A user and abuser or just a confused Virgo?

Hi Elsa,

It all started when my boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago because he claimed that I was too emotional and he was stressed (I may be very emotional at times but with him I made sure to not be!).

Two weeks after that, he asked to get back together saying "I love you, I don't want you to move on, I love you and my love is all I can offer you." Based on this, I agreed to get back with him and we had the best 1 month ever.

This was a man who cringes at public display of affection and was holding my hand, kissing me when we were out, wanted to spend days on end with me. He even got upset one day when I made plans to see a girlfriend and he couldn't spend time with me.

Now, 2 weeks ago, he became distant and after almost of week of avoiding me, I approached him and asked him what was wrong. He told me he was stressed, work, moving (he is leaving in a week to another posting, a position he was sort of forced to take). And then he said it - "I am not in love with you, I felt pressured to say it."

I am not sure what he meant as no one pressured him to say it, and after we got back together he said it more than a handful of times in that month.

I know he's leaving for good and I should forget it but it hurts as now I feel he said all this to have someone to keep him company and his bed warm until he was sure what day he had to leave.

I tried to confront him about it but to no avail. He's closed up, become this cold wall and will not talk about it. Even when I said I do not want him as a boyfriend anymore, he shrugged and did not respond! Help me please...

And, yes, he's a virgo 😢

Im sorry but this goes beyond astrological tendencies; this guy's as a $ #hole!! I know it hurts, but do yourself a favor and cut your losses now. Its one thing to be hurt and keep your pride, its another to be hurt AFTER you've invested wasted time and energy into someone who clearly doesn't deserve it.

😢 But what about if he is just confused...? Should I just let this week pass and be there for him and let him leave to Russia... that way we both leave with better memories than me being hurt and him being annoyed?

Do you want to be with a man who is confused? Who doesn't know what he wants? Who doesn't know if he wants YOU?

Perhaps he was confused after you broke up initially, but it sounds to me like he has been honest with you in saying that he's not in love with you now. You can't get much more straight-forward than that. Either that or he was just being an asshole, it's hard to know which one - either way, it sounds like it's finished.

My advice, let go of this and find someone else when you're ready. Time heals all wounds, so keep your chin up ok 🙂

—It all started when my boyfriend broke up with me over a month ago because he claimed that I was too emotional and he was stressed.?? Did he consider YOUR feelings when he did this?

—Now, 2 weeks ago, he became distant and after almost of week of avoiding me, I approached him and asked him what was wrong. He told me he was stressed?? OK ..is it me or is this man establishing a pattern here? Life is STRESSFUL at times!! What future do you have with someone who wants to conveniently put you aside anytime he's —stressed—

—And then he said it - "I am not in love with you, I felt pressured to say it." OK, I have had some pretty nasty blow ups with my ex-virgo and granted everyone is different, but these words have NEVER exited his mouth. Nor have I heard this from any other man EVER.

—I know he's leaving for good and I should forget it but it hurts as now I feel he said all this to have someone to keep him company and his bed warm?? This is what I think hurts you the most, not HIM as an individual but the fact that maybe just maybe this man used you and you either couldn't see it or that you feel rejected by him.

—But what about if he is just confused...— So what if he is confused, should his confusion take a toll on you and your emotional health? —Should I just let this week pass and be there for him?? Who??s going to be there for YOU? I promise you it wouldn't be him.

—that way we both leave with better memories than me being hurt and him being annoyed.?? You??re going to be hurt regardless. How do you think this man will view you if you allow him to treat you this way and continue to slink along behind him.

Let it go??_as hard as that may be..its best for you in the long run.

Posted by nizziek
😢 But what about if he is just confused...?

I honestly find it hard to believe a man can be "confused about his feelings", but then again, that is just me.

Did he pressure you to have sex?

Wow, snowball... that stings... but you broke it down perfectly and it's very clear. Thank you so much... yes, maybe that part hurt, that he would lie to have me around for one more month before he goes... but also the fact that at 28 I finally fell in love and I was so convinced that he loved me so it's been hard to let this go. I keep thinking and giving him excuses because I could not see him NOT in love with me, I felt he loved me and so I keep hoping... And I also try to convince myself that if he were just using me why didn;t he just do that till he left—

No, he didn't pressure me with regards to sex. and regarding that, it has been more than amazing as well, another reason I am so attached maybe...?

Posted by nizziek
No, he didn't pressure me with regards to sex. and regarding that, it has been more than amazing as well, another reason I am so attached maybe...?

I think that's all he wanted.

—that at 28 I finally fell in love and I was so convinced that he loved me so it's been hard to let this go.?? I'm 29 and fell hard for my ex virgo as well. I'm a typical ambitious cappy and I DON??T fall easy. I make good money, am well educated, have an active gym membership, am very attractive, funny, loyal, ect ect ect. and STILL had my heart broken by my X-virgo. My point is, it isn't about me and what I lack and your issue isn't really about you and what you lack, it's about THEM. By —them?? I don't mean ALL virgos (I still admire many of their traits), just the two we unfortunately hooked up with : )

I wish I didn't love my virgo, but I do??_ BUT??_ I am wise enough to know when to leave well enough alone and to know when someone/something despite how good it may look at the time isn't good for me.

—And I also try to convince myself that if he were just using me why didn;t he just do that till he left—?? Sortilege may have a point —he's pulling the easy way out by forcing you to hate him so that it would be much easier to move on without any sort of sorrow.?? They don't seem to like conflict of any sort. Or it could be that you were becoming more trouble than he thought you were worth, with everything else he's trying to do at the moment.

You are not alone trust me??_ find solace in that, but maintain your pride and your dignity.

Posted by snowball543

—And I also try to convince myself that if he were just using me why didn;t he just do that till he left—?? Sortilege may have a point —he's pulling the easy way out by forcing you to hate him so that it would be much easier to move on without any sort of sorrow.?? They don't seem to like conflict of any sort. Or it could be that you were becoming more trouble than he thought you were worth, with everything else he's trying to do at the moment.

You are not alone trust me??_ find solace in that, but maintain your pride and your dignity.

Virgo Tactics 101

Honey, I think you know the answers to your own questions. This man TOLD you AND showed you that he is not in love with you. Trust me, a man wouldn't admit to something like that just b/c he's stressed. No, he meant every word he said. When a man tells you who he is, LISTEN. This man used you & took everything you were willing to give him & the minute that he was ready to move on with his life, he did what most "users" do..he came up with all kinds of excuses as to why he couldn't any longer do right by you. He only said "I love you" when it was conveinant for him & by your own admission, him just saying those words is what caused you to easily fall back into his arms. Well, he picked up on this, thus that explains why he only said sweet things to you around the time he wanted some affection, company & sex from you. Yet the minute life happend to him (like it happens to all of us) he all of the sudden rebuttled on you. Well, first off...any man who says he loves a woman when he really doesn't & then goes back & turns on all on her, as if she MADE him say it, is a coward & yes, someone who uses other people, especially you. IT's called "GAME." It's when a man says & does everything he has to do in order to get what he wants. And these kinds of men always give themselves away b/c when it's time for the real commitment, they always fall short