Normal self, very concerned

So, my bull is really going through some hard times and I'm starting to get concerned about him. We normally talk about anything and everything, but i realize he is kinda shutting down.

I'll try to make this as short as possible so please bare with me 😉

My BF didn't have a relationship with his father until July of this year. I found his dad for him and this opend up a whole new world and family to him. He adapted SO well to his new family. I have watched him blossom and mature right before my eyes. It's like his dad and new family have completed him. It's i swear like a Lifetime movie.

We got a call last week, that his dad went into a diabetic coma. his blood sugars were over 2000. No his dad wasn't even type 2. I guess his dad quit taking some meds that triggered all of this. So, he's in adiabetic coma, 106 fever, kidneys shut down, pancrease quit on him, and he's on a respirator. at this point, 60 % is him breathing and 40% is the respirator.

He hasn't really flinched. I mean i see the hurt in his face. I know this is killing him. We received a phone call last tuesday night saying he had a 50/50 chance of making it over the next 24 hours. It took so much to talk him into making the 14 hour drive to go see him. I worked hard at getting us some financial security, not much, but it's enough. So instead of a nice Christmas with presents, we have the money to make trips to see him. I couldn't beleive how much it took me to convince him to go! I realize what money is and his biggest concern was hurting our finances. I took care of everything so he had NOTHING to worry about. Car packed and so on.

Well, he still isn't showing many emotions about the whole ordeal and this is really concerning me. I don't want him snapping and I am seeing signs that is happening. It's natural and i won't care if he snaps on me, whatever it takes to get it out.. help him get through this i will do. He has that rough and tough exterior, but i know he is soft and squeshy on the inside and i know it's building and building.. whatever is coming I'm realy nervous about.

I don't try and make him talk about it. not everyone feels better after talking. I try and be upbeat and chipper even though i'm hurting through all of this as well. He isn't my dad, but it's his. Even in this short time of them "knowing" each other, this man is incredibly important to my BF.

What can i do for him? How can i help him?

I won't speak for all Taureans, but I don't like for ANYBODY including my mom, to see me when I am upset. Everybody grieves in different ways...one way is not right or wrong, but just different. I would just let him know that you are there for him; give him enough distance to work out things on his own, but not too much where he feels abandoned. I know it's a tightrope, but it's important that even when people need space, that they know that there is at least one person who is there for them when they are ready to rejoin the world. I like to work through things on my own, and in my realm of girlfriends I'm the exception. They talk about EVERYTHING that is going on in their life, at great lengths ALL OF THE TIME. I'm not like that. I take care and handle my business alone. That's just me though, because I have a lot of friends that I've had to literally stay at their homes and sleep in their beds with them because they were going through things and couldn't be alone for even a moment. Let him know you are there, and then when he is ready, he will open...it may be a week, month or even a year. It just depends on him, and how he processes things. Also, given that this is sudden, and he just met his father, I'm sure there are a lot of emotions that are churning through him that he probably doesn't know how to handle.

Thanks USC, I'm actually more like you as well, so i totally understand and i'm giving him room to breathe and not pressuring him to talk.

I'm just worried about him building it up until he explodes and wondering if anyone has any ideas from their own experiences on maybe helping him opening up and talking about it.

this is all so crazy. His "old" family seem like they are supportive, but they keep making comments that set him off but he holds it in so he doesn't cause bigger problems. Like, his mom basically stole him in the middle of the night when he was 4 years oldish. She accepts NO responsibility for him growing up without a father, when she hid from him. She hasn't told him i'm sorry i was young and dumb, no NOTHING. So he's holding all of that in. His grandmother "old Family", basically told him he just needs to be thankful he knows his dad now. Well you can't tell someone that when they are just finding out about all of YOUR skeletons.

He was raised having very little, this "new" family are all college educated, family values, awesome people i might add. He feels so slighted, like what could he have been if his dad had been in his life? Would he have been involved in a gang? blah blah. So he has shared a tiny bit that i have caaught listening to him talking to people. But with all of this and all of these emotions and feelings, things are bound to hit the fan sooner or later. I'm just trying to lighten the load i guess.

UGH i feel helpless.

Well 1 thing you must do is give yourself some CREDIT. Don't try to be superwoman b/c you can't control the circumstances that have happend & if you try TOO hard then it'll almost be like you're making this about you. I was in a relationship with similar circumstances (the guy finally found his dad years later) & all I'm going to say is don't do anything out of the ordinary. Just be your usual supportive self. Understand that this whole situation is bigger than you & him & your relationship. Of course you're going to see him acting weird..hell I'm sure this side of him is new to him just as much as it's new to you. The best thing you can do is just be your normal supportive & "I'm here for you" self. This guy feels that he's been cheated out of his other half all of his life. And the minute he finally found the other missing puzzle piece, he's facing the reality that THAT too might leave this earth. What made him feel complete is about to leave him & this time FOR GOOD so this guy is full of emotions right now & unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. And it's even worse that the status of his dad's health is not official. It would be different if his dad was declared officially dead or officially healthy again, BUT he's not. His dad is 50/50 so so are your man's emotions. B/c there is no official ruling on his dad's well being, there is no way for this guy to know how to react. He doesn't want to blow up so hard just to find out that it was all for nothing and that his dad turned out to be okay. But then again he doesn't want to act too hopeful either just to get let down again. You had to convince him so hard to go b/c he probably wasn't ready to face that kind of situation. It's no different than how some people aren't strong enough to go to their relative's (who they loved more than life itself) funeral. Everybody deals with grief differently. Since you know he's a ticking time bomb, just allow him to explode. Regardless of what he does, (whether it's explode or keep it all in) it seems that he's controlling his emotions for the good of everybody, including hiself. So just let him be & hope that when this is all over, he'll remember that you never left his side. But don't be so overly protective & concerned that you end up being the cause of his explosing. Remember, you giving him so much love might remind him of the love that he might miss if his dad passes, & weirdly, that could be his breaking point.

When it comes to grieving there really is no wrong or right way to react/respond to everything. Even if your man decides to just finally explode one day, like you said..atleast he would've gotten it all off his chest. And even though it'll be a rough & unpleasant experience for everyone else, it might be the first step to his healing. But don't worry about the why's & the hows right now b/c you'll just drive yourself crazy. I know you like him alot & want him to be safe & not do anything drastic, but when it comes to facing the possibility of losing the best thing that ever happend to you, it'd be almost suspicious for someone's emotions NOT to be running wild & crazy. Everything he's doing & all the "warning signs" he's showing are normal. I think this situation goes well beyond him being a Taurus. Yes, he may do the Taurean thing & keep it all inside, BUT one good thing about Taurus is that when they need something they won't hesitate to ask for it, considering they do so much for others. If he needs you to step it up or be there for him any more than you already have, he'll let you know. The best thing you can do for him is give him his space. You being all up in his face and/or pressuring him won't change the reality of what he's facing. I know this is a confusing experience for you b/c it's like um..what do I say, what do I do? BUT understand that since this hasn't happend to you & that since this situation is out of EVERYONE's control, the only thing you can do is sit back & see what'll happen. Trying to figure out & analyze everything will just drive you crazy & once you start to get overly confused & analytical, it'll start showing & it might affect how well you are OR aren't there for him. I'm sure he's got a hundred people watching him closely, trying to figure out if he's about to snap or not. The pressure is on him so of course him being a Taurus, he's going to play it cool. BUT that's just how he is & that won't change. Him being that way is how he manages to protect himself, & not take things out on his loved ones. Depending on how you look at things, in my eyes, that's a GOOD thing. What'll make him snap is everybody constantly in his face trying to analyze him & worrying about him. Taurus likes to be the crutch & backbone of everything so when they're down, men will be men & will try to save face as much as they can. That's just nature

Thanks for the comments.

krys - WOW, I really needed to hear what you had to say and I can't tell you how much i appreciate you taking the time to break that down for me so it registers in my nonstop brain. Not everything sinks in, and I just really needed that blunt approach so i realized it.

Well his dad passed away on New Years Day. hard times, i dont think he was even prepared for how he would feel. 😢

I'm very sorry to hear that BabyGrl, I don't need to tell you to just be there for him. 😢

Posted by BaBy-GrL414
Well his dad passed away on New Years Day. hard times, i dont think he was even prepared for how he would feel. 😢

I'm sorry 😢
I know you will take care of him and be there for him...whenever he needs you.

Well that funeral was an experience for me. My poor bull completely broke down. 😢 His Dad's family was wonderful though and really helped him get through it. Thanks for all the comments and thoughts!