good enough examples for you to get the gist of what I mean. With all of this being said, it's not necessarily that the person who is more open and cavalier about their personal life is a bad person, it's just not me, and that would be an issue in the future, because I wouldn't really trust them, because they've already shown (in my opinion) that they can't hold confidences.

Thank you so much. This is great advice. You are all so helpful!

Good luck w/your Bull, FishyFish!

Posted by machiavelli bull

Posted by FIshyFish

Posted by FIshyFish

Doesn't trust have to be broken and for you to actually know about it before you know that you can't trust someone?

How so?You meet new people,you dont know them,do you trust them?I mean how its possible to trust someone you just met?You dont know what kind of people they are.Do you really trust them?really?Why?

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Yeah I do. I don't know why really. I just trust that people will be honest and have integrity. I think there is something that protects me from dodgy people, because I know that they are out there. For me, the benefits of trusting someone completely outweigh the benefits of not trusting them. I guess it's something we all need to weigh up for ourselves.

I only have to spend a few moments with someone to see right through them. I guess it's a sixth sense and it's never burned me.

At the same time, I understand the taurus perspective and think that is a really sensible way to go about it.

Posted by machiavelli bull

Posted by FIshyFish

If this was you, how would I gain your trust? Doesn't trust have to be broken and for you to actually know about it before you know that you can't trust someone?

You would have to be always true to your word,always loyal,never betray my secrets,never speak badly about me,be there when i need you,when im down or something bad happend i have to know that i can call you in the middle of the night and ask for help and you will help me,that i can count on you.No games,no doubts,always honest,always sincere,never hiding anything.

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Interesting! I will use these good ideas to build my relationship with the taurus guy, though I think I do these things already. He just takes forever and a day to decide anything or to change his mind. Great advice thanks...

Posted by USCTaurusGal
Good luck w/your Bull, FishyFish!

Thanks for all of the insight. If you're ever after a Pisces let me know and I'll advise accordingly : )

Posted by FIshyFish

Posted by USCTaurusGal
Good luck w/your Bull, FishyFish!

Thanks for all of the insight. If you're ever after a Pisces let me know and I'll advise accordingly : )

click to expand

Hahaha! Thanks, I don't even think I've ever really known any Pisces males, much less dated any, but I appreciate the offer and will seek advise accordingly!

After reading the title of this post, I thought to myself "good luck, you won't". That's pretty strong, but I've been with mine for 10 years now and I still stuggle to get him to open up. It's not something he can do on the spot. He's very quiet and reserved...nothing like me of course! I wouldn't expect him to share his deepest and darkest any time soon. Or even the lighter version for quite some time.
I have moon in Gem as well. It's very hard for me to open up to people other then very close friends. When it comes to a new relationship, I keep it level and don't go deep until I can really trust that person.
My husband has very few friends and the friends he does have would be very lucky to have him share anything deep. Just know this is not nessasarily a reflection on you, this is just how he is.

Posted by ramfishtwins
After reading the title of this post, I thought to myself "good luck, you won't". That's pretty strong, but I've been with mine for 10 years now and I still stuggle to get him to open up. It's not something he can do on the spot. He's very quiet and reserved...nothing like me of course! I wouldn't expect him to share his deepest and darkest any time soon. Or even the lighter version for quite some time.
I have moon in Gem as well. It's very hard for me to open up to people other then very close friends. When it comes to a new relationship, I keep it level and don't go deep until I can really trust that person.
My husband has very few friends and the friends he does have would be very lucky to have him share anything deep. Just know this is not nessasarily a reflection on you, this is just how he is.

Great advice, thanks. Yeah what you said rings very true for the taurus I know. I am starting to wonder if I can handle trying to get close to someone who doesn't want to open up. Emotional intimacy is very important to me. My taurus keeps telling me the most random things that would not be top secret to anyone else and then he tells me that only three people in the world know this about him. I would feel stifled if I couldn't share things with others like he does.

"I would feel stifled if I couldn't share things with others like he does."

Differences make the world go round. Imagine how boring the world would be if everybody was just like you (me, whomever). I think that it's natural for people to want to be w/those who share common interest, etc. But at the end of the day, I do believe sometimes that opposites attract for a reason. Each helps the other in some shape, fashion or form. Some of my friends have taught me a lot about trust; while I've taught them things about discretion. It is a vicious cycle, but I will say that if you think this will be an issue, as Ramfish said, it's likely not going to change; especially the older the person is. There are some things that are just a part of ME that I'll likely never change, but then there are other things that have changed over time & maturity. If you are thinking that you are going to be able to change him by being more loving, and doing all of these fabulous things to show him you are trustworthy, I'm sorry it likely won't work that way. With a Taurus, it's typically only time that will bring you closer to them. Also with most men (regardless of sign) it doesn't matter how beautiful/smart/fabulous/rich/kicka $ $ body, you have, etc, if they aren't ready to commit/open up/trust, etc, it just won't be. Timing is everything...hence the reason people will waste years being with somebody and then they will break up and the other (more often than not it's the guy) will end up marrying someone in less than a years time. It happened to me and ALL my female friends that were with someone for more than 3 years. Timing...it's a b#@ch!

Posted by tiffanyrose
hi ramfishtwins, just wondering...
if your taurus man is very reserved and quiet...
how did he propose his feelings for you and how did both of you become a couple?
did you both talked about it? about the commitment and exclusivity between both of you?

LOL! It was pretty odd actually. It just kind of happened. I, being the fearless Aries made it happen 😉
I had to or it would have been years! And, it was years.
I asked him to be my man, I suggested we move in with each other (after two years), I asked him to marry me before he finally asked me (7 years). He's lucky I'm assertive or we would still be back at square one. He actually would probably be o.k. with that. It was a year after we were married that he finally admitted he liked being married.
I guess the commitment thing was just assumed as we never said we were seeing each other exclusivly. I knew he wasn't the date around type of guy and neither was I.
We are soooo effing different. It's interesting to say the least.

Posted by FIshyFish

Posted by ramfishtwins
After reading the title of this post, I thought to myself "good luck, you won't". That's pretty strong, but I've been with mine for 10 years now and I still stuggle to get him to open up. It's not something he can do on the spot. He's very quiet and reserved...nothing like me of course! I wouldn't expect him to share his deepest and darkest any time soon. Or even the lighter version for quite some time.
I have moon in Gem as well. It's very hard for me to open up to people other then very close friends. When it comes to a new relationship, I keep it level and don't go deep until I can really trust that person.
My husband has very few friends and the friends he does have would be very lucky to have him share anything deep. Just know this is not nessasarily a reflection on you, this is just how he is.

Great advice, thanks. Yeah what you said rings very true for the taurus I know. I am starting to wonder if I can handle trying to get close to someone who doesn't want to open up. Emotional intimacy is very important to me. My taurus keeps telling me the most random things that would not be top secret to anyone else and then he tells me that only three people in the world know this about him. I would feel stifled if I couldn't share things with others like he does.

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It's tough girl, I'm not going to lie. I have pisces rising so I know somewhat of where you are coming from. I need that intimacy as well...I thrive on it. I think he could seriously go many days without even speaking to another human. He keeps pretty much all of it inside...I would have exploded long ago!