TxOgal
@TxOgal
11 Years1,000+ PostsTaurus
Comments: 177 · Posts: 2190 · Topics: 92
Less hurtful way to break up with Taurus man??
Honestly, I read your post and I will give you advice on the following:
1. In the beginning, after 1 week of talking online, he told me he can't be just friends anymore. At that same time I had feelings for him, but I didn't know if it is rational so I told him we should slow down. He got upset and of course I was afraid I hurt him so I rushed to tell him the very next day that I had feelings for him too. (What do u think about that huh?) -----------So he told you he wants to move forward with you and because he was upset as a normal person would be after rejection, you instead people-please and rush to tell him something you are not ready for. Why didn't you just stick to your own standard? Say something, mean it and stick to it. Going back and forth, rejecting him and then pulling him to YOU is sounds more emotionally manipulative from you than him.
2. He repeated this sentences several times during our relationship.. "I feel that you suffered alot in your life and I want to make it up to you" (Perfect words one would want to hear, you think?) ----------Yea, thats nice... Where's the problem with that?? Suspicious for no reason huh?
3. In the beginning of our actual relationship, I told him about a secret that drove him crazy. Even though it was something I've done before I even know him. He got so mad and I thought he was going to leave me. I was already in love and I apologized. (I know now I should have told him he doesn't have the right to be made because it's my life, before even knowing him), a day later it was his birthday, he went out with his friends smoked weed and went to a strip club, (I was shattered, I was going to leave him) but, he was feeling terrible he did those stuff and told me he rushed out of the club after the first 10 mins and even left his best friend behind, because he saw my picture. Ofcourse he claimed he did those stuff cause he was so mad when he knew about my secret.Guess what... after a long argument with him, and hearing him feeling broken, I ended up forgiving him. (DUH!) ---------------SOOOOOO you are apologizing for something that was beyond his time— IRRELAVANT. And telling him not to smoke weed, threatening to leave him, Again, you are manipulating HIM with what he should do or not do.
4. He is EXTREMELY jealous. He once got out of his mind because an old school friend called me on the phone and I did not even answer it!!! I told bf I didnt do anything wrong, and he shouldnt act like that. He apologized in the end and asked me to "promise him not to let him ruin our relationship" (I found it weird but I just went along with it). Also, he accused me of letting my male cousin hit up on me, which is nonsense ofcourse, me and cousin are close, but he only said that because cousin gave me a ride! He was crazy! And it was a huge fight. We constantly argue about my male friends, I dont even have much and I ended up cutting contact with all of them and told him "I'm not convinced, I'm only doing it for you". He also got mad at that, and told me I'm counting favors. ---------This, I agree. He shouldn't have gotten so upset/jealous about something so small. Has he been cheated on in the past? This is the reaction of someone who has trust issues
5. He gets jealous when I spend a long time with my family, but this gradually started getting better. To the point that he asks me to spend more time with them. ------------ WTF— Are you purposely looking for problems? He wants you to spend time with your family and thats not good lol ok...
6. And again, him getting mad at me that I didn't support him when he proposed to me, and also agreeing to dad's request of not talking for now (even though i texted n called him a couple of times)---------Sounds to me that it just "might" be too early for a proposal, I mean its only been 5 mo. Get to know the guy first plz. How did you not support him (according to him)
Guys, what do you think? is this all normal? or am I exaggerating? Is he only under pressure? or is he trying to make me influence dad's opinion? -------------You're exaggerating.
Note: Dad thinks it's too soon to propose and that he must be after money. I am 100% sure this is not the case. The times we're together are dream, most of our fights are over him smoking or his jealousy. Also didn't you say that your dad was the abusive one? So why are you letting your dad dictate your relationship? Also, again, fighting over him smoking—? You do not own him.
7. He proposed to me while we were in bed!! I took time to respond and that got him bothered that I didn't have the same feelings towards him. ------------------- How is that wrong—If I proposed and the person didn't answer, I'd think they didnt feel the same way I did, of course I'd be pissed.
8. He told me on the same night, that he's afraid if we don't live the rest of our life together, that I'd end up hurt. (Cause he knows I'm conservative) ---------OR maybe because you are already hurt and he doesn't want to see you hurt any longer—?
It does seem he has a jealousy problem but also how clear and communicative are you with him? Its a two way street and sounds like youre the manipulative one, sorry.
1. In the beginning, after 1 week of talking online, he told me he can't be just friends anymore. At that same time I had feelings for him, but I didn't know if it is rational so I told him we should slow down. He got upset and of course I was afraid I hurt him so I rushed to tell him the very next day that I had feelings for him too. (What do u think about that huh?) -----------So he told you he wants to move forward with you and because he was upset as a normal person would be after rejection, you instead people-please and rush to tell him something you are not ready for. Why didn't you just stick to your own standard? Say something, mean it and stick to it. Going back and forth, rejecting him and then pulling him to YOU is sounds more emotionally manipulative from you than him.
2. He repeated this sentences several times during our relationship.. "I feel that you suffered alot in your life and I want to make it up to you" (Perfect words one would want to hear, you think?) ----------Yea, thats nice... Where's the problem with that?? Suspicious for no reason huh?
3. In the beginning of our actual relationship, I told him about a secret that drove him crazy. Even though it was something I've done before I even know him. He got so mad and I thought he was going to leave me. I was already in love and I apologized. (I know now I should have told him he doesn't have the right to be made because it's my life, before even knowing him), a day later it was his birthday, he went out with his friends smoked weed and went to a strip club, (I was shattered, I was going to leave him) but, he was feeling terrible he did those stuff and told me he rushed out of the club after the first 10 mins and even left his best friend behind, because he saw my picture. Ofcourse he claimed he did those stuff cause he was so mad when he knew about my secret.Guess what... after a long argument with him, and hearing him feeling broken, I ended up forgiving him. (DUH!) ---------------SOOOOOO you are apologizing for something that was beyond his time— IRRELAVANT. And telling him not to smoke weed, threatening to leave him, Again, you are manipulating HIM with what he should do or not do.
4. He is EXTREMELY jealous. He once got out of his mind because an old school friend called me on the phone and I did not even answer it!!! I told bf I didnt do anything wrong, and he shouldnt act like that. He apologized in the end and asked me to "promise him not to let him ruin our relationship" (I found it weird but I just went along with it). Also, he accused me of letting my male cousin hit up on me, which is nonsense ofcourse, me and cousin are close, but he only said that because cousin gave me a ride! He was crazy! And it was a huge fight. We constantly argue about my male friends, I dont even have much and I ended up cutting contact with all of them and told him "I'm not convinced, I'm only doing it for you". He also got mad at that, and told me I'm counting favors. ---------This, I agree. He shouldn't have gotten so upset/jealous about something so small. Has he been cheated on in the past? This is the reaction of someone who has trust issues
5. He gets jealous when I spend a long time with my family, but this gradually started getting better. To the point that he asks me to spend more time with them. ------------ WTF— Are you purposely looking for problems? He wants you to spend time with your family and thats not good lol ok...
6. And again, him getting mad at me that I didn't support him when he proposed to me, and also agreeing to dad's request of not talking for now (even though i texted n called him a couple of times)---------Sounds to me that it just "might" be too early for a proposal, I mean its only been 5 mo. Get to know the guy first plz. How did you not support him (according to him)
Guys, what do you think? is this all normal? or am I exaggerating? Is he only under pressure? or is he trying to make me influence dad's opinion? -------------You're exaggerating.
Note: Dad thinks it's too soon to propose and that he must be after money. I am 100% sure this is not the case. The times we're together are dream, most of our fights are over him smoking or his jealousy. Also didn't you say that your dad was the abusive one? So why are you letting your dad dictate your relationship? Also, again, fighting over him smoking—? You do not own him.
7. He proposed to me while we were in bed!! I took time to respond and that got him bothered that I didn't have the same feelings towards him. ------------------- How is that wrong—If I proposed and the person didn't answer, I'd think they didnt feel the same way I did, of course I'd be pissed.
8. He told me on the same night, that he's afraid if we don't live the rest of our life together, that I'd end up hurt. (Cause he knows I'm conservative) ---------OR maybe because you are already hurt and he doesn't want to see you hurt any longer—?
It does seem he has a jealousy problem but also how clear and communicative are you with him? Its a two way street and sounds like youre the manipulative one, sorry.
Idk her story seems an exaggeration to me. He is definitely not entitled to her but some very trivial things are being magnified. The one reacting in an extreme emotional manner to over-please is her. For all we know he could have been slightly annoyed. And her emotionally abusive father is clearly dictating her life.
I do not think someone should get married after 5mo because to me marriage is sacred, but did she think he was gonna jump for joy when he brings it up and she stays quiet?? Common sense.
What I'm saying is she needs to own her own actions, words, and stand firm with her standards. She too is manipulating him and is exaggerating the story to appear that he is the wild one. Like how angry is he gonna be at her if SHE is the one threatening to leave HIM because he smoked some weed? She admitted he was hurting over it, that's not being emotionally abusive or manipulating to him? Ok.
His jealousy is clearly a problem, but read her story and visualize it happening... not as extreme as her wording would entail.
I do not think someone should get married after 5mo because to me marriage is sacred, but did she think he was gonna jump for joy when he brings it up and she stays quiet?? Common sense.
What I'm saying is she needs to own her own actions, words, and stand firm with her standards. She too is manipulating him and is exaggerating the story to appear that he is the wild one. Like how angry is he gonna be at her if SHE is the one threatening to leave HIM because he smoked some weed? She admitted he was hurting over it, that's not being emotionally abusive or manipulating to him? Ok.
His jealousy is clearly a problem, but read her story and visualize it happening... not as extreme as her wording would entail.
I understand that, I have personally been in an abusive relationship, so trust me, I get it. But I think that since she comes from an emotionally abusive household she is hyper-aware and magnifies the little things, as do I as a result of my experience.
Sometimes you see things that are not there and even the most simplest, normal things can create a ton of fear and hypersensitivity.
Perhaps I am more openminded because I don't care about strip clubs and weed. And when it comes to a proposal, it sounded to me like it was a casual conversation. I have always casually talked with my partner about marriage and to see if we're on the same page and I've actually been proposed to 3 times with rings. 7-8 times where they were clear about marriage as their intent with me. I didn't marry any of them, it was just something that comes up when someone is interested in you. Also, my culture might have a lot to do with it because we are die-hard romantics and marry for life.
Sometimes you see things that are not there and even the most simplest, normal things can create a ton of fear and hypersensitivity.
Perhaps I am more openminded because I don't care about strip clubs and weed. And when it comes to a proposal, it sounded to me like it was a casual conversation. I have always casually talked with my partner about marriage and to see if we're on the same page and I've actually been proposed to 3 times with rings. 7-8 times where they were clear about marriage as their intent with me. I didn't marry any of them, it was just something that comes up when someone is interested in you. Also, my culture might have a lot to do with it because we are die-hard romantics and marry for life.
I will also add that my own fear, hypersensitivity and hyperawareness is what led me here, being in a normal relationship is extremely hard for me now without expecting something to go wrong. It wasn't until my taurus ex, who never raised his voice at me and was always sweet as hell and who also went at a fast pace and also brought up marriage, until we split, I realized how utterly terrorized and affected I was by my previous relationship that I self-sabotaged this one. Its just food for thought. You are probably seeing things from a healthy state, but abuse can really create trauma and alter your perception of things which is what I feel I am getting from her.
No such thing. It's gonna hurt him, no way around that. Just be brutally honest and give him closure.
Anyway last thing I will add is that I'm not trying to make her stay with, if she wants to break up with him then do so.
Ok I appreciate your comments and that you put the time to read and reflect.. I must say I am only posting because as I mentioned in the other post.. My mind is a mess. I am not saying he is emotionally abusive, I am trying to understand why he's acting this way ... I realized if he was abusive he would have tried to lure me in and not for example argue with me. I cant remember how many times he said I'm very kind, who would put up with all these outbursts, jealousy and "what I sometimes view as" controlling behavior (which he neglects) ... I know Taureans are jealous and controlling ...hello I'm one. But it saddens me that he could not see his waya of trying to control a situation.
Update: he did send a long heart-felt apology saying he overreacted n shouldnt have said those things to me. He said I dont need to answer it n he just wanted to let me know hes sorry. Tbh i still feel so hurt.. But i know afterva couple of days I'll text him to check on him. But I feel that things are not looking bright... His ways dont change, i love him but also being incompatible in several ways will not make any marriage possible.
I am still not sure how one can put a closure to this. Im not sure if leaving is for the best. It sucks when your heart n mind want different things 😢
Update: he did send a long heart-felt apology saying he overreacted n shouldnt have said those things to me. He said I dont need to answer it n he just wanted to let me know hes sorry. Tbh i still feel so hurt.. But i know afterva couple of days I'll text him to check on him. But I feel that things are not looking bright... His ways dont change, i love him but also being incompatible in several ways will not make any marriage possible.
I am still not sure how one can put a closure to this. Im not sure if leaving is for the best. It sucks when your heart n mind want different things 😢
Posted by TxOgal
Ok I appreciate your comments and that you put the time to read and reflect.. I must say I am only posting because as I mentioned in the other post.. My mind is a mess. I am not saying he is emotionally abusive, I am trying to understand why he's acting this way ... I realized if he was abusive he would have tried to lure me in and not for example argue with me. I cant remember how many times he said I'm very kind, who would put up with all these outbursts, jealousy and "what I sometimes view as" controlling behavior (which he neglects) ... I know Taureans are jealous and controlling ...hello I'm one. But it saddens me that he could not see his waya of trying to control a situation.
Update: he did send a long heart-felt apology saying he overreacted n shouldnt have said those things to me. He said I dont need to answer it n he just wanted to let me know hes sorry. Tbh i still feel so hurt.. But i know afterva couple of days I'll text him to check on him. But I feel that things are not looking bright... His ways dont change, i love him but also being incompatible in several ways will not make any marriage possible.
I am still not sure how one can put a closure to this. Im not sure if leaving is for the best. It sucks when your heart n mind want different things 😢
My vote would be to wait a ittle longer until the right path clears.
Just give it some time.
He is not the guy for you and he didn't fully comprehend that - maybe because he doesn't know or maybe he doesn't want to know otherwise, the truth is he sounds insecure about himself in the sense that he is not sure about his needs and also sounds as though he gets easily blinded by his love for you.
He probably needs more time alone to reflect and find himself, if and when that happens he will also realize that perhaps this relationship is a stupid idea after all.
He probably needs more time alone to reflect and find himself, if and when that happens he will also realize that perhaps this relationship is a stupid idea after all.
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So, we had a fight, it was supposed to be about him blaming me for not contacting him the past couple of days, because after he proposed to me, father asked both of us not to contact eachother and I asked bf what he'd do .. and that if we won't talk we "at least update eachother" .. bf got all mad and took it the wrong way.. that he shouldn't contact me until he has some update (to him is.. finding an apartment as it was one request for dad to think of approving our marriage bec. he saw he's a man of dreams n not actions.. probably that was a test from dad)
No matter my attempt to fix his assumption, he ended up saying many more hurtful things to me.. like I am cruel, I abandoned him when he needed me the most, he can't trust me anymore, I'm like all the other girls (like all the other girls are not trustworthy?), and the most hurtful thing that really drove me out of this relationship is him saying I must have found another guy to talk to!! That just got me all mad like a real Bull..
Long fight that ended by me refusing to talk unless he knows my value, unless he realizes what shameful accusation he did to me and apologize. And that I am not even sure if I'd accept any apology about it cause plus what he said, it is not the first time that he says he can't trust me when I never gave him any reason to not trust me (It's all based on his past relationships). He called n apologized but ofcourse he was being passive first and said ok I apologize can we continue to solve our issues.. I refused his apology as it is seemed not genuine at all, like he just wants to get it over with n know whether he will continue through this relationship or not. (He actually said that he needs to know where he stands now, even when I told him I'm very mad at this now and I am not ready to discuss anything).
Now, after thinking of this relationship from the beginning, I got so many signs not to continue through it, but again I was blinded by love and only realized we are not meant to be together after 5 whole months.. I need to break up. I do not want to lead him on, because now I made up my mind.
what do you think is better?
1. Wait 3 months till I see if he updated dad by anything? (I got a feeling that dad would not approve of him)
I think it is a bad idea because I'd be leading him on.
2. Or tell him that I cannot get over our last fight? And that I feel he totally dismissed my feelings?
I think he will believe I did not love him that much to get through it... 😢 I do love him but I just know we are not for eachother. I know our life would be miserable.
Do you guys have a better option? I don't want to break his heart even though he broke mine.. but I think we both rushed into this. I think we both know deep down that we are way different.
Thanks for reading and sorry for the long post again ...
cheers