Advice cancer girl Virgo guy situation...

Ok so I bet this has been covered many a time over but I can't find anything really similar to my situation. I met this guy in Vegas in July. Thought noninvasive of it really we exchahed numbers and hung out that night. It was like no one else was in the room . We talked for 4 hours straight and were gonna chill the next day. Stuff came up he had to head back to Cali, I was flying home to Canada that same day. We agreed to keep in touch and three days went by so I thought I'll drop if a text if he rewinds good if not it's ok. So we began talking on the Sat and never really stopped. He called the Thurs after and it was a non stop thing for a while. We talked on the phone 2-3 times weekly and then I decided I'd see if he wanted me to visit. So for his birthday I went down to Cali for 11 days. Stayed with him things went well. We went out for dinner with his family twice, hung out with his friends. He took me to palm springs for a weekend trip. The day I was leaving he hugged me tight kissed me good bye said thanks for coming. We had discussed a possibly relationship when I was down there but being as it may long distance can be tough. We both said we liked one another and physical advances were deffinatly made. On both our parts it was not one sided. But when I returned home I sent him a text saying I was safe and sound. He was tired and I said I'd talk to him the next day. From then on it's been here and there texts. I sent one saying are you ok he said he needed some time to think so I gave him a few days. Then sent a friendly hey how's your day going it was like I was bothering him. The. He said he needed time to set stuff out. The following Sunday I sent him one saying how are you he said he wasn't doing well. He said he didn't feel the same and he couldn't get his mind off his ex. He said he thought he might have feelings for me and he has no regrets, but something set something off and he was sorry. I said I understood but still wanted to be friends. Well that was almost 2 weeks ago.I dunno if I should just drop it. Or if I should give him sometime. It's been almost a week since we have lag spoken. I spoke with him last sat nigh and said "do you just not want to talk to me, cut off all contact and be done with" he said no call me tomorrow I did no answer.This was not a one sided thing cause I'm not the jump on a plane and go visit a stranger kinda person. So some advice would be great and much appreciated.

Many thanks ;

OMG so many text initiated from you to him, it's like you're nagging the poor guy to death, he backed off because you are moving way too fast, men don't respond well to chasing, I feel for you because I can definitely see how much you liked the guy but come on 11 days! You spent 11 days with a guy that you hardly know, I mean damn ask him to marry you already LOL J/K but 11 days is a lot of time spent on a guy that your not exclusively dating, just screams NO LIFE, I have no life so I'll spend 11 days with you and that can really be scary for a guy.

Suggestion, SLOW DOWN, don't be a friend with a guy that you have romantic feelings for, being his friend knowing full well you like him or maybe even love him will only make you feel and appear desperate, you don't want that so do something different, stop initiating contact, stop being his friend but be there when he initiates contact, don't email or text him back right away, go slow, slow down and focus on your life, you may be eager to couple up with someone but that is not the kind of vibe you want to send out to a man or he'll just lose attraction and lose interest in pursuing someone that's too eager to be with a man.

IMHO You just appear really really needy and clingy with that being said, you may not be a needy clingy desperate person but don't realize how your behavior is TRANSLATING OVER to him. Stop calling him, stop asking him questions do you want to stop talking, JUST RELAX, let him do some of the relationship work and you'll notice a significant change in his behavior, he'll most likely pick up pursuing you again, if he doesn't pursue then he's done, move on, there are more possibilities out there and plus the men in Canada are way hotter than the guys in the US LOL shhhhhhhhhhh don't tell anyone I said that.

Tiki33 thanks for your fast response. So just to clarify some things I didn't ask to stay 11 days I said a week he said come down for longer so I had vacation time and why not it a free place to stay in San Diego. But you've defiantly hit the nail on the head and that kinda where I'm at now. Sometimes it takes someone else to make you see exactly what's up. I'm not nor will I contacting him and just waiting it out. I'm well aware Rome wasn't built in a day, and things like this do take time. It kinda did make me seem desperate haha and that I'm not. Actually when I got offthe phone I said to myself "what were you doing, what were you thinking". So from here on in I'm just gonna be patient. Just kinda wanted an outsiders opinion so thank you.

I understand, although he suggested longer I would have cautioned how staying longer would LOOK to him after he's had time to sit down and think about and process the whole interaction, like that saying he'll move fast but burn out just as fast and that's why it's important to use short fun movements in the beginning so he won't burn out on you, too much of anything can sour the others persons feelings, I think 11 days was way too much togetherness for a newly developing relationship.

For sure this guy felt something, give him some distance and he could begin to miss all the fond moments you both shared together and start initiating contact back up again. Next time slow, even if he's the one suggesting moving faster you still have to be mindful that he could burn himself out on having TOO MUCH of you too soon. I agree when he says something shifted in him, changed, and I don't think it has anything to do with his ex, he's just unsure and used her as an excuse, he may feel you want to get married and that's why your so accessible to him, weird but hey that's how it is.

I have a gut feeling you are not desperate nor clingy, just ready for love and some times we women can appear way too eager by giving too much of ourselves over to a man with little to no resistance too fast too soon, men are used to working for his relationship and sometimes saying here I am take me can turn a man off, being too eager and demonstrating through your actions and words that you are in love can make a calm woman appear desperate to a man, he just FEELS it and he doesn't really know why or can explain it so he'll end up using an excuse like pining over an ex or not calling or stalling or saying something like "let's be friends".

He'll be back around once he feel like you aren't going to chase him down anymore and let's say he doesn't come back around well it's his loss, you had 11 days of fun, take it for what it was and let the rest go, keep on your search, there are so many other men out there as options, you never have to be stuck on one guy unless you just wanna be.

LOL@69Virgo...Gosh you make me giggle but yeah what 69virgo said, make him beg, don't appear eager to answer any of his text and call, WAIT WAIT WAIT, wait at least a day before responding back to any of his communication efforts, you are not playing games, just slowing things down so he won't feel threatened and will help him relax and not be so guarded with you.

LOL No we are not...okay maybe just a little

Well thank you tiki33 and 69virgo for all the help and advice. If I didn't have something like this to refer to I'd still be SOL haha. So much thanks to you guys and I'm sure if I have any more questions I'll find my answers here. I'm kinda new to this whole horoscope sign thing but from what I've read about myself and other signs it seems to prove quite true in most cases. I'll post with any new events. Kinda curious now as to how this will play out...

I hope for all the best for you 🙂

Crazy question but how long do you think I should give him? I know it's really a personal thing as far as timeline but just a idea on how long is too long? And a question for tiki33 when you said he might be back do you actually think so? I'm in one of those meloncholy moods and was just wondering if anyone has personal experience with someone who did come back after a perpid of time? I mean is a week long cause it feel like foreve sometimes lol. Haha typical cancer letting my emotions rule me😉

In everyones honest opinion judging from my situation do you think the possabilities of him coming back are slim snd I should let this go? Or do you think there may have really been something there and I need to give it time? I go back and forth and I need some honest opinions? Much appreciation

Posted by Irok

.. and hung out that night. It was like no one else was in the room .

On both our parts it was not one sided.

A trap that females tend to fall into is quite similar to your situation .... they believe that just because they feel so deeply, that they guy automatically does also. You felt like it was only the two of you in the room .. that doesnt' mean he felt it also.

You can't say it was on both of your parts .. you can only say how you felt.

If you assume, which you have assumed many times because it has led you to continually contacting this guy ... that he is as into you, as you are him. When in reality, he's attempting to blow you off.

You can't recognize this "blow off" because your feelings have clouded your perception. If you didn't have feelings involved, you'd be able to see crystal clear.

Posted by Irok

I spoke with him last sat nigh and said "do you just not want to talk to me, cut off all contact and be done with" he said no call me tomorrow I did no answer.This was not a one sided thing cause I'm not the jump on a plane and go visit a stranger kinda person.

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The thing is ... a guy that isn't connected/bonded to you doesn't care with regarding your feelings about the relationship on the level you do ... and women tend to fall head first into this illusion. Only a man who is emotionally bonded to you actually cares enough about you and the relationship to be concerned with how you feel.

Time and again, we see women throw themselves at a guy ... and the main reason is because of this very thing = she fails to recognize that he doesn't care, because he hasn't connected to her yet.

It's present right here with you ... you repeatedly say it's not a one-sided thing, and that he feels this also .. when in reality, he doesn't feel the same as you because if he did, he wouldn't be blowing you off. So, because your perception is altered due to having feelings, you are actually unaware of the truth here, which is = this isn't both sided, only you are the one who cares about relationship potential.

Here you give him an utlimatum to infer that he is suppose to either cut you off completely, or step up to a relationship .. nothing inbetween, no courtship process on your part ... and that's because you have yourself deluded into belie

believing that he feels you as you want him to feel you, based exclusively on that fact that you feel him.

He is probably thinking at this very moment that you two barely know each other, and already you are trying to make him decide his future with you .....

Posted by Irok

In everyones honest opinion judging from my situation do you think the possabilities of him coming back are slim snd I should let this go? Or do you think there may have really been something there and I need to give it time? I go back and forth and I need some honest opinions?

Time isn't even apart of the equation here.

It's not time you need to let up on .. it's the pressure on trying to make him decide right this instant whether or not he wants to be with you. I don't think you should stop contacting him, I think you should stop trying to make every contact with him be about your urgency in his accepting you as his girlfriend.

Nature actually has a course ... let it run, for petes sake, and stop trying to force the issue.


He's probably sitting back this very moment wondering if you've already picked out a wedding dress and baby carriage ...

There is alot of truth to what you have said so thank you for your honesty. I say one sided in the context of "if he wasn't feeling anything" then this would not have gone as far as it did. I mean we had established that there was something there a connection we both said we felt. So I do know that it wasn't just menplaying mind games win myself. But as far as the whole rushing it 110% yes. I just need/needed to control my feelings and stop putting the horse before the cart. Hence my reason for joint this msg board. To get advice form people good or bad and not really argue with the out come. I still need time to figure out if this is really what I want. It is a complicated situation with many miles of distance between us. And if I were him honestly and I have tryed to put myself in his place. I would maybe be doing the same thing. I am just a little more to the point about things I guess. This has defiantly taught me alot, seeing as most of the relationships inmy past have been light speed for this to be slower and more thought out could be a good thing. Distance right now for both of us to clear our heads is helpful it least to me. So thank you again for answering my post your input was much appreciated🙂

I can't help but notice that he appeared to be into you .... until the realization hit him that he wasn't getting any of the goods, and you departed for home.


YOu think that he was being into you ..... when in reality, he could have just been feeding what he thought you needed to hear to get your panties to fall to your ankles.

You are right about him being into me. And as far as what intimates went on between us is none of your concern, although I do find this funny and am actually laughing as I type. I think you may have had some points but this not one of them. It's funny there are still girls out there with morals and standards, and for me to even discuss what went on in the bedroom on a public forum with you is really not my style . And just for your information I have no complaints as to what DID go on.

Posted by Irok

And as far as what intimates went on between us is none of your concern ...

... and for me to even discuss what went on in the bedroom on a public forum with you is really not my style .

wtf?

How oddly stupid of a comment back that is ... since I never asked you to talk of your sexual relationship.

Out of nowhere, you twist on observation to this extent, and do so defiantly?

That speaks louder than any other thing you've said in here .... it becomes logical to assume that the nail was hit directly.

Posted by Irok

And just for your information I have no complaints as to what DID go on.

I have no clue why you would start that sentence saying for my information .. I don't want the information, if I wanted it, I would have asked you for it ... what a chucklfuck.

I've also observed on another thread that you are talking about him still be gone, and you having no clue what the fuck is going on ... which means you still have no answers.


To even further your deficient mind .... what I actually meant flew right over your head, for you obviously have no awareness that he would make sure there were no complaints, or else his game wouldn't be working.



What an idiot ..... meanwhile, I'll leave now and get back to my Virgo to whom not only did I have him marrying me within 3 months ... he is still devoted to me after 29 years of marriage.

You do have fun being alone.

Goodnight

I thought I would check in an see how things were going for you.
🙂 sending some sunshine your way

Thanks AC the sunshine is always welcomed😉 I'm happy that your realationship has lasted that long it truly in this day and age is something to be proud of. But as far as me being alone it is by choice and I am quite ok with that, I do know realize what your saying. So again thank you for you input every little bit helps.