Elspeth
@Elspeth
13 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 12 · Topics: 1
Taurus guy ended it, out of blue...confused :(
Im not a Taurus but...
It seems that he's been the initiator in the "feelings" department....or atleast expressing them, going by what you just posted.
You've been holding back in fear of what you feel AND in fear of what he would think. Thats a lot of holding back. He could have soaked up an "I think Im falling in love with you" but you didnt tell him.
I think its part of the reason he feels he's holding back ...because you've been.
I cant imagine him not putting thought into cutting this off.
This is just my .02 reading what you posted
Not to put it entirely on you, since theres no telling the real reason, but just some things to bring to your attention. Maybe the both of you need this time to work on your past hurt, especially since its preventing a lot as you try to move forward.
It seems that he's been the initiator in the "feelings" department....or atleast expressing them, going by what you just posted.
You've been holding back in fear of what you feel AND in fear of what he would think. Thats a lot of holding back. He could have soaked up an "I think Im falling in love with you" but you didnt tell him.
I think its part of the reason he feels he's holding back ...because you've been.
I cant imagine him not putting thought into cutting this off.
This is just my .02 reading what you posted
Not to put it entirely on you, since theres no telling the real reason, but just some things to bring to your attention. Maybe the both of you need this time to work on your past hurt, especially since its preventing a lot as you try to move forward.
Thank you for replying. It's something to think about, I guess... I'll be honest, I was scared. I had been hurt. He actually started to restore my faith in men because he 'seemed' to be a good man. I trusted him.
Feel utterly lost today.
One thing that struck me was that he told me that I should never censor my thoughts or feelings with him...yet I get the feeling now that he censored his own.
The temptation is there to send a text in response to the last one he sent me saying that he'd call me...but I have a gut feeling that to send that 'one more text' will not help me at all.
I guess I just have to nurse my broken heart. I am losing hope now, when even the good men think I'm nice yet can't be in a relationship with me...
Feel utterly lost today.
One thing that struck me was that he told me that I should never censor my thoughts or feelings with him...yet I get the feeling now that he censored his own.
The temptation is there to send a text in response to the last one he sent me saying that he'd call me...but I have a gut feeling that to send that 'one more text' will not help me at all.
I guess I just have to nurse my broken heart. I am losing hope now, when even the good men think I'm nice yet can't be in a relationship with me...
Yeah, personally I dont think a text or anything will help.
He most likely was holding back too. I dont know of Taureans to be the most expressive types either, but thats just how it goes.
"I am losing hope now, when even the good men think I'm nice yet can't be in a relationship with me..."
You shouldnt say this. Reading your post, all I read was "Im scared too," "Ive been hurt," "I was scared to tell him" etc. There's a lot of fear in you when it comes to relationships, so what are you expecting really? There's not many that'll want to handle your emotions with kid gloves or that will be patient enough to pry them out of you.
I just think you need time to really heal from what happened in the past, and should not date until you are more optimistic and less fearful about dating. A situation like this can make you bitter, but maybe you were not ready for it and maybe he wasnt either.
He most likely was holding back too. I dont know of Taureans to be the most expressive types either, but thats just how it goes.
"I am losing hope now, when even the good men think I'm nice yet can't be in a relationship with me..."
You shouldnt say this. Reading your post, all I read was "Im scared too," "Ive been hurt," "I was scared to tell him" etc. There's a lot of fear in you when it comes to relationships, so what are you expecting really? There's not many that'll want to handle your emotions with kid gloves or that will be patient enough to pry them out of you.
I just think you need time to really heal from what happened in the past, and should not date until you are more optimistic and less fearful about dating. A situation like this can make you bitter, but maybe you were not ready for it and maybe he wasnt either.
Posted by lnana04
You've been holding back in fear of what you feel AND in fear of what he would think. Thats a lot of holding back. He could have soaked up an "I think Im falling in love with you" but you didnt tell him.
I think its part of the reason he feels he's holding back ...because you've been.
I cant imagine him not putting thought into cutting this off.
Great observation!
I am inclined to agree. As a Taurus, we may appear emotionally strong on the surface, but internally, we're very vulnerable. If I sense, or get any indication that an individual is holding back, I will pull away or disappear for awhile. But secretly, I'm hoping this person would fight for me.
OP (Elspeth)
You mentioned he did some nice things for you. Was any of this being reciprocated...or appreciated?
This is very important. If I felt that someone was holding back emotionally, and the thoughtful things that I did for them was not being appreciated, then yes, to save face, I would 'bow' out gracefully.
Posted by Elspeth
One thing that struck me was that he told me that I should never censor my thoughts or feelings with him...yet I get the feeling now that he censored his own.
EXACTLY!
One of the biggest misconceptions people have about Tauruses is that they're under the impression once they declare their feelings towards us...we run off like tigers.
Not true.
Although we DO prefer to take things slow, nevertheless, we ALWAYS want to know where we stand with you. Remember with Tauruses, it's a GRADUAL courtship. We're smitten with you, we love to invest the time in getting to know you better...we just need a little time to get there.
Telling us how you feel about us just lets us know that we're on the right track, and that we're not wasting our time.
Never censor your thoughts or feelings about us...
Posted by TaurusBull1977
Never censor your thoughts or feelings about us...
Really? Then why do I get the distinct feeling that if you say too much, they pull back so very fast?
Thank you for all replies. I really appreciate that you've taken time to respond.
My taurus guy did tell me not to censor my thoughts or second guess him. I have had a past relationship where the guy (another taurean) just dropped off the face of the earth when I told him I was extremely attracted to him. Never heard from him again. That's why I was so cautious this time. That was painful and I didn't want to mess it up.
I believe my taurus guy actually knew I was falling for him. I told him before Christmas that I was 'smitten' with him because I thought he was a lovely guy and was enjoying getting to know him. No response to that. So I clammed up my thoughts. I felt like he wanted me to tell him more but I didn't want to open up only to get hurt by him as I don't think he was about to reciprocate.
After he cooked for me on my birthday, I invited him to come to my place last weekend and suggested we go for a walk and I cook dinner. He said he wasn't around at the weekend so I said no worries...he said 'maybe next week?' I said sure, told him two days I couldn't make as I was busy and left him alone as I assumed he would be out of touch all weekend - which he was.
I had a jokey text from him early on Saturday morning and then nothing more. Then Monday I waited until midday and then texted to ask if he;d had a good weekend. He replied he'd managed to recharge his batteries (he'd been exhausted after being ill). I made a joke about him bouncing around like Tigger...no response. Not until yesterday when he told me what he did about feeling as if he could only give me half and that I deserved more.
I waited and sent the message saying I didn't know what to say and pointed out I had been happy to go slow because I felt that was what he wanted.
That's when he said he'd call me - but he still hasn't.
He said he just had a feeling and no matter what, he couldn't get rid of it. His words were more or less, 'It would be unfair of me to continue. It has nothing to do with how you have conducted yourself, I have a gut feeling that won't go away. I will call later if I have time when I get home'
When he was ill I asked if he wanted me to do anything. He declined. I made sure I asked how he felt later that day and then the next. I was also ill but never told him and I know how much I'd wished someone would be there for me. I also offered to help when he moved house in November - he turned me down again. He said he found it hard accepting hel
My taurus guy did tell me not to censor my thoughts or second guess him. I have had a past relationship where the guy (another taurean) just dropped off the face of the earth when I told him I was extremely attracted to him. Never heard from him again. That's why I was so cautious this time. That was painful and I didn't want to mess it up.
I believe my taurus guy actually knew I was falling for him. I told him before Christmas that I was 'smitten' with him because I thought he was a lovely guy and was enjoying getting to know him. No response to that. So I clammed up my thoughts. I felt like he wanted me to tell him more but I didn't want to open up only to get hurt by him as I don't think he was about to reciprocate.
After he cooked for me on my birthday, I invited him to come to my place last weekend and suggested we go for a walk and I cook dinner. He said he wasn't around at the weekend so I said no worries...he said 'maybe next week?' I said sure, told him two days I couldn't make as I was busy and left him alone as I assumed he would be out of touch all weekend - which he was.
I had a jokey text from him early on Saturday morning and then nothing more. Then Monday I waited until midday and then texted to ask if he;d had a good weekend. He replied he'd managed to recharge his batteries (he'd been exhausted after being ill). I made a joke about him bouncing around like Tigger...no response. Not until yesterday when he told me what he did about feeling as if he could only give me half and that I deserved more.
I waited and sent the message saying I didn't know what to say and pointed out I had been happy to go slow because I felt that was what he wanted.
That's when he said he'd call me - but he still hasn't.
He said he just had a feeling and no matter what, he couldn't get rid of it. His words were more or less, 'It would be unfair of me to continue. It has nothing to do with how you have conducted yourself, I have a gut feeling that won't go away. I will call later if I have time when I get home'
When he was ill I asked if he wanted me to do anything. He declined. I made sure I asked how he felt later that day and then the next. I was also ill but never told him and I know how much I'd wished someone would be there for me. I also offered to help when he moved house in November - he turned me down again. He said he found it hard accepting hel
So...I miss him. I have an urge to text him and tell him that I love him but that would not be right. I do love him. But what is the point in telling him now? I don't know what to do, to be honest... 😢
I dont think theres anything you can do.
I hate texting btw. If this was how the two of you communicated the majority of the time, there's no telling what really was going on, as if he was possibly entertaining someone else. In a way, I dont see a Taurus male ending a good thing without someone else in the picture, especially the way it kind of ended. Something seems off reading it at this point. Id control all urges to contact him.
I hate texting btw. If this was how the two of you communicated the majority of the time, there's no telling what really was going on, as if he was possibly entertaining someone else. In a way, I dont see a Taurus male ending a good thing without someone else in the picture, especially the way it kind of ended. Something seems off reading it at this point. Id control all urges to contact him.
Elspeth....
I suggest you write him a letter expressing how you feel about him. At the same time, tell him that you just wanted to get if off your chest, and that you respect his decision to remain friends.
DON'T call him.
Wait for him to contact you.
I suggest you write him a letter expressing how you feel about him. At the same time, tell him that you just wanted to get if off your chest, and that you respect his decision to remain friends.
DON'T call him.
Wait for him to contact you.
Posted by OrmasPosted by TaurusBull1977
Never censor your thoughts or feelings about us...
Really? Then why do I get the distinct feeling that if you say too much, they pull back so very fast?click to expand
It's temporary. We're mentally processing and absorbing what you're telling us.
We're guarded. It's an immediate reaction.
We understand, at times, people present themselves, situations or statements with false intentions or agendas.
It needs to be said, nonetheless, we ALWAYS need to know where we stand with you.
Posted by TaurusBull1977
Elspeth....
I suggest you write him a letter expressing how you feel about him. At the same time, tell him that you just wanted to get if off your chest, and that you respect his decision to remain friends.
DON'T call him.
Wait for him to contact you.
Do you honestly think that would be a good thing to do? A friend of mine said it would look desperate to contact him at all. Since he texted yesterday, I haven't sent back anything in response. I've wanted to but I stopped myself...
The weird thing is that I am a great 'writer'...I find myself writing expressive cards and letters to those I care about, I keep a journal. I write a lot, so writing is something that is a natural way to explain things as far as I am concerned.
I read here when I met the last taurus guy as I wanted to understand why he disappeared. I came here again when I first started dating my new guy. Yesterday I spent an afternoon reading here with tears rolling down my cheeks. As soon as I met this man, I knew he was someone special. He made me feel...hard to explain...but he made me feel 'right'. Just right. Peaceful. A sense of comfort but with that tinge of dreams yet to be lived. Can't explain it. He made me feel brave too.
If you honestly think that a letter would not be a bad thing to send...
Vulnerable. Thats it. He made me feel vulnerable but in a way that I wanted to explore it. Not a bad vulnerable. I'm normally very guarded but Iwanted to open myself to him. Odd to say that.
I won't call him, nor will I text him...but if writing is deemed to be a good idea, then I will do that. Should I wait though? I do want him to know how I feel, even though I have a feeling that nothing will change. I felt this and he never knew. I want him to at least know that I felt that way.
I won't call him, nor will I text him...but if writing is deemed to be a good idea, then I will do that. Should I wait though? I do want him to know how I feel, even though I have a feeling that nothing will change. I felt this and he never knew. I want him to at least know that I felt that way.
Wait it out at least two weeks.....and then write the letter.
Posted by TaurusBull1977
Wait it out at least two weeks.....and then write the letter.
Thank you for your help and advice. I very much appreciate that lots of members have taken time out to try to help me.
At least I will be able to get it off my chest. Knowing that you never told somebody something like that is awful when you feel it so strongly.
I'm 46 and life is way too short to keep that kind of thought inside. No matter what happens.
Posted by Elspeth
I'm a Capricorn and just after New Year it was my birthday. He cooked for me...unexpected. Thoughtful gifts. A beautful evening. I already knew I was falling in love with him and that evening just confirmed how deeply I felt about him. I didn't tell him though. I didn't want to scare him.
FFWD..Yesterday I had a text message from him. The gist was sort of as follows 'I really like you very much, we get on so well together, I enjoy being with you, I'm very attracted to you, I think you're so lovely...but you need and deserve more than I am able to give you. If you asked me why can't I give more I really can't tell you because I don't understand it myself. I feel like I'm only giving you 'half'. You're so lovely...I'm so sorry. X'
To say I was stunned was an understatement. I replied that I didn't know what to say, because I truly didn't. It was out of the blue.
He replied that he couldn't call to talk to me as he was on site, said he'd try to call when he got home.. but it might be too late as he was 3 hrs from home.
He didn't call.
I suppose I should just accept it's finished. I love the man and this hurts. Asking for input from the accumulated wisdom of you guys - I'm still rather stunned and numb tbh. Is there anything I can do? I won't beg him, but if there's hope or a way to work this out, I'm willing to try it.
FYI, we're both mid-40s. Both divorced.
DON'T do ANYTHING. He wasn't ready, and there is NO telling WHEN he will be ready. What is worse is that he didn't even TALK to you, it was via TEXT. Nor did he call you back. He's a coward. At least he didn't string you along further to waste your time and affections, you'd only end up resenting him...BE thankful. TRUST me.
The samething happened to me with a Sagg ex who had a Venus in Cap. We were long distance,(4hrs away)..but he broke up with me -in conversation- over the phone..I have never felt so STABBED to the heart in my life. But I respected him for TALKING it out, and being patient to explain through my tears.. I just thank GOD that I didn't tell him that I loved him, because it was at the very tip of my tongue.
Better to pull a no contact. and let him come to you. Forget fighting for him, it'll only make him run more. IF he knows what he wants, he'll come get it. But make sure you make him WORK & SWEAT..HEAVY for you the next time aro
Hi TAURUSbelle, thank you for writing a response to me. I really appreciate all the viewpoints I am getting here.
I have sat here this evening and run it through my head...looking at my stupid phone, hoping he'll call but actually knowing he won't. I actually called him the night before the text message - he never returned my call. The next I heard from him was that text.
I can see exactly where you're coming from. I am 46 years old. He is 44 years old. We've both been married, had children...I also have a grandchild as I had my family very young and they've flown the nest. After dating for several months, I would not break up via a text or an email. I'd at least call the other person.
Looking at it with my sensible head on my shoulders, I see what he did as cowardly, especially as he then told me he would call me and I know that he could have called, there is no reason to stop him. I have my own business and website so even if he lost his phone he could find me online. I just recalled - whilst writing this - a conversation where he told me he wasn't as brave as I thought he was...
Then my soppy romantic head switches places with the sensible head and I want to talk to him, want to have him hold me and tell me he made a silly mistake because he was scared...I did say that was my soppy romantic head, didn't I?!
As I gueass you are also a Taurean, would you run if someone you still had some feelings for told you they loved you via a letter? Would be interesting to hear more of your views.
That man really has got under my skin...I wish in a way that he hadn't. I am so unhappy right now. Wouldn't have been so difficult if I'd had an inkling that it was coming to me...but I honestly did not. 😢
I have sat here this evening and run it through my head...looking at my stupid phone, hoping he'll call but actually knowing he won't. I actually called him the night before the text message - he never returned my call. The next I heard from him was that text.
I can see exactly where you're coming from. I am 46 years old. He is 44 years old. We've both been married, had children...I also have a grandchild as I had my family very young and they've flown the nest. After dating for several months, I would not break up via a text or an email. I'd at least call the other person.
Looking at it with my sensible head on my shoulders, I see what he did as cowardly, especially as he then told me he would call me and I know that he could have called, there is no reason to stop him. I have my own business and website so even if he lost his phone he could find me online. I just recalled - whilst writing this - a conversation where he told me he wasn't as brave as I thought he was...
Then my soppy romantic head switches places with the sensible head and I want to talk to him, want to have him hold me and tell me he made a silly mistake because he was scared...I did say that was my soppy romantic head, didn't I?!
As I gueass you are also a Taurean, would you run if someone you still had some feelings for told you they loved you via a letter? Would be interesting to hear more of your views.
That man really has got under my skin...I wish in a way that he hadn't. I am so unhappy right now. Wouldn't have been so difficult if I'd had an inkling that it was coming to me...but I honestly did not. 😢
Sorry, just wanted to clarify - What I was getting at by mentioning our ages etc was that as two adults in midlife (we're not young people!), I don't understand how he could come to such a decision without a) even talking to me first about things not feeling right for him or b) telling me at least voice to voice, if not in person. Dating is all so different to what I expected in this time of life. My children are in stable relationships...his are about to embark on their adult lives (although he has one child under 10). Being sensible and respectful I thought came with the territory at our ages.
I have never felt quite as crushed as I do now... or as confused as I do right now either.
I have never felt quite as crushed as I do now... or as confused as I do right now either.
There's nothing to be done, he did not feel the way you thought he felt. He sent the classic "it's not you it's me" message as he's either too much of a coward to tell you out straight that he's just not that into you, or he won't completly finish it so that he still has you like a puppet on a string that he can pull back later if he feels inclined. Pack up your self respect and move on...
Posted by Elspeth
After dating for several months, I would not break up via a text or an email. I'd at least call the other person.
Looking at it with my sensible head on my shoulders, I see what he did as cowardly, especially as he then told me he would call me and I know that he could have called, there is no reason to stop him. I have my own business and website so even if he lost his phone he could find me online. I just recalled - whilst writing this - a conversation where he told me he wasn't as brave as I thought he was...
As I gueass you are also a Taurean, would you run if someone you still had some feelings for told you they loved you via a letter? Would be interesting to hear more of your views.
That man really has got under my skin...I wish in a way that he hadn't. I am so unhappy right now. Wouldn't have been so difficult if I'd had an inkling that it was coming to me...but I honestly did not. 😢
...Sorry, just wanted to clarify - What I was getting at by mentioning our ages etc was that as two adults in midlife (we're not young people!), I don't understand how he could come to such a decision without a) even talking to me first about things not feeling right for him or b) telling me at least voice to voice, if not in person. Dating is all so different to what I expected in this time of life. My children are in stable relationships...his are about to embark on their adult lives (although he has one child under 10). Being sensible and respectful I thought came with the territory at our ages. I have never felt quite as crushed as I do now... or as confused as I do right now either.
My response down below..
PLEASE, Don't do ANYTHING. Don't write a letter, don't text, don't call. Now its ALL about closing yourself off. Yes!! as a Taurean, I certainly WOULD run marathons away from someone "FORCING?? a situation that I no longer wanted back onto me..because that's basically what you??d be doing. When a Taurus makes a decision,It is FINAL. You should now re-center and refocus your loving energy onto yourself, your grandchildren and your business. All the love you were preparing to share with this man, he did NOT deserve. He knew himself that he wasn't worthy of all the love he FEEL radiating from you, only it just wasn't spoken..he KNEW he wasn't being fair to you to keep playing a charade, He KNEW he wasn't emotionally ready to start something great with you. He probably still needs to heal. So he had to bow out early. I can at least applaud him for not continuing to waste your time.
Astrology aside, he is still a man, a COWARDLY man. YES the dating game has changed a bit due to the heavy inclusion of technology, but the rules of common courtesy hasn't. Age does NOT define maturity. -(please re-read & ABSORB that.) I have dated younger men (as young as 26)who were MORE mature and had their affairs in order compared to some older men that I??ve gone on dates with (as old as 53), and I'm NOO where near midlife age. AGE is not the problem, nor should it be your focus. But you are definitely right, Maturity should have come with the territory in your playing field, and he at least owed you a face-to-face, or phone call break-up...Mr. Taurus, has fallen under the cowardly immature bracket.
I can't help but to feel that you have a selfless, loving energy, yet you wrote that you felt SO unhappy. Its normal to feel that way from the onset of a break-up, its a withdrawal symptom. I just hope that your happiness was NOT soley dependant on him. You should NEVER EVER give anyone that much power over you. Happiness is a CHOICE. You and you alone determine your happiness....Do you want to be happy??
Its time to rebuild.
Rebuild your mindset, your self esteem, self-love and happiness. Love starts from within.
Treat yourself, do what makes YOU the happiest. Once you become whole, as an individual, then another complete & WHOLE being will approach, NOT to complete you, but to COMPLEMENT you. I know the next few days, weeks, months won't be easy, but you owe it to -Yourself.
Astrology aside, he is still a man, a COWARDLY man. YES the dating game has changed a bit due to the heavy inclusion of technology, but the rules of common courtesy hasn't. Age does NOT define maturity. -(please re-read & ABSORB that.) I have dated younger men (as young as 26)who were MORE mature and had their affairs in order compared to some older men that I??ve gone on dates with (as old as 53), and I'm NOO where near midlife age. AGE is not the problem, nor should it be your focus. But you are definitely right, Maturity should have come with the territory in your playing field, and he at least owed you a face-to-face, or phone call break-up...Mr. Taurus, has fallen under the cowardly immature bracket.
I can't help but to feel that you have a selfless, loving energy, yet you wrote that you felt SO unhappy. Its normal to feel that way from the onset of a break-up, its a withdrawal symptom. I just hope that your happiness was NOT soley dependant on him. You should NEVER EVER give anyone that much power over you. Happiness is a CHOICE. You and you alone determine your happiness....Do you want to be happy??
Its time to rebuild.
Rebuild your mindset, your self esteem, self-love and happiness. Love starts from within.
Treat yourself, do what makes YOU the happiest. Once you become whole, as an individual, then another complete & WHOLE being will approach, NOT to complete you, but to COMPLEMENT you. I know the next few days, weeks, months won't be easy, but you owe it to -Yourself.
Posted by tauruscancerdelight
Elspeth,
For all we know, he could have been really honest and actually what he told you is the truth, indeed. That he was hurt before, that he does not trust his feelings, that you deserve better, etc... I mean it has happened to me too before in my dating life. There were some great guys in my life that I just sort of "avoided" (read: I did not have courage to really face and tell them all this) so yeah, I would tell them they deserve better, which was the truth. But it wasn't malicious, you know?
I COMPLETELY AGREE. I have pushed some great guys away in my life, not because I was being malicious, but in reality, I was hurt, guarded, and not emotionally available to be with them at the time. This was MY truth.
Posted by tauruscancerdelight
At the same time, I would go ahead and send that letter. Like you said, at this point, what have you got to lose? Not pride for sure. But maybe wait a few days, like someone already suggested. But yes, put it all on paper, thank him for the time spent getting to know each other and how much it meant to you.
However, do not expect anything from it. Just let go and let God, you know? Do your share and then just do nothing else.click to expand
I do agree that she should write and send the letter.
But when she does...do not contact him...or expect anything from it.
This will be HER closure.
Posted by TAURUSbelle
PLEASE, Don't do ANYTHING. Don't write a letter, don't text, don't call. Now its ALL about closing yourself off. Yes!! as a Taurean, I certainly WOULD run marathons away from someone "FORCING?? a situation that I no longer wanted back onto me..because that's basically what you??d be doing.
Actually, she isn't.
She's expressing herself, and thanking him for the time that she spent with him.
She still respects his decision.
She's a Capricorn (remember). Elspeth will not overstep her boundaries. Cappies are just as guarded as much as we are.
This will be HER closure.
I admire Elspeth's convictions and testimony.
It takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable when you're used to having your guards up.
Expressing herself and thanking him for the time spent together...
Will give her closure, and hopefully she will only have fond memories when she thinks of him.
@Elspeth....
My gut instinct tells me that his intentions for being with you at the time was extremely genuine. I do not believe that his actions were malicious. I'm sure you felt and knew in your heart that he was a great guy. You're a lot wiser than you give yourself credit for. (Don't begin to doubt your initial perception of him because the posters are a giving you a different perspective).
He probably just wasn't ready.
He relayed this to you. He didn't dodge you. He told you the truth.
This isn't being cowardice. It's reality. It happens. We convince ourselves we're ready to move on....but our hearts/wounds haven't completely healed yet.
I have been there before.
When you write and send the letter.
You will find inner peace.
And you will be left with fond memories...not a wounded heart.
My gut instinct tells me that his intentions for being with you at the time was extremely genuine. I do not believe that his actions were malicious. I'm sure you felt and knew in your heart that he was a great guy. You're a lot wiser than you give yourself credit for. (Don't begin to doubt your initial perception of him because the posters are a giving you a different perspective).
He probably just wasn't ready.
He relayed this to you. He didn't dodge you. He told you the truth.
This isn't being cowardice. It's reality. It happens. We convince ourselves we're ready to move on....but our hearts/wounds haven't completely healed yet.
I have been there before.
When you write and send the letter.
You will find inner peace.
And you will be left with fond memories...not a wounded heart.
Really?
So if a man is honest...he's a self-proclaimed jerk?
Lets be honest....
"What other character flaws did he have prior to terminating the relationship with her?"
So if a man is honest...he's a self-proclaimed jerk?
Lets be honest....
"What other character flaws did he have prior to terminating the relationship with her?"
Posted by TaurusBull1977Posted by TAURUSbelle
PLEASE, Don't do ANYTHING. Don't write a letter, don't text, don't call. Now its ALL about closing yourself off. Yes!! as a Taurean, I certainly WOULD run marathons away from someone "FORCING?? a situation that I no longer wanted back onto me..because that's basically what you??d be doing.
Actually, she isn't.
She's expressing herself, and thanking him for the time that she spent with him.
She still respects his decision.
She's a Capricorn (remember). Elspeth will not overstep her boundaries. Cappies are just as guarded as much as we are.
This will be HER closure.
click to expand
"Forcing" was the 1st word that came to mind..let me use "REMINDING" instead.
With THAT said, there is NOTHING wrong with ELSPETH expressing herself, but WHAT good would that do?? There really is no need to thank him. He didn't SAVE her life, the man broke her heart.
I myself, having an Ascendant & Merc in Gemini find it PERFECTLY ok to WRITE the letter in a JOURNAL form, so as to "Grieve it out" and heal..but NEVER actually send it to him.
-Yes I know Elspeth is a Capricorn..thanks for the reminder. I've dated THREE.
And they are pretty solid beings.
I think ELSPETH is perfectly capable of finding her OWN closure.
Posted by msmarilynmanson
Agree 100 percent with taurusbelle. Dont waste another thought on this guy or a letter.
Thanks MMM!
Posted by TaurusBull1977
Really?
So if a man is honest...he's a self-proclaimed jerk?
Lets be honest....
"What other character flaws did he have prior to terminating the relationship with her?"
His honesty is not in question. I applauded him for being honest with himself & Elspeth in a previous response. I just dont agree with his approach in HOW he revealed the truth to her. A 44 yr old GROWN MAN breaking-up via TEXT, is NOT a grown-up way to handle things. and I think THATs what hurts Elspeth more. The fact that he didn't even FACE her in a more personable & sensitive way ..stings.
Posted by msmarilynmanson
I dont consider him a jerk. I think she should focus on healing and herself right now.click to expand
WELL said by a Capricorn. 😉
Posted by Elspeth
Vulnerable. Thats it. He made me feel vulnerable but in a way that I wanted to explore it. Not a bad vulnerable. I'm normally very guarded but Iwanted to open myself to him. Odd to say that.
I won't call him, nor will I text him...but if writing is deemed to be a good idea, then I will do that. Should I wait though? I do want him to know how I feel, even though I have a feeling that nothing will change. I felt this and he never knew. I want him to at least know that I felt that way.
This is HER closure. I don't believe that the OP has an other expectations from this. She just wants an opportunity to express something that she didn't have the chance to before.
I think she should have that.
Posted by TAURUSbellePosted by msmarilynmanson
Agree 100 percent with taurusbelle. Dont waste another thought on this guy or a letter.
Thanks MMM!
Posted by TaurusBull1977
Really?
So if a man is honest...he's a self-proclaimed jerk?
Lets be honest....
"What other character flaws did he have prior to terminating the relationship with her?"
His honesty is not in question. I applauded him for being honest with himself & Elspeth in a previous response. I just dont agree with his approach in HOW he revealed the truth to her. A 44 yr old GROWN MAN breaking-up via TEXT, is NOT a grown-up way to handle things. and I think THATs what hurts Elspeth more. The fact that he didn't even FACE her in a more personable & sensitive way ..stings.
Posted by msmarilynmanson
I dont consider him a jerk. I think she should focus on healing and herself right now.
WELL said by a Capricorn. 😉click to expand
Yes! Yes, you're spot on TAURUSbelle...I am extremely hurt that after all the intimacy we shared and the honesty I thought we'd had between us, opening up about our pasts and our hurts, a 44 year old man chose to text me 'I'm sorry, I;m only giving you half a relationship, you deserve and need more' and did not even have the courage to call me and tell me on the phone.
I feel like I've had no say, no closure, I haven't been able to ask him anything. He said I should not censor my feelings when talking to him yet in my mind, he...HE...has CENSORED my feelings by taking away my chance to discuss what he had chosen to do and have MY input in this... I feel like I am worthless, that I have no RIGHT to ask...like I had no equality in the relationship. That hurts beyond belief. I trusted him. Sorry re the CAPS but I wanted to emphasise the points that really are crushing me... 😢
Posted by TaurusBull1977Posted by Elspeth
Vulnerable. Thats it. He made me feel vulnerable but in a way that I wanted to explore it. Not a bad vulnerable. I'm normally very guarded but Iwanted to open myself to him. Odd to say that.
I won't call him, nor will I text him...but if writing is deemed to be a good idea, then I will do that. Should I wait though? I do want him to know how I feel, even though I have a feeling that nothing will change. I felt this and he never knew. I want him to at least know that I felt that way.
This is HER closure. I don't believe that the OP has an other expectations from this. She just wants an opportunity to express something that she didn't have the chance to before.
I think she should have that.click to expand
Again SPOT ON... I was in the relationship too...what gave him the right to do this without even allowing me to have a chance to talk to him after all we shared? I let down my guard for him and cared about him and he just decides and texts me and WALKS?! How is that right? Why is he allowed to just walk leaving me wondering and filled up with all this emotion and care for him, love that he nurtured and fed (even if he didn't want it, he was a party to making that happen by being in a caring relationship with me). I sit here with unanswered questions, he's just dropped me and I never saw it coming and and now I am left blindsided...
Posted by Elspeth
Yes! Yes, you're spot on TAURUSbelle...I am extremely hurt that after all the intimacy we shared and the honesty I thought we'd had between us, opening up about our pasts and our hurts, a 44 year old man chose to text me 'I'm sorry, I;m only giving you half a relationship, you deserve and need more' and did not even have the courage to call me and tell me on the phone.
I feel like I've had no say, no closure, I haven't been able to ask him anything. He said I should not censor my feelings when talking to him yet in my mind, he...HE...has CENSORED my feelings by taking away my chance to discuss what he had chosen to do and have MY input in this... I feel like I am worthless, that I have no RIGHT to ask...like I had no equality in the relationship. That hurts beyond belief. I trusted him. Sorry re the CAPS but I wanted to emphasise the points that really are crushing me... 😢
Yes, I feel your pain..I've been where you are right now.
He was SELFISH. and opted to have a ONE-sided break. Point BLANK. Completely unfair to you. to rob you of your RIGHT to have a say..He wasn't in the relationship alone. Closure can ONLY be had by a back-& forth dialogue. One sided communications doesn't provide that...
I sincerely hope that he faces his fears and actually sit down and TALK it out with you in a calm and rational manner. You deserve that at least.
SENDING you good vibrations of healing and comfort.
Posted by TAURUSbelle
His honesty is not in question. I applauded him for being honest with himself & Elspeth in a previous response. I just dont agree with his approach in HOW he revealed the truth to her. A 44 yr old GROWN MAN breaking-up via TEXT, is NOT a grown-up way to handle things. and I think THATs what hurts Elspeth more. The fact that he didn't even FACE her in a more personable & sensitive way ..stings.
I have broken up with someone via text. Why? I'm not very verbal. I'm actually a horrific communicator. I write better than I express myself verbally. If I had to say it face-to-face, I wouldn't be as tactful. True, there could have been another alternative, but I don't think he's as bad as everyone is making him to look.
She sends the letter.
She gets the opportunity to express herself.
He reads it.
No real miscommunication
She doesn't have to do anything else afterwards. No text, no email, no phone call.
If he opts to pursue it in the future, then he can put his blood, sweat, and tears into pursuing her?
Why?
The letter would give her that incentive. All she would have to do is sit there and get pursued. Nothing else.
I see what you're saying, msmarilynmanson. I guess I just felt like he led me into the place I thought we were so believed that because he did that, it was a mutual thing.
Feeling a bit lost, truth be told. Never expected this sort of emotion to be hitting me at this age. 😢
Feeling a bit lost, truth be told. Never expected this sort of emotion to be hitting me at this age. 😢
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