Putting on weight

My very good friend of 5 years is starting to put on weight. She started a new job about 3 months ago where she works away for (3 weeks) 21 days solid and home for 7 days rest. With this new position, she is feed 3 meals a day and has her own living quarters. From what I can gather, the food is self service but everything is cooked and ready to eat so I imagine bacon and eggs etc would be on hand for breakfast every morning.

Anyway, at first there was little weight gain every time she came home again. But this time around I am clearly noticing huge gain and she isn't the type to shy from food. Can I tell her, gently, that she needs to start being wary of it. If so how is the best way of going about it? It's the worst thing in the world to be told or to try and tell someone. I think she needs to hear it though but I'm very well aware that she already knows...should I perhaps have a word to her sister instead to approach her?

I'm very thin and have recently lost weight due to excess exercise and a split, so I might not be the best person to be telling her something like this. But I do believe with our friendship, it could be alright providing I say it in the right way...

you can start off with this sentence

Do you know in another 2 months you might contribute towards country obesity statistics?

This is my friend and I want that friendship in tact... I am a Libra and that to me would be hurtful...perhaps you were joking idk?

Wow this one needs plenty of tact. I have a small circle of friends who I can always be blatantly honest with. I'm so blessed that I don't have to pussyfoot around any issue with them... Perhaps because most of them are Gems or Scorps they can handle my in your face honesty.

She actually asked about a gym that opened in the area where she is working, i am affiliated with this gym and gyms in general and yes, I believe she may still have a membership here but think she doesn't use it anymore with the new work regime. She spends a lot of time and money when she is home beautifying herself, hair, makeup beauty therapies. She is a gorgeous looking lady.

I know what you are saying, because I know how I would feel having it said to me...what about getting her sister to do it? They are close.

I know she will understand...I mean she has commented on another friend putting on weight to me and I understand with men it is a totally different approach. But definitely bringing up her work schedule and stress there and the abundance of wrong food is the best angle to take.

Dress shopping clearly points out the weight gain, I know! But tbh, I think she knows just doesn't realise how much.

what i want to know is what is her job? i saw on your other post you are from australia, me too! im guessing she works in the mines? they get fed heaps!! a few of my male friends do it, they do have gyms on site though!

Posted by MilkySoft

Posted by sweethearts
She actually asked about a gym that opened in the area where she is working, i am affiliated with this gym and gyms in general and yes, I believe she may still have a membership here but think she doesn't use it anymore with the new work regime. She spends a lot of time and money when she is home beautifying herself, hair, makeup beauty therapies. She is a gorgeous looking lady.

I know what you are saying, because I know how I would feel having it said to me...what about getting her sister to do it? They are close.

Oh? Well this is good. Why not just bring up the gym again in conversation? Since you are affiliated with it, it shouldn't seem like some big random hint. You could ask her if she's still going, she might confess about how she really wants to get back into better shape or something.

I'm really close to my friends and they know I will be direct about things like this...it's not that I'm critical, I just really care about them and feel responsible if something like this got out of hand.

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I think her work days are near 10-12 hours and 21 days straight would be quite exhausting plus I also think the gym is a fair trip away. She is working in the outback towns in Australia. And to control weight will need to cut back on calories and do cardio. But I will ask if they have a gym within the compound...I think they should have with this type of work. The other gym is at home but she might have cancelled her membership only being here I week out of the month.

See the hardest part is once you have a healthy appetite, it takes pure willpower to control and stop yourself from overeating. Even being thin, I have days where because of my high protein diet, I loose control and binge eat and can sometimes not satisfy. Last night she power through a huge meal of hamburger and chips even though just before eating it she said she wasn't really hungry!

Posted by scorpio24
what i want to know is what is her job? i saw on your other post you are from australia, me too! im guessing she works in the mines? they get fed heaps!! a few of my male friends do it, they do have gyms on site though!

Similar to the mines but she works in North Qld for Origin (electrical company) She is just in the accounts department so a sit down job. And yes I have a few male friends in the mines and ALL of them get fat because of that life style .

It doesn't help being older too because your metabolism slows down and it's harder to lose weight.

Thanks for that Justaleo,

I believe I am being a better friend for being concerned about her weight gain. I mean others will just talk about it and that's horrible!

But last night I noticed when we were out that she was wanting to stay hidden away in a corner and not right in amongst it all.

Well to be fair, we spoke of a couple of friends that had also put on weight. But we aren't close enough to them to be able to broach the subject.

My own brother is obese and I try all the time with him but can't get through. He thinks that if he exercises a little he can eat what he wants. We went to the gym for almost 2 years together and he trained so hard but never really lost weight and it was because he would go home and have coffee and cake afterwards because in his mind, he earned it. I have tried talking to him about it but that's the way he thinks!

She I believe will be more open to hearing it, it will cut because that subject never gets spoken of unscathed but then it will be up to her to either do something about it or not. I will encourage her all I can.

My daughter just told me recently that my ex while I was with him made me fat...I knew I had put on weight but didn't realise how much and how noticeable. I asked her why she didn't say anything...in hindsight, I think I would have preferred she tell me.

Yes, she knows but I don't think she realises how noticeable it is. I would guess near 2 sizes and 10 kilos in as short as 3 months.

Posted by PurrrrrrHissssss
It's fucking annoying and pointless when people think they need to intervene when it comes to obvious things.

"You need to lose weight!"
"You need to gain weight!"
"You need to stop drinking!"
"You need to stop smoking!"

People know. They'll do it when they're ready.

You're wrong, a lot of people need encouragement. They might think or want to do something but they need encouragement from others, people that care about them in order to get there. A friend of mine recently gave up her smoking habit of 20 years...because all her friends encouraged her through years...in the beginning, she had no desire to give it up. She is now 6 months smoke free and I might add is happy to have concurred it!

You just need to be companion with your friend to hit the gym

Some people wont get started unless being drag by others

True friends suppose be honestly 'honest' ... she should think that will outsiders give a damn to her?

perhaps you start with showing this site to her ... show her the impossible ... 😄

http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/bbinfo.php?page=FemaleTransformation

I personally work out 6 days a week. Most of our friends are all in the gym scene and fitness freaks and she used to go when she lived a normal work life. Remembering her work schedule, 3 weeks away working 21 days straight and only 1 week home catching up on everything and everyone which normally is going out to breakfast lunch or dinner. She obviously will have to WANT to get back into training.

She asked about the gym because I am affiliated with it, and it's 30 mins drive from her work, not sure she was asking to join but I can get her cheap rates so I will ask tonight if she is interested in joining and I will speak to the owners.

I'll feel her out tonight re the weight gain, see if she volunteers the info and if I don't feel like she will take my saying so then I will talk to her sister and get her to speak to her.

She's never been a small girl, but what is happening is every 3 weeks when she comes home for her break she is clearly getting bigger and bigger.

My profession is within the fitness industry...I'm sure I can approach it without losing her respect or being too harsh on her.

You know, you can make all the excuses you want about how hard it is to hear something like this but in all fairness, this is for her/your own good. I don't believe she has low self esteem at all...she's just making poor choices with food because it's easier to just give in to it. I'm sure these places offer the healthy options like cereal and/or bacon and eggs...salads and/or pastas etc. It's all a matter of choice and quantity! And I'm even sure they will have a gym or workout area, I know they do in the mines.

We went out last night, she looked gorgeous as usual and we danced and had fun. Prior to going out we talked about her circumstances at work and there is a gym there although she doesn't get to it much. And the days are long and tiring. At this point I'm not saying anything because I feel she is still comfortable with herself and don't feel it would accomplish anything. I also think she'll come to her own realisation after hearing her.

At metoo..if you think a better person is one that sticks her head in the sand like an ostrich so be it..if my friends are talked about because of their actions, I will bring it to their attention and I would expect the same because friends that are close can take/receive it from each other. This girl and I are friends for life and something like this will not tear us apart. Think your issues are your own insecurity!

21 days working straight near 12 hour days is stressful. Talking to her, they all have to eat before 6.30am and at 6.00 - 7.00 pm and then she's in bed by 8.30 pm every night.

No thyroid problems..I think it really is just the change in her life and working. We are making home made muesli today and she'll be taking that back...think her sister and her may have already talked about it.

Posted by CluelessCancer

Posted by sweethearts
Well to be fair, we spoke of a couple of friends that had also put on weight. But we aren't close enough to them to be able to broach the subject.

My own brother is obese and I try all the time with him but can't get through. He thinks that if he exercises a little he can eat what he wants. We went to the gym for almost 2 years together and he trained so hard but never really lost weight and it was because he would go home and have coffee and cake afterwards because in his mind, he earned it. I have tried talking to him about it but that's the way he thinks!

She I believe will be more open to hearing it, it will cut because that subject never gets spoken of unscathed but then it will be up to her to either do something about it or not. I will encourage her all I can.

Your brother needs to see a therapist or a naturopath immediately. Diabetes is no joke!

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Yes, unfortunately it will take something huge like that for him to change. Some people can't help themselves unless they have a real scare. A couple of friends who are only in their 40's had minor heart attacks and have totally changed their lives!

Posted by chopstickcharmer
doesn't sound like terribly huge meals. perhaps it's your age/ getting older/ etc... u need the weight to not look like a shriveled prune anyways.

This is also true, even I put on weight a lot easier now as I am older and find it harder to move.

Posted by JustALeo

Posted by sweethearts
21 days working straight near 12 hour days is stressful. Talking to her, they all have to eat before 6.30am and at 6.00 - 7.00 pm and then she's in bed by 8.30 pm every night.

No thyroid problems..I think it really is just the change in her life and working. We are making home made muesli today and she'll be taking that back...think her sister and her may have already talked about it.

No offense but that's an excuse. As humans we are capable of adapting and overcoming our situations, 21 days straight on 12 hours is nothing. It may be a new life style for your friend but she can't be using that as her excuse the whole time. The first day I stepped into my new schedule I made a new schedule including work outs. Even with no gym, you can still do some pretty amazing exercises. I'm not trying to sound mean and I don't mean to...but change happens all the time, encourage her to own the change and to over come it.

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Yes it is I know that, however, it's really hard to motivate someone else especially when you are no longer around them as much. I do what I do and have times when I tire of it or throw my diet and give in to a carb attack...but then have to pull myself back up there. She has to want to do it for herself at the end of the day...all I can do is encourage her and talk. Her sister is also a fitness freak these days as is everyone of our friends. It's a new way of life in our circle and hopefully she'll come back.

The thing is, it is a life style ....it's not a yoyo diet. We live within an environment that is totally focused on working out. Don't know what it is like for you in America but here in the Gold Coast and Australia almost everyone has a gym membership or participates in sports and fitness of some kind.

Fitness has gone crazy here and it's great. We are dealing with people complaining because there are too many bootcamps using public places like the beaches and making too much noise in the mornings. Some boot camps can have up to 40-50 people attending! So now the councils after pushing free fitness boot camps for all are wanting to charge for them using that excuse!~! It's really just monetary gain imo

Even my 73 year old mother and 59 year old step dad trains with me Monday and Wednesday night at boot camp. It's done them a world of good.

I adopted this life style to meet people but wouldn't stop now or stop encouraging others.

We have talked a bit all weekend about health issues, not about anyone putting on weight in particular but I understand more now. She does in fact have a low active thyroid and is on medication for it...that adds to the excessive weight with the additional food.. best thing I can do is just keep on talking the way we do..no Need to point finger..just keep those communication lines open because if the weight gain continues, I know I'll eventually say something or suggest something More to do. With the thyroid condition, if she exercises it exhausts her more..I noticed after we went out dancing that she couldn't get off the couch all day and felt she needed vitamins...turns out this is party if her condition.

Posted by idk

Posted by sweethearts
My very good friend of 5 years is starting to put on weight. She started a new job about 3 months ago where she works away for (3 weeks) 21 days solid and home for 7 days rest. With this new position, she is feed 3 meals a day and has her own living quarters. From what I can gather, the food is self service but everything is cooked and ready to eat so I imagine bacon and eggs etc would be on hand for breakfast every morning.

Anyway, at first there was little weight gain every time she came home again. But this time around I am clearly noticing huge gain and she isn't the type to shy from food. Can I tell her, gently, that she needs to start being wary of it. If so how is the best way of going about it? It's the worst thing in the world to be told or to try and tell someone. I think she needs to hear it though but I'm very well aware that she already knows...should I perhaps have a word to her sister instead to approach her?

I'm very thin and have recently lost weight due to excess exercise and a split, so I might not be the best person to be telling her something like this. But I do believe with our friendship, it could be alright providing I say it in the right way...

LET YOUR FRIEND GAIN THE WEIGHT SHE WANTS. you skinny bitch, you.

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Wouldn't be a problem if I could see she didn't care about herself but I know she does because she spends a great deal of time and money on beauty products. And I am skinny because I have a healthy regime with diet and exercise, my body takes effort and sacrifice, it's not just a given and I could very easily put on weight.. Some people just care for their friends as well as themselves!

Anyway, she emailed today and has started back at the gym after work every night. She is training with a fellow worker so all our talking about food & health has worked. It obviously was very much in her mind that she was putting on weight and she was looking to do something about it herself. US girls openly talking about it and me mentioning how exhausted she is has made her think to do something at least...maybe with her condition the working out is not as beneficial but at least she is getting back out there to try things.

Thanks for all the useful comments, this topic is always a hard one but there is no point in sticking your

rest of that comment...


No point sticking your head in the sand. Weight issues are real they add to depression and poor health and extra loads on our system through medical problems which add to over eating and the same vicious cycle...not talking about it does't help in fact all it does is allow it to continue. Education and doing things the right way and being informed is the only way to combat it....so keep talking....if you really care for your loved ones!!

Posted by idk
YESSSS!! it WORKED then. you manipulated the situation to your advantage. Your friend is now working out to fit the image you see of her. She has seen your point of view and said "I agree with sweethearts. i am too fat to be her friend. she will not like me anymore if i do not make an effort to project an image that is pleasing to sweethearts. i MUST do as she wants me to." you are a master of societal-contortioning, sweethearts.... your world is now complete... for now.........

+1

Maybe you can approach the subject as if you are looking into a new diet or workout.... I find that knowing the other person is struggling in the same area I am is helpful and will often end up with me telling them my struggles as well.

I think this approach is much softer than anything else and that anything different would feel more like an attack.

Ex: So I have been putting on some weight in such and such area and it's making me feel uncomfortable.
Ex: I want to slim down or tone up such and such area and am looking for a new workout for it.
Ex: Ugh, I went shopping and nothing fits anymore! I am so frustrated.

These will likely lead to a situation where you can make friend pacts to do things proactively together.....

The only drawback I have is that since you work at a gym you may already talk about fitness and diet a lot.... so you may have to push the subject a little more to pull her out.

Also, for some people it's not as simple as it is for others so make sure to have some good easy ideas of things to suggest to get her going. For instance, the 30 day squat challenge! You guys can call each other before/after you do them so you are keep tabs!

There's a way to overcome any objection, you just have to be prepared.

Shit, sorry SW

All good Gemsra, nice to see you again 🙂 Wow you coming back may create a stir around the Gem board, you've been a popular topic...

Her sister is talking to her openly about diet and exercise. She has started working out regularly so I think within herself she obviously felt the need, so encouragement is where it's at now. And because of my work/business situation it is easier to talk openly about it.

You're a stirrer 😛