Taurus/Capricorn

Im a capricorn who's with a Taurus guy. We have been friends for a long time before we started dating. I know he is the jealous/controlling/insecure (though he wont admit it) /insensitive type but I accepted that a long time ago. I figured I could deal with it since I understand he has major trust issues, and the best I can do is assure him that I wont cheat on him. He is also not the expressive type, which I'm used to since I've known him for a long time.

But, sometimes I feel like he does not appreciate me coz he knows I'm gonna be there NO MATTER WHAT. I have accepted who he is..but I cant help being hurt by his actions. 😢



How can I tell him these things w/o sounding clingy or needy?

He's fell into a comfort zone with you, and it seems the tone is set. I remember on another board reading about a Cap having to leave her taurus because he just got way too comfortable. Not much I can add because I'm not there, never been, but can definitely see how it can happen. Hopefully you get some help here.

I think that's why Cap's and Tau's DO love each other...we both need and expect for the other to be there no matter what...we find stability in one another.
Make sure you show him you love him by actions,and slowly he will come to trust you.
We love really hard,and many of us have to overcome the "once bitten, twice shy" syndrome at some point in our lives.
You have to be patient,and open with your feelings.Just tell him your feelings in a non dramatic way,and I'm sure he won't find that clingy or needy.

Btw....Taurus NEEDS comfort in a relationship.if two people aren't comfortable...why be together?

I am a CAP, but I do know how to truly love. That's why I really want to work things out with my Taurus guy because I dont wanna lose him. The night after I posted this message, we had a misunderstanding, and the next day he acted like everything is okay again.. and ME (not wanting to make matters worse) just decided to let it go.. (which is a routine btw everytime we fight)..

Maybe he thinks its okay, since I dont say anything.. ya think?

Posted by fetishfeet
I am a CAP, but I do know how to truly love. That's why I really want to work things out with my Taurus guy because I dont wanna lose him. The night after I posted this message, we had a misunderstanding, and the next day he acted like everything is okay again.. and ME (not wanting to make matters worse) just decided to let it go.. (which is a routine btw everytime we fight)..

Maybe he thinks its okay, since I dont say anything.. ya think?

Since I'm there's similarities between the signs, I'll assume that they may be a little like we are when we are upset. I know personally, if I don't want to talk about something I become silent and handle it on my own time, and if I'm over it, I'm over it. Maybe him acting like everything is okay is his way of letting it go.

Thing that scares me, about them and other fixed signs, are the blow-ups. So you just never know when all of it may come back, but just let him take the lead in that, I guess. Why don't you say anything?

aquadiesel, you are a male? If so, that makes your posts all the more interesting.

I'm a Capricorn and my mother is an Aquarius. She doesn't get me, and although she's dated 5-6 Capricorns in the past, she still doesn't get us. She's dating one now, and she is so concerned with him playing games, she's starting to play them. The same pattern is starting with her and this Cap, which will eventually lead to her going crazy. They just got into it the other day, and she told both my sister and I the story, and the conclusion we came to...she was in the wrong, but she's just sooo concerned with beating him at his own game lol. She's at the stage where she's challenging EVERYTHING he says, because she hates how he states his opinion as if they are final lol.

btw, when I was a kid, my mom would always ask if I loved her. She would be like "do you even love me?" Of course I did, but that just describes the misunderstanding between the signs. Ah well..

*high fives M*

Posted by lnana04

Posted by fetishfeet
I am a CAP, but I do know how to truly love. That's why I really want to work things out with my Taurus guy because I dont wanna lose him. The night after I posted this message, we had a misunderstanding, and the next day he acted like everything is okay again.. and ME (not wanting to make matters worse) just decided to let it go.. (which is a routine btw everytime we fight)..

Maybe he thinks its okay, since I dont say anything.. ya think?

Since I'm there's similarities between the signs, I'll assume that they may be a little like we are when we are upset. I know personally, if I don't want to talk about something I become silent and handle it on my own time, and if I'm over it, I'm over it. Maybe him acting like everything is okay is his way of letting it go.

Thing that scares me, about them and other fixed signs, are the blow-ups. So you just never know when all of it may come back, but just let him take the lead in that, I guess. Why don't you say anything?

click to expand

Guess im just afraid if i say something (like its still not okay with me..).. it will only make matters worse? hmmm.. my Taurus guy is complicated... and deep.

and he told me before we were together (friendship stage)... that he usually wont tell a girl he loves her unless he is 101% sure that he knows her like the back of his hand.

guess it all boils down to TRUST issue. ( he had a not-so-good experience w/ his EX-relationship, and it almost ruined him...) *sigh.. it took me a year to prove my sincerity.. haha.

"But, sometimes I feel like he does not appreciate me coz he knows I'm gonna be there NO MATTER WHAT. I have accepted who he is..but I cant help being hurt by his actions"

All that assuring will get you taken for granted. You can't allow yourself to be controlled by his trust issues because if you behave in a way that says I'm going to take BS off of you no matter what well he'll take over the relationship, suddenly there is no we and it's just HE (it's all about him and his needs only and subsequently be the only thing that matters), you can't blame him though because you're part of the problem why he thinks this way (you're enabling), when you enable you end up tap dancing around his trust issues then you lose all your bargaining power in the relationship, YOU LOSE and your losing his respect as well.

Ease up on reassuring him, if you have to constantly assure him so he can feel safe then you miss the point of being with a man, it's not your job to reassure him and to make him trust, THAT'S HIS RESPONSIBILITY to look past his own fears and push himself out of his comfort zone to trust another person, if you are the one doing his soul work for him then you LOSE him and you lose yourself, you turn into his mother and lose a lover, he's not a baby, as long as you know you are not going out of your way to make him feel insecure then that should be enough, you can't allow his complicated personality and trust issues to take you over, live your life not dictated by his insecurities or you'll lose yourself and losing self is way worse than anything you could ever do to yourself.

It took you a year to prove your sincerity and that's the problem, he's taking you for granted because your too in love and too naive to understand that you never have prove anything to a man or you'll lose yourself and invite mistreatment.

You don't have to tell him anything, just stop reassuring him, stop all of the things that is INVITING MISTREATMENT, stop DOING all the things you were doing to prove to him you are sincere and just be yourself. Who were you before he came into your life? What hobbies did you do? Did you do weekend girl trips? Did you go out on Saturday nights with your girlfriends? Whatever you stopped doing to reassure him go back to doing it, go live your life and he'll soon realize the scales have leaned back to the middle were it's equal and not all on his side only.

He has to share with you but he can't do that if your doing all the relationship work, what happens when we women take on the whole relationship is the man will stop doing the things he needs to do to keep you happy, he'll stop taking interest in demonstrating he loves you, he'll stop giving, he'll stop finding ways to make you happy and to keep the relationship thriving. Why? Because you've made it ALL about him thus he'll notice you are AFRAID to lose him, he'll see you jumping through hoops and he'll recognize you are afraid to lose him and then he realizes he WIELDS ALL the power and control over you, he'll lose all desire to do things to keep you in the relationship which means you have to make an effort to stop dancing around his issues and feelings and be confident, secure, stop being afraid and stop allowing his trust issues to control you.

Great thing is all of this can be changed just by you behaving differently, if you stop doing what your doing, the dynamics of the relationship will shift from just him back over to you and you'll see a significant change in how he treats you.

When a man know he has a 100% hold over a woman he'll take her for granted (this can't be avoided), no fear of loss for him well he'll relax all his efforts to keep you, he's safe, he's secure you aren't going anywhere but the downside to that is he'll lose ALL ATTRACTION for his woman, when he know you are slightly out of reach it keeps the relationship thriving, the more effort he puts into the relationship keeps him feeling attracted to his mate and keeps the relationship balanced because there is enough tension created that keeps him involved, giving and focused on keeping you in his life, many many women do this 100% assurance thing and wonder why she's being taken for granted, her giving herself away 100% invites mistreatment, most women don't know the long term effects of being this way, it has a negative impact on her and a negative impact on the relationship.

^ Nice perspective.

@tiki33: wow.. you gave me lots of things to think about while i was reading your post. appreciate it.. thanks! =)

It was totally unrelated to the OP, M got it..I got it. Thanks for the interpretation though.

So what's going on Fetish. Update.

*curtsy*

Posted by ArticleL
So what's going on Fetish. Update.

haven't checked in a while..

I thought I could hold back.. and ya know.. just keep quiet and let it be..
but my gut feeling tells me another thing.. so a few days ago.. i started standing up for myself..and showed him i can be angry. (especially when i see him being too friendly with others)

it felt good seeing him react when he knew i was mad. (haha..)

he assured me there was nobody else and i should not worry..simple words..but with his personality, it was an effort on his part.

i just want to make him feel that im his girlfriend. not some doormat display.

Posted by fetishfeet

Posted by ArticleL
So what's going on Fetish. Update.

i just want to make him feel that im his girlfriend. not some doormat display.

click to expand

Good keeping letting him know assert yourself don't kill him though 😛

something funny though

we were watching a movie few nights ago about this married couple.. and there's this girl who started running after the husband.. the wife went ballistic when she found out.

so i told him if ever somebody goes after you.. its gonna be war. =)

he smiled as if he just heard the most amazing thing in the world. haha..

Posted by fetishfeet
something funny though

we were watching a movie few nights ago about this married couple.. and there's this girl who started running after the husband.. the wife went ballistic when she found out.

so i told him if ever somebody goes after you.. its gonna be war. =)

he smiled as if he just heard the most amazing thing in the world. haha..

Loyalty 😛

So cute I hope this works out instead of turning into a it was fine but we just couldn't.......

Posted by scorchedearth

Posted by aquadiesel
if i were her i wouldnt date cap men...

as an air sign you might not see the deep connection that earth has with each other. it's very very real. it's also very different from the connection we may make with a different element. btw, i'm not saying it's better. though it is very different.

click to expand

i definitely know what you mean.. it's not cloud nine all the time..but the connection is really different.

its just hard sometimes ya know.. especially if the taurus man is not that expressive with what he thinks and feels..

things are going oh so well..

but there is this 'older' girl.. i know that they are friends.. because they used to belong under one cluster..

back when we were not officially together yet, i heard her call my man 'babe.' but she also calls other people in their cluster sort of like 'pet names.' i did not really mind.. although i was a bit off with it.

fast forward to today.. this 'older' girl got transferred to another department and they dont see each other often.

last time he told me he was gonna go hang out with his old clustermates.. so i said yes.. even though knowing 'she' will be there together with a bunch of people i also know. i did not really mind the nagging feeling since i dont want to feel paranoid and all of them now know that my man and i are an item already (including this 'girl')

i know nothing is going on.. but i just dont want anybody calling my man 'babe!'

a few days after.. i saw a picture in facebook that really pissed me off. it had the tag lines of 'AT bar with babe'.

i was like wtf?!!!

am i losing it? i fought with him that day.. and he assured me nothing is going on.

but i just dont like it!!! grrr!!!

Glad to hear thing are going well for ya.. *Thumbs up*

As for your issue, It seems to me that your getting upset or feeling insecure to him about something she's doing. Sounds like this other woman knows you two are together, So at best he can just say to her that she needs to tone down the 'babe'. After that, what can he do?.. Personally I don't really see a issue with it, you said yourself that she called other people in the group pet names too. But, if it really bothers you that much, tell him... calmly...

I will say this, whether your right or wrong with how you feel, If your coming at my throat with something I'll probably dig my feet in and get defensive. Whether you have a valid point or not, come at me guns blazing and you'll get me arguing often.

If he had to reassure you that nothing was going on. If you meant to or not, I bet he got the feeling that you were doubting, or calling in to question his loyalty. For me as a Taur, and I think a lot of us are the same. But we pride ourselves on our loyalty. To the point that if you called my loyalty into question I would feel that as a hit on my character, or me as a person.. I mean come on, he's a Taur, that means from time to time women are going to throw them self at him.. haha 😉 Don't let there actions make you feel insecure or call into question his loyalty. Trust me, if he's any kind of good guy he's not even doubting where he lays his head every night.. If anything, be proud.. 'Yeah, damn right he's a bad-ass attractive guy, He's MY bad-ass attractive guy that goes home with ME.. So neener neener'... hahaha 😉
Let'em drool all they want, he's yours..

On the other hand though, if it really bothers you that much and you come at me with a calm and level head. Not trying to blame me for someone else's actions. Again, regardless if I felt you are right or wrong with the way you felt, regardless of 'whats the big deal' feeling I might have about it. You often might find me taking you side, and putting in the extra effort to do what I can to make sure it doesn't happen. Just simply because I care about you, and want you to be happy..
(Don't make this a chore though, loading all your insecurities on his shoulders.. Maybe split the work load with him, give him the heavy lifting and you take care of the small shit.. haha 😉 )

Hell, us Taur's love our security. We own, and love to be owned. So calmly stake your claim with a 'you're mine, nobody gets to call you babe other then me' and with me anyway, would at the very least get a nice ear to ear grin. Maybe even some warm fuzzies.. haha.. As the security lovin fool we are, its nice to know were you fit in someones life. Its nice to know that someone will sick up for the 'private property - keep out' claim they've made.. haha.. So long as its done calmly and drama free 😉

Something to consider anyway, hope it helps... And best wishes for you two..

I think it's an interesting situation.

As a Cap, I think we expect our partners to handle it, which can cause a lot of unnecessary conflict in itself, whereas there are many women that would handle it themselves. Then there are guys that would put a stop to it since they know it's a bit of disrespect to the woman they are with.

I agree that hopefully the talk was calm, and I also agree not to put it all on his shoulders, however, I'm sure it would be nice for him to stand up and say that type of name-calling has to stop. If he can't get her to ease up on calling him sweet names, then maybe you have to bring it to her attention? Who knows

From hanging with my friend, I noticed that if we were ever together I would have serious issues with women. It's not so much insecurity as it is respect. It's nagging, especially if you consider yourself to be very respectful of others relationships.

@Taurguy: thanks. i needed to hear that. especially coming from a Tau guy =) hahaha. and i also needed to hear it from him that nothing is going on. i get mad easily,but i also calmed down quickly.

i dont know.. since he isnt really much of an expressive guy.. i think i just needed assurance. its a bit crazy at times..but i dont really wanna doubt him.

and you're right.. i do admit.. insecurity gets the best of me sometimes.. im trying to deal with it coz i wanna be comfy as well even if we are not together.

im usually the calm type of woman. dats why i dont like being bothered with something. after that incident though, it was never bought up again. things are back to where it should be.

i definitely agree with the 'woman throwing themselves at him'.. hahaha.. but its nice to know that not all bad-ass guys are really bad!! hahaha!!

@lnana04: hopefully it will not happen again. now that he knows i dont really like the idea of anybody calling him petnames. that 'girl' is not exactly my friend although we do have common friends.

i'm not really good with confrontations.. i really hope it wont be an issue again. i dont wanna be insecure or jealous.. but sometimes its not easy to be okay with it.

Accept that all the good you see in him, others will too. The difference? His eyes are on you, his heart is yours. Let it roll off your back. She could call him Schmoodle-oodle-Pooky-Pies ( how's that for barf factor, eh? ) but you are the one smiling at the end of the day when his arms are wrapped round you. Get your mind wrapped round the fact that there is no competition for his affections. You've done blown that out of the water by being his woman alone. When a Tau chooses, it's with all of self. Remember that.

If you don't feel that's quite enough on its own..there's always black leather, a riding crop and a rousing "SAY MY NAME BITCH!" 😉

lnana

You absolutely have a solid point. I agree that respect for the other person in the relationship should be a large part of where you draw the line when it comes to the behavior you accept, Another large part of that should be the ground rules you already have as part of your character, or your loyalty.. I think we can agree that if while I was in a relationship with someone I thought it was ok to not say anything about being taken to soak up the attention of women hitting on me. Yes, that would be disrespectful to the person I was in a relationship with, and yes, those things should be taken care of by me. And absolutely would be.

But we're not talking about that, we're talking about someone being called a pet name (Babe). And here's where we might disagree. And as such I'd like to understand your view point more. Because, perhaps, something that I've always taken for granted could be viewed completely different by someone I care about.

So my take on the pet name thing is 'Its no big deal'. Any given day, I can be called; babe, sweetie, honey, or even sexy. By; Bank tellers, gas station attendants, grocery store cashiers, transit driver ect. Even by friends. I have one friend, that has pretty much always called me 'babe' and I know she has no interest in me as anything other then a friend, and I in her. Just simply the way she addresses me, and a few others. Personally I save the pet names for someone that I have romantic feelings for, but I understand that not everyone see it the same as me, and therefor depending on the emotion behind the pet name when said will almost always pay it no mind.. Just a casual or informal way some people address me.. Furthermore to be telling the ones calling me these pet names 'please don't do that' in order maintain a respectful relationship seems a little over the top and dramatic..

So help open up my mind a little if you disagree..

The only pass I'd give the co-worker was the fact that she started calling him "babe" before their relationship.

I think pet names are slightly flirtatious and in the company of the person you are with borderline disrespectful. I would never have a picture with a taken coworker that says "AT bar with babe" on my facebook. The first thing that will pop into someone's mind is "Is that her boyfriend?" just because of how he's addressed. I would never call a guy other than my boyfriend sexy, honey, or babe. Its a little too friendly/flirtatious for my liking.

I feel that guys can sometimes have a bit more respect when it comes to other guys and the women they are with. Now I could be wrong lol, but if you go to a party with your girlfriend, and your female co-worker friend is there with her boyfriend(whom you don't know), would you walk up to her and say "hey Babe(sweetie, honey, sexy)!," in front of her boyfriend? Would you post a pic on your facebook of that co-worker, that's taken, saying "At bar with honey!" on your facebook? Would you think it's over the top or dramatic for her boyfriend to say "Hey man, I don't like that" to you?

It really may not be a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it can create problems. I remember turning around and catching my friend sticking his tongue out at this girl who was flirting and smiling as she twisted away, then hitting his homeboy next to him as to say "Oh yeah, I got that!" Then the girl looked at me. I said to him "I think she likes you" his reply, "Naaahhh, she don't like me like thhaaattt." My point is lol, if you are anything like him, then you can possibly be clueless to who has interest in you. Other ladies can sniff it out, and it can start by things as simple as being called sexy, honey, babe. It eliminates a boundary that should be there to differentiate your girl from your friend. May be a small boundary, but it starts one a time, and before you know it you are engaging in flirtatious acts like my friend and ignoring the obvious signs of interest on both ends.

I cant help thinking though.. since we are not facebook friends, maybe she thought i wont see it? i did check her profile though and her pictures are private (stalker mode! haha!)

her only mistake is that she didnt realize we had so many mutual friends in facebook. even if her profile is private, and she tagged one of our mutual friends.. TADA!!.. i will still see it. hahaha..

it wasnt brought up again though.

i agree with you @ TaurGuy that i shouldnt really put that much burden on his shoulders. you and my Tau are so alike.. im actually smiling when im reading your posts coz it reminds me of him.. =) maybe he just really thought it was no big deal until i called him on it.

@lnana04: agree. she should not have posted that pic. others might get the wrong idea. i just cant shake off the feeling of being irritated everytime i remember seeing that pic. im usually not the jealous type. he has lots of women friends.. some i dont even know that well.. and that has always been okay with me. just not the 'babe' thing..

Dunny why..but every time a Virgo comes on here to vent his spleen it always falls a little flat. Of course I do try to keep in mind that said person is raising a Taurus son. One who in fact one day might be misunderstood in the romance department. As is everyone in a lot of instances I find.

Not having the time to read through every single post in this thread because I'm at work, I will just answer with the relevant experience I have observing one of these couples. Mother is a Capricorn, father is a Taurus, and I can say without reservation that there are times when he definitely gets "too comfortable". The symptoms are a condescending tone, impatience, unwillingness to admit his mistakes, and strangely enough, a penchant for spending exorbitant sums of money (though, like a Taurus, he's always broken his back to make as much of it as possible). My mother bears these periods pretty even-handedly (if with a little bit of a foul mouth about the money issue) until it finally, inevitably gets to the boiling point. Candidly I have to admit there usually does have to be a shouting match, and naturally, my mother does win, by sheer reason and the fact that my father knows he's wrong deep-down, even if we all understand his ego can't manage the blow. But it's become more and more frequent over the years that my father buckles early, patiently endures the venting of all my mother's frustrations, and basically just apologizes. He saves a lot of time that way.

lnana

Ok, Fair..



I think another bottom line is: If I was in a relationship, would 'I' be ok with some guy I don't know referring to my girl as 'Baby'. I think the answer would always be 'No'.. That by itself is reason enough for me.


This is a issue that has never come up for me, but I do appreciate the new view point and it will be something I'm more thoughtful about in the future..

It is that you come here, and have nothing. And I mean NOTHING positive to say, ever in regards to a Taurus male. You bred one. Do you not think you could use such information constructively? With all I've been through with Virgo..do you see me traipsing over there and saying defamatory and slanderous things? No, you don't. And I'll tell you what, I could be one hateful human being about that if I choose too. The point is, I do not. I was raised better, have a better code than that.
Now. You may think it's amusing or cute to keep saying Taurus men are assholes, I don't. Nor is it just here, it's all over this site.

Erm, actually I did. And I'd have this issue with anyone being a putz and singling out one particular person or thing.
How do you know the situation is ( in your parlance ) 'fucked up', you living it? So by the Grace of God Himself..because someone is a Taurus, and has a penis..that makes them an asshole? NOPE. By that token I can take your sign and brand each and every one of you inconsiderate using dickheads who like nothing better than degrading a woman and making her feel like chattel in a barn? I should think NOT. That is one broad sweeping and idiotic generalization.
You cannot see what you are not willing to see. He has your heart because he is your son. You are too close and forgiving of his faults. But I can about put down paper that a woman in his life will have the exact same issues some of the femmes lay down here.

I've done all the venting I need do in my bed, curled round myself and crying. All the explaining I need too to family, my children and friends. I've done all the questioning and why's..if's, and what if's till I've had a stomach full of it. That part of things is done and over. Divorced for going on 3 years now and there is no need to keep re-hashing shit that's buried. Not to mention the fact...why in the HELL would I take it out on anyone on the Virgo board? You dudes didn't do it. You weren't married to me. HE was. Doesn't have a flipping thing to do with anyone here. My point was I do not, nor ever have I, lumped everyone under the sign of Virgo to encapsulate one marriage gone awry. Ye ken?
Another lil' fun fact...NO ONE is perfect, EVERYONE has faults. But like everyone on this flipping board, you come to MY house and bitch, expect an ear full. I don't mess. This is my Pasture, these are MY Bulls, and as I am one too, I am theirs. Just how we roll on the Good Ship Taurus Pop. We own. We are proud of that, and it is most marvelous in our eyes.

If you say so *shrug*.

You know VB... Just the same as would fight fire with water, ice with heat.. You can also fight ugly with beauty..


So calm yourself... And meet Helen Jane Long...

*exhale* Thank you Taibhse. 🙂

Any time.... 😉